Camila/You - Saving You - Chapter 10
A/N: okay now I know that most of my fics contains love triangles but I have to clear it up on this one. THERE WILL BE NO LAUREN/YOU/CAMILA IN THIS STORY! As much as I love Lauren, this story is focused on Camila and how she makes you feel when you had given up on everything, I can't write you having feelings for Lauren after everything that happened with Camz. Nevertheless, Lauren is going to be your friend and there will be some jealous Camila moments. That's all I needed to say. Enjoy the chapter ️
A/N (edit): So I told you guys I was feeling a little bit down lately that's why you didn't get updates sooner. To be honest I would really like to hear your thoughts on this chapter, I know your feedback will make me feel better and that's really what I need right now.
Warning : Definitely not my best chapter :'(.
Your point of view
I couldn't take the smell of the hospital-like clinic anymore. I couldn't take the fact that I had to stay on this fucking bed during the day anymore. And I couldn't take the fact that everyday Camila would come and knock hoping i would let her in so that we would talk, but every day I wouldn't answer, letting her understand that either I was asleep or I just didn't want to see her. I was fed up with this whole situation and it had only been a few days so as the sun began setting I got up and got out of this freaking room I started hating. I could walk, despite the slight pain in my legs, but what was killing me was the pain in my ribcage, it was unbearable but I kept walking anyway and finally reached my house. Thankfully the doors were looked indicating that Camila couldn't be in. I entered the house and took in the surroundings before quickly walking to the roof needing the peaceful atmosphere of my safe haven. I laid on the covers and finally enjoyed the silence and cold breeze I was surrounded of. But very soon, flashes of the last time I was here came back rushing to my mind. I remember it was with Camila. I remember holding her in my arms, kissing her head. I remember being the old me that night, the one that was able to care, the one that was able to love without feeling guilty of the things that happened in the past. I liked being this person with Camila and now that I was willing to be like that with her everyday, now that I was willing to let my walls fall apart and to finally be the person she makes me want to be, she wasn't there anymore, she didn't want it anymore. I had lost her before I even had her. But I could only blame myself. Who was I to believe that she'd always be there chasing me? Of course she was going to get tired of this and I didn't see it coming, I didn't think it was going to be that soon. What did that Austin guy had that I didn't anyway? Except that he wasn't a bitch to everyone which is probably why she chose him. At that second I regretted pushing her away so many times, I regretted being the broken person I was but then I realized maybe that was another sign that I didn't deserve happiness. Maybe having her get over me was just showing me that I didn't deserve to be loved.
"There you are." I heard a voice coming from behind me making me sit up so fast that the pain in my ribcage made me groan. "I'm sorry I didn't want to scare you." She stated.
"You didn't scare me. Just surprised me." I answered. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I was coming to visit you at the clinic but when I got to your room you were nowhere to be seen...so I went to look for you." She explained still standing at the door.
"How did you know I would be up here?" I questioned.
"She said this place was your Safe Haven. She told me to check here." She declared and I nodded in understanding as I knew exactly who she was talking about.
"Why didn't she come here herself?" I asked slowly not daring meeting her green eyes.
"Well she didn't exactly feel strong enough to face another rejection..." She stated with a little smirk that only betrayed her uneasiness.
"Right." I whispered as I pursed my lips.
"So are you gonna let me come in or am I just going to stand on your door step forever?" She asked crossing her arms on her chest defiantly.
"Doorstep. Definitely." I answered before laughing at her groan and her fake hurt expression. "Come here Lauren." I finally said and the genuine smile on her face immediately made me feel better. She sat down next to me and we just stayed in silence, watching the stars and staring at the horizon of what was once a wonderful world.
"Can I ask you a question Lauren?" I asked taking us out of the silence.
"Depends. If you plan on asking me out don't, you are not my type." She joked causing me to smile. She seemed softened by my smile as if she wasn't used to see it and she just smiled back at me.
"You're cute but you are not my type either." I countered continuing the little joke and the laugh that escaped her made me realize that I could still be funny.
"Please I'm everyone's type." She said as she slapped my arm softly.
"Cocky much?" I said causing her to laugh again. The laughter slowly died down and the seriousness came back as the next words flew out of her mouth.
"What's your question?" She asked and I looked down instantly.
"Do you think..." I paused uneasiness and shyness taking me over for the first time in forever. "Do you think I deserve to be happy?" I asked as I met her eyes, a pleading look on my face. As her eyes widened i understood she wasn't expecting that at all so I brought my gaze back to the floor. "Like, despite all the things I've said, all the things I've done. Despite the fact that I've been a bitch to everyone here including you and Sofi and..Camila. Do you think I deserve to be loved?" I said my eyes latched to the floor until I felt her resting her head on my shoulder as a way to comfort me and to reassure me.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." She stated and I furrowed my eyebrows as this sentence seemed familiar to me.
"Is that a quote from a movie?" I asked after a few seconds.
