Arthit's
No, nothing good starts in a getaway car
He was the best of times, the worst of crimes
"I miss Kongpob so much!"
"That's the thousandth time you told that to me Oon." Mae rolls her eyes at me and continues to do her paper works.
I am here in my Mae's office since Por had told me his evil plan, I have decided to hide here but I continued playing my loud music in case Kongpob wondered where I am.
I sniff and wipe my tears. By now, with all the tears I had poured out, I thought this is all going to stop but no, my tears are still falling every time I think of Kongpob. I really miss him, his eyes, his laugh, his smile, his everything.
"I really miss him Mae. I just want to hug him and kiss him. Ugh. I want to be with Kong."
Mae snorts. "Then, go to him. No one's stopping you."
"But Por said he's going to make sure Kongpob's father's company will go down if I stayed with Kong."
Mae stops writing, looks at me, and laughs. "You believe your Por? That douche bag is nothing but threats, he can't do it Oon, he doesn't have balls to do it. Believe me, he's not a man of words. He told me back then he's not going to leave us but where he is now? With his other family, so you see, don't take his words to your heart. He's just spitting loads of bull."
"Mae, that's an awesome logic you have there."
"You are the one complicating this. Your Por's not going to do it, I have known that man for many years to know that he may be a douche bag but he's a softy inside. You're his son, he loves you more than anyone so he will not do that," Mae stands up from her swivel chair, sits beside me, and hugs me. "Be with Kongpob instead of being here and annoying the hell out of me. I'd love to work on this without hearing you crying and shouting your boyfriend's name. Wait, is he still your boyfriend?"
What does she mean by that? Of course, Kongpob is still my boyfriend, we still haven't broken up, right?
"Of course he is."
"Shocking. With you suddenly ignoring him for three days straight, he should have broken up with you. If I were him, I wouldn't be with you."
I frown. "That's very comforting Mae."
Mae cups my cheeks. "You're very lucky to have him Oon, he's still with you even if you're so annoying. He's the only one who can deal with your craziness so don't you let go of him. Fight for him."
"Mae, you don't understand. If I fought for him, everyone around us will suffer especially his family, it's not like I'm doing this just for the fun of it. I have a reason."
"Yeah. A futile reason," She laughs again. Now I understand where did I get that thing of laughing annoyingly in wrong situations. Because I swear, Mae is taking this problem too lightly. "Oon, you're going to be a lawyer soon, not a writer so enough writing a novel of you and your boyfriend. Pull your head out of your ass, you are not in any tragic story so stop treating your life like a Shakespeare story. Be practical."
"I am being practical. If I'm not, I'd be with Kong now and not heed Por."
Mae merely shakes her head at me and for the first time ever since I bothered her, she turns to face me with an earnest look in her eyes.
"You are being unfair."
I sigh. Is it unfair that I thought of his family than what we have? Is it unfair that I am willing to sacrifice us just to cinch his family's affluent life? Is it unfair of me to hurt ourselves when its outcome will be better than having to live and be in love with each other?
"Am I, Mae? I just want him to be happy with his life."
She shakes her head and sighs. "Looks like you can be stupid too."
"What?"
"You don't get this, do you?"
I tilt my head. Don't I? What's not to understand here?
"You are being unfair because instead of talking to him, you already have decided for the both of you without even telling him your problem. Oon, in a relationship, you should not only be trusting and loyal. Learn to communicate with each other so talk to him. If you don't want to have a relationship with him anymore, tell him the truth."
The thought of having to break up with him brings a searing pain to my heart. I feel my throat constricting and almost immediately, I feel my tears again.
I draw a deep breath to control my tears.
"Oon," Mae wipes my tears away. "Promise me you'll talk to him."
"O-okay."
/
The ties were black, the lies were white
And shades of grey in candlelight
I wanted to leave him
I needed a reason
Since I have promised my Mae that I would talk to Kong, she literally pushed me inside Kong's room until I sat on the bed and so I am currently sitting on my boyfriend's bed waiting for Kongpob with bated breath.
