"Anybody could look 'oddly familiar', Anica" was Danielle's way of calming me down yesterday.
She also gave me honey-tea.
But have I really calmed down? I might have slept last night thanks to the tea, but waking up this morning, all of the information came rushing back in. Along with the feelings and vague memory, because the man with the eyepatch, Diego, does indeed look oddly familiar. Though I can't put a location on it. No particular setting, or timing. I just know the ice-cream shop isn't the first time we were unofficially meeting.
I've seen Tyler quite a few times today. Once on the field as I tried jotting down as much notes in the report as my exhausted brain could, and another time during break. I didn't expect him to start a friendly conversation or begin clarifying the questionable dialogue he'd had with Kelly, yet. Not yet, but I expected something - anything - later on.
Even yesterday, the rest of the drive home was quiet. It felt normal on the way to meet his friend, but this time around, I couldn't help glancing his way time and again, in hopes for any sort of explanation.
Perhaps he felt he didn't owe me one? Or... not? Or not?
Or what?
I hate how jumbled up my thoughts are. The tea didn't work. Telling myself, Melissa get over yourself, hasn't worked either.
Bored of staring at my reflection, I close my locker shut, only to get stuck staring blankly at the metallic blue back of it. That's till I get the faint feeling of being watched.
Glancing to the side, sure enough, there's Breanna at her locker that's two or three away from mine, giving me a look holding no exact meaning.
Her red lips crinkle in a tight dot, and that's when I guess the meaning might not be a good one, after all. Although she's always been this way. A bit... hostile. Yet she'd still ask you if you'd like a reading.
"Hey, girlie." Steph chirps, coming up from behind, eyes raking me in a friendly way. And a smug smile on. "What's good?"
"I'm.... I'm okay." I force a smile.
"Uhuh- Wait Oh look, it's Bri. Hey, Brianna, over here!" She yells in decibels much higher than needed to Brea's stoic form. She didn't even need to yell at all. Or say a thing too, 'cause despite Steph's ecstatic greetings, Breanna walks off towards the main exit.
"Hm. A weird one." Steph murmurs. I pick my bag off the floor as we start walking together. "So, you ready to go? Wait, stupid question, everyone is- how you going?"
"Um... a driver from Martinez works." I reply.
"Amy didn't work out, huh?"
I, anyway, send a forced smile her way, stopping to strap on my backpack properly. Kind of glad she waits, though her waiting causes a small traffic in the way of students urgent to leave. Even as this is the alternate exit.
She nods once i'm done, then to continue conversation, she tells me Breanna's to hitch a ridewith her because - what i'm sure is her brand new silver lexus, broke down.
"It did? Didn't she just get it?"
"Right?" Steph squeaks with the same intensity as me. "It's not from your dad's, don't worry. And whatever dealer company she got it from it's not on them either. It's probably on her if you ask me." We corner a couple who choose to disregard the 'No PDA in the hallway' so Steph has to stop talking for a while. And we don't really have a poster like that hanging on the wall, or anything, no PDA in the halls is more of an unspoken rule. This is almost a Catholic school, only lacking teachers showing up in regalia for that. And not necessarily requiring anyone here to be of high faith.
"You know I've seen her drive." She states, "Pamela could do better."
I'd love to put in a word for my best friend, yet I can't stop the small laugh that escapes. "But can Margo drive?"
"Maybe? She has nothing to do with this, though."
"Leo's taking you home?" I get a playful savage look from her, so it clicks. "You're the one driving?"
"It's my car." She drawls out, looking at me incredulously as I recoil. Of course she has her own car, what was I thinking?
"I just thought since you're, I don't know... sisters?"
"Yes, but like, it's like, why share a car when your dad can afford everyone owning one, right?" An off look appears on her face almost immediately, so she goes on to add in a rushed voice, "Or if your dad allows you drive, you know, like if he does allow you drive, why share one?"
I nod.
A guy much taller than us, helps with the door. I make sure to thank him while still catching up with Steph who's walked pass.
"Is that your ride?" She asks in a high-pitched tone. I follow her trail of sight to the car just driving through. It makes a stop in front of us. The windows are tainted so in order for me to notice him, he has to let down the window on our side. Then he greets me with a curt nod so I know it's him.
I already knew it was him, i'm not snobbish enough to not register quite a regular face. But the greeting helps.
"It is."
"Ooh, fancy."
My gaze stays long on the car, too long that it's one of those moments where you don't really see what you're looking at. The multiple sounds of laughs, playful arguments become a fog until it's what brings me back to reality. I shake my head, turning to the side to get back with Steph. Except she's not here anymore. Instead it's someone else.
"Ready to go?"
Despite having seen her already, I stumble back at the proximity. Before going over her words again. "Ready to go?" I echo.
"With you? You and me?"
"Uhm," She snorts, staring around us at the other students getting in their cars to head home, and some just continuing conversations. Though, she's not exactly staring at them. Her eyes trace back to me, one perfectly carved eyebrow quirked high. "Yes? Isn't that the arrangement?"
