CHAPTER FOUR
SOMETIMES PEOPLE FORGET that there is an end. Nothing is forever, no one is forever. A simple fact everyone learns through experience or through facts and research. Death. It is a big bang that will end everyone. Yet it is such a romanticized concept that no one fears it anymore.
The end.
Everyone is afraid of the end. It is not as beautiful as a 'happily ever after', because no one knows what happens after 'ever'. Just presumptions.
Some believe God created Adam and Eve, who were the first people to walk on Earth. And from those two, the entire human race began. Others believe that humans evolved from fish, that turned into land animals and soon into the 7 billion people residing in this planet.
Either way, there was a beginning, a middle, and all that's left is the end.
So when will the end come?
Doomsday.
The Day of Judgement.
The Day of Reckoning
The End.
Everyone is slightly obsessed with the end. Everyone believes in different ways the human race will go out. Whether it be a zombie apocalypse or with an asteroid, there will come a point in one's life where they will wonder: "Will we go out with a bang, or with a whimper of defeat?" Everyone hates spoilers, though.
Now, humans have reached a point where they are gripping on their seats, biting their nails, wondering: when, why—how it will all end.
How will it all end?
Islam, Christianity, Judaism, these religions may not have a lot of similarities, but they do share one same concept, and that is the concept of the 'Day of Judgement'. How it will all end. A theory that is so powerful it creates fear in many, stopping them from doing something 'sinful'.
It paints a picture of paradise for believers and a fiery pit for nonbelievers. Fear and faith work hand in hand to create the most powerful believers. But what are believers afraid of? God? The end? Their sins? Themselves? In the end, is it truly a happily ever after for those believers? Some will say 'yes' others will scoff at the thought of a happily ever after.
Yet curiosity will continue to latch onto their minds until the end will finally come. Fear and faith may work hand in hand, but in the end, it is fear that stops humans, not faith.
"Don't you have faith in us?"
"I have faith in no one but myself."
"Not even God?"
"Not even God."
Venus had never sounded more dead.
In every good book or movie, there's going to be a climax, where it leaves the audience biting down on their fingernails. Will he do it, or will he not? Will they, won't they. Stay, don't leave. He's behind the door. No not him! — Books, movies, art in general plays with simple feelings that reside in the minds—the souls of humans. Its twists and turns throw people off guard but that isn't enough for them to get off the ride they signed up for in the first place.
Life is just like a book, or movie. There's a beginning, a middle and an end. Life plays tricks on humans, simply because it can. It introduces characters into their lives and makes them fall in love with them, only to snatch that very character away.
Why?
Just like a book, or movie, there is a lesson that lies within. It may take seconds to figure out what that lesson was, or it may take all of eternity. But there is a reason life is the way it is. There is a reason why life is so cruel to some and blissful to others. Many have figured it out already, others are waiting patiently just to know, why?
"I prayed to God every single day, just like I was told to do, and Daddy didn't go away. Why doesn't God love me?"
Oh, poor, innocent Venus Wilson, don't worry the end for you is near.
+ + +
Raj hadn't realized that "the ends" could happen even if you were a seventeen-year-old boy. He didn't think anyone he knew would die at such a young age. Then Venus Wilson came into his life and he realized that the end was so near. It loomed so peacefully around the three he was afraid that if he were to blink the dark cloud would consume his breath and snatch his soul. Though death was not there for him, or for Venus in fact. Death always loved playing tricks on the happiest of people...
The first time Raj Khanna had met Venus Wilson, was at a party. It was his first party, but it seemed as if Venus had exited her mother's womb ready to party. That night, Venus Wilson looked drunk, and it scared Raj a little bit. The two were only fifteen at the time, alcohol and drugs were still a sin in their ripe minds. He remembered watching three men around the age of eighteen carry her into a room, and how he just stood there contemplating whether or not to interrupt. Raj knew that those boys weren't simply putting her down to rest. They were going to have a little fun as well.
