Tony is alive in all of these. Infinity war who? Endgame who?
When I use the ******** It is the end of a bit. If I use %%%%%%%%% it means it is kind of like an add on to the bit.
These are just some bit's/funny bits I felt like writing since I need a bit of a laugh after last night. We were celebrating me hitting a quarter of a million reads when my dad had another of his episodes last night so I am still trying to get my mind back into writing.
I don't know if you want to know or not but my dad has something called functional neurological disorder. He looks like he is drunk when it is triggered and acts like he is drunk.
He also drinks so its kind of hard separating the two.
I just want to give you a real reason as to why I may not update often or have problems with the updates.
Here's these funny bits though.
**************
I was tired. There was no denying that.
I was into the classroom with my books in one hand and a very large glass of coffee in the other. Everyone turns to me and I frown, so what if I was a bit late? I got forty minutes of sleep.
"Mr. Parker?" Ms. Porter asks and I look up at her.
"Yes?" I ask in a monotone voice.
"This is American History," Ms. Porter says and I give her a duh look.
"So?" I ask and Ms. Porter frowns.
"You have me next hour," Ms. Porter says and I shrug.
"Close enough," I say and sit down.
***************
There was something about Peter Parker that most people don't know.
He sleepwalks among other things.
He can walk when asleep. He's been known to invent things. He goes for strolls on ceilings. And he bakes and cooks.
Tony was always concerned but May told him to just guide him back to bed. And never wake him up while he is walking around.
That is why Tony is awoken by FRIDAY's voice at 3:42 AM.
"Sir, it appears as if Mr. Parker is sleepwalking again," FRIDAY says and Tony rolls over.
Tony gets out of bed and ends up in the living room where Peter is on the ceiling.
"Hey bud, let's get back to bed," Tony says gently and Peter grunts.
"Yeah, come here," Tony persuades.
Peter slowly walks across the ceiling and halfway down the wall when he stops. Tony sighs and reaches up and tugs on him gently.
"Come on bud, almost there," Tony tries again and this time Peter drops like a stone with Tony barley catching him.
"Let's get you to bed," Tony says and carries him back to bed.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Peter was back at the sleepwalking. Only this time he decided he wanted cookies.
And that's why Tony found him at 2:18 AM covered in flower and other cooking ingredients, holding an empty bowl with a pile of flower, eggs, milk, and other things under it. He was also stirring the empty bowl with a whisk.
"Peter, I will never understand you," Tony says and quickly leads him back to bed.
************
Peter was hyped. He had read somewhere that if you put five-hour energy into coffee it'll keep you up for hours. So he decided to try it. He just went a little overboard. He currently was shaking so bad he couldn't write his History Essay which was the whole point.
A phone call to Tony was in order.
"Tony?" He asks but his voice is pitching everywhere and shaking.
"Yeah, kid?" Tony asks confused as to what was going on.
"Is it bad to put ten five hour energy drinks in a thermos of coffee? I read it was fine but I'm not feeling so good," I say and hear silence on the other end of the line.
"I'm on my way," Tony says and hangs up.
***********
Peter needed to get to school. Both him and Tony forgot so that's why they were in a car barreling towards Midtown. Peter was dressed, kind of.
Sure, he had clothes on his body, but they were pajamas. Iron man pajamas to be exact. Tony was wearing a matching set, spiderman themed of course.
You might me wondering, how did this happen and how didn't they notice.
In the rush of getting lunch, homework done, and getting out of the door in fifteen minutes, the forgot about the pajamas.
Tony pulls in front of the school and the two spring out of the car. They both dash into the school still without noticing the pajamas. The both of them dash to the front office and the straggling kids after the bell gives them odd looks.
They put it down to Tony being Tony Stark.
They rush into the front office and the front desk lady turns to them and her mouth drop open.
"Sorry he's late," Tony says.
"Why are you both in pajamas?" She asks and Tony and Peter turn to each other.
And burst out laughing.
"Whatever, I'll see you after school, dad," Peter says walking off, not caring if he was still in his pajamas.
Headlines the next day displayed pictures of Tony Stark and Peter Parker running into Midtown high with 'Peter Parker, secret love child?' They burst out laughing when they saw that. But even if it wasn't fully true, they both knew they were father and son.
*********************
Peter had a secret. A secret that if the Avengers knew then he would probably be so embarrassed that he wouldn't be able to be around them ever again.
This secret?
He had a collection of Avengers memorabilia hidden in his closet.
Everything from plushies to bobbleheads.
Now it was no longer a secret.
(Switch to Peter's POV)
"What's this?" Clint says and I know he's in my room.
