»You a shy, why you go and change my mind?
Oh God, make me freeze, look in my eye.
Oh my, look at you, you can't feel high.
To the night, you and me, we gon' ignite.«
Isak ate some raspberries for breakfast.
While he sat in the tram on the way to school, he texted Even.
Isak: Hey Even! It's me, Isak.
Isak waited for Even to respond. It was nerve-wracking.
Even: Halla! Thought you'd never text. ;-)
Isak: Nah, I would never not text you.
Isak cringed at that response. Grr.
Even: Heh :-) Well, I'm done with working at 2 pm today, do you want to hang out?
Isak's heart almost stopped beating. Even was asking him to hang out with him? Wow, what a time to be alive!
Isak: Yeah, I'd love to! I'm going to pick you up after school, I'm getting out there at 3:30 pm.
Even: Okay, see you then. Have a good time at school, Genius Valtersen. ;-)
Isak: Takk. See you later :D
Isak couldn't help but smile.
He hadn't been truly happy in quite a while, so this bubbly feeling that was in his stomach felt weird but good.
The tram stopped and Isak got up.
After greeting his friends and chatting with them, he walked into his classroom.
Luckily his first lesson was biology, which he liked a lot.
During the lunch break, Isak didn't stop texting Even.
"What are you smiling at, Isak?", Mahdi asked, seeing the smile that didn't leave Isak's lips as he was texting with Even.
"Uh, nothing", Isak said, not looking up from the screen.
Magnus joined the three. "Hei gutter!", he chirped, chewing on a piece of bread.
"Hei Magnus", Jonas responded, putting his phone into the pocket of his jeans.
"What are we doing tonight? Any plans?", Magnus asked while he put the rest of the bread back into the bag that he had bought it in.
Jonas shrugged before he said: "Nei, we haven't made any plans yet."
Isak's head shot up. "Hva? What, do you want to go somewhere tonight, Magnus?", Isak asked confused.
"Ja, why not?", Magnus asked back, sounding even more confused.
"Well, it's Tirsdag today. Isn't Friday our 'we're going to a party tonight'-day and not Tuesday?", Isak asked, placing his phone on the table before he took a sip of his coffee.
"Well yeah, but I thought it'd be nice if we all would go out tonight. Since you weren't with us during the weekend and stuff", Magnus said.
Mahdi spun his empty coffee cup around before he asked: "Isak, why don't you want to party with us? Do you've already made plans or what?"
Nobody said anything for a few seconds before Isak cleared his throat.
"Umm yeah, I've already made plans", Isak said, noticing that he'd run out of coffee.
Before Mahdi or Magnus could say anything else, Isak got up from his chair.
"I've run out of coffee, boys. I'm going to Kaffeebrenneriet and buy a new one", he said.
The boys nodded and Isak left.
He walked across the schoolyard and crossed the street. The Café was only a few blocks away, so he would make it back to school on time.
Even was humming along to "5 fine frøkner", cleaning up the kitchen counter.
The Café wasn't too crowded right now, a few people were sitting at the tables.
Isak made his way in, already seeing Even from afar.
Even's back was facing Even, so Isak sat down at one of the tables and pulled out his phone.
He decided to send Even a text message.
Isak: Halla Even. :D
Isak looked up from his phone, waiting for Even's reaction.
Even: Halla Isak. :-)
Another quick look at Even was enough to make Isak happy.
Even was looking at his phone, his face was beaming with happiness because of Isak's text.
Isak: Guess where I am right now.
Even: Hopefully not in a class, because I don't want to distract you or anything.
Isak: Nei, nei. Don't worry, it's lunch break now.
Even: Nice! Umm, you're at the schoolyard, chatting with your friends?
Isak: Nope, I already did that.
Even looked up from his phone, slowly turning around.
Isak waved at him.
Even: Oh my god, you're here!
Isak: Yeah <3
Oh boy, oh boy. Hopefully Even didn't mind him sending a heart.
Even: I'm gonna come over now. <3
Isak sighed relieved, glad that Even had sent a heart back.
Isak: Okay. Can't wait!
Even made his way over to Isak.
His elegant body moved gracefully and he looked like a model in his apron.
His hair looked softer than ever and his lips, oh his lips. They looked so kissable.
Wait, what was he thinking? Good god, Isak, stop it, Isak scolds himself.
I'm not gay, Isak thought.
"Halla", Even's deep but soft voice spoke.
It sent chills down on Isak's spine. Chills, that felt warm and nice.
"Halla", Isak responded, smiling softly. "I want to drink a coffee", he said, coming straight to the point.
I might not be straight, Isak thought. But then he brushed it off. Even probably has this effect on everybody, he said in his head.
"I guess you were having a cappuccino in mind, yeah?", Even asked, cocking his eyebrows and licking his chapped lips.
It wasn't that warm in Norway, even though it was May, so the slightly cold air was responsible for dry lips and dry skin in general.
"Y-yeah, that's r-right", Isak slightly stuttered. God, why did he stutter all over sudden? He never did that. Never ever.
Even got up and made Isak his coffee. After Isak had paid, he walked towards the kitchen counter, where the coffees were made.
"And when are you done with work today?", Isak asked before taking a sip from his coffee, realizing that he already knew the answer.
Even turned around. "I'm gonna be done in five minutes. If you're free today, we can hang out afterward", he answered.
A quick look at his watch told Isak, that he had already missed the first lesson after the lunch break.
It was 1:55 pm now and his next and last lesson for the day was geography.
"I'm actually free now. I've already missed my math lesson and I honestly don't want to go to my geography lesson now. I'll be having my next geography lesson tomorrow at 9 am, so it's not hurting me if I skip this geography lesson now", Isak said and Even grinned.
