A/N: Don't be shy! Let me know what you're thinking. Enjoy!
Elliot was off for the summer and he was enjoying every minute of it. With Olivia being off as well, they got to spend every minute together. While to most people that would be too much and become annoying very quickly, they loved it. They had never gotten an opportunity to spend time with one another uninterrupted like this and being able to spend it with both Olivia and Noah, it was wonderful. Noah was growing so quickly and being able to watch as he hit every milestone, no matter how small, was a gift to Elliot.
The new family would spend lazy days on the couch or go to the park, even making an occasional stop down at the precinct. Even though she was off, Fin, Nick, or Amanda would call her from time to time to get her input on certain cases.
Elliot was laying on the couch with Olivia in one arm and Noah in the other, both sleeping. The two sleeping bodies in his arms held his heart, and the woman in his right arm was carrying the most precious thing. Over the last week he really had the time to think about it and this baby was such an amazing gift. He never thought that he would ever get this chance but he was thankful he had. This woman had not only given him herself, in every sense of the word, but she had given him Noah and she was giving him this new baby. She was breathing life back into him. Together, they were creating the family they had both dreamed about, and the one Olivia so deeply deserved.
The morning sickness had started a few days ago and he knew that this pregnancy was going to take a toll on her. When Kathy was pregnant with Eli, it had been hard and she had been several years younger than Olivia was now, but Olivia strong. Throughout everything, he just hoped he could be everything she was going to need and that she would lean on him for strength and support.
Elliot watched as Noah stirred in his sleep. His arm moving to rest on Elliot's chest and his lashes moved against the tops of his cheeks. As if Olivia sensed it, her hand made its way across Elliot's chest and to Noah's stomach. She moved her hand up to his arms and down to his feet, resting it on his chest. She nuzzled her face into Elliot's chest and let out a sigh.
Elliot brought his hand up and stoked it through her hair. She was never more peaceful than when she asleep in his arms. One of her arms was resting on Noah and the other was protectively splayed across their unborn child.
He hadn't told her, but he had caught her awake in the middle of the night on her phone under the covers. While he hadn't asked what she was doing, he was sure it had to do with the baby. They had put off reading through all of the pamphlets and papers until the day before the appointment, and since the appointment was tomorrow, they would be going through it later today.
They wanted to live in that perfect little world for just a while longer. That state of ignorant bliss that the pregnancy would go well, that Olivia would remain healthy and their baby would be born perfect ... in every way. The pamphlets and papers threatened to shatter that. They were filled with statistics and proven facts of how unlikely a healthy child, and easy pregnancy, would be. He was going to hold onto that hope for as long as he could, and whatever journey they were going to face, they would do so together. Elliot ran his fingers through Olivia's hair a while longer until he also fell asleep.
Elliot awoke a while later when a flash had startled him. He blinked quickly trying to adjust to the lighting when he heard Olivia curse under her breath.
"Sorry," Olivia whispered when she saw his eyes focus on her. She walked back over to him and rested her hand on his cheek, "You two looked so cute I had to take a picture. I thought my flash was off."
"It's okay," he replied as he pulled her down to give her a kiss. He tasted mint on her lips "Were you sick?"
A guilty look appeared on her face and she nodded her head, "Yeah, but it wasn't bad."
Elliot sighed "Liv, what did I tell you?"
She sat back on the coffee table, "We're in this together, and I know that. I didn't want to wake you up and I promise you, I was fine."
He moved Noah to his other side and rested his hand on her knee, "You know I worry because I love you."
"I know," she said kissing him again," I love you too, but I was fine and whenever I need you I will tell you, I promise."
"Okay. I'm here for you every step of the way, for whatever you need. I mean it," he told her as he pulled her back down to lay with him.
She rested her head on his chest and ran her fingers through Noah's hair, "He's probably the most perfect thing I've ever known."
"He's pretty incredible," he whispered as he rubbed his thumb down Noah's leg."How about we get started on those pamphlets now?"
She sighed against his chest, "Do we have to?"
"I guess not," he chuckled and kissed her head, "But I think we should be at least somewhat informed for tomorrow don't you think?"
"I guess you have a point there. I'm just nervous about what it's all going to say," she told him.
He wrapped his arm around her and rubbed her back, "Me too, but I think we just need to go into this remembering that these are just possibilities and we just have to have faith that we have made it this far and believe in our baby."
"Okay," she sniffled and turned her head up and kissed his cheek.
"I'll put him in the crib and you grab the papers," he said kissing her forehead.
She kissed Noah's head and got up from the couch, "I'll grab us some drinks."
Elliot took Noah to his nursery and Olivia went to the kitchen. He came back out just in time to watch her dump out the contents of her bag.
"When you said it was a lot, I didn't picture quite this much," he said as he picked up a few papers from off of the ground and added them to the rather large pile on the coffee table.
"You're telling me," she chuckled and dropped down onto the couch, "She just started handing me all this stuff. I had no clue what to even do."
He sat down next to her and grabbed a stack, "How about you take a pile and I'll take a pile and then we can discuss?"