I rush to my room from where I was in the living room with the rest of the team to find Clint looking through my closet and holding an Iron man plushie.
"Put that down!" I yell at the top of my voice and tackle him to the ground trying to pull it out of his hands.
"Ohh, whatcha doing with all this?" Clint asks and I nearly strangle him.
"What is going on here?" Steve asks while walking into the room with the rest of the team following.
"Peter here has a collection of the team's merch," Clint caws and I do wack him upside the head at this.
"Ohhh, is our little spider a fanboy?" Tony says walking up to me.
"Stop!" I say bright red while trying to shove them all out the door.
They all laugh at my antics and then trickle out after looking over everything.
This might just be the most embarrassing day of my life, I think as I plop down onto my bed.
*********************
I was angry.
Very very angry.
Part of the reason is that there is no more chocolate in the apartment and the other part is Spider-Man holding a press conference to tell the world who he was when I was curled up on my couch sick with the flu.
Which is odd because I am the real Spider-Man, not Nevery Williams.
No one had ever tried to say that they were spiderman before but I guess this was to be expected. No one knew who I really was so anyone off the street could say they were Spiderman, probably would be more believable if they were a man but whatever.
I haul myself up and slip into the suit Mr. Stark gave me feeling like throwing up all the while. I teeter on the edge of my window and then fall for a few seconds. I catch myself with a web and my stomach lurches.
I swing myself down to the news station where 'Spiderman' was telling the world who he was. I smack into the window of the filming room and everyone turns to look at the thing that smashed into the Twenty seventh-floor window.
I peel myself off of the window and wait for someone to open it which they do quickly. I crawl into the room and notice all of the cameras are now on me.
My stomach lurches again and I put a hand to my mouth but know I will puke on live television. I peel the bottom of my mask back and puke into the nearest trash can and no one speaks.
"This man is not Spiderman, I am," I say once I am finished puking.
"How can we believe you?" A man asks and I snort.
"I just crashed into your window and crawled on your ceiling. It doesn't really matter anyway as long as you don't really believe this man is me," I say pointing to Nevery Williams who is wearing a really good copy of my suit.
"Will you tell us who you?" A woman asks and I shake my head.
"Nope, I'm going home to watch an anime marathon and eat chocolate," I say and grab the trash can.
"You can leave the trash can, we can take care of it," Another man says and I shake my head.
"Can't have anyone getting ahold on my DNA," I say and make my way out of the building while holding the trash can.
Later that day once I get home, there are stories about Nevery Williams claiming he is Spiderman and then Spiderman showing up and contradicting him. There are also stories about Spiderman throwing up into a trash can and taking it with him along with stories about him buying chocolate at Supermart and liking anime.
Pretty good for having the flu I'd say.
***********************
Peter likes going on runs but no one knows.
He's normal up and back from them by the time anyone else is back in the morning only today be woke up about two hours late so Steve was awake along with Sam.
When Peter comes into the kitchen wearing running shoes, a tank top, and legging, Steve and Sam are surprised.
"What are you doing up Pete?" Steve asks and Peter shrugs.
"I was going to go on my run but I woke up a bit late," Peter says while grabbing a pop tart.
"You want to join us?" Sam asks and Peter shrugs.
"Sure," He says and finishes his pop tart.
The trio makes their way out of the tower and ends up running (more like jogging to Peter) towards central park. They soon reach their destination and end up making loops around a second of green grass.
Steve speeds up when they reach the loop and every time he would pass them, Sam seems to get more and more irritated.
"I wish he could get a taste of his own medicine," Sam mutters but Peter hears.
"What do you mean?" Peter asks Sam.
"Every time we go for a run together we come here and every time we come here and he does that on your left thing. I wish I could do that to him but he's a super soldier," Sam says and Peter gets a wicked idea.
"Then let's give him a taste of his own medicine," Peter says and Sam seems confused.
"Good luck," Sam says and Peter shoots off like a rocket.
It only takes Peter about twenty seconds to catch up to Steve and Peter grins.
"On your left!" He yells while blowing past Steve.
It's another seven on your left's until Steve get's fed up.
"I'm going back to the tower," Steve huffs out of breath on their ninth round.
"I'll race you!" Peter says, not even winded.
"Fine," Steve says thinking that he can at least beat the kid on sprints.
The two of them take off running, leaving Sam screaming behind them to wait.
They full on sprint back to the tower. Peter quickly pulls ahead of Steve and disappears from sight. Once Steve reaches the top floor, he is nearly passed out from exhaustion.
Peter, on the other hand, is sitting calmly on the couch drinking green tea and watching Yuri!!! On Ice.
Steve nearly crawls into the kitchen but Peter gets up, getting something from the kitchen as well.