There was a pause as he watched a girl look at the closed door with a distraught expression and then turn to her friend and let out a shaky laugh. Raj knew who that was, he tutored her in math when he was ten and she was thirteen. Her acne had visibly cleared, or it was hiding under the thick layer of makeup she had applied that had been slightly smudged around. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Raj examining her, which made him snap his head back to the door that created a barrier between him and Venus.
Despite the music, the bickering of three men could be heard from here. Raj dared to look again at the girl who seemed just as worried for Venus as he was, but she had already drifted back into the current of people dancing along with the music. It was up to him now. The decision seemed so simple under theoretical circumstances, but he knew that the second he told those three men what to do, he would be six feet under the floorboards of that room.
Just as he was about to walk away with his cup of water in hand, he halted. A nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach stopped him. It was as if the gravitational pull of the room Venus was in had miraculously increased, and before Raj knew it, he was right outside the door Venus. He watched as his hand reached out to grab and twist the knob. It was as if his brain had gone into autopilot mode and he couldn't control himself. And then he stopped. He let go of the knob and it turned back into its original position. Run Raj, she's drunk she won't remember it anyways! He shook his head rapidly. Once he focused back on the knob he placed the empty cup of water he had been carrying around and barged in.
The bass of the music resonated through Raj's bones as he stood frozen staring at the scene of the captain of the hockey team trying to get Venus to lay down, with her miniskirt hitched up showing her undergarment off. Anger mixed with fear and adrenaline pumped through his veins, the perfect drug. He didn't care if he was a scrawny little freshman who couldn't even defend himself. Raj only knew that he was doing the right thing. That was what he was taught to do: always do the right thing.
"I just took a video of you three trying to take her clothes off, and I'm one tap away from sending this to my father. Who I would like to add, is a lawyer. I would like to take this time to let you three run out of this before I can count down to one."
Surely that was supposed to work. Even if it was all an intricate lie, so believable that for a moment Raj was shocked it had rolled so fluently off his tongue. But when you're Raj Khanna, it doesn't scare a bunch of giant meatheads. So he tried a simple trick. Any jock would succumb to the pressure of one name.
"But I think you boys can buy yourselves out of trouble so how about I send this video to your coaches and make sure you get suspended from playing hockey. Maybe I'll even send it to the college board, gosh don't I love living in a small town where one little mistake defines who you are..."
"Alright, you freak just fucking delete the video and we'll leave. It's not like we were going to do anything with a slut like her."
It was then Raj had learned a simple lesson, once those boys had scurried out of the room. People will only listen when something personal is involved. Hockey was personal to those three. Not a lawyer, not a video, but their reputation. Whether their coaches would believe the scrawny kid who was too small for hockey or not, their reputation would be tarnished in the eyes of other players and coaches.
That night he had stayed with Venus Wilson because he was scared for her. Despite not knowing much about her, he felt a connection with her. And when she woke up the next morning, and Raj explained what had happened she laughed in his face and planted a light kiss on his cheek.
"I don't care what they would do to me. They can't do anything more than what's already happened..."
Those words intrigued Raj. What type of girl didn't care about what could've happened to her? Yet he didn't fathom it much, instead, he focused on the sensation in his heart when she had pressed her cold lips against his warm cheek, and he smiled.
+ + +
Raj's hand rose to brush against his left cheek at the very thought of Venus Wilson, as he flipped through channels. His eyes were shut tight, as the sounds of numerous actors and reporters rang through his ears, bouncing off the walls of the small basement until one certain voice jerked him out of his trance. His eyes almost bulged out of their sockets as he slowly read the headline.
The second he had finally taken in what was printed so brightly on the screen, his phone buzzed beside him. It was almost an automatic response for him to pick up the phone and press it against his ear. Raj didn't bother to greet the person on the other line, he already knew who it was. And she was in no mood for formal salutations, not when the thing she had feared the most had just occurred.
