requested by: animerose1413
**note: this is set in the reader's perspective for us to fully understand the reason why she acts so cold**
song on top: Hellevator by our stray kings 👑 :')
first person
genre: fluff, angst, ft. Bang Chan
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I came from a really rich family. My parents are both owners of one of Korea’s top entertainment industries, like JYP, SM, and YG. And since I was just an only child, I could easily get what I wanted. Whenever I want something—be it an expensive watch, or something as little as an ice cream cone, my mom and dad would not hesitate to give it to me. I did not even need to say it twice. They would always give me everything that my heart and eyes desire.
Because maybe that’s the only way they knew how to show their love for me.
They were both too busy with our family business since I grew up and seldom spend time with me. I don’t even remember any good memories that they were both by my side. I always eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner alone. Our maids were the only ones who would accompany me, and they would never talk whenever I’m around. They would only speak to each other when they’re outside, or when they’re in their sleeping quarters.
My parents were always so busy to the point that they must’ve forgot about their only daughter waiting for them to come home.
Maybe that’s why they poured their ‘love’ through the things that I asked for them. Toys? Gadgets? Clothes? Accessories? Concert tickets? I like it, I want it, name it, I got it. They thought that the most expensive things in the world could compensate my need of feeling their arms around me and their kisses on my cheeks. They thought that worthless, meaningless stuff were enough to fulfill their duties as my parents.
As I grew up, I became aware of the environment around me. Everyone was so happy, always talking about their happy lives despite their financial troubles. I was jealous, and that’s when the hate started.
Everybody around me hated me so much. They often called me different names—each holding their desire to skin me alive. Spoiled brat, arrogant, bitch, devil, and so on. But I didn’t care. In fact, their sour grapes about my attitude and behavior just fueled my interest on how to get their asses out of my sight.
Over the years, I would do stupid things to the maids for them to leave. I would sneakily grab their clothes and burn them; I would pour beverages over their face; I would put insects in their quarters; and the list goes on. I know, as cruel as it may seem, it was the only way I could think of to make my parents’ attention dart to why I was acting like that.
I thought that maybe if there were no more maids to guide me, they would go home and take care of me—like real parents would. I thought that if I do all those cruel things, they would make time for me and abandon their job for just a little while to make me feel that I’m loved and not just a random toy that they got for display.
I have always wanted my dad to ride with me whenever I got to school. I have always wanted my mom to make me breakfast and we three would eat our food together. I have always pictured a happy family in my dreams—but sadly, reality is a bitch and somehow didn’t want me to become happy.
But no matter how hard I tried, my parents didn’t seem to care. Whenever a maid would leave, they would always find a replacement. And the cycle goes on and on and on. But I didn’t stop, I didn’t give up. As I grew up I did more stupid, childish things and pranks, but it was frustrating.
Begging for your parents’ love and attention is tiring. It was like the loneliness was living inside me and is slowly consuming me.
One time I remember during my elementary days, I was only eight years old back then. There was a family day at our school, but despite the fact that it was going to be a fun day for all of the students and the school staff, I wasn’t ecstatic about the event. I never expected my parents to be there for me, anyway. But I still told them about the event.
To my surprise, they actually said yes and they were going to be there since their business trip to China was already finished. And since I was so surprised that day, I spend the entire evening jumping up and down my bed and dancing nonstop. I couldn’t stop smiling, because I was looking forward to that day. I was looking forward to our first ever family bonding.
And, the maids noticed my sudden change of behavior. For a whole week before the designated date, I did not do anything bad to them. I stayed put, with the same happy smile still on my face. And for the first time, they were happy. They thought that I became kind, and that I have gotten rid of my childish pranks. But what they don’t know is that I was happy because I am finally getting the recognition from my parents that I truly dreamed of having.
But when the day arrived, my parents were nowhere to be found. I asked a maid, and she said that they left early in the morning for another business trip in Germany.
There goes all the planning and preparing. Pointless.