"On your left," He whispers with a snicker and grabs an ice cream bar before going back into the living room to watch Yuri On Ice leaving a passed out Steve on the floor.
**********************
Peter had a problem.
A simple and yet very complicated problem.
He was a bit of a daydreamer.
It may not seem too bad but he always manages to get himself lost because he was distracted. He even once got lost in the supermarket and nearly gave Aunt May a heart attack.
Tony didn't know about this problem though so when he took Peter to one of the buildings Stark Industry just bought for a field trip, he lost him. Of course, Peter was thinking more about the tiles on the floor which led him thinking to the magic piano app, then paying attention to where he was going.
And Tony was thinking more about how he was going to remodel the building then keeping an eye on Peter. In his defense, Peter turned eighteen two months ago and should be able to take care of himself, right?
Wrong!
That's how Peter was on the complete opisit wing then Tony.
"Mr. Stark?" Peter asks after finally ending the game of magic piano he was playing with the tiles.
Mr. Stark was no where to be found.
I didn't lose him, did I?
Peter thinks to himself while looking around.
So yes, Peter gets lost every once and awhile.
Peter soon finds someone to take him back to Tony and he gets a stern scolding for running off without telling Tony with Tony not even letting him tell him he was playing magic piano in his head.
%%%%%%%%%
Peter was lost again, though this time he had a good reason.
The zoo was crowded and ok, he may or may not have gotten distracted looking at the spiders while Tony left.
Peter was pretty calm about it.
Tony?
Not so much.
Tony was currently freaking out and looking everywhere for his son not really son.
By the time Tony finds him, Peter had fallen asleep by the spiders. The only way Tony even found him was because someone had called in a sleeping teenager that they couldn't wake up.
By the time Tony reached Peter, he had already made precautions to never lose him again.
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Tony was planning on taking Peter to a science expo in Italy. One, the science part was really really cool. And two, Peter was half Italian and had once told Tony he wanted to go back to his roots in Italy.
So holding two birds with one hand.
Peter sees the science stuff and also gets to explore Andrea where his father was from.
Only this time Tony was prepared.
"Why do I have to wear these?" Peter asks pulling at the shirt he had on and the metal bracelet he was currently sporting.
"Because I am not losing you again," Tony says while checking that the tracking device is on in the bracelet.
"Then what's with the shirts?" Peter asks looking at Tony's matching deep red shirt with white letters saying 'I AM IRONMAN' on the front.
Peter had a matching one that said 'If Lost Return to IronMan'. It was utterly embarrassing and yet it was really funny.
"So people know who to take you to when you get lost," Tony says and Peter rolls his eyes
"I'm not going to get lost," He says with a huff.
Two hours later, a nice Italian lady is leading Peter through the crowd looking for IronMan.
*******************
Ok, Ned and I had a pretty good idea, at least that's what we thought. How is it fair that Susan, Edmond, Peter, and Lucy get to come out of a wardrobe saying 'we're back from Narnia' when Ned and I can't.
Ok, to be fair we were in Ikea and hiding in the wardrobes and saying that when someone opened them to look in and scared the crap out of a lot of people.
It wasn't really my idea, it was Ned! Yet we were both quickly kicked out and banned from the store for the near future.
What's really embarrassing is telling Tony all of this when he tried taking me in to shop for new furniture for his house.
Note to self, don't hide in Ikea wardrobes and scar the crap out of people.
**********************
There was a tradition for becoming an Avenger. One, a big party is held. And two, Tony buys you whatever you want.
For Steve, it was a bunch of punching bags. For Nat, it was a bunch of guns. But I wanted something simple, a Netflix account. Only he said 'I want Netflix'. To everyone else but Tony, that meant he wanted a Netflix account.
To Tony?
That meant the whole company.
Let's rewind to the party.
"You go get em Peter!" MJ yells over the load music as I get onto the dance floor.
"Why am I doing this again?" I ask her and she just cackles.
"Because I still have those baby photos of you," She says and I flush.
"I think this may be worse," I say but dance non the less.
Well, if they wanted a show, they would get a show.
I am panting by the end but the whole team is cheering and whistling.
"That was great Pete. I nearly forgot to give you these," Tony says and hands me a stack of paper.
I look down and rifle through the papers not understanding.
"What is this?" I ask and Tony frowns.
"Netflix. You said you wanted it, didn't you?" Tony asks concerned and I look up at him trying to hold back a laugh.
"I meant an account! Not the whole company!" I say and the whole team plus MJ and Ned burst out laughing.
"Oh, well welcome to the team anyway," Tony says and I snort.
"Thanks, old man," I say with a smile.