"The news," she finally spoke up. Raj turned down the volume of the lady who spoke into the camera. A picture of Venus was displayed beside her, as she explained the unfortunate night Venus Wilson had died.
"Calm down, end this call and go to sleep. Nothing good will come from panicking," Raj drawled out, even though he, himself was having a mental breakdown inside.
"But I don't understand, so many people die every day. What's so special—"
"Not everyone is the daughter of Malia Wilson," Raj interjected.
Had it been someone else, a random Joe it would've been easier. But of course, their enmity laid with Venus Wilson, the daughter of the most influential women in all of Ontario.
"I don't get it...I just don't get it!"
"You don't have to get it!" Raj hissed, the grip on his phone grew a little tighter the more annoyed he got. "Go to sleep, and don't call anyone else, okay?"
He heard her breath hitch at the tone he had used, she had probably never expected him to use that tone with her — with anyone. But time had created a new Raj Khanna, with the help of Venus Wilson.
He waited for her to end the call, or for her to speak up but she did neither. He knew she was petrified, she was the only one out of the four who genuinely seemed to be scared when they had found Venus' body. Perhaps because she still cared for the devil that wore Louis Vuitton. But that didn't birth fear into his soul, it was the naivety of hers that would land the rest of them in trouble.
If this were any other time throughout the history he shared with the girl on the other side of the call he wouldn't have uttered a single secret to her. She was much too easy to fool into telling the truth. And the truth behind what had happened that dreadful night was consuming every fiber of her being.
"I'm so scared," she whimpered out.
The expression on Raj's face softened, and he bit his lip ultimately stopping himself from apologizing.
He could only imagine how she was tucked away into a corner of her room praying for someone to end the nightmare that she called her life. But this wasn't a nightmare, this was a reality. A sick, twisted reality that they were forced into living in.
"I am too," he managed to whisper out.
Since Halloween, he hadn't allowed himself to feel anything. It was better to be numb than to drown in emotions unknown.
"I was trying to help and I only made it worse." She continued. Raj fidgeted in his position to the point where he couldn't sit down anymore. Instead, he opted for pacing around his basement. "Oh my god," Raj leaned into the phone just at the sound of God. "I killed Venus Wilson," were the only words he could understand through the mess of her thoughts.
For a moment Raj forgot how to breathe. For a moment he had even managed to have forgotten that night, and now it stood in front of him in all its glory. The truth.
"We need to help her! She's dying!"
He could hear her silent sobs, her parents were probably close by assuming their baby girl was asleep. They were probably so oblivious to what their little angel had seen—what she had done.
"Why won't you guys help me!? She's going to die!"
Raj wanted to cry too now, he wanted to curl up into a ball and forget the world. He wanted his parents to console him. But he didn't have those people anymore. And that was because of Venus Wilson.
The fire in Raj's gut ignited and he halted, facing the door that led to the upper portion of the house. Where his family lived. A family he was no longer welcomed in.
"I don't know if there's a pulse!"
He waited for her to calm down, for himself to calm down, but there was no calm before this storm. Calm was just a word in the dictionary, it held no meaning whatsoever. Calm didn't exist in Raj Khanna's life, it never did.
"—What do we do with the body?"
Raj tripped over the rug when he tried to step forward, and fell to the ground, letting out a loud groan. His gaze followed the shiny black object to find it an arm's length away from him. He got on his knees and grabbed the phone once again, half expecting for the line to have disconnected, though to his dismay worried words still emitted from the speaker.
"What happened?" Her voice pierced through the silence gracefully. Soon the reporter's voice drowned the room as well as hers. Raj kissed his teeth, standing on his two feet. It was so much easier to not listen. To not see. To not speak.
For a while he stayed quiet thinking back to why she had even called him so late at night. And then it hit him, she needed someone to coax her. She needed someone to tell her that she wasn't the villain of this story. Raj didn't have any choice but to be that person for her.
"No one killed Venus Wilson," Raj breathed out, "No one killed Venus Wilson." The second time was for him, so he could believe his own words.