I'm afraid what would he say to me when he sees me again after a week of hiding from him. Would he push me away? Kick me out? Slap me? Punch me? Yeah, well I probably deserve it. I'm honestly expecting it but what I don't want to see is when he looks at me with abhorrence in his eyes directed at me.
Maybe I'm selfish but I don't want him to hate me. I want him to still look at me with love... but what if he fell out of loving me because I'm such a brat suddenly ignoring him?! Goodness fuck. I can't take that.
I huff and shake out my thoughts.
I roam my eyes around his room trying to busy myself and when my eyes landed on his collection, I smile. I will miss him so much.
"P'Arthit."
I smile and stand up to walk up to him. "Kong." I whisper.
X marks the spot, where we fell apart
He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself
We remain to stare at each other, I'm a little happy he doesn't hate me from the looks from his eyes but his expression is still vague to me. I don't know what is swirling in his mind but I wish I knew, is the cursing me now?
"P', are you ready to talk now?"
I hold his hand and caress the back of it with my thumb. "Can we sit for a while Kong?"
"Sure P'."
Earlier, I had promised Mae that I'd tell everything to Kong but now we're here, sitting, our labored breathing reverberating in the silence of the room- I realized, I don't have the courage to do it anymore, to tell him everything so I pull him towards me and kiss him instead.
I smile against his lips when I feel him kissing me back, I thought that was okay, that he wouldn't ask me anymore but who am I kidding? Of course, this will never be enough for him.
He pushes me away. "Okay, I really love you kissing me but what the fuck? You can't just do that after literally hiding from me for a week. P', shouldn't we talk about what the fuck is happening first?"
I remain adamant not telling him about Por. I really don't want to hurt him more than I'm hurting him now. And if I ever told him, it's not like he can do something about it. The result will still remain the same. We will still be away from each other. I will just give him a problem.
I stand up. "I'm sorry Kong. I guess I'm going."
"No P', you don't," He pulls me on his lap. "You don't want to talk? Okay let's not talk but please don't... don't leave me here because I know you're going to distance yourself away from me again. P', what are we now?"
I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed
We never had a shotgun shot in the dark
Hanging on a loose thread.
I peck his lips. "We're in love with each other." Only we're not destined to be together.
"If we are, then why aren't you telling me your problem?"
I can only respond with my tears spilling again. He caresses my cheeks. "P'-"
You were drivin' the getaway car
We were flyin’, but we'd never get far
Don't pretend it's such a mystery
Think about the place where you first met me
I hug him tight and bury my face on his neck, letting my warm tears cascade on his skin. "No more questions Kong. Please. Just hold me Kong. Just hold me please."
"I love you P'."
I look up at him and smile. "I love you too, Kong. So much."
So please forgive me.
"Does this mean you're not breaking up with me?"
I am. Because I have to but I don't want to.
"I love you Kong. I love you so much."
"Stay with me P'."
Even if I want to, I can't.
"I will Kong. I will stay with you."
Liar.
/
We're ridin' in a getaway car
There were sirens in the beat of your heart
Should've known I'd be the first to leave
Think about the place where you first met me
I open my eyes when I feel Kongpob's warm slow breathing hitting my cheeks. He's already asleep. I stare at the ceiling for a while just sorting out my scrambled thoughts when I feel his hands tightening around my waist.
I turn to look at his face and trace his nose with the pad of my finger wanting to memorize the feeling of his skin against mine.
"Kong, I love you so much." I lean my forehead on his and peck his lips.
I wrap my hands around his neck and hug him tight. After a while, I release myself from his hug which is hard because he's hugging me tight but I manage it since he sleeps like a log.
I grab a paper and a pen from his bedside table. I reckon I must leave him something, just anything. I suck at writing long letters so I settle with just a word. 'Sorry'
"Sorry Kong."
I kiss his forehead one last time and slowly walk out from his room willing myself not to turn my head back to him. When I hear the door softly closing behind me, I broke down on the floor. "Kong..." I hug my knees to my chest and stupidly cry in the hallway, my back leaning on my ex-boyfriend's door. Wait, are we broken up now?