Still, I went to school. The only difference is that I had my signature scowling expression, with two maids accompanying me. The event was already starting when we arrived, and all my schoolmates were having fun with their own families. They all looked so happy, and it made me feel jealous, sad, angry, embarrassed, and unwanted.
Here I am, with my maids on Family Day, while there they were, with their parents.
Since then, I started to hate my parents.
They never had time for me. Why did my mom even give birth to me when she and my dad didn’t have the ability to look after me, and let other people do their job?
Bullshit.
Since that day, I built a wall around me. I resumed doing bad things to the maids—but this time, it was worse. I would pour paint over their faces, I would shave their heads, I would put red ants inside their clothes. It got to the point where they were all crying and begging for me to stop.
It was cruel, but at that time I felt so inhuman. I didn’t feel any emotion, no remorse, no pain, no sadness, no joy, no anything. I had gone numb.
Until I went to high school.
Back then, I thought that adolescence would be the stage where teenagers would be carefree, reckless and wild. And my thoughts were proven to be true. I started to become a rebel, always sneaking outside to get to weeknight parties. I still did not have any friends due to my changeable and cold persona, but I was one of the popular kids. The only thing was, I didn’t have anyone I can trust.
Then came a fortunate day. I met Chan.
It was as early as five am. I was already up that day, because I was feeling really hungry and was craving honeyed chicken. I, dressed in my uniform, went to the nearest convenience store and went to the counter to order the last of the honeyed chicken I want, but someone had already ordered and paid for the said food before me.
Feeling defeated, I was about to leave the store when a guy stopped me. When I looked up, I noticed that it was one of my classmates. Chan was his name, I think?
“Here,” was the first thing he said to me and handing me the chicken, neatly wrapped in fresh brown paper.
“It’s yours,” he smiled. “I’m Chan. You look hungry, so you,” he put the box into my hands, “take it.”
Shyly, I took it. It was the first time someone had actually acknowledged me not because of my looks, but because of how I was really feeling. It was nice.
Since that day, I started to grow fond of Chan. He became my friend, someone who listens to my everyday whining and problems. In turn, I listened to him as well, and we helped each other out whenever we need it.
“Chan?” I asked one day.
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever thought about being adopted?”
That’s right. Chan had been an orphan since he was a baby. He was left with the nuns to be taken care of, along with the other children. He grew up in the orphanage his whole life, and is now helping out with taking care of the younger kids in the institution. He is planning to do music in the future, something that he had grown to love.
“Well, yeah,” he nodded, “but then I’d have to leave all the kids and the nuns that have been there as witnesses of my life. So, I’d have to choose a family that’s living not too far from the orphanage.”
One Saturday, Chan spilled out his heart to me.
He was adopted when he was five years old, by a family he didn’t want to name. He was treated like family at first, and the parents never made him feel like an outsider. He was happy until he turned six. His foster parents’ business grew, and they lost time for him. Moreover, they were having their own baby, making Chan feel like he had been deprived of love.
So, without letting them know, he escaped. He grabbed all of his things and went back to the orphanage, begging the nuns to not let his foster parents know about his whereabouts and condition, saying that he was not happy anymore with them. Reluctantly the nuns agreed, and up to that day, Chan had the orphanage as his home.
“But you’re gonna leave the orphanage now,” I smiled to him and brought out an envelope.
“Why?” he asked, taking the envelope.
“Open it.”
Chan opened the envelope and took out the paper, and what he saw made him widen his eyes.
“I-I’m adopted?”
“Yep,” I grinned and latched onto his arm, letting my head fall to his shoulder. “Welcome to the family, brother.”
“Wow, this is...wow.” Chan smiled the brightest, and nothing, even the stars could compare. I was the happiest back then, because I know, for a fact, that I will be acknowledged now.
He knew what we both needed—love.
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I was just a kid back then, but I felt different kinds of pain. I was living in a world where the people around me didn’t really care about me. I thought that they didn’t know that I lived, that I existed somehow at some point. My eyes became cold, a stark contrast to that of a child’s, whose parents have acknowledged him and given him all the loved that he wanted, needed, and deserved.
