Valentine was my father.
Valentine.
The complete and utter psychopath that wanted to destroy the downworld was my father.
I could barely comprehend what I had remembered, all I could do was sit in my bed, tears endlessly falling and sob as my heart clenched and my eyes burned.
Everything my mother had told me was a lie.
My entire life has been nothing but a lie.
My identity, my family, my world... all lies.
The more I contemplated the world of deception that I lived in the harder I sobbed, I didn't bother to wipe away the water fall of tears, nor did I bother to hide the loud and hyperventilated cries that escaped my lips.
I was in so much pain, I felt like I was drowning in it and no one was there to save me.
I hated appearing so weak; yet in this moment in time, my appearance was the last thing I cared about.
There was little I cared about now.
Besides Clary. I cared about Clary.
I quickly inhale a sharp breath at the thought of Clary, my eyes wide and heart hammering.
I had to tell Clary.
I immediately jump out of the warmth of my bed without a thought to it, not bothering to tidy the mess and I certainly didn't bother with changing my clothes or fixing my make up or hair.
I rapidly ran forward, yanking the door open with all my might and rushed into the deserted hall, my eyes scanning left and right as I contemplated which way to go. My mind was racing and my heart hammering, the idea of having to break this to Clary hurt me more than the revelation itself.
How could I tell her this?
Clary and I adored our father; our entire lives were built on the foundation that he was this amazing man who was worth our admiration and love, and yet all along he was nothing but a hateful and cruel man.
A man that we were meant to help destroy.
I swiftly wipe away the next set of tears that trolled down my cheeks, brushing my untamed and wild hair out of my face, I hurry into the kitchen to check for Clary and grimace when I don't see her. I do however see Isabelle, and as her brown eyes land on me they fill with concern as she frowns, immediately dropping whatever she had in her hands and running over.
"Cam?" She questions, a worried expression etched onto her face, "What wrong? Are you okay?"
I nod dismissively, wiping at my eyes roughly, not bothering to answer her questions. "Have you seen Clary?" I ask hurriedly, my voice was croaky and dry due to how much I've cried and I could barely swallow without feeling sick.
"I think I saw her in the weapons room" She states.
I nod slowly before immediately turning on my heel and practically running to the weapons room, the desperation to tell Clary was eating me alive and I knew I had to get it off my chest.
"Cam?!" Izzy shouted behind me, and from the pattering of footsteps, I knew she was following me.
I ignored her calls and instead marched onwards, I could feel myself hyperventilating and the tears were back, tormenting me, but I willed myself to ignore them and be strong.
For Clary's sake, if not for my own.
I avoided the questioning looks of those around me as I hurried past, keeping my head low and hair forwards as I moved further on but I still fastened my pace and nearly cried with relief when my eyes lifted and I spotted the same fiery strawberry blonde hair through the tinted glass of the weapons room.
I also noticed that Jace was with her; but I trusted him enough to not be bothered by his presence.
I quickly rushed in, catching the attention of Jace who was facing my direction, and upon seeing me he stood up, face alarmed and engraved with concern.
"Clary" I croak out, the sensitivity of my voice alerts her, and she rapidly turns around, her eyes wide and expression terrified as she takes me in and she instantly runs over, her arms coming to my shoulders as she inspects me.
"What happened?" She asks, a clear look of fear on her face and I gulp, the agony I felt brewing within me and all I wanted to do was cry.
Her eyes scanned over my appearance, the look of dread on her face tripling upon seeing me so removed; my eyes were red and glossed over, mascara smudged and stained across my cheeks, my hair was untamed and unruly and I knew she could practically feel the anguish that I was in.
It was basically written all over my face.
"I- "I could barely speak, looking into Clarys eyes hit my soul and all the pain and duplicity I felt washed over me like a tornado, the entire situation overwhelming me, and I burst into gasps and tears.
So much for staying strong.
"Oh, Cam..." Clary muttered softly, her arms not hesitating to swiftly wrap me into a hug and I graciously hugged back, my arms loosely clutching her waist as I sobbed into her neck, my eyes shutting from the exhaustion that I felt.
I could feel the salty tears dripping down my face and off the surface of my chin, probably drenching both Clary and I, yet neither of us seemed to care as we held each other, Clary soothing me as I focussed on breathing, inhaling and exhaling jaggedly, desperately trying to control the tidal wave of emotions that swept through me.
I heard footsteps enter the room as I held Clary, but I could barely lift my head to acknowledge their presence.
