I was in and out of consciousness, I was tired, I could barely move my body. My breathing was limited, my power was nowhere to be found. I was drained. I was rolled around in a wheelchair to get back in my room. When I could finally gain a bit of power to wash my face and clean myself up, I got scared of my own looks. I couldn't recognise the person in the mirror. Sickly pale skin without even a hint of colour, bones poking through the skin, thin face, bags under the eyes and unwashed hair. My arms and legs were full of needle marks, blood still dripping down from some of them. The person looking back from the mirror was a stranger. I held my head up and looked through the white door's small glass window meeting two dark brown almost black irises. Those warm eyes were the only thing that kept me alive. But not for long. I felt my body failing in so many ways. I felt I didn't have much left.
The door opened and the person walked in, closing the door behind himself.
"Minho." I whispered. I couldn't talk properly anymore. I wasn't even able to do such an easy task. He sat down on my bed and I joined him. I felt ashamed for looking like this and showing him such a weak state of mind.
"I'm sorry." He whispered and hid his face in my neck."I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault." I shook my head. "It's them. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. We could live a happy life, but instead we are being used as lab rats. It is not your fault in any way." I tried to reassure him.
"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here." He growled in anger.
"Minho, they took me too. It had nothing to do with you." I caressed his face gently.
"No. If I didn't get injured, you wouldn't have had to give yourself up." He pulled me into his chest. I felt safe and calm in his embrace. "If I paid attention and didn't get injured, you wouldn't have had to promise them to be an obedient subject of their experiments." I shook my head.
"Do you really think we could have gotten away?" I looked up into his eyes. "As much as it pains me to say, I don't think we would have gotten out of here." I hid my face back in his chest to hide my sadness.
"Back to your room!" I heard a loud voice from the outside. A man in black cloths opened the door and was about to pull Minho away. He pushed his arm away and turned back to me.
"We will find a way. Please don't give up just yet." He kissed my forehead and left with the man.
I sat up in my bed and tried to separate my nightmare and reality. I woke up feeling like I haven't slept even for a second. I did indeed sleep very badly as I was rolling around the mattress like a fish out of the water and even when I felt like being able to sleep properly, my nightmares started. I woke up sweating and frustrated. I was sad and pissed off at the same time. I didn't understand my dreams and the fact that Minho was in my thoughts in both my sleep and when I was awake just confused me even more. I didn't understand what I have just dreamt of. If it was real and I finally remembered a part of me or if my mind was playing games.
And if my dreams weren't confusing enough, my feelings made it even more complicated. I wanted Minho and I had a feeling that I could get whatever I wanted, but on the other hand, I didn't want to push him too much, after all hating on each other while being locked up in the same place could have been very challenging.
I got out of my bed huffing and puffing early in the morning. I put on my cloths rushing from anger. I just wanted to be out and get some fresh air because my mind was running into self-destruction. When I was finally ready, I started walking towards the gigantic doors. But I couldn't pay attention. To my surprise, Minho was standing at the entrance. I didn't expect him to be my partner, after all we had a quite uncomfortable separation on the evening. He didn't seem to mind though. The only reasonable explanation I could find was that he really took my words to his heart.
"Morning." I greeted him as I got closer. He looked up at me and nodded. He felt cold, but I wasn't surprised. I knew things would change if he wanted to get rid of his feelings and I didn't want to make him feel like I didn't understand him. Although I didn't. If it depended on me, I would have given my all. Who cares if the feelings are confusing, who cares if you are unsure, who cares if you don't know what to do. You would just feel it, you would just enjoy it, you would just have new experiences. But I'm not him. He wanted to forget about his feelings and return back to when I wasn't here to complicate his life.
I kept looking at him, trying to read his expressions, but I couldn't. He was hiding them well. I hoped if I kept looking at him, he would finally turn towards me, but he didn't. He was very much fixated on the concrete walls.
It didn't take long before we heard the significant sound of the doors and they started opening. He ran off without a word while I followed closely. He gave me some instructions in a very professional tone of voice and left to go on his own. I stood on my place following him with my eyes until he disappeared behind a corner. His behaviour made me question if I have made the right decision in trying to understand him. Now that his behaviour has changed, every time I saw him, every time I talked to him, it was like my chest was about to collapse. Like some well heavy weight was sitting across my chest. I wasn't sure anymore how to go on as my feelings seemed to confuse my brain and heart as they were trying to battle each other. My brain said to understand his point of view and respect his wishes, but my heart said to go and get him, because he has feelings for me after all.
After a deep sigh I decided to just push the thoughts back into the deepest part of my mind and without a second thought I started running.