Back then, I didn’t know what kindness meant. In my eyes, all the people who came to me all have different hidden agendas. That’s why I isolated myself, adjusted my armor, built a wall around me and hid myself away in my own shadows, my own hermitage. Although it seemed lonely, I somehow found my happiness in being alone, but I know that deep inside me, I knew that I was searching, waiting for someone who’s strong enough to accept me and to pull me out of the darkness and into the light that I was longing for.
Just then, when I arrived from school, I was greeted by the empty mansion that my stepbrother Chan and I lived in. My parents where in God knows where, but I don’t really care. I went upstairs and changed my clothes, and I was about to lie in my bed to start binge watching the next episode of Touch Your Heart when I heard the front door open, followed by the sound of Chan’s loud voice.
“(Y/N)!” he yelled. “I’m home!”
I quickly ran out of my room and descended from the stairs, running up to Chan and hugging him real tight. Perhaps the force was too much for us to handle, since my hair tie fell to the ground.
When I removed my arms around Chan, my eyes drifted to the male beside him, and I frowned.
“Chan,” I say, “who is he?”
“His name is Felix,” he replied. “He’s a new butler.”
This Felix guy was still in his uniform, his hair tousled and messy. He had freckles dusting his cheeks, and his face was contorted into a smiling expression, almost vibrant and bright. I would be lying if I didn’t say that he was an attractive person, but his outer appearance didn’t catch my attention that much. When our eyes met, he smiled really widely. He smiled as if he was looking at the most beautiful thing he had seen. He was tall, and his body was well-built. I noticed that he had small hands, and I thought they were cute for someone like him.
“Hello,” Felix smiled and bowed 90 degrees, “I’m Felix. And I’m personal assistant. I can pretty much do anything, and I will be at your service whenever you need it. Also—”
“Shut up,” I sassed coldly, my usual uninterested façade masking the fast pace of my beating heart. I grabbed Chan’s arm and dragged him a few meters away from Felix.
“What the hell, Chan?” I say and grit my teeth. “I’m not a kid anymore, and I don’t need a sitter. Plus, I don’t think he can last three days here. And he’s a guy. Why in the world would you—”
“He’s my best friend,” he cuts me off, “and he needs my help. I know he wouldn’t do anything bad to you because I’ll shave his head if he does. And I’m—”
“You’re leaving?” It was now I who interjected. “Where? When? For how long?”
“It’s obligatory, babygirl,” Chan ruffled my hair. “I need to go back to Korea. Changbin and Jisung need my help.”
“Can I just go with you?” I pleaded, not wanting to be in the same house as his friend. Although he was close with my brother, I’m not going to let Felix stay in this house with me. Who knows, he might do something that I don’t like. “I promise I won’t cause any trouble. Besides, I hate school anyways, and I don’t care about that place. I don’t want to be near Banana Peel—”
“His name is Felix,” he corrected me.
“Whatever,” I groaned. “But I don’t want you to go. He’s attractive, I know, and I’m not in the mood to do stupid things to him.”
“(Y/N),” Chan held my shoulders comfortingly. “I’ll still stay here for two days more for the exams. But Felix will stay here too, so you can be comfortable with each other. I’ll just take the exam, and then off I’ll go with my flight.”
“Ugh, fine,” I gave in and pouted, “but you better bring me gifts when you get back from Korea.”
“Aye aye, captain,” he mocked a salute and grinned. “Now go, meet Felix. And be nice to him.”
“Fine,” I grumbled, “but don’t put the blame on me if he couldn’t stand this bitch.” I pointed to myself.
Chan laughed and ruffled my hair softly, “Alright. Just don’t make him leave within a month.”
“I hate you so much, you know that?”
Chan held a thinking face, his lips pursed in a playful smile. “Hm? The last time I checked, I was the only one who put up with your antics. You can’t hate me.”
I sighed in defeat, “You’re right.”
With a smile, Chan brought me to Felix, who was still standing in the doorway awkwardly. Chan let go of me and wrapped an arm around Felix, saying that he will show him around the house.
Huffing, I went back up to my room and locked the door, not wanting to meet Felix anytime soon.
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