The following morning, I woke early. My mind was wandering over the thoughts of Harry being gone to war with the other troops. I was up so early this morning, the troops weren't even training yet. I was awake to see them all filtering out of the building. I could see Harry from where I stood on my balcony.
Harry was walking with a group of boys who were all laughing at something that was said. He leaned over and shook his head, his fingers brushed through his bangs placing his bangs to the side.
It was weird to think that at any moment, he could be leaving and I would be here. I didn't really know how to handle the feelings of him leaving. I would be alone in this large castle. I didn't want to be alone here. His company was something I enjoyed. I would be left alone with just Gemma to talk to. Don't get me wrong, I did like Gemma, but she wasn't Harry.
"Good morning, Emerald," Trish's soft voice said. I turned around in my chair and smiled to the kind woman. "You're up awfully early."
"I am," I nodded. "I have a lot on my mind."
"Most women do," Trish said walking out onto the balcony taking a seat beside me. "Does it have to do with Prince Harry?"
"Doesn't it always?"
"What did he do this time?"
"Nothing," I sighed. "His father did."
"He's sending the troops out," she sighed. I nodded knowing she must have heard the rumors. "Do you know when this will be?" she asked.
"No idea," I sighed. "I just don't want him to leave. It's not his fault he said the things he did. Well it is, but it wasn't right of King Desmond to react that way."
"The promises he made for when he is king?"
"That's why Harry's particular unit is going. He knows it, I know it." I brushed my fingers through my hair and crossed my legs.
Trish then stood up and told me that we must get ready for the day. I apparently am spending the day with Queen Anne. It's not that I don't mind spending time with her, I have no problem with it, I just want to be by myself. In the palace it's a constant movement of pace. There is rarely a day where I get to sit back and relax. I am always so busy and it makes me want to take a break. Things have been happening so fast. I am learning to be someone's potential wife, a queen, and a good person.
"Emerald, dear, are you alright?" Trish asked placing her hand on my shoulder. I was trying to get control of my breathing, it felt similar to when I had an asthma attack. Similar, but not the same.
"Mum, should I get the nurse?" one of the girls asked.
"Yes, please do," she said and turned back to me. "Emerald, you need to relax."
"What's going on?" A woman asked, I saw your daughter running down the hall. "Is Emerald alright?"
"Yes, Queen Anne, I'm trying to get her relaxed. I believe she's hyperventilating, but the nurse would confirm this," Trish explained. "Emerald, try to breathe with me and relax."
"Guards!" Queen Anne called. "Please retrieve my son."
"Yes Your Highness," one of them nodded ushering away.
Trish ran her hand over my back trying to calm me down. I couldn't really hear them, my mind was humming with incessant thoughts about what could happen to Harry. I normally am not this kind of girl. The girl who needs a man to thrive, but he was my friend first and foremost. If I didn't have him here, I would feel lonely. He seemed to be the only one to know what it was that I was feeling. His kindness made me feel welcomed and I didn't have to be anyone but myself with him.
"Harry's going to be here shortly, Emerald," Queen Anne assured me. "Just try to relax and breathe."
"Let me through!" A loud womanly voice yelled. "Everyone out! This girl has asthma, it's probably an asthma attack."
"It's not a bloody asthma attack," Trish whisper yelled to the nurse. "I know asthma and this isn't one."
"Are you the nurse?"
"No, but one of my daughters has asthma. I think I can determine if this is an asthma attack and it's not. It's a panic attack," she said as loud footsteps rushed into the room. I looked up to see Harry wearing his red uniform. He ran over to me and kneeled on the floor in front of me. His large hands caressed my cheeks as he looked in my eyes.
"Em, you need to relax," Harry stated softly. "I'm here, you don't have to worry about anything. Just clear your head, don't think about anything. Listen to the sound of my voice and focus on breathing," Harry said sitting on the floor beside me and pulling me onto his lap.
I did what he asked as he continued to talk to me. I could feel everyone's eyes on us. It made me self-conscious.
"Emerald, you are always worrying, you don't need to be worried. I know this is probably about the thing I shouldn't mention," he said running his fingers through my hair gently. "You need not worry about me. I promise I'll make it through just for you. I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone like that, a friend or more. You're my world, Em," he whispered in my ear.
"Just focus on living for the day. You know what you can do? You can give me our forever in the numbered days we have until I leave. When I come back, our forever can continue. Do you understand, Emerald?" he asked pulling my hair back gently. He leaned forward pressing his lips under my ear gently.
"Y-yes," I stuttered nodding my head.
"Good," he grinned. "Are you okay?" he asked kissing the temple of my head. I nodded in response.
"We should let her rest," the nurse said looking at me. She bent down in front of me looking into my eyes. "She had a lot going through her mind, she needs her rest."
"Harry, sweetie, you can stay here for the rest of the day. I'll let your captain know," Queen Anne said with a smile.
"What about dad?" he asked wrapping his arms around my torso. "He wants me training."
"One day won't hurt," she smiled to her son. "Besides, I feel as if this is partially his fault. Spend the day with her, baby boy. You deserve it," she said walking out of the room. I rested my head on Harry's shoulder and closed my eyes and exhausted a heavy sigh.
