I wake up to the feeling of soft fingers gently tracing a line up my spine. I roll my head to the side and look up to see Harry sat on the side of the bed dressed in a suit, a soft smile across his face. It dawns on me that I have slept naked in his bed, thank god I'm lying on my stomach or else I would have given Harry quite the view in the morning.
"Morning" He says quietly, sliding his hand back up my back to tuck some of my unruly hair behind my ear. I can't imagine the kind of mess I must look right now.
"Hi" I reply softly. "What's the time?" I ask him, I don't have class until the late afternoon so I should be fine for time, it's still good to know either way.
"It's still early, just past seven. I didn't want you to think I had just skipped out in the morning" his lips curl up into a soft grin as I hum in response, stretching myself out slightly.
"Thanks, I can get dressed quickly and leave with you" I say as I go to tug the sheet up under my armpits. He probably doesn't want to just leave me here in his apartment while he goes off to work.
"No no that's fine, you relax. When you're ready to leave just dial 7 on the phone beside the bed and tell John you'll be coming downstairs. He'll take you back to your place or wherever you need to go" Harry gestures to the phone on the bedside table.
"That's okay really, I can take the bus I don't mind. You need John" I smile at him and turn my body to lie on my back, the white sheet held tightly to my chest, thank god it isn't see through. He shakes his head, though I can see a hint of a smile on his lips.
"No no use John, I have half the mind to get you your own driver." I think he can see the look on my face that this discussion could get heated so he decides to change the subject. "How're you feeling, after last night?" A look of concern washes over his face.
"Good, really good" I let the grin wash over my face as he gives me one in return. Yes my body is sore, achy and the experience in general was slightly painful but I'm still so glad I did it. And I'm so glad I waited for him to do it with. Even if this relationship doesn't last forever and in spite of the same circumstance that we found each other. In that moment last night; I felt so safe, so happy and so cared for. That's the power that Harry has; he can turn an experience that I had dreaded for the longest time into something I felt comfortable doing, and want to do again.
"No regrets?" His eyebrows are slightly raised with a ghost of a smirk on his lips. I shake my head smiling widely.
"None" I respond.
"Good. I have to go, back to back meetings today. I'll call you later" he leans himself down and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. He is about to press a second one there when I tilt my chin upwards and reach my hand up to cup his chin. I nudge his chin downward and press his lips against mine, feeling his grin against my lips.
"Have a good day Mr Styles" I tell him sweetly. I'm not sure why I decide to say it, it just felt light and playful. Harry seems to agree, letting out a light chuckle as he stands up and picks up his phone from the side table.
"Hmm, Mr Styles eh? Might have to get you to call me that more often. Bye baby" He gives me a gentle smirk before he turns and heads out of the room. A few moments later I hear the elevator arrive and descend back down to ground floor. Leaving me alone in his apartment, the blinds pulled up to reveal the London skyline in front of me. A girl could get used to this.
"I feel like we haven't talked in forever, how have you been?" Heather asks me after she arrives at my apartment later that afternoon. I hadn't stayed at Harry's too long after he left, and I ended up letting John take me home. If I hadn't I feel like it could lead to a fight, and it would be a really stupid thing to fight over considering how well things were going between us.
"Uh yeah, things are good. How about you?" I respond as I walk over to the kitchen to get us some drinks. We both have an exam coming up in two weeks which I have already begun to study for. Heather however...she needs a little help and motivation.
"Eh, not bad but not great. Things are getting a little complicated with Brad" she sighs as she sits down on the couch and fans out her books and study notes. I bring us both over a soda and join her on the couch.
"Oh? What's happening?" I ask, praying that she hasn't gotten pregnant by her married sugar daddy.
"Well, his wife is wanting him to go to couples counselling and he doesn't know how to tell her no. Things are just complicated between them which is making things complicated between us. We don't get to spend much time together these days. I don't know, but I shouldn't complain I got myself into this whole thing. Besides, he promised me he's going to take me shopping at Harrods tomorrow so I'll be able to guilt him into a new bag I bet" She cheekily grins. Heathers relationship confuses me; her boyfriend is married with kids and yet she's still with him. And she seems to be in it only for the money sometimes but other times she seems to have actual feelings for him.
