Tongue Tied- Grouplove
"Take me to your best friend's house. Roll around this roundabout. Oh yeah. Take me to your best friend's house. I loved you then, and I love you now. Oh yeah."
-
2 weeks later
"I tried to make a smiley face." My mom tells me with a saddened smile. It's my birthday, and my mom so cheekily made a pancake with a failed smile on it with whip cream.
"It's perfect, mom." I eye the single candle that sticks into the cake.
"Make a wish." She folds her hands under her chin.
It's the first birthday without dad. I know this. She knows this, and I hope neither of us will make it obvious.
My past five birthdays were filled with awkward birthday dinners at home. My father basically forced my mom to make my favorite type of cake, which in each year I felt the love leak out the batter.
Another broken tradition also being Lauren would be there. I haven't thought about her in a few weeks, and it's mostly because I make it a point to ignore her. Alice, Reese and I sit in the library for lunch, and some of the times we join Jake and his friends from work. They're not so bad.
"What are you doing tonight with Lauren?"
I nearly choke on my pancake, "Mom, I told you we aren't friends anymore." I swallow some milk to help the batter to go down.
"Well, I thought you'd make up by now." She answers innocently.
"She did something unforgivable. Besides, Jake has something planned for me."
"Be safe." She kisses my cheek before heading out the door for her shift.
"Will do. Thanks for the pancakes." I holler at her before the door slams.
-
"Are we sitting with Jake today?" Reese asks me as we exit our English class. Jake's a few feet in front of us with Alice.
"Yeah," I grumble. "He's forcing me to, something about my birthday." I roll my eyes playfully.
"About not giving you a gift on your birthday..." she scratches the back of her head nervously.
"Reese I told you. I don't like gifts. I feel bad when receiving-"
She interrupts me, "It's a friendship bracelet. One for me, Alice and you." She pushes the jewelry in my hand. Three letters in rose gold are present on the charm. R-A-D. Reese. Alice. Dawn.
I can't be mad at her. This gift is cute, and I only assume she gave Alice one as well.
"Thank you." My cheeks redden, and I squeeze her side. She giggles in my ear, and we press on to the lunch courts.
Jake's coworker's, Fred and Tyrese are already sitting at the table, but before I could look at them any further, Jake is in front of me blocking my eye of view.
"What?" I furrow my brows up to him.
He grabs my chin with his index finger and thumb, causing my cheeks to redden. "Now I know you hate celebrating your birthday... just as much as me."
"Jake Dennings, you did not-" he stops my complaint with a peck on my lips, and I'm even more surprised at his affections then when he turns me around to the table. Balloons illuminate the table with a cake in the middle of it. "Jake," my voice is coming out as a whine. I don't like attention at all.
"Happy birthday, baby girl." His hands play at my waist, massaging my sides to ease my anxiety.
He pushes me forward to the table, and everyone around is familiar.
Alice and Casper are wrapped around each other, Reese is cheering, and her boy that's just a friend Jesse is looming behind her from a nearby table, and Fred and Tyrese hold the cake out to me. One candle is lit, and I don't understand how they even got a lighter on campus. I only hope no onlookers call us out and we all get in trouble.
They sing horribly in my ears, and especially Jake who laughs between the words.
"Make a wish." Jake muses in my ear causing me to have a chill down my spine.
I scrunch my nose up but do as I'm told.
I wish Jake could stay with me forever.
Everyone cheers, as I glare up at Jake. "I told you-"
He stops me with a kiss, and it's not just a simple peck either. It's where my toes curl, and I wish I weren't in public so I can take it further. I know he's only doing this to shut me up, but I don't dare move away from his lips. The public display of affection is hard for him for whatever reason, and I can tell by his shaky lips around mine.
Ew, get a room. Please." I hear Alice whine.
I pull back hastily and look up to see his eyes. I can't tell by his glasses, but I there's this sadness that cowers over his brows. "What's wrong?" I ask.
Everyone's digging into the cake, so my attention isn't as focal as before.
