But first...let me take a selfie
-The Chainsmokers
My camera flashed almost blinding me in the darkness despite the camera not being in my face. I took the pictures the way Carly had leaving my face out. I liked the way my body looked as I twisted to get a better view of my cleavage and a hint of thigh in the photo.
I took one more photo before sliding my finger to the video button. I propped my phone against the wall and hit record. I backed up just enough to get my full body into the frame. I let my bra strap fall from my left shoulder while twisting my right arm behind my back to unhook it. I caught my breasts in my hands as my bra fell to the floor never letting the camera get to see them in their full glory. I kept my face out of shot as long as possible but it just wasn't giving me the same effect as my mirror. I sat back exposing my face and spreading my legs in the same motion.
I closed my eyes and tussled my hair before letting it fall over my right breast giving the camera a brief view of my nipple. I was teasing myself and enjoying it more than I ever had. I licked my thumb then used it to trace my nipples. They became erect at the touch. A soft sigh escaped my lips. I let my hand drop to my stomach, my fingertips slowly traced the length my torso before resting on my pearl from the outside of my panties.
My middle finger traced the tender area. I felt my eyes close and my breath quicken in response. I opened my eyes only then remembering the camera in front of me. I pulled my panties aside to give myself a full view. My middle finger moved from the outside of the opening back up to my pearl. In the moonlight I caught a glimpse of my finger glistening and I hadn't even explored inside of myself yet.
I had never been this turned on before. Is this the empowerment I was preaching about earlier today? I turned and landed on my hands and knees giving the camera a side view of myself. I pulled my underwear over my butt in a slow manner before letting them drop to the floor. My pale skin, normally ghastly, was prominent in contrast to the black underwear and my black hair spilling over my shoulder.
I met my own eyes in the camera one last time before forgetting about it all together. The goal itself was releasing, not to endlessly tease myself for hours on end. A felt a moan rumble from deep in my chest as I finished myself off. I sat for a moment catching my breath before grabbing my phone and cutting off the camera app.
I crawled into bed and for the first time in a while I fell into a dreamless state.
.(&).
My mother still wasn't home when I was getting ready to leave for school. I opened the pantry to grab a breakfast bar and found 20 dollars inside of the box. My mom, thankfully, never made a big deal about my birthday. However, she knows my routine like the back of her hand. This was her way of saying it without saying it.
My dad was arrested ten years ago today. It's on record to be the worst day of my life. I still don't celebrate it, not that there would be another detrimental thing to happen to top my eighth birthday.
I saw my father kill a man and that wasn't even the worst part of my day.
I sighed and closed the pantry. This is not where I need my mind wandering when I have to deal with school after a nice summer of doing everything but concentrating on a book. I locked the front door and crossed Finn's lawn to stand next to his car. I was early but I was still surprised he wasn't already outside. He's the most morning person I know.
When he finally came outside, I noticed he had tied his hair up in a bun similar to mine and I laughed to myself. "You wear ponytails now? You do that all by yourself?"
Finn gave me a small smile before unlocking the car door. "Carlylikesit." It came out as one word. One annoying word too early in the morning. I didn't respond. I had nothing nice to say.
The entire day was completely uneventful, and I was fighting to stay awake. I didn't have a single class with anyone I knew until history which was right before lunch. I was one of the last to enter and I noticed Finn, Marcus, Jordan, and August in the back of the class. I took the empty seat next to Finn just as Carly entered the room and scoffed at me. The only seat left was in the front row, which was perfect. She belongs as far away from my friend group as possible.
"Good morning class, I'm Mrs. Winters and this is US History. If you are in the wrong class now is your chance to escape!" When no one moved she continued, "I have very few rules in my class. No talking when I am, be respectful, and no cellphones."
An eruption of groans sounded throughout the classroom. Mrs. Winters walked around her desk and pointed to a wicker basket. "Every time you walk into my classroom you will place your phone in this basket, and when the bell sounds your free to grab it and go. Any questions?"
Marcus leaned over in his chair then whispered, "This is bogus." It was a little overboard, but older people have issues with new technology, so I don't really blame her. People over 55 acts like technology is evil and its frying our brains. I glanced over at Marcus again, well some of our brains.
"Now everyone up, stretch your legs, and place your phones in the basket." We complied with no real rebuttals other than Marcus periodically whispering how bogus it was.
History maybe my worst subject. Mainly because I can't remember important dates or names. Or partially because hearing anything that sounds like history is an automatic lullaby.
"Beckett. Beckett. Beckett!" I felt a nudge at my side and shot up. Blinking heavily my eyes lazily scanned an empty classroom. Mrs. Winters was leaning over me with a concerned look in her eye. It was kind of surprising she wasn't mad I had slept through her class. I almost felt bad. Almost.
"Sorry, it won't happen again." I grabbed my backpack after wiping the drool from the side of my lip and dashed towards the cafeteria. It's one thing to fall asleep during class but another when your friends don't bother to wake you up before they leave. Well, friend.
When I arrived at the cafeteria Carly had taken my normal seat between Finn and Marcus. I rolled my eyes before taking the seat on the opposite side of Finn. On the plus side August was sitting in front of me. I picked up what the school was passing off as a chicken nuggets and squished it between my fingers, I guess its edible.
