Chapter 27 ~ The Talk
[Louis]
We ended up walking back home and not dialing Paul to come pick us up. We still had a lot to talk about and saw this as a perfect moment to do so.
"What happened with Hannah?" Harry wondered as we walked along the road, swinging our hands between each other.
I was quiet for a second, thinking about how I would say it so he would understand. "She was the one who broke up with me actually..."
Harry seemed surprised by this as his eyes widened a little. "Oh."
A smile formed on my lips as I thought about my next words. "But it was because she knew I was in love with you. She said she saw it the moment you stepped into school after you came back."
Harry's lips twitched at that, but he still kept his gaze ahead of him. "That's actually really mature of her. I mean, to break up with you because she knew you weren't in love with her."
"She is the best," I said, letting out a happy sigh. "That's like the only good thing I got from you leaving me. Plus Zayn and Niall of course. I found new, great friends. However, I would trade it for you never leaving me." I mumbled out the last part, hoping he didn't really hear that.
I noticed he did though, because he let out a deep sigh. I was happy he didn't say anything about it though. "I'm happy you found them too."
We continued walking, enjoying each other's company as I leaned my head on his shoulder every now and then. "What happened with Liam? How come he broke up with you?" I asked, looking up at his face through my eyelashes.
Another smile crept to the curly haired boy's face. "He realized I wasn't in love with him either as I kept getting in these incidents with you. I didn't even acknowledge it myself, that I was intentionally doing things just to make you notice me and to be close to you," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"It's going to take a long time for me to accept the way I acted towards you, how I so stupidly stopped talking to you without even saying anything."
I squeezed his hand in mine. "Don't think about that anymore, Hazza."
The nickname made him turn his entire body to me, and we suddenly stopped walking entirely. "Did you just call me what I think you called me?"
A small, innocent smile crept to my lips as I nodded my head slowly. "It's my favorite name on you. It was just a matter of time until you would hear it again," I winked.
He laughed, shaking his head in amusement. "Have I ever told you that I love you?"
I shrugged. "Maybe, but I could always hear it again," I said cheekily.
After a while, we were standing outside his gates, making us slow down. He moved so he was standing in front of me again, reaching up to brush my fringe to the side. "I know we just made up and such, but would you like to come inside? I know my mom would kill to see you," he offered, nodding towards the big, white house.
I bit my lip, looking down at my feet before turning my gaze up to meet his green eyes. "Yeah... Sure."
To be honest, I wasn't sure if it was a great idea to go with him since we actually did make up just a few hours ago after being apart for two years, but I couldn't stop myself from being away from him. He was like a drug to me. Once I had decided to forgive him, I only wanted more.
With that said, he brought me to the front door, motioning for me to walk into the house first. I was instantly reminded of the first time I was here since he came back, making uncomfortable chills run through my body. He had been so rude. Not to mention how rude he was the last time I was here for dinner with my family...
He noticed my change in behavior as I instantly froze but didn't question me about it. I could see how a crease formed between his eyebrows though. "Mom, are you home?" He called out, placing a hand on the small of my back once we walked to the kitchen.
Anne was sitting at the table, reading a book with a pair of black glasses resting against her nose. She looked up as we entered, her eyes widening the second she saw me beside her son. "Louis? How... Why... You're actually here!"
I let out a small chuckle at her reaction, nodding my head slowly as I turned to meet Harry's eyes. "Yeah. Your son can be pretty stubborn, you could say."
An amused smile crept to her face as she placed the book on the table. "Wouldn't you know?"
I joined her laughter, and surprisingly, Harry did as well. "I'm really glad to see you, though. I have been waiting for this moment the past two years," she gushed, clapping her hands together happily.
Harry rolled his eyes as I gave her a smile. "So have I."
From the corner of my eye, I could see his features tightening at my words, but yet again, he didn't say anything. He probably knew that whatever he said wouldn't change what happened anyway.
"We'll be up in my room, mom, alright?" Harry said, raising his eyebrows at his mother.
She sent us a cheeky smile. "Sure, but don't do anything I wouldn't," she winked.
Harry snorted while I laughed loudly. I wouldn't even consider doing any of that today, not so quickly after our make up. I had more self-respect than that.