"Well I'm sorry that's happening" is all I manage to say after a moment or two. What else are you supposed to say to that? The only advice I would have would be 'oh my god he's married leave him' but I know that won't work so why waste my time?
"Ugh who cares. How's you're millionaire? Things going any better for the two of you?" Her eyes widen as I nod my head and smile gently. I don't intend on telling her every detail; I know she won't run off and tell the press or anything but some of the moments I would like to keep between just Harry and I.
"Things are going good, finally. He took me to a movie last night, and we ate tacos from a food stand. It felt like a regular people date" I smile, my mind replaying most of the night over in my head. I wish I could sink back into the it.
"Aw babes that's so great, so things have become a little calmer?" She asks as she takes a drink. I don't quite know how to answer that question, because I don't know if Harry and I have ever been calm. Even in the softer moments like in the movie last night my heart was still racing the entire time. We haven't found our normal yet, maybe we will one day and things will be calm. But that seems like too much to explain to Heather, so I nod my head
"Yeah, we are good. We have worked through a lot of stuff and it's feeling a lot more comfortable" Her smile begins to grow as I finish talking. She raises her eyebrow before she begins to speak again.
"So...maybe you'll be losing something soon?" I furrow my brows. Heathers eyes roll in response as she clarifies. "Your virginity babes, you think that might be going soon?"
I immediately begin to blush and Heather nearly jumps out of her seat at my response.
"You already did didn't you?!" When I only nod in response, Heather grows a little concerned. "Was it okay?" I shake my head and grin.
"No it was great, it was really great..." I trail off. I don't know how to talk about sex, I've never had to before. It's clear by the look of elation on Heathers face that she does not share the shy or awkward feeling that I do about this particular topic. I mean why would she?
"When did this happen?! Why didn't you tell me the second I walked through the door!?" I can't help but laugh at her giddy attitude, she's practically buzzing in her seat.
"Relax, it only happened last night I haven't kept you in the dark. The timing just felt right I guess" I shrug, unable to keep the smile off my face. At this point I'm grinning like a child let loose in a sweet shop, Heather's smile matches mine.
"So he didn't pressure you or anything?" Heather asks.
"No actually I sort of suggested it I guess. He kept asking me if I was sure that I wanted to and that we could stop if I wanted to" I reaffirm. Heather is widely grinning, nodding her head up and down quickly.
"Bubs you are so falling in love with that man, I can see it in your eyes" I nearly spit out the mouthful of soda I had in my mouth at her insinuation.
"What?! No we barely know each other I'm not in love with him!"
Heather tilts her head to the side smiling lazily. "I think the lady doth protest too much. It's okay if you are you know, it's not like I would judge you for falling for him. And from the sounds of things I'd say he's probably feeling the same way"
She could be right, how the hell should I know what falling in love feels like? I've seen hundreds of romance movies and read countless books about love but love is different for everyone. Plus it's not like anything about Harry and I has been very traditional, so the regular rules don't apply. He consumes most of my thoughts on a daily basis. He makes me feel safe, warm, beautiful, cared for, happy; but none of that means that he loves me. Not that it matters anyway; I'm not in love with him it's far too soon for that.
"It hasn't even been two months yet so I think we are a long way from being in love."
"Length of time does not matter when it comes to love. My grandparents got married after dating for 6 months and they had 7 children and were the most in love people I had ever seen in my whole life, even until the end" I smile at Heather's story, who knew the tables would turn and I'd be the cynical one while she'd be the hopeless romantic. I guess it's harder to be the hopeless one when it's your heart on the line.
"That's really sweet Heather, but I don't see Harry falling in love with, let alone us getting married and having kids. He has a great life I don't see him giving it up for just anyone" I sigh quietly as I lean my head against the sofa. Heather straightens her posture. I've known her long enough to know what that means, lecture time.
"Elena, the sooner you realise how amazing you actually are the better your life is going to be. You aren't just anyone, that's why he's changing everything for you. That's why he takes you on special dates and tells you that your relationship is beyond the contract that you signed. Think about what you agreed to do in that contract and now look at where you guys are. In such a short time you've changed the dynamics of your whole relationship and he's happy about it. He's chasing you, he's trying to please you, he's doing everything he can to stay with you. And why is he doing that? Because he wants to be with you. Get it through your lovely little head; you are special to him and you don't have to be humble about that"
I digest what Heather is telling me for a moment. And in that moment I try to picture a future for Harry and me. It could be incredibly premature and a stupid thing to do both for my heart and my ego but my head isn't trying to stop me so down the rabbit hole I go.