"You look exhausted, love," Harry quietly said. "Let's get you into your bed." I stood up clutching onto Harry's broad shoulders for support.
I went over to my bed and crawled into it, laying on top of my covers. Harry looked at me and crawled in next to me. He slid his arm underneath my waist and pulled me into him tangling our legs together. This reminded me of when we stayed in the small village house together. I relaxed into him never wanted to sever the feelings I was overcome with.
"I wish we were still in the house," I whispered. "Alone and ready to face the world."
"I know," Harry said into my ear, his breath hot on my skin. "I think that sometimes."
"You wouldn't be going to war," I murmured feeling the stinging sensation in my eyes as I suppressed the tears. It was working against me because soon enough, they began rolling down my cheeks.
"I know," he said. "I'll be okay."
"You don't know that," I said turning to face him. "For as much as we know, you could come back in a coffin, Harry. I don't know if I'm ready to let go of you if I barely have you as it is."
"What are you saying, Em?" he asked me sitting up.
"I'm just saying I'm still getting used to this and you're being ripped away. It's not fair."
"Jesus Christ," he said turning his back towards me. I frowned and sat up looking at him.
"What?"
"Can we please be serious for a moment?" he asked standing and facing me. "Do you even see yourself as my wife? Or do you just see me and you as a fling."
"Harry—"
"No, I want a straight answer. We've been circling this for weeks, Emerald. I want to know if you see yourself as my wife one day. If you don't, then I—I might have to let you go back to your family."
"Harry, you have to understand what you're asking me here," I said folding my hands together and holding them against my cheek. "You're practically proposing to me right now."
"Emerald, I want an answer," he said giving me a straight look. "I don't want to beat around the bush."
"Harry, I'm not ready to give you an answer yet."
"Why? Why can't you give me an answer?" he asked running his fingers through his hair. He spun on his heel facing away from me. I stood up and walked over to him reaching my hand out to touch his arm. "Don't touch me, Em."
"Harry," I breathed.
"Emerald, don't you see that I love you?" he asked looking at me. "Is that not enough to convince you to marry me? I would carry you over fire and water just for you to admit your love for me. You are the love of my life, that much I know. Why don't you see me in that light?"
"It's not as simple as husband and wife, Harry," I said looking at him. "It's more of if I'm ready to gain the responsibilities of your life. I don't feel like I'm cut out for it."
"For what?"
"Being queen," I murmured. "If it was just the thought of me and you against the world, I would marry you in a heartbeat. You have to understand, I'm not ready to be queen just yet. I need to finish learning what I need to learn before we think about marriage. It is on my mind, Harry, I promise you that," I said reaching up to wipe away the tears that were pooling under his eyes. "I don't mean to hurt you in this way, but this is how I see us right now. I need to adjust. You've had your whole life to adjust, I only just got here to begin adjusting."
"But you think about it? Us getting married?"
"Of course," I smiled placing my hand to his cheek. "How could I not when we spend almost every waking moment imaginable together. Here, you are my world and I couldn't not think about it, H. You have to know that."
"I do," he nodded. He placed one of his hands over mine and nuzzled his cheek into my hand. "Thank you."
This side of Harry was rare. I never saw this break down in tears side of him. I could tell he was anxious to make changes and openly spend our lives together and move on from the secrecy. I'm sure Harry wanted nothing more than to sleep in the bedroom we were to share together. He probably wanted to take me away to whatever room we wanted to go to and make love to each other for hours upon end. I wanted nothing more than to share this with him as well, but until then, I was content with this life we lived.
"Let's go lay back down and relax," I said to him. "Take your uniform off, I'm sure it's hot and uncomfortable."
"Yeah," he nodded confirming my thoughts. "I don't have clothes to change into at the moment."
"It's okay, I'll just tell the guards we wish to be left alone for the day. I'll have them put the trolley of food out of the room. Does that sound fine?" I asked. Harry nodded getting into my large bed. "I'll be back."
I wrapped a blanket around myself making sure to cover my breasts which weren't fastened in their usual attire. I opened the door and found Waters standing in his usual spot outside my bedroom door. He glanced at me.
"I just wanted to tell you that Harry and I wish to be left alone for the day.When Trish comes, just tell her to leave the trolley of food out here and knock. I'll come and get it. Tell her to talk with Mrs. Willer about what Harry likes for his breakfast," I said. He nodded noting that he got the message. I slid back into the comfort of my room and made my way back to the bed where Harry had tucked himself into and was laying on his side.
I crawled in beside him. He immediately pulled me close to his warm skin and buried his face in the back of my neck. A day of nothing. This is more than I could ask for. I crave for days like this. The rarity of these days is what makes me appreciate them so much more. This is what life with Harry would be like, cuddles and kisses to shoulder blades. Times like this, as I said earlier, reminded me of when we lived on our own. Both of us relaxed like this, I could see that Harry craved peace sometimes too. I wish we were able to escape for a few days and then come back. But since he isn't like any ordinary boy, we don't get to do that. Everyday he has something new to tend to.
"Emerald," Harry said. I turned my head towards him as best I could.
"Hmm?"
"I love you," he murmured into my skin. "I really do. I just wanted you to know."
"I love you too, Harry."