Anissa's POV
2 JAN 12
Happy New Year. Late, I know. I just didn't have time to write yesterday. I was high, and made a new friend some girl I met by the pool. She's into snorting, which isn't really my thing but I tried it. Wasn't too bad. I haven't gotten that high in awhile since my dad has be getting suspicious. He's not here right now, obviously. Your mom called yesterday about Martin, not sure what it was all about but I guess it was important because he left the second he hung up. Whatever it's cool it was a happy new year for me.
5 FEB 12
I overdosed. I fucking overdosed. My dad surprises me by coming home from Greece early on the day of my 18th birthday and what does he find? Me, my nose covering in coke and my arm with a needle. Or at least that's what he said. I don't remember because I blacked out. I'm seriously considering quitting. It's not like Id be able to get high as easy anymore, with my dad knowing . So here I am four days after my birthday and I'm still in the hospital. I guess I owe you some good news, so here is something hilarious. Martin killed a man in a bar fight. Can you believe it? He actually killed someone. I knew he was a drunk. I guess the guy was trying to take your mom home and wouldn't stop harassing her so he went crazy one thing led to another and a guy ended up dead. I have no clue what my dad did to get him out but he did. It's too bad Martin only spent a month in jail, my dad should have left him there forever.
9 FEB 12
I'm trying so hard to stay clean. This is...
"Anitza?" I hear my name called from behind the couch I'm on, making me jump.
"Orlando, hey. I didn't hear you come in," I say to Leonardo's cousin.
"Good read?" He asks eyeing Harry's journal in my hand.
"Yea, great," I say forcing a smile.
"So you ready to go or what?" He smiles gesturing toward the door.
"You're coming with me and Emily to the doctor?" I ask raising my brow.
"Emily actually can't make it, she's having a wedding crisis," He laughs,"So it looks like it's just going to be you and me."
"It's fine, I can go alone. She was just coming for support," I tell him looking down at my watch. It's nearly time for my appointment and I couldn't be more nervous, which is why I had read at least seven entries in Harry's journal today to calm my nerves.
"You can't go alone actually. Emily said I had to absolutely take you or she would, and I quote, 'Cut my ears off and sow them on to my neck'" He laughs,"I'm taking you because pregnant people can get crazy and I'm not willing to take any chances."
"Ha yea," I say feeling my breakfast at the back of my throat at ten mention of pregnancy.
"So you ready to roll?"
"Yea, let me just grab my purse, I'll meet you in the car," I tell him taking a deep breath.
The minute we landed in Italy I scheduled an appointment with a doctor. After sitting on a plane with Emily all I could think about was the possibility that I could be pregnant. There was no other logical explanation for why I had suddenly been so sick for weeks. I was pregnant.
I had to be.
"So what kind of appointment is this?" Orlando asks me once we are nearing closer to the doctors office. I had spent the ride reading from Harry's journal, wishing he was the one here with me going to this appointment.
"Its um..well I think I'm pregnant," I say timidly.
"Whoa no way, congratulations," Orlando smiles,"With the Styles INC guy right?"
"You know Harry?" I ask, looking over at him.
"Sorta. I've only spoken to him through conference calls, you know since he doesn't speak Italian, Emily told me you were with him," Orlando explains,"But wait, why are you here and not in London with him and your parents?"
"We're actually not together right now," I answer, before asking,"Wait why are my parents in London with Harry?"
"I don't really know," He shrugs,"All I know is that they went to London so we had to reschedule the contract renewal with Styles INC for next month. That's why I'm not at work right now."
I spend the remainder of the car ride wondering what my parents could possibly be doing in London, I know why they didn't tell me since Harry would be there but it just doesn't make sense for them to have to be there with him in the first place.
_____________
"So what do we do now?" Orlando asks changing his position in the chair near the exam table.
"We wait," I say taking a deep breath.
"Will it take long?"
"No."
"Want a piece of gum?"
"No."
"Shit I don't have service in here do you?"
"I don't know my phone is in my purse," I say holding my hand against my temple, trying to control the ball of annoyance growing inside of me.
"Do you want me to hold your hand or something?"
"I just want you to be quiet," I snap before opening my eyes and looking at his hurt expression,"Sorry, I'm just.."
"Nervous? yea I can imagine, sorry," He apologizes.
A knock at the door makes the knots in my stomach only feel tighter. I feel Orlando reach over holding my hand anyway, giving me a nod and a small smile of encouragement.
The moment the doctor walks back in with a few pieces of paper I can't help but to feel even more nervous because I'm not ready for children, I can't even function in a relationship properly, how could I ever be a mother? But at the same time a small part of me wants to be pregnant. A child is always a blessing, and in the case of me and Harry, maybe this is what we need to bring us together.
"Ms. Vecchiarelli I have your results here," Dr. Renoli says with a small smile,"Through the urine and blood testing we did it indicated that you are in fact pregnant. We'll be doing an ultrasound just to be sure because your HCG levels were very low."
