my eyes reluctantly opened, a loud sigh leaving me as the familiar sound of arguing was heard downstairs. i groan, running my hands harshly down my face as i lied there. right on cue, crying erupted from the room next door. i glance over to see the useless lump next to me still sound asleep, soft snores leaving his lips. i quietly curse him before i swing my legs over the bed and trudge into my daughter's room. she was still bawling her eyes out until i reached her, her face lighting up once she spotted me.
"come on." i whisper, picking her up out of her cot and placing her on my right hip. she played with my hair as i nipped back into my bedroom and put my slippers on. again, jake was asleep.
i slowly went downstairs, the sounds of arguing getting louder and louder. the sight i see every morning laid before me; my two eldest children having a physical fight.
"guys! pack it in!" i shout, shaking my head as i take my daughter's high chair out of the cupboard and place her in it.
"he started it!" annie, my daughter, yelled. freddie, my son, was about to argue once again but i soon stopped him.
"can we never have one morning where we seriously don't argue? please? annie, you're 12 and freddie, for god's sake you're 15. please stop the arguing, i have enough of that in my life as it is." i say, not caring that i let slip that my marriage was full of arguments. freddie shot me a sympathetic look but agreed with me, apologising to his sister.
"thank you." i sincerely tell them, giving them a half tired smile before i get rose's baby food out of the cupboard. as i'm doing so, annie grabs her school things.
"i have to go, my friend's picking me up." she informs me, giving me a brief hug before she leaves the house. i raise my eyebrows before dismissing it, getting on with feeding my baby. as i'm doing so, freddie sits down beside me.
"are you and dad doing ok?" he asks me, his voice filled with worry. i hesitate for a moment before giving him a fake smile.
"of course we are, darling. why would you think we aren't?" i reply, shaking my head whilst smiling and shoving food into my daughter's already mucky mouth.
little did he know or need to know that last month, i found divorce papers in jake's bag. he clearly didn't want me to see them but i needed his wallet to give some money to annie and i spotted them. that night, the squad were working over night to finish a case and i cried the entire night. my eyes were red raw in the morning and jake clearly could tell but he didn't question me on it. of course freddie did, bring as protective as he is. i've cried a lot of nights since i saw those papers, i don't want jake to divorce me, i love him more than my entire life. he can annoy me so much sometimes and make me want to tear my hair out but we could work through whatever issues we have.
"because i hear you argue all the time. and you literally just confirmed that you're always arguing with him." he tells me, tilting his head. i sigh, temporarily closing my eyes before turning to him. i was about to explain when i see jake coming down the stairs.
"we're good." i say, giving him a smile that i'm guessing seemed sad by the way he looked at me. my eyes watched jake as he came down the stairs, showered and dressed, ready to go where ever he pleased. i noticed he has no bags under his eyes, he doesn't look absolutely exhausted.
"you're up." i bite, turning my head slightly so i could see him. my daughter claps her hands at the sight of her dad but jake seems to dismiss her.
"yes i am. i've got work today." he replies with an equal tone to mine. i hum in disbelief but let it go as i was preoccupied.
all of a sudden, i hear the coffee pot slam down onto the kitchen surface, making me jump and immediately turn to face him.
"we have no coffee left!" he exclaims, showing the coffee tin by shoving it in my face. i raise my hand up, pushing it away.
"i know we don't! i'm going shopping today." i explain, shaking my head before giving my daughter the last of her breakfast before handing her some juice in her cup. i roll my eyes and turn to face my son, who's looking at me with pure sympathy.
"come on love, you'll be late for school." i tell him, standing. up and going on my tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek. he gives me a smile before looking at his dad.
"i'll see you later, dad." he bids, putting his blazer on. jake turns round, giving him a slight wave before turning back around. i mumble some curses to myself before i see freddie out of the door.
"you could've given your only son a proper goodbye then." i tell jake before taking my daughter out of her high chair and sitting her on my waist.
