Abigail's sight was blurred with tears as she entered the clubhouse. The whispers died away as she neared the men, who were all sitting in front of the bar. She could feel their pitiful looks, their conflicting feelings because they all knew they were going to crush her heart – and still there was not even the slightest shred of remorse in their eyes. Not even in those of her father.
"Where is he?" she whispered.
Her father turned away from his brothers, leading her to Juice's old room.
As if I couldn't have found that myself.
"Usually we would never do this," he sighed. "But we give you two one hour together. Then the cops will pick him up." Kissing her cheek, he raked a hand through her hair. "I love you, Abby. We all do. I really wish there was another way."
The cops would pick him up... Abigail had the feeling that she couldn't breathe. He would go to jail. All those nightmares that had plagued her for years, they would finally come true.
Unless she did the unforgivable.
Turning her back to the club who had raised her, to save the love of her life a lot of pain. She knew she could do it – because she knew what the other outcome would be. Turning away from her father, she opened the door and slipped into Juice's dorm. Memories invaded her, of all the times she had sneaked into this room when they had just fallen in love with each other.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, bent over, his elbows resting on his knees, his face buried in his hands. The sight of his hopelessness sent shivers down her spine.
As she closed the door, he looked up. "Abigail..." he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheeks. "I didn't... I didn't know if you'd want to see me."
Abigail chewed her bottom lip, not willing to give in to her tears. She didn't want to spend their last hour together crying. "Of course I do, Juan. Ever since you left, seeing you again was all I could think of."
He bent his head. "But not like this, I imagine."
Sighing, she sat down next to him and pulled him in his arms. She shivered as she took in his scent, finally feeling his arms around her again. "I missed you. I missed you so much."
"I know." His voice trembled. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I messed everything up. It was just..."
"Ssh." She laid her finger against his lips. "I don't wanna know. We have so little time. Please, love me. Love me one last time."
His eyes hold her glance. She saw the fear, the panic. Just like her, he knew what was going to happen.
"One more good memory," she whispered. "To which we can hold on to, whatever happens."
She took off her shirt, her pants and crawled on the bed. A bit hesitantly he undressed himself as well.
They gave each other shaky kisses, their fingers trembling as they caressed their bodies for the last time. Their tears mixed, their heavy breathing brushing each other's lips. They didn't look away for a single moment as they became one. Slowly their love loosened the strong grasp of fear.
"I love you, Juan," she said as he slowly filled her. "Whatever you have done, whatever you will do – I love you until the end of times."
His fingers cramped around her face, tears brimming in his eyes again. "I don't deserve you."
"We never get what we deserve, do we? I never regretted being with you and I will never do."
Her breathing faltered as he completely filled her, looking deeply in her eyes. "I love you, Abigail. If I could live this life again, I would change every second of it, except every moment I shared with you."
Sobbing, she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight as they continued their lovemaking until their sad smiles were a last sign of the deep love they felt for each other.
"Let me kill you," she whispered as she was lying on top of him a little later, their sweated bodies sticking together. "Let me kill you, baby."
He looked up, confusion in his eyes. "What?"
A lump appeared in her throat. "Let me save you from the horrors that are awaiting you."
He stared her in the eye, his face turning pale.
"You still believe those nightmares are just the figments of a sick mind?"
"I never said that, baby. I just..." He dropped his eyes. "I just... need to believe there's another way out."
"There isn't," she said with quivering lips, caressing his cheek. "I finally understand why those visions plagued me for so long. So you can die in my arms."
He squeezed his eyes, a few tears slipping through his eyelashes. "I can't baby. I can't go out like that. Not like a coward. I did horrible things, I betrayed my brothers – I need to do them one last favor. I need to come clean with myself."
"No," she whispered, burying her face against his chest. "They've kicked you out. They send you in without protection. You will – you will..."
"I know baby." He lifted her face and kissed her forehead. "But I don't want to betray them again. It's too late to make the right choice – but I will still do it. This time I want to be strong."
"You were always strong, Juan," she whispered before giving him a long, last kiss. "You just have a heart that is too kind for this life and the fact that you never let it grow cold makes you the strongest of them all."