"Shut up! Don't ruin the moment.." She exclaimed as she straightened herself up and looked at me with a horrified look.
"I'm sorry." I laughed. "Keep going ma'am." I said making her smile.
"Okay so I think that We accept the love we think we deserve. You feel like you don't deserve anything, neither love nor sympathy and not even kindness. Whatever happened to you in the past left a mark, it scarred you and you don't seem to be able to move on, to get over it. And that what makes that you are broken, that you don't feel worthy. But let me tell you something Y/N I think you deserve the best things in this world, things such as love and happiness because you are still here sweetheart. Despite everything you've been through, you are here, with me, alive and with a smile on your face and just that makes that you deserve everything you want to have. Because you haven't given up. Yes you've decided to handle the pain the wrong way but still you are standing in front of me. You deserve to be loved. And that's exactly why I love you and why Camila is in love with you." My eyes got teary at every word she pronounced until she said her last sentence. My heart constricted at the fact that Lauren mentioned Camila's love for me.
"Yet she chose the asshole." I shot angrily and bitterly before my eyes widened. "I'm sorry. I don't even know him I have no right to-" I started but she cut me off.
"Oh he is indeed an asshole." She stated making me laugh in disbelief. "But Camila and Austin's love story is a bit complicated..." She said and trailed off as if to ask if I wanted to know more.
"Enlighten me then." I said.
"Camila and Austin knew each other before shit started to go down, they were dating before the outbreak. She was going to break up with him since she realized she wasn't in loved with him but then people started getting turned into flesh eaters and she was stuck with him. At the beginning of the epidemic they got separated and they both thought the other was dead. Two weeks ago he showed up at our door and things completely fell apart. Camila was feeling awful since you had been in a coma for two weeks and she let him in again, she didn't have the strength to reject him, she needed some moral support and she found it in his arms. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you." She explained and I didn't know what to say after that. "But now that you are awake then maybe you guys can start something." She said hope very noticeable in her voice.
"No." I shot in a very determined tone causing Lauren to frown. "She is better off with him." I stated.
"That's bullshit! How in hell would you know that?" She exclaimed almost angry.
"She would be better off with anyone! Just not me. You said it yourself Lauren, I'm broken. What kind of person would I be if I offered her a broken heart?" I answered finally explaining the reason to my determination. I expected her to yell or counter fiercely but she just laughed.
"I'm gonna tell you something babe. You are broken indeed, i won't deny that but, a long time ago you weren't. Once upon a time you were you, whole and all that stuff." She said in a carefree, joking way.
"What's your point Lauren?" I asked completely confused.
"I'm just saying that every broken thing no matter how deep the fracture is, can be fixed. And I believe Camila has already started fixing you, it's just a matter of time before she finishes the work and make you happy again. She isn't going to give on you." She declared and I just remained silent, taking in her words, hoping deep down that what she was predicting was true. Silence fell upon us again and I finally let myself lay down on the covers, tired as my body weren't at its best lately. Lauren joined me and rested her head on my shoulder. I wasn't expecting her to cuddle up to me but she did anyway, and I had to admit that it felt good having her like this so I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed her head.
"Will you ever tell me what happened to you? What broke you?" She whispered slowly as she intertwined our fingers on my stomach.
"No." I answered matter of factly and I heard her sigh. "Not that I don't want to Lauren. It just hurts too much. Let's just say that the rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, and tears falls cause the heart can no longer handle the pain. And then I got tired of the tears so I shut them off but my heart shut off along with them. That's why I'm broken now, I don't know how to use my heart anymore, I don't know how to feel." I explained and finally a tear fell down my cheek at the realization of what I just said. Lauren leaned up in her elbows to look at my face, slowly she wiped my tears away and cupped my cheek.
"A tear fell down your cheek meaning your heart is on again. You don't need to actually know how to use it, you use it whether you like it or not. You love Camila? That's a use of your heart. You care about me, Sofi and the rest of us ? That's another. You are going to find the way to the old you, and we are all going to be here for you on that road. That's what friends are for." She explained and I couldn't help but smile at the words.
"So we are friends now?" I asked.
"I'll tell you what. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be your best friend." She stated.
"You already are." I answered and the brightness in her eyes at that second defeated the brightness of every single star of the galaxy.
"I love you Y/N as much as you deserve to be loved, which literally is unconditionally." She whispered.
"I love you too Lauren." I stated with a smile. She was about to rest her head back on my shoulder but she looked up and her eyes widened.
"Oh oh." I said as if she had seen something that wasn't good news. I looked up myself and was met by a petite form at the door frame. "This is definitely not what you think." Lauren added as I just stared at the form.
"Camila..." I whispered when I heard a sob escape her.
A/N: I didn't proofread the chapter so sorry for any mistakes.
Anyway I really hope i'll wake up to your asks in my askbox or in the 5HFanfic tumblr's.
Love you guys.
-Katy.