(Wanda and Sam Wilson are going to help him recover from Infinity war, Endgame, and being betrayed by Quinton Beck. Part of it is a prompt from 'suellen_shashati'. Wanda can help by finding his 'core trauma' and Sam helps by being someone Peter can talk to as he helped veterans with PTSD before becoming an Avenger.)
Here's an update!
Trust in a funny thing.
It can take years to build it and only seconds to destroy it. One second for everything to fall apart and one second for you to never trust again. I personally think trust is overrated. What's the point of it when people are just going to break it?
I tried trusting and it got people killed and nearly killed me.
So no, I won't trust again.
After Beck, I don't think I can trust again. Not after what he did.
I am broken and I don't think anyone really blames me. Beck tried to release my identity to the world and blame the attack on me before he died. I'm lucky that S.H.I.E.L.D. cleared me of orchestrating the attack and said that I was a man in my twenties, not a total lie but anyone in the blip is still considered to be their age before the blip.
I ended up taking a break from being the web-slinger for a while. I needed a break from being him. I don't think I could be him if I wanted to. Even looking at the suit nearly threw me into a panic attack.
I can't be the one person I want to be.
So I had decided to live at the new Avengers Compound with the remaining Avengers and a few higher up agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. It was stressful, having all of the people, more chances to be lied to but it was better than living in the city teeming with people.
I also noticed that I can't stand to be in the city anymore. To many people, to much noise. I was sent into a panic attack daily when living in the city. The quiet life out in the country at the compound was much better suited for me now.
I was adjusting, slowly but surely. I no longer jumped at tiny noises and I no longer refused to be around people. I had started eating meals with the other Avengers, having movie nights with them every now and then, and I was even able to start training again without being thrown into a panic attack.
And then it all changes one movie night.
***************
It was another one of our movie nights and we were all enjoying ourselves. With all of our problems, we normally stick to Disney movies, there are not too many triggers in them for us, even with our broad range of triggers.
"Hey, Pete? Can you grab a blanket out of the closet?" Pepper asks and I nod.
"Sure, which one?" I ask while getting up.
"The checkered one," Pepper says and I nod.
"Sure thing," I say while getting up.
I look behind me and smile. All of the remaining Avengers were curled up on the couches of loveseats. Sam Wilson was seated next to Bucky, Carol, Pepper and Morgan are curled up next to each other, Bruce is on his own loveseat, Rhodey is on the other side of Sam, and Scott and Cassy are curled together on another couch with Hope on the other side of Scott. Happy was on his own loveseat as well. May was on vacation but if she was here I knew she would be curled next to Happy.
We were one odd family but maybe that's what made us a closer family. We had all lived through some pretty tough stuff. Some of it together and some of it on our own. We had kind of bonded over our shared trauma and that made us closer then anyone else could be. We know what it's like and we know how to help.
I think the only reason I can trust them is that I know they also have problems and I am not alone. There were still times where I had problems believing them and trusting them, but it was getting better.
"Peter? Are you ok?" Pepper asks looking at me and I snap out of my thoughts.
"Yeah, why?" I question.
"You've been looking at us all for the past five minutes," Pepper says worriedly and I smile.
"Just fine, I was just thinking," I say and move to the closet that held all of the pillows and blankets for the living room.
I open the door and groan when I see the blanket Pepper wanted was at the bottom of a pile of pillows on the top shelf. I was barely tall enough to reach it but I managed. I start pulling on the blanket and the pillows start tottering. I finally get the blanket out but the pillows fall and I am thrown into a flashback.
Instead of pillows, it was drones. They were firing at me and trying to kill me. They were coming from everywhere, there was no stop. I start hitting them away as the panic builds. I have to get out of here, they were going to kill me.
I feel something wrap around me and I struggle against it, I needed to fight and get away. I was on the bridge, there were so many drones it was terrifying.
"-er! Peter! Calm down, you're safe!" I hear Bucky yelling into my ear and I fight harder.
"Stop it Beck! J-just fight me!" I scream while thrashing around.
"What's going on?" I hear Morgans voice ask.
"It's ok honey, Peter is just remembering something that happened to him," I hear Pepper say softly.
"Wanda, what is he seeing?" Sam asks calmly and I feel Wanda enter my mind.
"His fight with Beck. I think the falling pillows made him flashback to the drones," Wanda says and I think I hear Sam sigh, everything was blurry.
"Can everyone leave, please? Wanda, I think I'll need you here," Sam asks and I feel Bucky let me go, just to be replaced with Sam.
"It's ok, Peter. Their gone, you can let go," Sam says softly and I break.
I start sobbing while holding onto him and shaking. It felt like I couldn't breathe and I felt like I had to fight and run. I know I am safe, but I still feel like I am in London all over again. I felt dizzy and I was sweating. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest and it felt as if I was detached from the world. I don't even notice us move to a couch.
"You're safe, Peter. Beck is dead and can't get you anymore," Sam says as I softly cling to him.
"I-it felt s-so re-el," I say and feel myself start to calm down.
"I know, I know it did. It's ok to be scared," Sam says and I feel soft hands going through my hair.
"I feel so weak, it's been six months and I can't even look at anything to do with London and not freak out and these panic attacks are triggered by the smallest things," I say and slump more on Sam.
"You're not weak, I'm impressed that you are even able to live a semi-normal life after what Beck did to you," Wanda says and I sigh.
"At first I didn't. I refused to trust anyone, for at least two months I watched all of the cameras in the compound, I watched all of you live your lives, looking for a sign that this was another illusion. I didn't trust any of you," I say and the two of them laugh a bit.
"We knew you were watching us," Wanda says and I frown looking at her.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask and she smiles.
"We knew that in order for you to trust us, you had to watch us and see that we weren't threats," Wanda says and Sam nods.
"Before being involved with all of this, I was a pilot. My wingman was killed and instead of continuing in the military, I worked with veterans with PTSD. I think you should attend a PTSD meeting with other veterans," Sam says and stiffen.
"They can't know about Spider-Man," I say and Sam seems to think.
"There's this group, it's a group of special forces, seals, and any other people who have PTSD about classified things. It's a small group and they know to keep things secret and this is a safe space, you need to trust them," Sam says and I nod.
"Alright, if you think it will help," I agree with him.
"You should sleep, I know how tiring these can be for people," Sam says and I nod.
I didn't think I would find comfort in Sam of all people, but that's the funny thing, you never know about those kinds of things.
*********************
Today was the day. Sam had told me more about this group and that he used to lead it. It was in Washington so we took one of Stark Industries jets to get here. The meeting was about to start and I was starting to sweat through my clothes. I really didn't want to be here.
"You're going to do fine, Peter. You don't even have to share today," Wanda says while placing a hand on my shoulder.
Over the past few weeks, she had been helping me see my deepest fear, be betrayed by those I trust. She would show me things to do with Beck over and over again. Not to hurt me, but to make me release he was gone and it was over. Sam said it was a kind of therapy, reliving the trauma over and over again until I could except it. I'm not totally sure, but I think it was helping.
"Wanda is right, you don't have to share today," Sam says and I nod.
"Let's go then," I say and walk into the room of the meeting.
I look and notice a circle of chairs and most of them were filled with mostly men although there were two women in the circle. Wanda hadn't followed us in so Sam and I sat down, me next to one of the women and Sam next to me.
"Well, shall we begin the meeting?" Sam asks
****************************
The meeting was good, I think.
One of the guys had a small panic attack about halfway through sharing but other than that it went well. It made me feel better about everything and not so alone.
I really think Sam was right about these meetings and them helping me get better.
It would defiantly take a while but I would get better.