"When people treat you like they don't care, believe them."
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28.
M&M's
The silence in the car did nothing to help me with the nervousness that was bubbling up inside my chest. I knew I was with Jimin, and I (kind of) trusted him too, but I was still so nervous. Spending God knows how long in a resort, alone with someone I was starting to have feelings for was definitely a very daunting and bad idea.
Now that I was sitting next to Jimin, I couldn't help but glance at him, all the while fidgeting with my hands, a habit I didn't notice I had, until I was in the presence of Jimin.
"Are you okay, Eun Hee?" Jimin's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked.
He glanced at me. "Are you alright? You've been fidgeting since you entered the car. I can practically feel the nervousness or stress or whatever it is radiating off you, and honestly, it's making me worried and nervous too. What's up?"
"I-I'm fine. It's n-nothing," I stammered.
"I can see that clearly. Come on, Eun Hee. Tell me what's wrong? Are you worried about the reporter creating scandals about you? I told you not to worry ab...."
"I'm... I'm not worried about that," I said, softly.
"Then what? What's worrying you, Eun Hee?" He asked.
You, Jimin. You are worrying me. My feelings for you are worrying me.
The way my heart seemed to race, the way my thoughts jumbled up and the way I was so attracted to Jimin worried me, and these things were worth worrying about. Jimin and I, we were two very different people, and we definitely didn't have a chance. He could get anyone he wanted.
"Nothing," I murmured, looking out of the window and at the blurry mess of tress and occasionally a sign board passing by.
In a way, I could relate to these blurry messes. My life had been a blurry mess since I first met Jimin. It seemed like a long time since I had first met Jimin on that damned balcony of the building. He had been smoking and, God, it did things to me. Even though I hated smoking and didn't want Jimin to smoke either, he still looked extremely attractive when the cigarette was placed between his lips.
His lips.
I glanced at his lips. And how much I wanted to kiss them.
Shaking my head, I decided that if I didn't want to get myself hurt, I should stop thinking like that about Jimin. I should avoid getting close to Jimin at all costs. Even though I had to spend the few incoming days with him. Alone.
I was lost deep into thoughts and I didn't know when I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was confused at first, sitting up straighter in the leather seat, anxiety seeping in at waking up in a unknown place. Within seconds, realisation dawned upon me, and I relaxed. I was still in Jimin's car, and a thin blanket was draped over me.
How did this get here?
I looked around to notice that the car was parked in front of a petrol pump but Jimin was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, the door opened and Jimin bent down to look at me, a small smile on his face.
"You're awake. Do you need something?" He asked.
Now that I thought about it, my bladder was full and felt like it was going to burst any second now. I didn't want to have any accident in Jimin's car. So I nodded.
"Yes. I need to..uh...use the restroom," I said.
"Well then, come on. We've to hurry because we have to reach there before the sunset," he said, and then shut the door.
I removed the blanket and put it in the back seat. Getting out of car, I was hit by cool air. Taking in a deep breath, I brisk walked (almost ran) to the restroom. What else could I have done?
I could hear Jimin's chuckles from where he was standing.
Shut up.
Cursing at him mentally, I entered the restroom and had to stop myself from gagging from the smell in the toilet.
Don't they clean these restrooms?
I hurriedly did my business, washing my hands, I practically ran out of the filthy toilet. If I stayed there a few minutes more, I would've fainted. Jimin had now parked he car in front of a store now, leaning against the bonnet of the car. He looked so fucking attractive that a shiver ran down my spine.
Shut up, Eun Hee. Remember? No such thoughts about Park Jimin. Okay?
Scolding myself mentally, I walked towards Jimin. He looked up, and he must've seen the horrified and disgusted look upon my face, that he let out a chuckle.
"That's why I don't use the toilets at stations. They're disgusting," he said.
"Well, my fucking bladder needs to know that," I muttered, a sour expression on my face.
He looked at me with an amused smile and an amused glint in his dark eyes.
"What?" I snapped.
"Woah there, tiger. No need to get snappy. I was wondering do you need any snacks to eat? It's still a good two hours from here," he said, glancing at his watch.
Food.
My ears perked up at that, an excited smile spread across my face.
"Fuck yeah. I'm hungry," I said.
I hadn't realised that I wasn't nervous anymore. Maybe sleep had helped me, or maybe it was the thought about food that calmed me down. It was probably the latter.
Jimin was looking at me with an amazed expression. There was this indecipherable emotion in his eyes but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. He was making me nervous again with his intense gaze.
"What are you looking at?" I stammered, and then mentally slapped myself for being affected by just his gaze.
"Nothing. Let's go," he said after a few seconds, and started walking towards the store.
Shrugging, I followed him.
The sight of food had always been my weakness, and now that I had filled the trolley with so many different snacks and sodas, I wasn't even ashamed of myself. Even though Jimin's amused expression was making me feel a bit uncomfortable and a bit guilty. Just a teeny tiny bit guilty. It wasn't like I was going to pay for this. Jimin was. So I should've felt a bit ashamed but I wasn't, not even a little bit. Well, a girl needs her food.
"That's all?" He asked. And, then, added, "Are you sure you don't want anything else? I mean I think you must've missed one or two snacks. Don't you think?"