She took a stack from him and settled down against him, "Works for me."
They read pamphlet after pamphlet and paper after paper. Slowly the stacks in their hands began shrinking and the stack on the table began to rise. They finished the last paper and sat back on the couch.
"Reading all of that was a terrible move," Olivia quipped darkly.
Elliot put his arm around her and pulled her into his side, "Where do you want to start?"
She rested her head on his shoulder, "Well, I have a fifty percent chance of a miscarriage before twenty weeks and there is twice the risk of giving birth to a still born baby."
Elliot held her tighter and rested his other hand on her stomach, "We're gonna be okay."
"I know. Let's just get all of the bad things out now," she said, resting her hand on top of his.
He kissed the side of her head, "There's a higher risk for Downs and other birth defects."
"I read about the testing. The uh ... amniocentesis. It tests for things like that. We could look into having that done." She already knew what his answer would be but she at least wanted to voice that option.
"What's the risks of the tests?" They needed to be open and explore every option. Instantly shutting it down and going on the defensive wasn't going to help anything.
Olivia reached out to the table and flipped though a couple of pamphlets before finding the one she was looking for, "The risks are relatively low, but it does carry a risk of miscarriage." She gave him the pamphlet and he flipped through it, stopping to reread the page that listed the risks.
Elliot set it down on the table and turned to her, "Where's your head at on it? What's your gut telling you?"
She pulled her legs up under her and let her head rest against the back of the couch, "I really don't know this time. On one hand it would be nice to see what's really going on in there and be able to prepare for something, god forbid there was anything wrong with the baby at least we would know ahead of time. On the other hand, I already have so many risks so why willingly increase them?"
He took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb against her buckles, "All we've been talking about is all of the bad things that could happen, but I was reading the statistics of how likely we were to even get pregnant. Do you know what our chances were?"
"Not the exact number but probably slim," she said looking at him.
He pushed some hair out of her eyes, "About five percent. That's just the number for having an older first time mother, not to mention the fact that I'm almost 50 and my fertility declines also, which I didn't know. So that probably lowers our chances even more."
"I didn't realize how low it was," she said taking his hand in hers.
He brought their hands to his lips and left a kiss on her knuckles, "Me either, so when we talk about doing the testing and there's a chance we could lose this baby I just think of how lucky we are to even have gotten pregnant in the first place. I don't want to jeopardize this pregnancy because we probably won't get another chance."
"If I lost this baby...." She trailed off as tears filled her eyes and she took a deep breath, "There wouldn't be any chance of another. I wouldn't be able to go through that."
He hugged her close to him and kissed into her hair, whispering reassurances into her ear. "We can't think about that. We need to be positive."
She pulled back to look at him tears staining her cheeks, "How can you be positive when everything we've read is telling us how dangerous this is? That our baby might not survive, and even if it does, it'll probably be sick?"
"Because Olivia, these are all just possibilities and worst case scenarios. When we were partners, how many times did we go into something thinking worst case scenario? A lot. Now how many times did we watch the turnout be way better than we could have hoped? A lot. Miracles happen every day. This baby alone is a miracle," he told her resting his hand on her stomach.
She held his hand in hers and rested them on her stomach, "But what if the baby's sick? What if I caused it?"
He wiped away some of the tears running down her face, "I have faith in you and in us, that we will be okay, and that whatever happens, we can handle it. It's not either one of our faults if the baby is sick, you have to believe that. Everything happens for a reason and I believe that it's God's will. If the baby is sick we will deal with it and give this baby the best life possible. I love this baby so much already and it being sick wouldn't change that or how much I want him or her. I have faith in this baby, and that he or she will get here safely and I believe that our baby is healthy."
She sniffled and wiped under her eyes, "I love this baby too ... so much. This baby is half me and half you and it's definitely got one thing going for it, stubbornness," she said chuckling, trying to lighten the mood. Elliot laughed with her and kissed her forehead. "I believe in our baby and how strong he or
she is. We won't do the testing."
Elliot nodded his head and kissed her lips, still wet with tears, "Okay."
"Okay," she nodded and rested her forehead against his. "I'm so happy we're doing this together, I don't know if I could handle all of this with anyone other than you, I wouldn't want to. I love you, Elliot."
He nuzzled his nose against hers, "I love you too. From now on, let's look at the positive. We have a roof over our head, we couldn't want for anything, we have a beautiful amazing son, and we're together. We have been blessed with this little miracle and anything from this point on can only add to our lives."
She gave him a peck on the lips, "Only good things."
"Only good things. You know I'm here for you, right? If you're up late at night worrying like you have been, talk to me. I know how dark it gets up there," he said tapping her temple. "We can work through our fears, and everything else, together."
"I just don't want to burden you with all of the things I think about," she said guiltily.
He rubbed her arm trying to bring her some comfort, "We share the burden. There isn't anything you can throw at me that I can't handle."
Olivia kissed his cheek, "Thank you for always making it better."
"You do the same for me," he kissed her forehead. "How about once Noah wakes up, we all go out for a walk, clear our heads a little?"
"That sounds like a great idea," she said cuddling in against his side.