"Yeah, but... no, it's- It was the arrangement for yesterday but you left." That comes out more accusatory than I intended. As well as more whiny.
"And I apologized."
She did. Over text. Amidst all the chaos in my mind, it was hard to recognize her 'apology' text even with how obvious it was.
'Sorry, I forgot to wait behind for you.' Amy Gardener 7:44pm.
That was low. I'd actually expected her to come up with an excuse - non-existent puppy died, got chased out of school by an angry mob of air, suddenly teleported back home along side her car- anything! It's clear Tyler's not the only one who feels i'm just not worthy enough to be owed an explanation.
My text went an hour later, and it wasn't just because we had issues with the wifi. It was even hard to type out an, 'it's ok.' Though even with the my delay, her reply came quick. Too quick.
'How'd you get home?'
I told her a driver of my dad's since that was the initial plan, anyway, then quickly clicked off messenger app because chit-chatting with Amy has never been part of my bedtime routine.
"Give me a second." I tell her.
"Take your time." She smiles.
My eyes stay long on her and her odd act of ... patience, niceness? before I rush down to the driver waiting. I quickly tell him I'll be leaving with a friend, adding an apology for the hassle. He just waves it off with a smile as he eases out of the school premises.
Amy's no longer near the exit door but by her car now, dangling the keys in hand as I get to her. "We set?"
"Yeah."
A wave of vanilla hits me as we get in and i'm reminded she and my best friend are friends, of course their car would smell the same. Look the same - all pink and plush, and practically be the same. It's not pink on the outside but it's a convertible just like Pamela's.
I throw my backpack behind, trying my best at being comfortable with someone i'm usually wary around. Should I have thrown my backpack behind? I am getting a bit too comfortable, I see.
But keeping it with me would just be unnecessary. I've never done that before.
Then again, I've never been in Amy's car before.
"Remind me how you got home yesterday," She says just as she turns the key in the ignition and everything starts up.
"A driver of my dad's." I spell out to her. The crudeness of her eyes on me, despite the smile, nearly has me telling the actual truth. Fill her in on Tyler and the entire story that led to me being in his car twice. Nearly. Nearly has me talking, but I've not even told Pamela about it and I'd tell her? We'd have to be in parallel universes for that to happen. I look away.
"Oh okay."
She begins reversing the car gently out the parking lot.
There's a framed picture of her and Pamela placed at the top of the dashboard, it's a picture of when they were much younger. I'm surprised Amy's smile could be that wide. It's almost enough to show all the missing front teeth she had back then.
Well. People change. And i'm not just saying this because her teeth have grown to fill up the many gaps there were.
As for I, I'm not sure I changed much, besides physically getting bigger. As shy as I was when I was eight, is as shy as I still am, except now it's not cute. Just frustrating.
"First gate or the second?" She asks.
Shifting my gaze to focus on the road ahead - that's to really focus on it - I see we're off the main street. We just cornered but i'm home already.
It's great how free the road was, though it'sd somethibg i'm used to. There actually aren't many traffic lights on the way. And today it's a blessing. But I make sure to hide the excitement of finally getting to come out this car as I chirp out, "The first one."
"Alright," She does some mental calculation, adding her fingers in the mix too. When she's done, she goes, "Yeah, it's true. Yours is the first, Her's is the second. We should go over, by the way. After."
The car comes to a slow stop and I had a hand on the car-knob till she said that. I'm not sure if it's the uneasiness being with Amy, or the fact that anytime I've offered coming over, Pamela's refused, yet she's not been in school for three days.
I'm not sure if it's that, but I begin talking. "You know, I've not seen her since she got sick. Wanted to check up on her several times, show her the assignments she won't do, anyway, but.."
Amy has her lip slipped in lightly between her teeth as she offers a nod at my worry.
I continue. "She says she's fine, but it's been days. Is it really just a flu?"
"Or is it cancer?"
The gears in my head turn at the possibility of that, and I expect Amy to feel the same way, but when I stare to her, i'm met with a bland expression.
"Don't be silly, Melissa."
She spreads gloss on her lips in one smooth line. "I'll call you at six or there-about. As for me, I'm going- right now. Coming here from home is. a. month's. journey." She glances past me for a second. "Not really, but still."
I lean over to retrieve my bag from the back seat, telling her an 'alright' in response. My hands are back on the car-knob when I say, "Thanks for the ride." And I mean it.
I think i'm so shocked I mean it, that I actually pause on my way out to stare back at her.
While she and I can never in this life be classified as best of friends, we also can't be tagged worst enemies. At least not openly. And that's all on her, her ability to be... mature. That is the closest word I can find to fit because she could've fought hard to keep me out the friendship group, tell Pamela to keep her friend away, or flat-out claw my eyes out for being friends with Nathan, I don't know. But she hasn't.
Her lifted brow is my cue to rush out. "Thanks again."
"Anytime."