"What happened?" A voice mumbled quietly, and despite the lowness of their voice, I immediately recognised the person to be Alec and I felt myself quickly sober up; my mind practically scolding me for looking like such a weak mundane to begin with.
He already thought I was weak; this just confirmed it.
I slowly pulled back from Clary, my head held low and eyes closed, I inhaled slowly before exhaling and once I could feel myself calming down, I looked up, not bothering to look past Clary.
Maybe a part of me felt embarrassed or maybe I was worried about what their judgement.
Whatever it was, I couldn't bring it in me to meet anyone's else's eyes.
"Hey Cam," Clary started softly, stepping forwards and gently tucking a stand of hair behind my ear. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong"
I nodded my head gradually, sighing deeply as I lifted my and gazed into Clarys eyes; she looked distraught and I knew that what I was going to tell her was going to hurt her.
And I hated that.
"Valentine is our father"
I close my eyes for a mere second once the words leave my lips, waiting for her reaction but when I hear nothing, I slowly look back up, worry filling me and catch Clary's expression.
Yet its not what I had expected.
She looked anxious. Guilty.
What?
I frown, a scoff escaping my lips "Did you not hear me?" I ask, my face bewildered, but Clary doesn't respond, instead her head turns to face Jace, her eyes wide and face heated and as my eyes glance over to Jace and the other, I catch the look of shock and blame written across their faces and the fact that none of them can look me in the eye speaks for itself.
No.
"Oh my god" I gasp quietly, my body involuntarily taking a step back as my eyes widen and my throat dry's. Clary quickly steps forwards and reaches her hand out to touch me but I recoil, tears springing yet again to my eyes and I swallow thickly.
My eyes snap to Alec, Izzy and Jace and they all look shocked, a look of anxiousness and worry printed across their faces as they swallow thickly, anticipating my next words and my reaction.
No.
"You knew" I state, my voice cracking at the sentence and I notice Clary flinch, a distraught look overtaking her features.
"Cam" She starts, a tear rolling down her check as she stares sorrowfully at me and I can't help the gasp that escapes me. I shake my head, my expression pained, and my eyes swiftly snap to Jace, Izzy and Alec.
And they all wear the same look of sorrow and sadness.
"All of you knew" I gasp out, tears now hazardously falling and as my eyes meet theirs as they all sigh in regret, wanting desperately to fix their mess.
I can't help but feel like I've just been stabbed, my chest felt tight and my lungs felt raw, every breath felt like a battle. I stumble back slightly, my eyes fogging over as I bring a hand to cup my mouth, my vision blurring as I ponder over what I knew.
They all knew, and no one told me.
No one told me that my father wasn't even my father.
"Cam, we wanted to- "Jace begun, stepping forwards but I practically growled at him, "Save the excuses!" I snapped loudly, my eyes narrowing at him, the anger and treachery I felt evident on my face, and I could feel the rage bubbling within me.
Jace quickly stepped back, a sigh leaving his lips as he looked downwards, knowing that trying to reason with me now would just make me explode.
I quickly wiped at my eyes, laughing hollowly, my hand dragging across my hair as my eyes met with Clary. "I am such an idiot" I scoffed out, a humourless laugh escaping my lips as I tugged roughly at my hair, the situation making me feel crazy.
" No. Cam, please"
I scoff bitterly at Clary's words, swallowing lowly, I rub at my eyes before turning on my heel and walking away.
I needed to get away.
Now.
"Cam?!" Clary exclaimed, chasing after me but I barely acknowledge her, all I could focus on was the pain I was feeling, the empty, hollow pit in my stomach was effulging me within myself, and it took all my will power to not break down right there.
But I refused to let them see me break.
Especially since they were the ones who broke me.
I continued marching away, my speed increasing as I hear Clary advancing nearer, and the last thing I wanted was to see or talk to her.
I knew I would regret what I said and did if she came near me.
"Cam, please" Clary begged, her voice cracking and I flinched, hearing the sensitivity of her voice as she begged me to listen to her, it hurt me, yet the overwhelmed and rage fuelled part of me was glad she was hurting.
She deserved it for doing this to me.
I ignored her pleas, and sustained my walk to my room, and once I was my room was in sight, I swiftly ran in and slammed the door behind me, instantly locking it so that none of those traitors could get inside.