"What does that mean?" I ask, unsure of how I even feel right now.
"Sometimes nothing, but none the less we still do the ultrasound, just to make sure everything is developing correctly," She explains, washing her hands.
She brings the ultrasound machine around the exam table, asking me to lay back with my shirt raised above my stomach. She then squishes a goopy cold substance onto my stomach, taking the probe, moving it around the goop.
As I stare at the ultra sound screen I feel tears brimming in the corner of my eyes feeling over come with a warm and loving feeling because this will be the first time I see my child. I only wish that Harry could be here holding my hand instead of Orlando, none the less his support is still welcomed.
I squint as much as I can trying to make sense of the black and white picture on the screen, the doctors silence making me worry.
"W-Why can't I see anything?" I ask lifting my head up slightly.
"Well as I said before your levels of HCG were low and unfortunately I'm seeing nothing but an empty sac..." She begins to say softly, giving me a sympathetic look.
"Empty? What do you mean empty?" I ask, a sinking feeling in my stomach.
"Well," She sighs, placing the probe down," It means that at conception when the embryo should have developed it either stopped progressing or it simply never developed at all."
"So what does that mean?" I ask feeling my heart quicken.
"You had a miscarriage dear."
"But..but then why have I been feeling sick, I've been nauseas for a few weeks now, and I-I've been having all these pregnancy symptoms," I say sitting upright, moving Orlando's hand.
"I'm sorry, I know this is difficult to hear," She says trying to comfort me,"In the medical field this type of miscarriage is called a missed miscarriage because rather then releasing the pregnancy tissues from your uterus like a regular miscarriage, it stayed inside your body. From the size of your sac you were just nearly eleven weeks along.."
"How is that possible? I was on birth control," I say feeling like the room is spinning. I know I always took my pill on time.
Shit.
I cover my face as I remember that when we first arrived in New York I didn't take my pill for three days after we first arrived because airport security stupidly made me toss it. I had to wait till Monday morning to get new pills, and I know for sure Harry and I had sex between that time.
"Well birth control isn't always 100%," She says.
"So what do I do now?" I ask fighting back my tears.
"Well since you've been sick, we typically recommend you under go the minor operation called ERPC, because your body is rejecting these tissues and it's letting you know that it no longer needs these tissues. It's best to do the procedure sooner rather then later to avoid infection or heavy bleeding."
She then goes on to explain the process and how I'll feel but I completely blank out.
This morning I wasn't even sure if I was pregnant and now here I am crying with an even bigger broken heart for the unborn child I carried for two and a half months. I can't help but to feel guilty; my job was to carry this baby and even that my body couldn't commit to doing just like me, my body is a failure.
Maybe there was something I could have done to save my child, my sweet innocent child.
"We can do it today if you'd like or we can do it tomorrow, there isn't a rush and it's whenever you feel ready. I'll leave these pamphlets with you so you can read a little more on the procedure and what will occur in your body," Dr. Renoli says stepping out of the room.
"Okay," I stammer, allowing my tears to flow freely, because I temporarily forgot Orlando is in the room with me.
"Nitza..shit. I'm-I'm so sorry," He says standing up. The second I feel his warm arms wrap around my shoulders all I want to do is throw him off because the only person that I should have shared this moment with was Harry.
"Do you want me to call Emily, or your mom or something?" He says nervously rubbing my back.
"My purse, I just need my purse," I say through my tears.
"Here you go," He says handing it to me quickly.
"Can you just wait for me outside?" I ask. Orlando nods his head and immediately exits the room, shutting the door behind him.
With shakey hands, I pull my phone out and call Harry because he is the only person I need right now.
Harry's POV
I nearly fall off the chair I am sitting on from how quickly I move. I grab the will in front of me unable to believe what Martin just said.
He has to be mistaken, my father couldn't have left me such a big responsibility.
I bring the will close to my face, concentrating with everything I have so that I can read this correctly.My eyes skim over the words as quickly as I can until I find my name.
To my son, Harry Edward Styles, I leave 100% of STYLES INCORPORATE and all those listed below related to and about STYLES INCORPORATE. Here by making him the sole heir as Senior CEO leaving him the responsibilities of..
This can't be right.
"Are you sure this isn't suppose to go to Martin? We have the same middle name, you must have just put the wrong first name," I say to Trent.
"No, there is no mistake. Your father has had this in the will since your seventeenth birthday, the only thing altered since then was the added request that you keep your family home, rather then sell it."
I stare down at the will and re-read it over and over again as Trent continues to read the remainder of the will, all of which I could careless about. All I care about right now is trying to figure out what the hell my father was thinking when he left me his biggest most possession. I could barely do my old job how could he possibly think that I would be able to do his. I could never fill his place, I could never run something so big. I can't even take care of my own personal life let alone make rational business decisions.