We left the kitchen and walked upstairs to Harry's room. It felt weird. I hadn't been here in two years, yet it still felt like yesterday. It hadn't changed much. Everything was pretty much the same. The bed was where it used to, the same posters of different pop stars were on the walls, and the same television in front of the bed... Somehow, this made my lips twitch. I just loved that even with everything that happened to him, his room was just how it used to.
I stepped into the room and sat down on the bed, running my hand along the duvet with a smile on my face. "It's still the same."
He sat down beside me, nodding his head. "Yeah, I guess I never had time to change anything," he shrugged.
"I'm glad you didn't. This room holds so many memories."
Harry let out a soft chuckle. I nudged him in the side, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "I wasn't talking about the fact that we had our first sex here, you idiot. I was talking about everything. We always stayed up all night watching movies on that television while lying on this same bed, and we always played FIFA in here... It makes everything come back."
His chuckle died down at my words as he bit his lip. "Yeah, you're right. This room actually holds a lot of memories," he agreed thoughtfully, looking around it.
I settled my gaze on his pillow, thinking deeply. "Did you and Liam ever..."
"Have sex in here? No... To be honest, we never went that far. We were never that intimate in our relationship. However, I did have some one night stands with a few girls, but it wasn't anything serious," he said, cutting me off.
I swallowed hard at the fact that he had been with other people during our break. I had never been with anyone but him, and he hadn't been with anyone but me until he left me.
Looking down at my fiddling fingers in my lap, I could feel him staring at the side of my face. "Wait, you and Hannah never...?" He trailed off.
Shaking my head, I let out a deep breath. "No, we weren't very intimate either." I reached my hand up to quiet him when he opened his mouth to interrupt me. "It might have looked like it, and she did ask me a few weeks ago if we could take our relationship to the next level, but I just never felt comfortable with it," I shrugged, being honest with him.
He hummed, biting his bottom lip. Meanwhile, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he had slept with different girls while I had been here, crying and moping about him. It hurt, and the image of him being with them wouldn't leave my mind.
I was positive he noticed that I had gone quiet due to the fact that he was still staring at the side of my face with a crease between his eyebrows. "Hey, Lou. You have to know that I never felt anything when I was with them. I was frustrated because I didn't, that you wouldn't leave my mind, and I think that's the reason why I decided to drop that stupid act. It was nothing I ever really enjoyed."
I just nodded my head, the image still very clear on my retina. However, I knew I would have to drop it. It wasn't like he was able to take it back, even if he wanted to... Even if I wanted him to.
"I'm sorry. I was just surprised... But I guess I shouldn't be. I mean, you are a pop star after all. You can have anyone you want," I shrugged, still refusing to meet his eyes.
Surprisingly, he reached up to grab my chin, forcing me to look at him. It wasn't hurtful, just demanding. "Louis, look at me."
My eyes were still directed towards the floor, but when he said my name, I reluctantly looked up to finally meet his gaze.
"I never want to hear you say that again. When we are together, there is no pop star. It's just you and me, alright? I don't care about anyone else, and to be truly honest with you, I have never cared about anyone as much as I do about you, not even close. You are and have always been my everything, Louis. Don't for a second think I could be anywhere near as happy with anyone else as I am with you."
Closing my eyes, I inhaled a deep breath. "How can I be so sure when you left me? You were with other people while I was home thinking about no one but you. How do I know I am your everything when you've given me reasons to think otherwise?" I asked.
He let go of my chin, running his hands over his face while letting out a deep sigh. "You can't know, and I am going to hate myself for it for the rest of my life. You just have to trust me, even if you have no reason to do so. I won't ever lie to you. The only time I actually did was when we fought and I wanted to make myself hate you. It's so damn ridiculous just hearing myself say it."
I pursed my lips. He was actually right about the fact that he never really lied to me, other than the fact that he stopped having feelings about me. That was a big lie though, one that would take a long time for me to forgive him for. Only time could make me trust him again.
"What made you want to hate me?" I asked gingerly, afraid of the answer. Did I really want to hear his reply?