I felt the tears rush up to the rim of my eyes as I leant against the door helplessly, I rested my head against the smooth, cold mahogany, shutting and opening my eyes in an attempt to wade away the tears, yet despite my efforts to stay strong a few treacherous tears managed to skid off the very edge, trailing down my hot cheeks.
A reminder of my pain.
I couldn't believe they would lie to me about this.
Something so life altering, so important, and they lied.
I could feel the fury suffocating my throat and I couldn't help but let out a blood curdling scream, my hand coming in contact with my side cabinet as I hazardously threw all the items off the top, barely flinching as they shattered and smashed against the ground, the sound loud and echoing as they broke into dozens of small, sharp pieces, skidding across my floor.
"Camilla?!" I heard Alec ask, his voice laced with worry as his fist banged rapidly against the door.
"Cam, are you okay? Please, open the door" Izzy pleaded, her voice gentle and remorseful and I could tell by the soft and desperate knocks that the sound of things breaking was alerting them and that they were fearing the worst.
Deep down I knew I should answer them to give them peace of mind, yet I couldn't find it in me to care about how they felt.
They certainly didn't care about how I would feel when they kept this from me.
I scowled wincingly, calming my hyperventilated breath, before making my way around the shattered items, hardly recognising the small sharp beads that scathed my skin, and instead I made a bee-line to my wardrobe, pulling out whatever was before me and pulling it on.
Luckily for me the outfit wasn't too ridiculous; consisting of a black cropped tee, with ripped denim jeans and I quickly yanked on my socks and black air maxes, not bothering to care too deeply about how my outfit appeared.
I had other things on my mind.
I could hear the light footsteps outside my door, and the soft and muttered whispers of a couple of people; they appeared to be arguing, someone was crying quietly, who I'm assuming is Clary, yet I still refused to open the door and accept their words.
Everything they said would just be an excuse.
And I didn't care for it.
I quickly used the bathroom, washing my face and brushing out my untamed her; the tears had fortunately stopped yet the aftermath of eyebags and redness had made it abundantly clear that I had been detestably crying, and all in all my appearance was detached.
Just like I felt.
Dismissing how awful I looked, I grabbed my necessities off my bed and shoved them into my pocket before begrudgingly pulling on my leather jacket, knowing that the night would be getting colder tonight.
Once I had all the things I needed, I turned to the door. My heart was thrashing and my throat felt parched, the idea of having to face everyone again made me feel physically sick, and I felt accomplished that I hadn't already vomited my guts out, since I felt like I needed to.
Building up the courage, I gulped deeply before inhaling a deep breath and swinging open the door.
Instantly, my eyes fell upon Clary; leaning against the opposite wall, her head buried in her hands as she wept, a distressed Jace stood besides her as she cried, attempting to calm her down.
As soon as I made a sound Clary's eyes shot to mine, her eyes wide and mascara smudged, and she quickly came forwards, a sob escaping her lips. "Cam, I'm sorry please let me explain" She cried, her voice croaky and raw, and I bit my lip shakily, willing myself not to cry again.
I ignored her pleads and instead washed my eyes over the others, my eyes landing on Isabelle first, yet she refused to meet my eyes, despite knowing I was looking at her. I huffed out a breath in annoyance, before glancing at Alec, and upon seeing his eyes already trained on me, I faltered, my breath heavying as I felt my heart ache.
How could he do this to me?
He must've sensed my feelings of utter betrayal because I saw him frown, sighing deeply as his eyes closed and his head fell, clearly hurting too.
No one had anything to say.
They knew there was nothing they could say.
I shook my head in bewilderment before tucking my hair behind my ear. The action caught the attention of the others and their eyes nervously shifted to me, a felt a scowl etch onto my face at seeing them and I knew I had to leave. Now.
I didn't bother saying anything before turning on my heels and walking away, my feet increasing in speed as I felt the weight of the situation barrel against me, my pulse racing and eyes fogging over.
I felt like I was in a bubble; the entire world around me felt fake and suddenly I was the only one; I was invisible, everyone moved along with their day as I walked by, no sound, no movement, no words.
I felt completely alone.
I wiped away a singular tear that rolled down my cheek as the exit of the institute came in sight and I felt relief wash over me as I envisioned the cool air hitting me, filling my lungs, freeing me from the suffocation I felt within the institute.
Just as I reached the dome to the main hallway, I felt a hand clamp down on my wrist, gently tugging me back and as I turned back to see who was holding me, my eyes land on Clary and a disgusted and hateful look crosses my face, I aggressively tug my hand from her.
