· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 06 « traces of vice »
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I don't like white rooms.
Bad things start in white rooms. In my nightmares, I am always trapped in one of them. I am trapped within those four white walls, holding visions of all the times that I got called in my elementary school teacher's office and screamed at for what he called baseless assaults, images of the shadow of my mother's hanging body, the recollections of my time spent in a psychiatric hospital. I want to run away, but there is no door that I could use to escape and I am forced to relive the traumatic memories that feel like acid, slowly melting away the last bits of my sanity until I suddenly wake up again.
Gasping for air and shaking, but never crying.
The pills made me lose the ability to cry a long time ago already.
I was standing within four white walls that night too. Tapping my foot against the ground and trying to ignore the growing anxiety that was clawing in my stomach. The fingers of my left hand were slowly tightening in to a fist and something in my head was trying to convince me to grab the gun of the security guard that was standing right behind me, shoot everyone and get out of that room while I still could. Before something bad would happen in there too.
'' I like you, Kirin. You know why? Because usually, you bother to use your brain. You know the district. You know the people. And you use that to your benefit. '' I lowered my gaze from the ceiling and looked at the man that was sitting at the desk in front of me. Kazuo was nearing his sixties already, but he still managed to maintain the respect that people had for him ever since he passed his fifteenth birthday, killed his first target and joined the yakuza. His skin was covered in tattoos and his eyes were sharper than the knives that he knew how to wield with the precision that could only match the one of a sushi chef. He was far from being one though. The only thing that Kazuo chopped with his knives, were fingers. Sometimes whole hands and arms. On special occasions even other, more graphic parts of a man's body too. '' That's why I don't like the fact that you've befriended a cop. ''
I stuck my hands in my pockets and lowered my head. '' I... I would never cause trouble for you. I know what would happen to me if I would try. To both me and the detective. ''
The yakuza were good at making people disappear quietly, but that didn't mean that their targets didn't suffer before they got taken out. Usually, it was the exact opposite. A friend of mine who worked for Kazuo, Kim Junmyeon, signed up to the Bunny girls website after images of murder kept haunting his mind and he told me all about the gruesome ways that he was taught to kill people. All of them involved the most horrible types of torture, but the one that rose to popularity just recently, was drowning someone in cement.
To my surprise, Kazuo wanted me to keep investigating with Baekhyun. '' I think that someone might be after my position as the leader of this district. That's why I want you to keep working with that detective and find out who is behind the murders of those prostitutes. They are the reason why I have cops running around the district and snooping in my business and it's starting to really piss me off... You can get rid of the lowlives too, while you're at it. I don't mind, as long as you leave me alone. People have no clue about how to be real criminals these days. ''
The aging man began one of his speeches about the old days and I barely held myself back from letting out an annoyed sigh. Smoke was rising from his cigar and making the air in his office, even harder to breathe than it already was. He always moved from one place to another, but right now, he was leading his operations from a themed club, where hosts walked around in bikinis and held special dancing shows while ankle deep in pools of water. They had a couple of bathing rooms too and the steam that was rising from them, was making so that the entire second floor of the building was overly hot and unbearable to spend too much time in.
'' We understood each other, right? '' Kazuo said in the end and looked me in the eye. '' You know what will happen to you if you disobey me. The prostitutes who died? I can make you in to one of those in a second. Be careful. ''
I could still hear the echo of his voice when I left the club where I came to see him and went to look for Nano. I didn't hear from her in a couple of days already and I had a bad feeling. Nano was needy, almost as needy as I was with Seulgi and if she didn't send me any messages, it was a clear sign that she was in trouble. It turned out that my suspicions were correct, because when I went to look for her in the apartment building where her and other girls sold themselves, her neighbor told me that she didn't even see her since the previous week.
That idiot was too scared to stay in her home after detective Masato assaulted her there.
I better not find out that she used that as an excuse to inject heroin again.
I went to look for her at the drug addiction clinic where she always stole pills for me, but they didn't hear from her either. In the end, it was Sana who told me where Nano ended up. I caught the girl just when she was in the middle of changing in to her sweet lolita attire and preparing for her shift. That evening, she got held up after classes at her university and she had no choice but to change in to her outfit in a dead end alleyway, behind a trash can that was right after a line of massage parlors, with glass walls and soft pop music playing from the inside. Her bare back was illuminated by pink lights and she was angrily explaining to me about how horrible her day job was. She wasn't like the majority of us, who already accepted that we will never leave the district.
