Everyone is busy cleaning the dusty classroom. some are cleaning the floor. some are wiping the windows and some even arrange the tables to where they are supposed to be at.
I, however, are cleaning the blackboard. suddenly, "Ms Kim?" the teacher calls me. "please come to the staff room then you can continue your cleaning duty." I bow in respect and follow him towards the staff room.
the reason I was called out is that the teacher needs help to carry the exercise books back to our classroom. not wanting to waste any time, I ran back to my classroom but unfortunately, I spot chaewon sitting alone at the bench playing her phone.
"chaewon..... is alone?" I guess I was caught staring at her when she suddenly turns her head to where I am almost flinching due to shock probably didn't expect me to even give a glance at her.
looking at her gives me heartbreak. not wanting to shed any tears today, I turn away from her and walk fastly to class. "Minju!" chaewon shouted from behind making my whole body to stop functioning.
I wanted to ignore and walk away from her but my body doesn't seem to cooperate with me. "I want to talk to you," she continues. please don't do this to me, chaewon. you know how weak I am when I hear you talk or when you smile.
When Chaewon calls you out, please answer her.
remembering what the letter has said, I decided to answer her so I turn to her but the universe wasn't on my side because I saw hyewon sunbae from behind glaring at me with the 'don't-talk-to-my-girlfriend' kind of look.
I don't want to cause trouble for myself and chaewon so I just ignore her and walk away even though deep inside I really do want to talk to her like we used to. I run and run. away from chaewon. away from hyewon sunbae. away from both of them.
if sunbae doesn't like me talking to her, then I probably shouldn't... if it gets in the way of what chaewon is doing, then I don't have any reason to talk to her at all... I'm sorry, chaewon... I just can't... I'm sorry for being such a coward...
'I should've done that back then' that's what me from the future said. it's easy for you to say that when you're in the future... I can't do it... I can't do it... it's easy to look back on what happened...
but in the present, you're already doing everything you can... sometimes things don't work out for some people... and apparently, I'm that people...
ignoring chaewon has become harder for me as she is everywhere I go. but time passes quickly. seconds turn to a minute. minutes turn to an hour. hours turn to a day. and eventually, days pass turning it to weeks. it's been weeks since I started to ignore her.
but that doesn't mean I never look out for her. sometimes I will stare at her during lessons but it doesn't take that long for me to look away before she can even catch me staring.
March 18th
after school, chaewon and hyewon sunbae get in a fight after she bid me goodbye.
"bye, minmin~~." she still calls me minmin. how can she still treats me kindly after all I did was ignore her existence? I don't deserve her. I don't deserve to have her as a friend. I'm an ungrateful person.
Later on, I would find out that chaewon was deeply troubled at that time.
"c-chae!! wai-" I got cut off when someone pushes me from behind. the impact is hard enough to make me fall to the ground. I heard that certain person whisper 'bitch' to me when she hits me from behind before she shouts chaewon's name. that when I knew all along that hyewon hates me from the very first day.
"Aww... look at her falling down. what a loser. HAHAHA," hyewon make fun of me with the most mocking way possible. chaewon who saw me on the ground, running towards me leaving her bag on the ground.
"MINMIN! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MINJU?!" chaewon explodes raising her voice at her girlfriend. it's the first time ever I saw her reacting that way. all this time I only saw her smiling and jumping around like a child.
"just trying to teach some lesson to her for stealing other's girlfriend," a smirk still doesn't leave from hyewon sunbae's pretty face. chaewon's face is getting red. "APOLOGISE TO HER!" chaewon shouted back and she is now kneeling in front of me.
"Are you okay, minmin?" attempting to comfort me who was on the verge of crying. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, CHAEWON! YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT HER WHENEVER WE HANG OUT TOGETHER! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET CLOSE WITH OTHER GIRLS!"
surprisingly, chaewon doesn't seem to be bothered by all those screaming coming from her girlfriend. instead, she asks me if I'm hurt and her hand is reaching out to me to help me get up.
"I'm fine. I'm sorry," declining her offer and run away from everybody. I feel guilty. I'm the reason why they both got into a fight. I'm the reason why they could most probably break up.
"MINJU!" it was yujin this time who calls me out. "don't run away, Kim minju," she said sternly. the letter didn't mention this... is the future changing?
"but those two had a fight because I called out to her, I shouldn't have talked to her in the first place like I used to," I said while my head is hanging low in shame.
"The truth is, there's something I want to talk to her about, but..." tears start to flow itself as I couldn't handle the pain anymore.
"I think it's okay for you to talk to her. we're all friends, aren't we? besides, she got me in a bind. she isn't focusing at all during practice. she's down because she wants to talk to you but can't find the right opportunity," yujin said in a really soft and comforting voice.
"she is?" I said wiping away my tears flowing down my cheeks. yujin nodded in response but continue anyway, "how can chaewon talks to you if you keep running away?"
listening to the explanation coming from yujin makes me realise how stupid I am to avoid her this all time. "I'll go see her! I'll talk things out with her!" "there you go, minmin. go and do it before its too late." "thank you, yujin."
I chase chaewon with all the energy I have left in me. I may be tired, but chaewon is far more important to me. even though chaewon called out to me, I avoided her. I was doing the exact same thing I don't want to happen to both me and chaewon.
I have to tell her. I'm sure me in 10 years in the future has been feeling regret a lot longer than I have. chaewon isn't in the future, but she is right here right now in the present.
finally, I spot her from afar. "CHAECHAE!" I scream with all my might to catch her attention. I was panting to catch some breath while my whole body feels sweaty.
I ran to where she is and wrap my arms around her waist immediately. soon after, I can feel her arms around my neck pulling me closer to her chest. "I'm sorry for not answering you when you called out to me the other day," I mummer softly. "that's okay, min... I understand why you did that."
"what did you want to say to me?" I raise up my head to look at her but arms still didn't move away from her waist. it's comfortable being in this position. hugging her feels like home. "you're too late, minmin~~ I already forget what I wanted to say~~," she said teasingly earning my light punch on the chest from me.
"chae...." "Hmm?" "there's something bothering you right?" I finally have the urge to ask her. "how did you know?" I just shrug. "you wanna talk about it," I ask in worried.
"sure," she smiles softly breaking the hug and intertwine both of our hands together bringing me to a place to talk.
sitting on the bench where we used to sit whenever we have something to talk about. "I've been thinking about breaking up with sunbae," chaewon start off. I furrow my eyebrow in confusion. "I should have never made a choice base on looks," she chuckles softly.
"is it because of the fight earlier?" I question her. "that has nothing to do with it. you told me 'no' remember? I hated not being able to talk to you. and besides... I have someone I'm more interested than sunbae."
"somebody you're interested in?" "Yeah. I realise that I actually love her after I started dating sunbae." "who is it?" "it's a secret~~~~." "YAH KIM CHAEWON!"
I wonder if my future self knows who chaewon is interested in?