Jake holds my hand and leads me a few feet away from the group. He's no longer smiling, and I'm scared for what he may say. "I want this day to be perfect." He says.
"I told you, birthdays aren't a huge deal to me. A simple dinner would have been nice." I try to smile away his worry, but his frown deepens.
"I don't know what will happen this Friday, Dawn." He admits.
Of course it's about the match. I almost forgot that existed, but how could I? There's a chance that Jake might not even make it out alive, and if he does-- Ledger will do anything to torture us.
To rape me.
I pull at the bottom of his hair. "Why do you doubt yourself?" I move our faces closer.
"The more we get closer to the day, the more I worry. Anything could happen."
"Jake-"
Sh." He shushes me by putting a thumb to my bottom lip, " I just want you to know something. That I'm glad I met you." He puts his glasses on top of his head with his other hand. They squint at the bright light, but they hold my teary eyes, "That I love you, so fucking much Dawn. You're everything to me, and I'll be damned if he touches you. I'd do anything, be anything for you to be untouched. And if we fail, I'm sorry that we did ever meet."
"Don't say that." I pull him closer, "I'm glad we did. If I didn't, I would have never met the love of my life. I wouldn't feel alive, which is what you make me feel. Without you... everything would be silent. I'd be silent."
"Don't blame yourself when you know who the real villain is."
"Ledger." He answers.
I shake my head, looking down at our conjoined feet, "Him of course, but Lauren is the one I hate the most."
"Don't think about her."
"I know, I know. Is just if I see her, I'll lose it."
"Dawn-"
"She ruined everything good in my life. Always putting me down with snide comments-"
"She's behind you."
I unwrap myself from Jake and turn to see Lauren with cupcakes on a plate. She's a few feet away from us, and I don't know if she has heard anything.
"Hey." Her voice is timid.
"Hello," I say disdainfully, as I hurry back until my bum hits Jake's upper legs. His fingers loop around my jeans, pulling me closer to him.
"Happy birthday." She steps up a few inches, and I want to shrink.
"Surprised you remembered," I say coldly.
"Of course I did. You're my best friend."
"Was."
She looks down at the cupcakes. Even though Lauren's not my favorite person at the moment, she always made the best desserts I'll admit.
"Can we talk?"
"I'm busy." I pull Jake's hands leading us to the lunch table. I glance to see Alice cowering behind Casper to hide from Lauren. Casper glares at Lauren harshly.
"I'm going to save you slice before they eat it all." Jake pulls from me, and I nearly growl at him for leaving my side. He's doing this on purpose, and I don't understand why. I have nothing to say to her.
She steps closer to me, "I made your favorite." She holds out the plate - five chocolate cupcakes filled with chocolate chips and fudge.
I don't move a muscle. When she tries to hand the plate to me, I slap it out of her hands. They fall to the ground. Poor cupcakes.
"Dawn, what the fuck." She shrieks.
"What's that? Are you angry?" I cup my right ear at her. "Oh, I'm sorry." Sarcasm drips out of my mouth like a sundae during summer.
She glares at me, but she hears Jake laughter in the background. I follow her eyes - Jake in all his joy.
"Forget about it, Dawn," Lauren says. I look back to her, "I just want us to be okay? Could we ever be okay?"
"If your definition of okay is never speaking to one another, then yes, we're okay."
I've stunned her. She stays in place, and for a moment I don't think she recognizes me: my words, my body language. We've been disconnected since the beginning of the year, and I don't think she realized it. Of all the years of friendship, I went along with everything Lauren wanted to do. Not any longer. Not with the lies, the deception. I turn my back from her and begin my walk back to my new group of friends-- until I feel her hand on my arm.
"Dawn please-" before she can say another word, I use one of the moves I've been taught at Martinez's. I twist her arm, causing her back to cave in, and I push her with my other arm. She fails around dramatically, tripping on air and falling to the ground.
A crowd is beginning to form, and I almost regret hurting her.
Her eyes meet mine, it looks like she may cry, but the audience is laughing at her. She stands up abruptly, and anger rolls into her irises. "After everything, you'll choose him over me."