'' I'm supposed to be the assistant of a history professor, but that sexist pig barely lets me open my mouth during his lessons and say anything, '' she hissed and started clipping heart-shaped accessories on her pink wig. Her features were twisted in to a scowl and I completely understood her anger, even I stayed silent. I was leaning against a nearby wall and watching her, until she asked me to help her zip up the pale blue dress that she chose to wear that night. '' He acts like he is the shit and I'm supposed to let him, just because he's older and a man. I can't wait until the day when I'm finally going to become a real professor too. I'm going to enjoy spitting in his face and saying all the insults that I'm holding back now. ''
Momo was surprised when she heard that I didn't know the group of criminals that Nano became a victim of. She told me that they normally worked online and found girls who they lured in the camming business under the false promise of money. After they got them hooked on drugs and completely under their control, they forced them to act certain possibly harmful things on camera and took all of the cash that they earned.
'' Nano is an easy target. They didn't even need to tell her much. One of them found her when she was crashing on the sofa of a health center instead of going home, '' Momo explained and shook her head. '' That gullible idiot... I'm surprised she's even still alive. She's lucky to have someone like you watching over her. ''
Lucky to have someone like me?
I blinked and tilted my head to the side with surprise. '' Really? ''
Momo nodded and pulled up her stockings. She almost tripped because of the platforms that her pink shoes had and she barely managed to grab on to me to stop herself from falling. '' You're not that great when it comes to looking after yourself, but you know how to protect others. You know how to do the opposite too, but Nano was lucky enough to end among the few people that you care about instead of becoming an enemy. ''
Momo's words remained stuck in my head for the rest of the day. I was still dwelling on them by sunset, when I directed myself towards Baekhyun's police station and bumped in to someone unexpected. I was about to use one of the back entrances of the building when I heard the familiar sound of someone's voice. Baekhyun's girlfriend Yasuko was standing next to a cop car and flirting with a policeman who wasn't him. My face remained emotionless as I watched them, but I could feel the anger that was swirling in the pit of my stomach. Yasuko seemed to like hating on Baekhyun because he worked too much and she was soo eager to get attention that she was even prepared to cheat on him. I despised people like her.
Baekhyun wasn't all that surprised to see me, but he was shocked by the kiss that I planted on his cheek when I heard Yasuko finally make her way inside the station. The woman was absolutely horrified too and her surprise visit at the police station quickly turned in to screaming. There was a triumphant gleam in my eyes when I casually strolled away from the arguing duo and made my way down the hallway that lead towards the area where the cells were.
I was standing in front of one of them and admiring the metallic bars when Baekhyun caught up with me. A faint smile appeared on my face. '' How fascinating. The ones that I saw in a certain BDSM club seem much nicer to be stuck in. Even if they are adorned with spikes, leather and other things like that to make them appear scarier. ''
'' What the fuck was that back there? Why did you kiss me? '' Baekhyun hissed and grabbed my shoulder. He spun me around, forced me to face him and pushed me back against the prison bars. The metal buried in to my skin and his fingers tightly held my shoulders. His grip was firm, he was leaning forward and looking down in to my eyes. '' Why would you do something like that? You know that I'm having problems with my girlfriend! Now she believes that I'm cheating on her with my informant! Did you really think that I was being serious when I messaged you a couple of days ago and asked you to be my nightlife guide? I was just angry at her! You delusional little- ''
'' You're hurting me. ''
'' Good, '' he coldly said and pushed me further back against the prison bars.
What makes you think that I was talking about physical pain?
I stared intently in his eyes. '' Do you really want to know why I did that? Your heart is going to break if I tell you the truth, detective. ''
'' Don't worry about my heart, '' he angrily replied. '' Tell me. I'm not that vulnerable. ''
'' I find that hard to believe. ''
He was certain that he would be able to take it, but he couldn't hide his emotions when he heard that I saw his girlfriend with another cop. Anger, sadness and disappointment enveloped his eyes and he tightened his grip on my shoulders even more. For a moment, I thought that he was going to seriously hurt me, but then he turned around and punched the wall behind him. As strong as he could and without hesitation.
So it wasn't the first time that Yasuko did something like that, huh?
