liked by shawnmendes, karenrayment, mendeslife and 1,920,092 more
samaracavelli Karen got Baby K the cutest little sets for Christmas. We're down to one week til you're here and I couldn't be more excited to meet you. I dream of you but you're face is blurred. I'm so anxious to see how beautiful you'll be. #39weeks
comments have been disabled
// s o n g o f t h e c h a p t e r //
//// things i say when you sleep // n i n a n e s b i t t ////
//// n e w y e a r s d a y // t a y l o r s w i f t ////
Shawn would be returning home tomorrow and while it was something I was looking forward to, I, in a way, wasn't looking forward to it at all.
We hadn't talked since the day all of those pictures surfaced. The media had a ball with that let me tell you. They threw a pity party for me, "poor single mother" Samara while her unloyal baby daddy was out with a new fling. I'm sure the media would love if Shawn and I dated, but it just wasn't in the cards for us.
To be honest, with everything happening, I don't think it ever was in the cards and my stupid superstition about the universe having it's ways was just slowly sounding more and more dumb.
What was I even supposed to say to Shawn when I saw him?
None of it mattered right now. I was just happy that I made it this far along without giving birth and that if I could just make it 12 more hours, Shawn would be here when Kora comes.
I spent the entire day cleaning the apartment, even though it was spotless just because I was stressing myself out about Shawn coming home. Christmas was in a few days and my parents would be coming up to see Imogen and I. Plus, they'd just stay until Kora decided to come since the due date was so close.
Once I was finished cleaning the apartment for the third time, I decided to go out and do some last minute Christmas shopping. Kora had finally dropped which meant it was a lot easier for me to breathe now, but that didn't stop the amount of pressure I was feeling on my pelvis. If it wasn't one thing, it was the other, am I right?
I honestly had no idea what to get anyone. I pretty much winged it with everything I was buying, but things I was buying started to come together in my head and making sense. I think by the end, everyone would like what they were receiving.
I had always been awful at gift giving, but I think I was getting better this year.
I was up pretty late wrapping gifts, lost in my thoughts; daydreaming, if you will. By the time I finished wrapping and was laying in bed talking to Kora, I was stuck thinking about what she'd look like.
Would she look more like Shawn, or would she look like me? Would she have my nose or his? His curls or my waves? Every time I dreamed of her at night, her face was blurred. No matter how hard I squinted or strained to look, she was still blurred.
If she looked anything like Shawn, she'd be the most beautiful human in the world. I was almost nervous to see what she'd look like. I guess every mother is.
I loved her so much already.
She didn't move around as much anymore, mostly because of how tight it was getting for her in there. I definitely don't think I could grow anymore than I have in the past 9 months.
When I woke up the next morning it was from the smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen. I crawled out of bed and walked into the kitchen to a very happy looking Karen and Aaliyah.
"Morning, sweetness." Aaliyah said as she came to hug me. She stepped back for a moment and rested her hands on my belly. "Glowing as usual."
"It smells great, what are you guys whipping up?" I asked as I sat at the counter top. It took me a fat minute to get up onto the barstool, but I managed.
"Pancakes, bacon, and some eggs. I cut up some fruit for you, I know you said bacon makes you nauseous."
"Shawn must be coming home soon." I said a small smile on my face.
"Should be here in a few minutes. Are you prepared to see him?"
"I really just don't know what to say to him." I replied.
"I think, just hear what he has to say about everything and then try to work something out. Kora is coming any day now, and I think it's best that you guys figure it out before she gets here." Karen said, her back turned to me as she flipped pancakes.
"I'm not being... stubborn? Am I?" I asked as I reached for some of the fruit.
"I'm sure with the amount of hormones and emotions you're feeling, your head is all over the place. None of your feelings are invalid. It's hard for you." She explained.
"You guys both love each other so much, but you're both stubborn." Aaliyah said, not without receiving a mom look from Karen.
Our conversation was halted by the sound of the lock turning and then Shawn entering the condo. I stayed sat at the counter on the barstool while Karen and Aaliyah had rushed to greet him. Two months had seemed like ages and I was glad to have him home, I just wanted us to sort things out. Get back to normal.