"I..." He trailed off, not looking at me. "I don't want to lie to you, but it's going to sound so ridiculous. I already told you about it once, but I'm embarrassed about it."
I bit my lip, slowly realizing what he was getting at. "It was because fame got the best of you, didn't it?"
Mr. Waltz' words were repeating in my brain, telling me that fame had gotten to Harry's head and that was why he so suddenly stopped interacting with me. Could it really be that?
"Yes, it's so stupid. When I got the news that I was through to bootcamp, I started getting these thoughts... that I would be better off without you. I tried telling myself that you wouldn't want to be dragged into the fame, but that was only a lame excuse. I thought I didn't need you anymore because I was going to be famous. I can't believe how I could possibly think that... and the worst part is that I didn't realize what I was missing out on until I came back here and met you again."
He took a break to run a hand through his hair frustratingly. "God, I sound so stupid. I understand that you hate me. I would hate myself too if I were you. That's why I didn't pressure you more than I did to take me back. Sure, I did talk to you twice about it, but believe me, if I wouldn't have hurt you the way I did, I would have had you back a long time ago."
Placing a hand on his thigh, I gave it a light squeeze before flashing him a small smile. "I won't deny the fact that it was a stupid move, and part of me still hates you for what you did. But, I can't let the past decide my future. I still care for you more than I cared for anyone, and I know that it's stupid, but I can't really help it," I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed by it. I should still hate him, but I just couldn't.
He returned the smile reaching out to run his thumb along my cheekbone. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I don't deserve it, but I'd gladly take it with open arms."
Rolling my eyes, I took his hand away from my face to thread my fingers through his. We were quiet for a while, just enjoying each other's company. "How long will you stay?"
I had been wondering this ever since I saw him in the hallway, but I had been too afraid of the answer to question him about it. My heart was picking up its pace by the second, and it wasn't helping that Harry was still quiet.
"I have to go back tomorrow..." He trailed off, running the hand that wasn't holding mine through his curls.
My breath hitched in my throat by his answer. But what was I expecting? He was on tour. Of course he would have to go back so soon. It wasn't like I could keep him here to myself forever... even if I wanted to.
When I didn't say anything, he squeezed my hand in his. "I'm sorry."
Shaking my head, I turned to look at him. "No, don't apologize. You're on tour. I'm happy you could even come here today," I reassured him, giving him a smile that wouldn't reach my eyes.
Even if I knew what I said was true, I couldn't help but feel sad about it. I wanted him to stay.
"You know that if I could, I would stay here with you, but things are sadly not as they were before. They are never going to be the same again."
No, because you are never going to be with me the way you were two years ago...
It hurt to realize that fact, but it was the truth, and it wasn't like I wasn't aware that this would happen two years ago when I wished him good luck before he went out on that stage. I just couldn't picture things being this hard then.
"But, it doesn't change the fact that I love you the same, and somehow, I want to make this work... If you want to, of course," he continued.
"Of course I do," I breathed, giving him an incredulous look.
How could he think otherwise after all this? I mean, I was the one who had begged him to come back to me, not the other way around. I had finally decided to forgive him, so of course I wasn't going to just back out of this after all this.
"Good."
I leaned down to rest my head against his shoulder, just like old times. I inhaled his familiar scent, enjoying the feeling of home that hit me. How did I fight so hard to be away from this? He was my home.
"I've missed you so much," I mumbled against his shoulder.
He let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my waist, hugging my body close to his. "I've missed you too, Lou," he said, turning his head to press a kiss against my forehead.
I closed my eyes at his feathery touch, enjoying the soft feeling of his lips against my skin. God, I had missed this more than I first thought.
I wasn't aware of how long we sat there, just enjoying each other's embrace, but what felt like a few minutes later - that was most likely at least an hour - Anne called out that dinner was ready. Harry shot me a questioning look, asking me if I was eating with them.
I nodded my head slowly, and together, we got up from the bed and went down to join Anne and Robin for dinner.
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Hello guys! I hope you liked this chapter! I'm sorry for the long wait. My sister graduated high school this week and I had an exam, so a lot has been up. A lot happened in this chapter though, and they finally got to discuss things with each other!
What do you think of their situation?
Pauline .xx