They say that if someone says the same thing countless times it can become true. Raj hoped this was one of those things.
"Raj..." It was her turn to doubt his mental state now. Those weren't the words she wanted to hear. Those words only frightened her. "Raj?" Her voice had an edge to it, an edge that made Raj ponder what she was feeling at the moment.
Was she scared that Venus had managed to torture her past her grave? — Raj was.
"No one killed Venus Wilson," Raj said.
Third time's the charm, right?
He banged his head against the wall the TV rested against, as the reporter on it described tomorrow's weather. Raj let out a low laugh. Only minutes ago they were 'mourning' for Venus, and now they were talking about bundling up for the weekend. How pathetic.
"What did I ever do?" He heard her murmur, probably to herself. Her voice was far too quiet for her to be intending it to be heard.
"What happened, Raj!?"
She didn't care.
"Oh no! Did Mr. Khanna see that little picture I sent you?"
She knew he had.
"Tragic."
Yes, it was tragic.
"I guess some secrets are better left unsaid, right Raj?"
Right, Venus.
"—Raj?" Her raspy voice pulled him out of his memories. It was the complete opposite of Venus' silky voice, that held poise in it even when she cursed the living daylights out of someone.
He focused back on his surroundings. Still in the basement, while his parents had their weekly dinner party. Perhaps they had canceled it in the wake of the recent events, or perhaps they hadn't—more to gossip about.
"Do you sometimes wonder," Raj began, thinking back to one of the countless conversations he had shared with his lover. "If we'll go out with a bang or a whimper in the end...?"
"The end?"
"—How is it all going to end?" Raj let out a laugh, so cold that the weather outside felt more like summer compared to it.
"Raj, are you okay?" Her voice was laced with concern once again. He wasn't fine, he was only clinging on to the last bits of sanity in himself with all his might, yet he still slipped into the pool of darkness. He was drowning, he was sinking, he was dying.
"— The end," he mimicked the sounds of a bomb exploding followed by a small chuckle. It was obvious by the change in her breathing pattern that she was growing uncomfortable.
This whole conversation began with consoling her deranged thoughts and ended with Raj voicing his sinister ones.
Raj pulled the phone away from his ear and disconnected the call. The longer he stared at his reflection on the phone's screen the angrier he got at himself. 'This isn't me!' His mind echoed. Raj tore his eyes away, his breaths grew shallow, it felt as if the walls in the basement were closing in. Out of helplessness he let out a loud yell and chucked the phone against the wall. It fell to the ground; in the blink of an eye, it went from perfect to shattered. He laughed at the irony.
"It's just one picture Raj, he's your boyfriend!"
Was.
"I don't think it's a good idea, you know how my dad is..."
Don't do it.
"Oh come on! No one will see!"
Lie.
"Don't you trust me?"
No.
"Of course, I do."
How much does it hurt when the person you trust the most breaks it?
That type of pain is simply immeasurable.
Now when Raj looked at the current situation, his heart plummeted. Venus still managed to win, despite being dead. She would always win. In the end, it was always going be her 'happily ever after'. Even if it was delivered by another foe from her list of enemies.
"In the end, will we go out with a bang or a whimper of defeat?"
"You shouldn't care about the end when you're so far away from it."
Caution: things are closer than they appear.
Raj walked into the washroom, turning on the faucet. He looked at himself and slowly his whole body began to tremble. Tears he had held in for so long had managed to slip through the cracks of his mind, and all he could do was mask them away with the cold water from the tap. When he looked up again, he took one deep breath in.
This isn't you! His mind repeated, but each time it grew harder and harder to convince Raj that the person who looked back at him wasn't really him. This was just the person he had become due to all the horrible things that had happened to him. Where was the old Raj hiding? He wondered about that question as well, until he stumbled into one of his favorite memory...and then he asked himself:
Where was Will Henley's Raj?
Perhaps that Raj was dead, like Will Henley, himself. Cause of death?— Venus Wilson.