"The fuck are you talking about?" Her incredulous question doesn't make sense. I feel a brush of a person behind me, and I know it's Jake because he pulls me back by my waist.
"Dawn, chill." He murmurs in my ear. But all I can imagine is the image of Lauren and him kissing. Fucking in the library. His car and I begin to see red.
Seeing her write that fake fucking letter.
Her lies.
And I begin to boil where I stand.
"It was a stupid letter."
"Letters." I pull forward, but again, Jake pulls me back.
I don't know who I hate more. Lauren or Serena. They're about a tie as of now.
"Whatever Dawn. You act like you're all tough now because you're with him. Honey, everyone fucking knows you love my sloppy seconds. Dawson and Jake." She scoffs. "You're a follower, and you know it. Attention whore. That's what Jake called you right; now you really are his who-" I would like to be the one to jump her, but Jake already beats me to it.
He's in her face now, and his ear are red-rimmed, "Watch your fucking mouth, Contely." I pull his hoodie from his sweater back a few inches, but he won't relent. His finger is in her face, "I barely remember fucking you. One thing I remember-- your mouth reeks of shit just like your pussy. Say another word about Dawn. I dare you-" I pull at Jake's waist before he does something he regrets. "How many people fucked this one!" He points to her, "A lot. She goes around. Not shaming you, but at least wash yourself!"
She's speechless, and I don't think she has anything else to say. She looks humiliated, and now is the time I begin to feel bad. She was my best friend after all, and I was hers. And yet she hurt me indirectly. What would have happened if I'd gotten those letters? Where would I be? I'd be happier that's for one. Jake wouldn't be in the Underground because I wouldn't have broken his heart like Serena.
Although I still feel bad when Lauren pushes through the crowds; especially when she leaves shoe prints of her cupcakes.
_
"I can't believe you're making me go," I whine into my hands.
"Baby, it's your birthday. Of course, this is happening." Jake laughs out loud at my discomfort.
Going to an 18 and over club doesn't sound appealing at all, and considering the last time I was at a club-- I drank nearly half the bar and was drugged with ecstasy by Dawson the creep.
At least Alice and Casper will be there. I think Alice and him are working things out slowly, and I'm glad that they are. They deserve to be happy.
Jake's hand is on my thigh, "How are you feeling?" He looks at me briefly.
I try to smile, but it doesn't last long.
"She ruined it for you, didn't she?" His voice is glum. I can tell he's disappointed by my mood, but he can't blame me for feeling a little down because of Lauren.
"Don't worry about it." I clamp my hand over his that lies on my bare thigh, "I'm just nervous. You know how I am around people." I half lie. I am not entirely nervous about going to the club; it's the least of worries at the moment.
"Sure." He says as he pulls up to the parking lot.
"Hey." I call to him, he turns to me, and I press our lips together, "Thank you for making me feel special." I say honestly.
"You are special to me." He says matter a factly.
"I love you," I tell him. He pulls into a parking spot. "Sorry for being down, it's just-- she was my best friend, and I think I'm still in shock about everything.
"Understandable. I just want your day to be great."
"It has been." I pull his neck down to me for another kiss.
It's warm and it makes me lightheaded at the pressure of our lips. Our tongues that swim in each other's mouths so sweetly. "Can we just go home." I kiss down to his neck to distract him, but he isn't having it.
He chuckles, and my lips vibrate against his throat. "I wish but nope. Come on." He exits the car quickly before I can try anything else on him.
I roll my eyes but climb out of the car. I had to get dressed up for this stupid club that I don't even want to go to, but I don't want to upset Jake, he wants this day to be special.
The front looks empty, which alarms me, "Are you sure this is a club?"
"Mhm." He simply says as he wraps his hand around mine, pulling me closer. It's a bit chilly out, and this white mesh type of material dress doesn't help to keep me warm. I actually did my hear-- well my mother helped me.
I was never good at hair. Lauren was.
We enter the building, and it's completely dark, "Jake?" I question before the whole room lights up. And familiar faces light up the room.
Balloons are all across the floor reflecting faces.