Dad offered a hug to me as I got in.
He must've offered one to Soledad too, and she... mustn't have taken it as warmly as I did. Well, warmly might not be the right word. Calm, surprised, unresponsive - would be. I was stunned, not only of the hug but at the fact he was even home. Though, I didn't push him away.
Dad's presence is only felt in the mornings, and I bet i'm the only one who 'feels' it since it has me having to skip using the door to sneak out of my bedroom windows instead.
Anyway, my sister didn't take it either warmly, or calmly. She got enraged rather. And it's always the pillows that suffer.
Toby got home almost immediately after I did, and when we heard another rising argument between them, we scrammed out of the living room upstairs to our different bedrooms in an instant.
But then Amy's call came through as promised, and telling her how volanic my house was, wasn't an option. Sneaking out the window was one, I contemplated it for a while but decided just sucking it up to go out the right way. They'd probably stop their argument when they saw me, anyway. Danielle-Soledad would huff before stalking away to her room, and dad would most likely look sad and heartbroken. The intention was to spare atleast five minutes being there for him, apologize for the outcome of his eldest daughter, then leave.
But turns out, I didn't have to do any of that. Their argument never stopped- I wasn't even spotted once. Nevertheless, I made sure my steps felt light as feather when I treaded out.
"Melissa!" Mama Yoli, Pamela's nanny of many years, screams out once she's swung open the massive door. I jostle in surprise at how on time she is, I've barely even rung the bell. But smile. I think i'm grinning even, I've always loved her. "What a surprise?! You haven't been coming over."
The last statement sounds almost like I'm being chastised. So, I say out in rue, "I haven't. ... Uh, School."
"Ah," She nods understandingly, taking off her apron as I step into the house. Her hair's much shorter than it used to be, and she might've gained a pound or two. Now that might be offensive if I say it out loud, even if I add the fact that I think it suits her. Although, Pamela and I did once tell her she felt like a big round pillow. We most likely meant it as a compliment, however it still must be more offensive. But we were seven then and stupid.
"Is she in her room?" I ask, sparing a glance at the grand stairway that's even wider than mine.
"Yes." She says thoughtfully. "Yes, with her friend. The tall one with spiritual blue eyes?"
I laugh lightly at her description of Amy. Mama Yoli doesn't, gives me a quiet look instead, before beginning a ramble like her usual self. "Your friend, I've told her to eat more. She got so skinny these few days, refusing to eat, and she was okay before, alright? Gaining weight and looking better. Now, the girl won't even let me see her-" I don't dare to interrupt, actually listening to every word as she makes me follow her to the kitchen. It's only ever around her that i'm never the one rambling. Pamela, too. Almost everyone I know, too.
Actually it's everyone, except him.
"Take this to her." I'm startled but quick to what's happening, stretching out my hands for her. She places cautiously in my outstretched arms, a tray of sardine-toasts, jelly, fried rice, and many other different plates. Knowing my best friend, half of these is going to remain as it is. Calories are the enemy. We share the same foe but it's mostly hers.
Pamela had always been a scrawny, tall, kid. Which I'd say was already on the right lane. While I was almost the opposite. But all that never really mattered to us until a few years later she became a cheerleader. Never understood the pressure but then mere sitting round the table secluded just for the cheers, had me questioning my diet.
That same week, I begun being picky with meals. Though skinny already, Pamela started skipping most of hers, sometimes all entirely.
I honestly felt to be the one who needed change, but as hard as it is to consider, perhaps I wasn't the only one who didn't feel good enough.
"Did you get that?" Her voice startles me so much that I'm almost letting go of the tray in my hands. She's quick to helps hold it up - hold me up as well, warm eyes boring into mine with care. "Darling, are you okay?"
"I am." I so fast i'm seeing things in double. "Sorry, I must've gotten caught up in my thoughts."
She places a hand on her hip, "Mama Yoli saying too much now, am I right chica?"
"No, no, that's not it. Really just got caught up in my head."
"Todo bien, mi niña." She waves off, stepping towards their icy blue kitchen counter. "Well, I only said since you're friends, she might try to eat something. Even if it's just the bread sticks."
"I'll try."
I'm careful not to trip up the stairs and on the 'no entrance' sign I meet on the floor in front of Pamela's door because she actually had the time to keep such a thing here. Designing every bold and angry letter in sparkly glitters.
Thankfully, the door's open.
The first face I see on getting into the room, is Amy's. Clear skin, placid face with no definite expression.
The second I see is Pamela's. And her looks are not what I was expecting at all.
First of all, I hope all my readers are out there falling in love with yourselves. I hope I didn't project eating-disorders in a good light. Not the intention at all.
And second, this book just got featured on Wattpad's teen fiction reading list 'Head over heels' !!! Grateful to all who made this happen, HQ, my friends who support (even though I cringe every time I spot their comment), others who support and uh, even the silent readers. It'll still be really nice if y'all drop a vote, tho.
Okay, that's it. See you next sunday.