"Don't touch me!" I hiss, my voice low and venomous and I saw Clary recoil slightly, her face dropping as she took in the amount of anger and hatred, I had towards her.
"Cam, please I can explain, let me explain" She begged, not faltering in her actions as she stepped closer, desperately trying to reach out for me, but I couldn't.
The wound was still too raw.
"What could you say that will fix any of this" I scoff out, my voice scratchy as my eyes shift to meet hers and she frowns, sighing, as tears fall once again.
"I wanted to tell you" She starts, and I immediately scoff, shaking my head "I did! I wanted to, but Cam, you adored dad, he was- he was your everything and I couldn't take that from you, I didn't want you to hurt when you found out- "
"How is finding out like this any better?!" I roared, causing Clary to flinch slightly and for her lip to break and another sob to escape her. I felt my chest tightening again, but I didn't stop myself from allowing the tears to fall, I needed her to see what she had done.
"At least if you had told me, I would've had you! Now, I'm alone, and you all lied to me! For days, you all lied" I cried out, my hand coming up cup over my mouth as I felt myself sob, the emotions overwhelming me.
After a moment, my eyes shifted upwards meeting the others, who were stood silently behind, watching the scene unfold with misery and regret in them and I could tell they wanted to apologies, but knew better and didn't.
Their apologies would fall short regardless.
"You're not alone, you have me Cam, I'm your sister- "
"No!" I growled, "You are not my sister, sisters don't lie to each other about things like this! I never would have lied to you about this!" I snapped and watched as Clary winced out a acry, her eyes clenching shut at my harsh words.
Yet I couldn't find it in me to take them back.
I exhaled sharply, the situation had been dragged out far too long and I felt exhausted. I wanted to leave.
Brushing away the tears, I tucked back my hair as I calmed down, before silently walking over to Jace, and upon seeing me stood before him, he raised his head, his eyes remorseful and he stared ahead, probably anticipating me slapping him.
But I didn't.
Instead, I reached into my back pocket and harshly plucked the stele from it, the metal felt harsh and cold against my skin and I suddenly felt an anger towards the item, the item that just never truly felt right.
I held out the stele to Jace and watched as his face fell and eyes widened as he realised what I was doing.
"Cam, you can't leave that- "
"Just take it" I replied, my voice monotone and face indifferent as I held out the stele icily, my demeanour cold and I saw Jace deflate, his hand hesitantly coming up and taking the stele gently from my fingers.
I felt reprieve at the stele being gone, like a burden being lifted off my shoulders and I sighed, turning from a deflated and helpless Jace and back to Clary.
"You can't leave, you belong here"
I felt shock run through me as I swiftly turned to a sorrowful Alec, who was stood beside me, his expression full of sadness and anger and I felt myself getting annoyed and emotional.
He had a way of making me feel emotional.
"Don't worry Alec, I don't plan on ever dealing with this world ever again, you can tell your precious Clave that so you don't get in trouble" I seethed, and immediately his face fell, a sigh elongated from his lips as he frowned.
"That's not what I meant-"
"I don't care!" I snapped harshly, my mind twisting and heart hurting, looking and talking to Alec felt so much worse than anyone else and I knew that if I kept up this conversation, I wouldn't last long and that was the last thing I wanted.
"I'm leaving" I stated, pushing past Alec, who was sided besides me and manoeuvring away from Clary's extended, shaking hand.
"Cam, please, don't" Clary croaked out, her voice breaking, evidently showcasing the weakness and agony that she felt.
But I felt about 100 times worse.
I didn't spare her a glance as I walked off towards the exit, I kept my back straight and head held high, despite how badly I wanted to crawl into a ball and disappear.
No one dared to run after me as I walked away, and I was glad, they knew that nothing they said or did would fix this and I needed space, I didn't know how long I would be away for, but I knew that I had to go.
Now I really knew I didn't belong.
:(
This was a really hard scene to write, honestly. It felt very raw and emtional and I just found it difficult; there were so many ways that this could've panned out but I ultimately decided that if it were a real life situation, the conversation and arguement wouldn't have lasted long. If it were me, I would've left as soon as. So Cam left pretty quickly.
But there will be more emotions running and tears and heart break, do not worry about that! Cam is about to face the hardest and most painful moment probably ever, but luckily she's going to have someone right beside her to remind her she Belongs....
Stay tuned for that.
Make sure to VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE if you enjoyed the chapter, or if you cried.
And I will see you all next chapter xoxo