"i'm gonna see him in like 6 hours, it's not much of a big deal." he replies, resulting to drinking orange juice instead of coffee like he wanted.
"not the point." i say, taking my daughter into the living room and sitting her on the large rug before laying some toys out for her.
"by the way, i'm working on a case with rosa on saturday!" jake tells me from the kitchen. i slam my hands down on the floor and standing myself up, storming into the kitchen.
"no! saturday is our date night!" i exclaim, letting my body flop to one side. jake places his sunglasses on his head before he turns to me, his orange juice in hand.
"it's fine, we'll do date night next month." he says, shrugging his shoulders. i let out a sigh before replying.
"you've said that for three months in a row now." i quietly say, getting a little upset and quite annoyed.
"well we'll do it next week then. it isn't much of an issue." he claims, rolling his eyes.
"yes it is, jake. you know how much i love date nights. ever since we started going out, they've been so special to me. now it's like they're not important to you, like they're such a big effort." i tell him.
"fine! i'll cancel work! how about that? and you can explain to rosa why i've cancelled. because you want some shitty date night where we have nothing to talk about because we've said it all before!" jake yells, making me step back slightly.
"is that seriously what you think of us? of our marriage? that we've said it all before?" i whisper, tears starting to well up in my eyes. jake simply folds his arms across his chest, not replying. i nod my head and stay stood there.
"guess that explains the divorce papers in your bag."
jake's face immediately drops, guilt taking over his entire expression. a tear slips down my cheek as i watch him. he doesn't even know how to react, he's dumbfounded at the fact i found them.
"why, jake? why do you want to divorce me? am i not interesting enough anymore? am i not good enough in bed? do you not love me anymore?" i whisper, letting another tear fall. jake's head frantically shook as he heard me.
"no, y/n of course not!" he says, taking a few steps towards me.
"then what is it?! why do you want to break up this marriage!" i shout, letting out another sob. jake simply stood there, not knowing the answer.
i scoff, shaking my head before walking around his body and running up the stairs. i could see his eyes following mine but i ignore it.
i burst into our bedroom and bend down, reaching out and pulling a suitcase from under the bed. i throw it into the unmade duvet and head to the wardrobe, throwing any item of my clothing in there. as i'm doing so, i accidentally pull off something i wasn't mean to. i gasp as it falls to the floor, simply staring at it. it was my wedding dress, still in its protective cover. my hands shake slightly as i pick it up and go to sit on the bed.
the memories of that day come flooding in the tears do too as i run my hands over the smooth fabric after unzipping the cover. it was the most perfect day, it was probably the best day of my entire life.
loud sobs erupted from me as i sat there with my wedding dress in my hands. i glance to my drawers across the room to see a placed down photo frame on there. i had placed it down when i first found the papers, it was a picture of jake and me from when we'd been together for about a year or so.
i get up from the bed, setting my dress down and walking over to the drawers. i pick up the photo frame and more tears fall and more sobs are heard. it was back when jake had just started out as a detective for the nypd.
as i'm crying over my failing marriage, i hear the door behind me open. i knew it was jake, but i didn't take any notice of him, i just carried on looking at this picture in my hands.
without warning, my knees buckle from beneath me and my body slips to the floor. luckily, jake flung forward and caught me but soon sunk to the floor with me. i laid in his arms and sobbed. it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, i really don't know. but all i know it was a very long time before i composed myself enough to speak.
"please don't divorce me. we can work this out, i know we can." i beg, looking up at jake who had let some tears of his own slip.
"please don't give up on us." i whisper.
jake's eyes tightly closed, letting a few more tears slip. i let some of my own too as i remain glancing at him.
"we can make it, i know it, i know" i tell him, gripping his hand. he sighs before nodding his head and looking down at me. he reaches forward, taking the photo frame out of my hand. he strokes his thumb along the picture of me and a soft smile forms on his face. the same hand grips mine and he presses his lips to the back of it.
"we can."
a/n what a sad chapter