What if he did love me, and we went on incredible adventures together? What if he took me to all the amazing places I've only ever dreamed of going? Would he want to get married, or is he one of those people who believes that marriage is a silly concept? If we had children, would they have my eyes or his? Would our house be the one from my dreams? A sprawling estate in the countryside with room for horses and meadows to play in or would we live in central London where our kids would go to posh private schools? Would he slow down and spend more time with us as a family or would I have to tell our children 'dads at work but he wishes he could be here'? Would he keep the promises that we made or would I be made a fool of when he leaves me for a young 20 year old as my looks fade? Would he really love me through the ups and downs of life or would it all fall apart?
"We will see. But right now, we have to focus on this test. Come on stop procrastinating" I finally say as I reach forward and pick up my study notes. Heather groans as she lifts the open textbook onto her lap.
"Fine. But this conversation is not over Miss Graham" Heather huffs as we finally get around to what we should have started nearly an hour ago.
I'm making myself some dinner after Heather goes home when I get an alert on my phone. I unplug it from it's charging position on the bench and briefly pause the stir fry I'm making to check it.
YOUR NEW BANK BALANCE IS £6787.41
Oh man that sucks, every time that money comes into my account it feels like a punch in the gut. It's the notification that should elicit relief but just gives me a general feeling of anxiety and guilt. I don't like being paid to be with him, I don't like that he is paying to be with me. If he stopped paying I know I wouldn't walk away, I'd feel rather relieved actually. The payment and the contract are holding us back, constricting is from joining the normal realms of relationships.
It's as though he has a direct line to my thoughts, the phone in my hand begins to buzz as his name pops up onto the screen. He's calling me, I don't know why I'm surprised when he said that he would earlier today. I let it ring two times in my hand, not wanting to seem eager and desperate and answer the phone.
"Hello?" I say quietly as I turn off the stove element in front of me, this conversation is going to require my full attention and I'm not in the mood to start a fire.
"Hi love, how are you?" His low voice comes through the phone and instantly has me grinning to myself.
"I'm alright, how has your day been?" I ask as I slide myself up to sit on the kitchen counter, swinging my legs out as I listen to him speak.
"Hectic to say the least, mind if I pop around to yours?" Butterflies begin to swirl from deep within me. Getting to see him twice in one day, lucky me. Though why would he want to see me in person and not talk on the phone, oh god what if it's something bad.
"Yeah Of course, everything okay?" I try and keep my voice as neutral as possible. I can hear him chuckle softly in the background before he responds.
"Yeah love everything's fine, just want to see you that's all" The lump in my throat disappears and I feel my shoulders slump back down to their normal position. "I'll see you in 30 minutes" He says quietly.
"Okay great, I'll see you soon" I hang up after that and begin to frantically run around the house, cleaning like a mad woman along the way. Scooping random things into drawers, shoving clothes into the closet, running a comb through my hair and applying a layer of mascara. Maybe I should brush my teeth, or is it weird to have minty breath right before you eat dinner? Far out I'm a mess.
Throughout my mad cleaning efforts I can't help but think about how bizarre it is for him to want to come to my apartment. He hates my place, yet he is coming around here just because he wants to see me. I feel much more comfortable in my apartment than I do his. At least I feel like I'm not going to break anything in my own home; his entire fortress feels like a fancy art gallery or a museum where I'll end up breaking some expensive or irreplaceable item of his. At least in my own apartment I know the glasses only cost £2 so I don't freak when they slip through my butter fingers.
I finish cleaning quicker than I thought and return back to my cooking. I don't really have enough to offer Harry when he gets here so I hope he isn't expecting me to make him a meal. In my defence he gave me no notice for me to plan anything so it's his fault if he goes hungry. I hope he isn't having second thoughts about inviting me to his family event next weekend, or me in general. Wow I should really get a TV so I don't have to sit in silence and let these thoughts run through my head while I wait for him. A sudden knock at the door breaks me out of my thought spiral, I guess I'll find out whatever his real reason for coming over in a matter of moments.