"The very last thing for me to administer are these letters," Trent says, sifting through a folder before pulling out two marked envelopes, placing one in front of me and one in front of Martin.
"Once again it was very nice seeing the both of you, a shame it was under such unfortunate circumstances," Trent says collecting his things and standing,"Feel free to use the conference room for however long you see fit. Have a good afternoon."
As soon as the door shuts indicating that Trent is gone, Martin tears open his envelope, pulling out three to four pages of paper covered in my father's writing.
I open mine from the corner sliding the neatly folded paper out and reading it.
Harry,
Although you may not understand this when you receive it know that I made no wrong decision in choosing you to inherit Styles INC. You'll need it more then Martin.
I don't wish to say too much for I know that you have always been the over analytic type, no doubt will you take each and every word in this letter and dissect it for whatever meaning you can pull from it.
Take what I give you, this belongs to you and only you.
I love you always.
I stare down at the letter and feel the anger inside me rising as much as anyone as high as I am can get. Here I am with one page while Martin has a fucking essay over there. There are so many things wrong with this letter other then the length, like the pity reeking from the first line. I'll need it more then Martin because of course my father knew a fuck up like me could never get anywhere on his own. And I'm sure even then he knew it was a risk to hand off something like this to me because I always find a way to ruin things.
Without a second thought I begin ripping up the letter.
"No! Harry stop what are you doing," Martin shouts grabbing the reminder of the letter from my hand.
"It's mine, give it back," I say trying to snatch it back, but he's too strong for me pushing me away from him with one arm.
"Relax alright, it's going to be okay," Martin surprises me by saying. His eyes are red and his face is covered in tears letting me know his letter was clearly much more moving then my own making me even angrier.
"Don't tell me what to do! If I want to rip it up I will! I don't want this stupid fucking pity letter and I don't need this stupid business! I don't fucking deserve it, so you can have it," I yell looking for something to throw or punch.
"It's yours. I won't take it from you," Martin says following me to the end of the table watching me.
"If you don't want it it's fine, the first thing I'll do when get back to LA is sell it! I'll sell if for all the heroin it takes to kill me because I don't want to be alive!"
The only thing in front of me being the chairs, I begin throwing them across the room smashing them into the photos hung on the wall. Martin grabs me by the shoulders and looks into my eyes with an expression across his face that I haven't seen in years.
"Stop! You don't know what you're saying! You're high Harry, you're high," Martin cries real tears rolling down his cheeks,"It's all my fault that your high. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I let this happen. Dad gave this to you not from pity but because you do deserve it. I don't. I can't take it from you. Harry I turned my back on you guys. I turned my back when I saw the two of you drowning in your own sorrow. And I didn't care enough to reach in and pull you out. I let you sink into your own demons."
"I knew you started using and I didn't say anything I didn't even try to help you. Instead I told dad I didn't want anything to do with you two. And I regret it, I do. Please forgive me Harry, please we're the only family we have left."
"Get the fuck off me," I snarl throwing his hands off my shoulders.
"Harry please just..."
"I'm not going to forgive you I'll never fucking forgive you! You're just like her, you're just like Anissa. The second you realize I'm leaving for real you get desperate and you beg and you make up these bullshit apologies to get me to stay. You're desperate that's why you're asking me to be in your life, but you know what Martin I'm through with being everyone's last resort when their desperate.I'm tired of it. So fuck you and don't ever and I mean ever talk to me again because I hate you. I don't need you and I sure as hell don't need anyone else."
I grab my things and leave the conference room as fast as I can throwing myself into my car. I drive around angrily for a little before texting Mariano and asking him if he wants to get something to eat even though I don't feel hungry. I never feel hungry when I'm high. He replies right away saying yes, I let him know that I'll drive by to pick him up and sends me the address of the hotel.
When I finally arrive I text him letting him know Im here. I then hop on top of my car and begin to think about Martin and his stupid attempt at an apology. I can't even begin to comprehend how idiotic he must be to think I'd actually forgive him. I feel my phone ringing in my coat pocket and I angrily pull it out. I stare down at the name on the screen and laugh.
What are the odds that two people that begged me to be in their lives as a last resort apologize on the same day. But just like with Martin I won't hesitate to tell her off either.
"Before you even waste your breath let me stop you right there," I say angrily into the phone,"I never want to hear from you again, I don't love you anymore and you can go act desperate to someone else."
I hit end before I can even hear her response. What I just did with Martin and Anissa seemed like a great idea moments ago, so why don't I feel better? I decide to leave the question unanswered when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.
"Harry, hey I thought you left already," Mariano's sister Delores says walking around to stand in front of me.
"In like three hours," I tell her looking for any sign of Mariano.
"What are you doing here?" She asks.
"I'm going out to eat with your brother, wanna come?" I ask feeling like the more company the less empty I'll feel. I know it's just the heroin making me feel empty, I know that as soon as it wears off I'll feel fine.
"Id love to," She smiles.