"Okay okay, I see. Well then, I'm going to put my apron off and get my things and then we'll leave", Even said and it was Isak now who grinned from one ear to the other.
After Even had put off his dark blue apron, the two left the Kaffeebrenneriet.
The two took the tram back to Even's house. Luckily, Isak had taken all of his stuff with him before he had left his friends, so he didn't have to go back after school to go and get his stuff.
The two arrived at Even's place. Isak met Even's parents.
They were absolutely amazing, so nice and friendly.
Isak felt immediately at home.
In Even's room, the two talked about a lot of things.
Isak explained his eating disorder to Even, at least he tried to.
Even showed interest and understood what Isak said.
In return, Even explained his bipolar disorder to Isak.
Isak had always tried to avoid mental illnesses since his mother got sick and he as well.
But when it affected him, he felt like he had to learn something about it and educate himself at least a bit.
"And have you ever been in a relationship?", Even asked after a while.
The blood in Isak's veins went cold for a second. He took a deep breath.
"Ehm no, no I have never been in a relationship", Isak answered.
It was true. Isak had hooked up with girls and stuff on party's, but he hadn't loved a girl before.
He didn't know why, but girls somehow didn't really do it for him.
Sometimes, during a hookup, it was hard for him to get turned on.
The more Isak thought about it, the more confused he got.
Maybe he was gay. Maybe he had been in denial the whole time.
Maybe that was the reason why he didn't have had any hookups with girls lately.
Girls didn't do it for him.
"Oh okay. Yeah, I have had one relationship with a girl before. But we parted after four years because I realized something", Even said, kind of stopping himself at the end of his sentence.
Isak's breath got shaky. What did Even realize after his four-year-long relationship with a girl?
But Isak was too afraid to ask.
Hold up. "Umm, I'm sorry for asking, but what did you realize?", Isak asked.
His lips had gotten dry, he almost didn't dare to lick them. For whatever reason.
"I- uhh, I- umm, oh would you look at the time! It's 7 pm already!", Even said, changing the subject all over sudden.
Isak frowned. Maybe Even was uncomfortable to say it? They didn't know each other for that long after all.
No. Isak wanted to know now.
"You can trust me, I won't ever say it to anyone. I promise", he said, his heart skipped a beat.
Isak could see how Even gathered all the courage he had before he finally said: "I'm not straight. I always thought I was, but I wasn't. And, honestly, I'm so sick and tired of pretending. Not many of my friends know that because I always pretended."
Even sighed, visibly relieved.
It hit Isak like a truck.
Flashback
"Wow Isak, you've got massive game!", Magnus said jealousy was in his voice.
Isak faked a smile.
He had been doing that quite a lot lately, ever since the guys got insanely keen on the whole hooking-up-thing.
Isak was tired of faking the massive game he had going on.
Because in reality, most of the girls he hooked up with didn't even get into his pants. Hell, they often didn't even get to suck him off. Isak was too afraid of not getting turned on when they wanted to suck him off.
It happened twice and it didn't have to happen again.
He was still a virgin, which his friends didn't know.
They were supposed to believe that Isak was a confident boy, who was a chick-magnet and heterosexual as hell.
Faen, heterosexual as hell. That's what he wanted them to think of him.
Isak had been playing this little game for quite a while now.
The first time he was interested in a boy, he was sixteen.
Jonas had caught his attention, Isak had had some wet dreams about him.
But Isak never confessed his feelings to Jonas, too afraid that he could ruin their friendship.
And that fear of his interest in boys turned into hate.
Not hate towards other gay people, but towards himself.
Isak started to hate himself for finding boys attractive.
Self-harm seemed him like a good venting method to forget his life at home and to punish himself for having wet dreams about other boys.
He even stopped consuming adult videos. Yeah, he stopped consuming adult videos, because he didn't want to give himself any pleasure at all.
So he started to lie.
He lied about hooking up with girls, he actually only had done that for about two months.
Isak couldn't take any more disappointed, half-naked girls storming out of the bathroom, quickly putting their shirts back on.
And he couldn't stand to wake up the next morning, seeing some hickeys or tasting the lipstick of the girls that had kissed him.
Crying was a thing that Isak started to do more and more often until he cried every single night.
He hated himself so much, not only because of his eating disorder.
But also because he kept on locking himself up in the closet that was filled with lies and self-harming.
Countless gay-tests, cuts, and coffees later Isak came to the realization, that this couldn't continue.
But then his eating disorder got in the way. As in 'hey, let this young boy blackout in school'.
After that, his friends and Eskild caught up on it.
And the whole inner 'am I gay or not?' debate kind of stopped.
Eventually, Isak got his life together. At least for a brief moment.
One day, it had to happen: Isak went into that one Café and that certain guy brought him his coffee.
Since then, the inner debate started all over again.
Isak was here now, here at a difficult place.
Was he gay or not? He was too afraid to openly talk about, so he did some more tests.
Of course, nothing changed.
But being near Even made Isak feel a certain way.
He finally felt good.
Was that the feeling of finally accepting himself?
Isak only knew one thing for sure.
He finally wanted to know what was going on with him.
Even if he had to try something out, that he could regret.
End of Flashback
Slowly but surely, Isak came back to reality.
Even had prepared two joints for each of them, he had already gathered everything he needed to make them earlier before the two had decided to sit down on one of his windowsills.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours?", Even asked, smiling softly at Isak.
The younger boy slowly smiled back, tears started to pool his eyes.
It was time.
He didn't want to play this fucked up version of 'hide and seek' anymore.
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(Wortcount: 2290 words)
Sorry, if some things are confusing right now.
Everything will get clearer as the story will go on, trust me.