Alice, Casper, Reese, Jesse, Fred, Tyrese, half the people I became familiar with at Martinez's organization, and their respected date or girlfriends.
A private nightclub.
My cheeks redden as the whole room bellows out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
I squeeze Jake's hand as he leads me to our group of friends. "How did you-"
"Martinez knows a guy. We're renting it for a few hours."
"You did this for me?" I look up to him, and he's the one with the cheeks red.
"I knew you didn't like to be around people you didn't know, so..."
"I fucking love you." I pull his chin down to me for another kiss.
"Love birds save it for later!" Alice scolds playfully.
I turn to her. Casper's arms are wrapped around her waist, and I can't help but smile to them. They've come a long way, and I only know that they fought so hard to get back to where they were a few weeks ago.
-
Jake is nowhere near perfect. Not even close, but I think that's what I love most about him. He doesn't try to be something that he's not. Take him for who he is, and I take him fully. I take him for his imperfections, his broken promises, and the ones he keeps.
He knows me better than anyone else, sometimes even more than I do. Everyone around me now is everything I've ever wanted, and it's because of him. He's made me a better person. He challenges me, as I do him.
So when I dance with him in front of everybody, I don't get embarrassed or ashamed because he makes me feel like I'm the only one in the world. Maybe I am special in this world. I'm his world. Our world.
And I know I've changed him too. He would never kiss me in public; especially in front of Alice, but he doesn't give a shit now, not at all when he nips my bottom lip to connect our tongues. This is my day-- our day really.
And I'll be damned if someone tells me that it is any other way.
When we leave after the presents, I can't keep my hands off him; I don't want to really. I want to give him the world like he's done for me. I can tell I'm teasing him too much. His eyes widen at my hands touching over his slight bulge in his pants from my grinding, and my eyes swim with luxury.
"Can't seem to wait can you?" He muses, and my eyes widen as he thrusts his waist up into my hand for more contact.
He's speeding now, and I know this is dangerous and irresponsible, but I want him. I always want him, and our days our numbered at this point. But I won't let those toxic thoughts ruin tonight. I won't.
It's dark out when we enter his cramped up house, but I'd rather be here than anywhere else. As soon as the front door closes, I climb on his back, and my mouth plays at his right ear. He tickles my under thighs, and I bite his neck in retaliation.
"Dawn," He mumbles from my assault.
"Sorry, baby." I lick his wounded, and he shivers along my tongue.
He makes me unhinge, and I'm glad I can do the same to him. Make him feel uncontrolled like me. He drops me to the ground and turns around. I don't have to see his eyes to know that his control is crumbling as we speak.
Without even blinking, his hands are already lifting my legs around his torso.
Jake's lips are sloppy against mine but are welcomed.
I'm intoxicated by the alcohol I drank earlier but also him. He makes me feel like I'm floating and there's no way I can come down from this high. My hands tangle against his curls. How is he this coordinate to get to his room?
Because next thing I know, I hear his bedroom door slam shut with his foot.
He throws me on his bed, and my elbows help me to the head. My eyes are only holding lust, as I eye his body up and down greedily while he takes his clothes off. He's mine. All mine. Jake's eyes hold seriousness and for a slim second distance, but I don't know why. Everything was wild and free, and now it's cold and separate.
He climbs above me, and my hand strokes at his chin stubble, "What's wrong?"
"Dawn," is all he can say. His eyes water and I'm utterly confused by his vulnerability at first, but he doesn't let me question him further as he shuts me up again with his lips. They're soft and passionate against mine. The pressure between us is heavenly but almost sickening in a way because I regret the time I have to pull away from him.
His tongue sneakily shadows mine, as his hands snake up my legs, pulling my underwear down. He helps me out of my dress next, breaking our kiss momentarily. Desired filled my veins only before, but now all I feel is pain, love, carefulness-- tenderness.
"Let's worry about it tomorrow as you said." His eyes flash to mine. We can read each other so well; we might as well have for same brain wave at this point. "Focus on me," I beg softly, my hands massaging his scalp.
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