That thought prompted me to cry even more. I lay my head down on my knees to still my sobs. I can't take this pain anymore. I turn back at the door behind me and caress it. I was about ready to just go inside and be with Kong but I heard my phone ringing.
It's Por.
"Arthit, where are you?"
"On the way there."
I end the call. Earlier, Por had already asked me to stay at his office and leave everything, especially Kongpob, he said it's for the best and just a day later, I'll already be in the US.
Slowly walking down to the parking lot, my heart slowly crumbles into pieces as well leaving some of it to Kong.
Mae's waiting for me in front of my car while holding my luggage. When she sees me, she puts my luggage down and hugs me. I smile sadly and hug her back. "I guess this is goodbye now?"
She pats my back. "Yeah. This is your decision. Have you told him?"
"No."
I thought she's going to shout at me but she merely nods. "As expected."
"Aren't you going to call me stupid and coward?"
"No. It's your life but I want you to look at the mirror, you will know what to call you."
I hum but I remain looking at her, expecting her to cry maybe? But I'm expecting her to give me a saddened look rather than giving me a beautiful smile. I narrow my eyes at her. Something is off.
You know for someone like Mae seeing her son leaving her to settle in another country, located at the other face of the Earth, Mae's very calm.
I clutch the door handle and tilt my head at Mae's direction. "You know, you are taking this too lightly. Why aren't you crying?"
She smiles wider. "Why should I? I know you'll be back the next day."
If only I can, I will.
"Mae..."
She shrugs. "If you can't fight for your relationship may be Kong can do something about it."
I shake my head. "I'm going." I put my stuff in the trunk and enter the car.
"Tell your Por how much of an asshole he is, tell him it's from me."
I laugh. "I will Mae."
She nods and walks away. Before starting the car, I look at the rearview mirror and I realize Mae's right.
I'm stupid for leaving Kong. And a coward. I realized, maybe I am not doing this to sacrifice our relationship to veer the problems away from his family. Maybe I'm being unfair and maybe, I'm only hurting us both, especially him, he doesn't deserve this.
He doesn't deserve me.
I look at the building one last time. This is really the end of us.
I'm in a getaway car
I left you in a motel bar
Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys
That was the last time you ever saw me
I start the car and never look back.
/
I was ridin' in a getaway car
I was cryin' in a getaway car
I was dyin' in a getaway car
Said goodbye in a getaway car
I blink my eyes fast to stop my tears getting in the way while I drive but it gets blurry even more and I'm already having a hard time seeing the cars passing by.
I briefly bow my head to wipe my tears away but when I look up, the traffic has already stopped.
"Fuck!" I stomp on the pedal hard and my car stops to a screech. Shit. I almost hit the car before me. Shit.
I draw out a sigh of relief.
I slouch from my seat and lean my forehead on the stirring wheel and hit it several times. "Fuck Arthit, why are you so stupid?!"
I only pull my head away from the stirring wheel when I hear someone behind me honking me loudly, the traffic light has turned green already and I'm jamming the traffic but I hardly care.
Damn fuck. I'm fucking crying here. Can't they fucking see that and not be fucking insensitive!?
"Move! Stop being a bother!"
I roll my eyes at the woman shouting at me as she leans on her window.
"I just broke up with my boyfriend! Give me a break!"
"Go cry somewhere else you pussy!"
Oh fuck you.
I drive the car away from her.
After a few minutes, I suddenly stop in the middle of nowhere, there are no cars around me. It's just me, the darkness of the place and... when I look beside me, I broke down.
I'm at the place where Kong brought me when I felt sad. I'm at his comfort place. I did not bother to go outside as I know I am too weak to even stand up by myself. I bit my bottom lip but more sobs come out.
I feel like dying.
I was ridin' in a getaway car
I was cryin' in a getaway car
I was dyin' in a getaway car
Said goodbye in a getaway car
/
"Son-"
Por leans forward to hug me but I step backward.
"Mae said you're an asshole."
He merely nods. "Welcome to the company."
Welcome to hell you mean.
//