I gave him an unimpressed look and rolled my eyes. And there it was again. The amused look in his eyes. What was so amusing about me with food? Okay I knew it was a lot of food. Like a lot. But as I said a girl needs her food.
I hadn't realised I was so comfortable in his presence now. Sleep and food did wonders.
"No. I'm sure I've got everything I need. Now let's go. I'm hungry," I said, putting a hand on his forearm and squeezing it, without realising.
My eyes widened as the realisation dawned upon me, as my heart fluttered.
"Okay, Miss Eun Hee. Or should I say soon-to-be Mrs Eun Hee. Because technically you're my fiancée," he said, winking at me, and then turned towards the cashier like nothing happened. Like he hadn't just called me his wife. Soon to be wife.
Heat spread across my cheeks, my breath got caught in my throat.
"I'll....uh....I'll be in the car," I said, and scurried out of the store and into the fresh evening breeze?
The sun hadn't set yet. But the sky seemed like it was going to be covered completely with the dark grey clouds. I opened the door and sat inside the car. It smelled like air freshener, new leather, a hint of cigarette smoke and Jimin.
A few moments later Jimin walked out of the store with four plastic bags in his hands. He put the bags in the back seat, and then sat in the driver's seat, turning on the ignition.
"It seems like it's going to rain soon. We have to to reach my place before that," Jimin said.
I nodded, picking up m&m's from the back seat.
Jimin glanced at me, and then shook his head, a small smile on his face.
"Well, as long as I have food with me, I'm okay," I said, putting a handful of m&m's in my mouth.
I must've looked like a chipmunk but I was starving and I didn't care.
I quietly munched on different snacks, whereas Jimin drove quietly.
"Want some?" I said, extending a packet of chips towards him.
"Eun Hee, babe, do you think I can use my hands for eating while driving?" He said, a smirk on his face.
Babe.
I didn't want to admit it, but whenever he called me babe, my heart fluttered and I felt warm. Just his babe did things to me.
I gulped. Taking out a few chips from the packets, I extended them towards Jimin. Giving me an amused look, he ate them. If someone had told me a few months before that I'd be feeding Jimin with my own hands, I'd had laughed out loud.
"You're lucky because I don't let anyone eat my food, and I don't feed anyone with my hands either," I muttered, munching on a crunchy chips.
"I'm lucky because you like me?" Jimin asked, glancing at me, raising an eyebrow, and then looking back at the road.
My eyes widened.
"What? No. You're lucky because you're driving," I stammered, feeling the heat rising to my cheeks.
"Sure," he said, without looking at me.
I narrowed my eyes.
"It's the truth. Believe whatever you want to."
I focused back on my precious chips.
An hour passed, and the sky had gotten darker. Dark grey clouds covering the whole sky now.
"How long till we reach there?" I asked Jimin.
"An hour. Why?"
I gulped, my palms sweating.
"N-Nothing," I stuttered.
He glanced at me.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"What? Yes. I'm absolutely fine. Why?" I asked.
"Really? You've been fidgeting in your seat again. Don't tell me you need to use restroom again," he said.
"What? No..." I started, but was cut of by the loud sound of thunder.
I shut my eyes. "Oh fuck."
"You're afraid of thunder?" Jimin asked, slowly.
I opened my eyes.
"N-No. I'm not."
"Really? Because it seems like you are."
"I'm no...."
Another thunder sound and I practically jumped in my seat.
"I can see. Well, if you want, you can hold my hand," Jimin said.
Hold my hand.
I didn't want him to know that I was afraid of thunders because of my anxiety. Loud thunderous noises always triggered an anxiety attack. Now that sky had decided it was the perfect day for a thunderstorm, Jimin had come to know about my fear, and he had offered me to hold his hand if I was afraid. What did he think that I was a kid?
"Um. I'm not a kid. I'm fine. Really," I said.
"Well then okay. Your loss," he said, shrugging.
And boom! Another loud sound of thunder was heard and I took Jimin's hand in mine, squeezing it tightly.
"Woah. Okay. It's alright, Eun Hee. It's just thunder."
His thumb was rubbing soothing circles on my hand and it distracted me from the thunder. Just Jimin's hand interlinked with mine was distracting enough. Now my heart was beating fast, and it wasn't because of thunder alone. It was also because of the perfect feeling that Jimin's hand in mine gave off. Our hands fit perfectly.
I shook my head.
"It's not just thunder for me. It scares the crap out of me. So no. It's not alright," I said.
"Okay. Don't worry. I'm right here," Jimin said, his voice low and a soft but sad look in his eyes.
That's the thing that's worrying me, Jimin. You next to me, that's worrying me. Oh Lord, help me spend these days without any problems.
Little did I know what was going to happen to us.
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NOTE: Here's a chapter. Woot woot. A lot of #EunMin moments. Soooo cute. I had fun writing them. Also, thank you so much for nominating Addiction in The Fiction Awards 2019. (If you haven't then please do, if you'd want to. The fiction awards can be found in my reading list. Let's make this book win.)
What are your thoughts about this chapter? Also my CCB readers and old readers must know the difference in this chapter! Right? If you do, please don't mention it in comments because it might give a spoiler regarding CCB.
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Have a good day.
Love, Rose.