The first person Lucifer pulls aside for an interview is, unsurprisingly, Castiel. Lucifer sets up his tripod near the kitchen table, catching the rest of the party in the background. Castiel sits down at the table, folding his hands in his lap like he does at every interview. It's become a habit of his, even after so long of not doing interviews. It makes him look more professional, and, especially during his first ever interviews, less nervous.
"So, for most people," Lucifer says, "I'm going to ask them to introduce themselves and how they know you, but I think most people can figure out how you know you, so we can skip that part. The camera's already on because why would I ever turn it off, so, like, let's jump right in."
"Sounds good."
In his super-professional that's-right-bitches-I'm-a-director voice, Lucifer says, "We're on the set of Castiel's new music video 'See You Then' with none other than the man himself! So, Castiel, this is going to be your first music video in over two years. How do you think it measures up to your older ones?"
Castiel carefully hides any trace of surprise from his face. Wow, Lucifer's conducting this like a real interview. He wasn't expecting that at all. He's obligated to treat it like a real interview now, too. Man, that sucks.
"It's definitely something different," Castiel says, though he says that every time he's asked about a new project, because it's what people want to hear. They don't want anything different, but they want to think that's what they're getting. This one is a bit different, though, so he's not lying. "I've had music videos that follow a storyline before, but not usually to this degree. I write a lot of songs about my life, so usually my videos are in some way reflecting my life, but this one follows a story I'm completely detached from." After a pause, he adds, "Well, I wrote it, so I'm not completely detached from it, but it's not about me at all, which is new."
"And how do you think this is going to reflect on your comeback?" Lucifer asks. "Do you think people are more interested in your life or your stories?"
"I think people are definitely more interested in my life," Castiel says without hesitation. "People who barely know my name will eat up whatever bullshit gossip magazines publish about me. They'll tear apart my songs, looking for clues about what I'm up to. Big name media companies write articles about things I post on Instagram. People have some odd fascination with what I'm doing with my life, whether they like me or not."
"And yet, you still chose to go with a song with a storyline that you created from nothing as your comeback," Lucifer says. "Why is that?"
"I think we've had a bit of a miscommunication about this video," Castiel says. "It's not supposed to be a comeback. I've been out of the public eye for so long, I don't think a real comeback is possible. I'm not going to win back the general public, and I'm okay with that. But this song and the album in general, it's for the people who never left, and who have been waiting for years to hear from me again. And this video is for a chance to hang out with my friends and family again, and to have a little fun, and make something cool while we do it."
"Aw," Lucifer gushes. "That's so cute and pure, I can't even pretend to be a professional."
"Good, because it kinda creeps me out when you act normal," Castiel says.
"It's okay; it creeped me out, too," Lucifer says. "So, I know we just started filming less than five hours ago and you've been asleep for half of that, but what's your favorite part of the filming process been so far?"
"I don't know," Castiel says. "I mean, I'm working with my friends and family. I think that's pretty great in itself."
A hand appears on his head, and Dean says, "It's okay, you can say your favorite part of the video was looking at me. We already know."
Ignoring him, Castiel continues, "But I have to say, the worst part definitely has to be my costar. He's so unprofessional and doesn't know what he's doing at all. And he's so annoying, I can't even deal with it. I swear, whoever did the casting for this video needs to be sacked."
"Oh, fuck you," Dean says, clearly trying to hold back a laugh.
"No, that scene was this morning," Castiel reminds him. To the camera, he adds, "See? That's what I'm talking about. He doesn't even pay attention."
"Ouch, Cas," Dean says, clutching his heart as if shot. "Don't expose me like this."
"Dean, come interview with us," Lucifer says.
"Or I could not," Dean replies.
"Fine, I'll make you do it later," Lucifer says with an exaggerated frown. "Anyway, Cassie, you're all done unless there's something else you want to add or something."
"Nah, I'm good," he says. "I don't have a whole lot of stuff to say. I kinda want to go out in silence anyway. Sometimes less is more."