"Happy birthday Beckett!" I felt my eyes bulge. Had Finn not told August to not mention my birthday? Finn was on his way to receiving the worst friend of the year award. I kicked Finn under the table, and he flinched in response. Feeling my cheeks heat I directed my attention to August.
The words came out sharper than I had intended them to. "It's not my birthday." I watched as August's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. We both know what day it is, but it wasn't the worlds' business. If I wasn't so peeved at the topic, I would be ecstatic that he was even forming sentences in my direction.
"It's your birthday?" Jordan asked as he set his tray down at the table. I sighed heavily ignoring the question.
I directed all of my energy into eating my food. When I ran out of things appeasing to my taste buds I glanced around the table. Finn and Carly were whispering to themselves as she picked up her phone and began clicking away at the screen. I couldn't help the pang of jealousy in my chest. Finn is really the only person I talk to and since he started dating Carly at the beginning of the summer he barely has time for me. Even when I'm right next to him.
I heard August's phone vibrate against the table and I looked up at him as he checked it. His eyebrows rose as he leaned into his phone gripping it tightly.God, what I'd give to switch places with that phone. I briefly imagined what it would feel like to lay beneath his fingertips. Would it tickle? Would it be enticing? My thoughts were cut short as he cussed aloud. "Damn." He clicked his phone off then shut it face down on the table. It was a whisper but I heard him say, "Who is that?"
One by one everyone's phone started to go off at the table. Well everyone but mine which I wasn't expecting since only Finn and my mom text me. "Damn! Who the hell is this? Is everyone getting this?" Marcus rubbed his eyes as if to double check to see if what he was looking at was real. Marcus flashed his phone to the table. I barely got a glimpse, it just looked like some girl half naked.
August smacked his teeth I couldn't help but noticed the disappointed look on his face. "Guys delete it. It's probably revenge porn. It's fucked up."
"Shut up Saint Theresa!" Marcus snapped back. "Why do you always have to ruin everything? Can we at least admire the girl first? It's not everyday a body like that ends up in my inbox."
"She is fine." Jordan chimed in. Everyone was fine to Knock-kneed Jordan. No girl ever gave him the time of day. A literal frog face could approach him and he'd proclaim she was hot.
"She's beautiful, but that's not the point. It just feels wrong when your not the intended recipient." August shook his head again while licking the front of his teeth.
Carly rolled her eyes and in her annoying voice she snapped, "It's just another slut." I can't wrap my mind around how she can do the exact same thing but she can still be innocent while the other girl had to be a slut.
Everyone turned to look at Carly. Marcus' left eyebrow raised, "Someone sounds a little jealous."
Finn finally picked up his phone to look at the message. I could see the traces of a smile dancing at the corner of Finn's lips. He was trying to hold it back in Carly's presence. The girl must have been something if he would risk looking with Carly so close. He slowly tilted his head to the left then took his fingers to pinch the screen. I heard cell phones going off across the cafeteria, everyone must be getting it.
"It's got to be someone we know." Jordan smirked into his phone as if the picture was going to run away the moment he stopped looking.
"No one that fine goes here." Marus gave a half smile before setting his phone down.
I slide a little closer to Finn not being able to take it anymore. I had to see what everyone was looking at. Glancing over his shoulder I watched as he zoomed into the girls face. I felt my leg twitch and my stomach sink. It was only the bottom half of her face. He was looking at her plump red lips, or more so the scar resting below her bottom lip. My bottom lip. A deep blush formed at the base of his neck until it reached his cheeks. His eyes slowly dragged from his phone to meet mine. My face was probably painted the same shade of red. I felt I had fallen into the ocean of his eyes and was drowning under his gaze. I can't breathe.
He knew.
His voice came out barely above a whisper, "Hey Ry, I have something for you in my locker. Come with me to get it?" I saw Carly shuffle next to him but he quickly shot her a look and she sat back down.
He knows. I began rubbing my chest right above my heart as if I could get it to calm down. Then suddenly I realized only Finn knows, the rest of them don't. As pissed as I am at least I have time to figure out what to do about it before the world figures out who I am.
As soon as we made it to the hallway Finn began to explode, yet I remained surprisingly calm after giving myself a pep talk. He was pacing back and forth and talking faster than I could keep up with all while not meeting my eyes. "What the hell RYLAND! Who did you send that to? Was it August? I'll kill him." Finn began charging back towards the cafeteria I reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Finn, I know this is odd coming from me in a moment like this but relax. I didn't send that to anyone, and no one knows its me. If you go back in there biting everyone's head off, they'll know, and I'll die of shame and embarrassment." I would literally die. I'm positive my heart would just stop beating.
He began pacing. "They don't know." At this point he was talking to himself. He finally turned to look at me, when our eyes met he blushed. I quickly looked away, was he seeing me naked every time he looked at me? "They don't know now, but for how long?" He waited for me to respond but I had no answer for him. "Seriously you can tell me, who did you send that to? I'll handle it."
My stomach turned at the sincerity. Maybe I won't vote him as worst friend of the year anymore. "Finn, I took those photos for myself with no intention of anyone seeing it. I don't know how they are floating around. Here just look at my phone." I reached into my back pocket where I normally keep it and felt nothing. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I checked the opposite pocket. I patted my chest despite the fact I already knew my phone wasn't there. "My phone! It's missing!"
My mind was racing faster than I could process. Finn's lips were moving but the only thing I could think about was what I had done after I had taken that photo.
"Finn...that wasn't the only thing in my phone."