Empty.
That's how I felt inside.
Endless void overshadowed all my senses as my eyes were fixed on the flower patterned envelope in my hands.
Normally, I would have jolted, flinched, beamed or showed any reaction when Jimin appeared in front of me.
But this time, I didn't.
His tone was cautious as he whispered, "Lyn?"
My mouth was heavy, uttering a word was grueling.
He sat beside me all the while looking at me worriedly. "Baby?"
Heaving a sigh, I finally sounded, "Hm?"
He brought his hand up to tuck some hair strands behind my ear and caressed my cheek while holding my jaw.
"You cried a lot... Did you... know about it?"
After a brief pause, I nodded slowly. "She told me."
Sighing, he shifted his gaze to my hands. "What did you do today?"
I only scanned my room and kept quiet.
"For me... I... sent her to her next life..."
My hold on the envelope tightened, crinkling the paper around its edges as my face twisted in pain. The reality was sinking into my brain once again, snapping me from my daze.
She's gone now...
She's really gone...
I closed my eyes as my tears welled up.
Don't fucking cry again, Lyn. What did Rena tell you?
"You have to be strong, Lyn," Jimin added salt to my wound. "I know her death is agonizing to you but don't let your feelings hurt you. You must stay strong."
Clenching my teeth, I shot him a glare through teary eyes. "It's easy for you to say. What do you know about feelings, hm? What do you know about the pain of losing someone who was so dear to you?"
His eyes went round as he stared at me in shock. "I-"
I snatched my hands away from his hold and turned away. "Reapers like you take away souls, so why are you trying so hard to act so innocent right now? Leave me be Jimin... If I die, then I die... It's fine if I die... I can't let Rena go alone like this."
He jumped off from the bed before yelling, "Lyn, are you even listening to yourself?! What are you even saying?! How do you think those who are staying behind would feel if you just threw away your life like this?! How would your parents feel?! This feeling you're feeling, they will experience it ten times stronger!"
I swallowed hard, unable to say anything back.
He was right after all.
"Leave me alone," I mumbled while staring at the wall.
"I will," he whispered with hoarse voice, "but we're going somewhere before that."
With bloodshot eyes, I looked up at him in confusion. "Where?"
He squatted down before me and held my hands. "You'll be staying at a hotel with me for tonight, okay?"
"W-What," I stammered. "Why at a hotel?"
His eyes softened as they searched mine, echoing urgency and insistence. My breathing halted and I went rigid under his gaze.
"It's for your own sake... Your life is on the line right now."
After a brief silence, I nodded slowly. I shouldn't argue against him when he's looking so desperate.
He nodded in relief and suddenly hugged me.
"Wha-"
"We're teleporting," he whispered into my ear. "I can't risk anything."
I obliged silently, fluttering my eyes closed.
"I'll go and make the reservation. You stay here."
He broke the hug and swiftly stood up before walking away.
I opened my eyes to find myself inside a hotel room, sitting on a bed instead of mine. A very luxurious one much to my surprise.
Our conversation just started sinking into my brain only then.
I lashed out at him.
Because of my emotions, I spouted such harsh words and the guilt was slowly creeping up my spine before swallowing me whole.
Because of my stubbornness, I wasn't going to apologize.
Stuck in between the two, I only wanted to end the day fast. And that was to sleep quickly.
Since I didn't have my pajamas with me, I just laid on the bed in my casual clothes and pulled the covers over myself.
I heaved a sigh and waited for sleep to take me over.
But it was endless thoughts that took me over instead.
Will he be punished again for preventing my death? Or will they do something even more horrible to him...?
Undoubtedly, coming to realize that my life would be ending tonight was terrifying. It was a news I never thought that I would hear this soon...
Death has always been such a painful subject. It brought such agonizing experiences that left me fearing it more and more each time.
It's inevitable, cruel and unexpected.
If I was a reaper, I would have been a really bad one who just couldn't stop saving all the people she was supposed to bring in. But that's not right.
Is it really okay for me to have Jimin save me and let him suffer again?
Even if my life was in danger because of him, I didn't regret having him in it at all. That's why I couldn't let him go through another painful experience.
What if... I-
"Lyn," he growled beside me as his hand grabbed my shoulder, making me jolt up and yelp in surprise. "What are you even thinking?!"
I didn't notice him walk back in and sit on the bed next to me as I was too deep in thought.
I sat up, looking at him with a distressed expression. "Jimin..."
"I already told you that I didn't care about pain," he started rambling. "Physical pain won't even compare to the pain I would feel if I lost you without doing anything! I wouldn't even want to continue existing anymore, you dumb woman! You must know the value of life by now... How could you think that there's something more precious than your life?!"
"I do," I retaliated. "I do understand the value of life, but I can't not worry about you! What if they do something even more horrible to you?! What if they erase your existence like they did to that other reaper?! What then, Jimin?! Dying and being reborn is better than you being erased from the face of this world!"
He ran his hand through his hair frustratedly, disheveling it. "I don't care! I can't let you die when I'm still here with you... It's my fault that you're in danger!" His chest heaved up and down from all the yelling.
A single tear rolled down his cheek and I froze in place.
"I can't accept that they're trying to take you away from me... I wanted to spend all of my life with you... Why can't I be with you? Why can't we just be happy together? Just like you said... Why am I a soul reaper who takes away people's lives? Why am I a soul reaper who puts you in danger every time I come near you? It's not fair..."
Hearing him spill all his emotions, I felt even more miserable. I regretted every word.
"If you die, I'll die with you, Lyn. So don't be stupid... I'm not letting them take you. Your soul belongs to me and me only."
His tears started spilling out and he kept wiping them off with his hands, rubbing his eyes and nose, whimpering and sniveling. My own tears started flowing out seeing his broken state.
I shifted closer to him and pulled his trembling body into my embrace, rubbing his back to pacify his sobbing. His hands clutched my shirt at the small of my back and he laid his forehead on my shoulder.
"My soul belongs to you," I whispered, hoping that my words would soothe him. "My heart, my breath, my love, my life... They all do."
"Lyn," he whimpered, his hold tightening.
So it's okay to let me go... They will stay with you when I'm gone.
He shook his head violently. "No! My heart, soul, life and everything else are yours, so if you die, they die with you... So please don't think that," he let out hoarsely. "Don't you dare go up against me."
I bit my lips. "Are you really sure about this?"
"More than anything."
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A/N: I'm recycling the chapter titles and some scenes that I deleted from here on lol. They fit well
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