Karen helped him bring his bags in and Aaliyah had yet to stop hugging him. I always found it so cute how close they were. It reminded me of Imogen and I. My mom always told me that Immy and I were inseparable as soon as I was born. I wonder if it was the same for Aaliyah and Shawn.
My breath hitched in my chest when Shawn laid his eyes on me. I'm not sure why, it just did. He just had that affect on me.
I stood up from the barstool and walked towards as he made his way to me. He held his arms open and everything felt right as I wrapped my arms around him. I released a deep breath I didn't know I was holding as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I missed you so much, Fal." He said under his breath.
"I missed you, too." I replied. I pulled away, gesturing to the kitchen, "Karen cooked for you."
Shawn sat at the countertop while Karen made him a plate and Aaliyah joined him. I, on the other hand, made my way into Kora's room to continue wrapping presents. My parents would be coming and staying with Imogen and Casey for Christmas.
I still didn't know what what my plans were for Christmas. Was I gonna go to Casey's parents or was I gonna stay with Shawn and his family. This wasn't something I hadn't had time to think about.
"You're lucky I already wrapped your presents," I said as Shawn peeked his head into Kora's room.
"You didn't have to get me anything, Falyn." Shawn said to me as he sat criss cross in front of me.
"Of course, I did... baby daddy." I gave him a small smile at our little inside joke, still maintaining my focus on wrapping Aaliyah's gift.
"You didn't, baby mama." He smiled as he watched my fingers fold the paper.
"I did anyways." I replied.
I'm certainly surprised things weren't as awkward as I thought they'd be. If they were how things were when we weren't talking for days on end, then I'd be stressed the F out. Things were.... almost normal. Just like I hoped they'd be.
"How are you feeling? Is Kora doing okay?" He asked.
"She's good. She's getting a little tight in there so she doesn't move much anymore, but she's doing good. I feel good, just getting anxious." I said.
"My anxiety is nothing compared to yours when it comes to this, at all, but I feel you. I'm so nervous to be a dad."
"It's not too late for you to run." I said, glancing up at him.
"Funny." He said in a very unamused tone, "I'm more excited than anything. Parenthood is just not gonna be easy for either of us."
"I know. Speaking of, I should probably pack our hospital bag." I said. Thankfully, Aaliyah's presents were the last ones I had to wrap so now I could find use in packing the overnight bag for Shawn and I.
"I'll help."
"You really don't have to," Despite me telling him that, he still followed me into our shared bedroom and beat me to the closet to grab his duffel bag.
"I didn't do anything with her, Falyn." He said after a long silence.
I was kind of shocked that he even said anything. I didn't even know what to say so I just unzipped the duffel bag, trying to avoid eye contact.
"I didn't even kiss her. I missed you so much and tour was so stressful. I thought I could-"
"You thought you could sleep with her and your problems would go away? What if she would have ended up like me, Shawn?" I didn't realize that within those short seconds, I could build up so much anger about the topic, but I did. It might have been bottled up anger from the last time we talked about this.
"I know. I'm sorry, let me explain. I didn't even want to, it was just an excuse- a stupid one. I love you and I'm sorry and I want to be with you."
"If you loved me, she wouldn't even be a second thought." I rolled my eyes as I angrily folded his and mine clothes and threw them into the duffel bag.
"I do love you. So much it hurts. I'm sorry I even thought about it. Please.. just let us be together, Falyn." He gently grabbed my wrist and stopped me from folding clothes.
"Shawn, you know the timing isn't right. We're about to have a kid-"
"That's exactly why we should be together. Wait-"
"Kora shouldn't be the reason we're together."
"That's not what I meant." He sighed and took my hands.
I honestly didn't know what to do at this point. Of course I loved Shawn. I had many reasons to believe he loved me too, things just seemed so difficult. They didn't need to be difficult, part of that was my fault. I guess I still was so scared to trust and let him love me.
Me using the "Kora can't be the reason" excuse was getting old.
I know Shawn loved me. I know Kora wasn't the only reason he loved me.
So why was this so hard?
"Just.. give me more time."
A;OIFJOIA;JF
Shawn is home
what will happen next
I love u
13k
y'all are wild
comment and vote
all the love