He eyed the red bruising that was quickly beginning to form across his knuckles, before he slowly turned back to me and quietly asked: '' Please, tell me that you showed up at the police station to take me out of here. Otherwise, I might go to the bastard that dared to touch my girl and beat him up. Or do something even dumber than that and actually kill him. ''
I thought about letting him do that, but in the end, I changed my mind. Instead, I told him that I had a new case for him and he followed me to the red light district. He seemed confused when we walked in to a bar where metal music blared from the speakers and fake skulls and bones decorated the tables, but he didn't mind making a stop before work. I liked the place because of how loud it was and he stayed quiet until we ended up at one of the tables, with two large cocktails in front of us.
'' Are you going to drink it or not? '' I asked and glanced at the drinks. '' You look like you could really need one. ''
'' I'm not supposed to drink on the job. ''
'' You aren't supposed to have an informant like me either. ''
'' Good point, '' he quietly mumbled and took a sip of his drink. After he started, he couldn't stop anymore. I was nibbling on the straw that they put in mine and watching him while he drank. Once he emptied his cocktail, I pushed mine in his direction too. He took it without hesitation and asked: '' It's okay if I drink it, right? ''
I rested my chin against my hand and smiled. '' I ordered both of them for you. ''
'' Can I tell you about my problems with my girlfriend? I feel like you wouldn't mind. ''
'' Why do you think that? ''
'' It's because of your eyes. ''
'' What about them? ''
'' Your eyes... '' He hesitated for a moment, almost as if he was afraid that he would offend me. Licking his lips, he slowly looked up and in that moment, it was almost like the loud bar fell in to complete silence. My fingers were tracing over his bruised knuckles and the candle that was burning in the skull next to us, was making throwing reflections of light on his cheeks. '' There's nothing in them. ''
It wasn't the first time that I heard those words. People always looked in to my eyes and it made them feel like they were gazing in a dark abyss, that would somehow soak up all of their sins. In reality, I couldn't really fix their problems. If anything, their subconscious made them think that they could talk to me, because it saw me as a mirror of their own evil.
Baekhyun wasn't completely sober and I was holding his gun when we headed to the place that Momo told me about. In the underground floor of a love hotel, were a few hallways of special rooms that were dedicated to cam girls and it was almost horrifying to see Nano in one of them. Not that much because of the camera, the opened computer by her side and the disgusting messages that people were sending her, but because of the fresh puncture wounds on her arms. The ones who lured her in this business, they injected her with heroin to make her stay with them and put her right back where she used to be. She worked so incredibly hard to crawl out of that level of hell and they kicked her even lower, without a second thought.
Nano's eyes were filled with tears when she raised her head and looked at me. '' Mom? Is that you? Did you come to save me? I swear... I swear that I didn't mean to do anything bad. They said that things would be better here. They told me that I wouldn't have to sell myself anymore. That's all I wanted. I p-promise that I didn't ask for more heroin... Please, don't get mad at me, mom. ''
She turned in to a sobbing mess and I could feel my emotions slowly draining out of my body. After I told Baekhyun that I would take her and he stepped outside to call for backup from the police station, I grabbed the gun that I stole from him earlier and pointed it directly at Nano. Her eyes grew wide with shock and the whispering in my head immediately got louder. Then I suddenly turned around and fired a bullet directly at one of the men who were involved in the camming business. The sound of the gunshot filled the small room, then... silence. The whispering in my head got quieter again, turning from a raging storm, in to a faint breeze, blowing through rustling leaves in the beginning of a cold autumn.
'' What did you do? '' Baekhyun screamed after he stormed back in to the building.
'' Did I do something wrong? I just did the same thing that he did to Nano. I thought that it might make me feel better, but Nano is crying now and I still feel empty. That's too bad, but at least he got what he deserved. '' The same empty eyes that comforted Baekhyun earlier, now frightened him. '' Why are you looking at me like that? Stop. You're confusing me. ''
Baekhyun was holding my cheeks and looking in to my eyes with shock. His gaze was filled with panic and the sudden sound of police sirens made him flinch and glance over his shoulder. Then he looked at me again, wiped the drops of blood that landed on my cheeks and hissed: '' Go. Before I change my mind. This is far from over, but right now, you have to go. ''
He pulled the hood of my jacket on my head, I grabbed Nano's hand and soon, we were gone in the darkness of the red light district.