"That's so depressing," Lucifer whines. "Let the world know you love them, and let the world love you back!"
Castiel shakes his head. "There's not that much love in the world."
"Then make more of it."
With a half-hearted laugh, Castiel says, "Luce, everything I do gets more negativity than love. Quietly disappearing is the best thing I can do for the world."
Lucifer frowns. "I don't even know how to respond to that. That's just... wow."
"Well, I'm gonna rejoin the party," Castiel says.
Dean follows him, putting an arm around his shoulders as they walk away and pulling him close. In a quiet voice, Dean says, "That's not true, just so you know."
"What?"
"People do want to hear from you," Dean says. "Trust me; I'm the one that's been online this whole time you've been taking a well earned break. People literally post the same picture of you for weeks when I post about you on my story. They miss you so much. And I know you don't want to go back to making music like nothing happened, and I don't blame you at all, but don't think the world will be better because of it."
"Right, and tell me, because I really don't know but I can definitely take a guess, how many viral hate tweets have you seen about me in the last year or so?"
"Cas, that's not —" Dean sighs. "That's different."
"Is it, though?"
Dean doesn't get the chance to respond before Gabriel interrupts them, seemingly oblivious to their serious conversation.
"Sam and I are having a very serious argument," Gabriel says. "Are narwhals real?"
Castiel cocks his head to the side. "You're aware that you can Google that, right? This isn't an opinion question."
"Yeah, and you can Google whether Santa's real and get two different answers on that," Gabriel says.
Dean shakes his head. "Yeah, and just like Santa —" He pauses, glancing at Alex across the room before amending himself, "And unlike Santa, narwhals aren't real."
"What? Yes, they are," Castiel says. "They're very much real."
"Dude, they're totally fake," Dean says.
"Yeah, they're like water unicorns," Gabriel says. He waves Sam over, saying proudly, "Dean agrees; narwhals aren't real."
"They are!" Sam insists.
"You're really going to take Dean's word over mine?" Castiel says to his brother skeptically.
"Which of you went to college?" Gabriel reminds him.
"Right, and which one of the four of us is at an Ivy League college?" Sam reminds him.
"Because I'm sure narwhals come up a lot at law school," Gabriel says sarcastically.
"What, you think they came up more when Dean was at school?" Sam asks.
"Yeah, because people would assume Ivy League smarties would be smart enough to know that narwhals are fake!"
He says it loud enough to get Lucifer's attention from the other side of the room.
"Narwhals are real," Lucifer says. "They're kinda ugly in real life, with a giant toenail sticking out of their face or whatever, but they do exist and I love them."
"You're the last person I would ask about what real and what's not," Gabriel tells him.
"Yeah, I'm on your side and all, but I wouldn't take your word for it," Castiel agrees.
"I wouldn't take my word for it either," Lucifer says. "But they do exist, I swear. Google it."
"They don't trust Google," Sam says, rolling his eyes.
"They don't —" Lucifer looks between Gabriel and Dean for a moment. "My god, you guys are so dumb — and that says a lot, coming from me."
"Don't call yourself dumb," Castiel says. "At least you know narwhals exist."
"Touché, Cassie," Lucifer says. "Tou-freaking-ché."
A/N Taylor Swift is dropping the lead single from TS7 on April 26 at midnight and you can bet your ass I won't be talking about anything else until it happens (and then probably a month after because obviously I have to talk about the song and then new songs will drop and I'll talk about those until TS7 drops and I'll start talking about the whole album and soon enough it'll be tour time and I'll be talking about that and basically I won't shut up about Taylor Swift for the next 18 months or so but that's okay cuz you'll get a few months off between the TS7 and TS8 eras) (This probably sounds like a bad thing for you but at least you know I'll be updating on 4.26 because I gotta share the new single with y'all) (and actually we don't know if it's a single she just has a countdown going on her website and it was on her insta story and ahhhhhh I need it to be April 26 I already took the weekend off of work for it)