Harry's perspective.
"There's my girl," I say with a sigh of relief when I open the door, and my eyes fall on Maddie. Still trying to rub the sleep from my eyes I dozily take her in, she looks tired, there are bags under her beautiful blue eyes, and her shoulders are slumped.
"Hey, can I come in? I need to talk to you." She says, her voice barely coming out as more than a whisper and I realise that I am still just standing in the doorway, blocking her entrance and staring at her like a creep.
"Of course you can, sorry," I say quickly and take a step back to let her pass. Every inch of me wants to reach out and pull her into my arms, apologise for all the stupid fucking things I said yesterday and kiss away the pained look in her eyes. But as she shrinks by me, careful not to brush up against any part of me, I think better of it and keep my hands to myself.
When I got back from the arena last night I went straight to the check-in desk and arranged for her to have the best room that the hotel had available for the night, then came up to my suite and carefully packed up her suitcase, reassuring myself as I did it that it wasn't forever, it was just for one night. We've spent plenty of other nights in separate rooms since we got together, this didn't have to be a big deal unless I made it into one. I took my time folding up her clothes, collecting her toothbrush and toiletries from the bathroom and positioning them inside her case, at the last moment I decided to slip in a line from one of my favourite Bukowski poems into a pair of her socks, I'm not even quite sure why I just needed to make sure that she had a small part of me with her I think.
I could have asked anyone of ten people to take her bag down to her room for her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, didn't want to face any questions it might bring. So I hopped into the lift, hoping I wouldn't run into anyone on the way, and placed it outside the door to her suite. I debated waiting there for her to see if I could get her to talk to me. But she asked me for space, for just one night, and I had to respect that so I headed back up to my room.
I slept awfully in my huge bed all alone, tossing and turning until god knows what time in the morning. Constantly checking my phone over and over just in case she'd tried to call or text, before getting stuck in a YouTube hole for nearly an hour, watching and rewatching the various different videos that some of my fans had already uploaded of Maddie's performance. The more I watched, the more agitated I became though, the more my stomach tied itself into knots and the more anxious I got.
Don't get me wrong, her performance was wonderful, she hit every note perfectly, she wasn't flat or out of tune at any point, but... Argh, I feel like a complete arsehole for even thinking it, but I don't understand what it was that this Dean guy saw in that short performance that made him rush back to her dressing room afterwards and offer her a deal. I don't pretend to be an expert on the music business, but I know what kind of songs are topping the charts right now. I know the kinds of artists that are being pushed forward and propelled into the spotlight, and I just can't see where Maddie fits in that equation with her rocky/acoustic vibe, I knew myself that putting out a rock record as my first solo album was a huge risk, commercial radio stations don't play rock music, teenagers don't rush out to buy rock albums. I was lucky, I was in a position where I could take that risk, and I came to terms with the fact that there was a good chance that not everyone was going to like it, but I decided to be true to myself and let the dice fall where they may.
Maddie doesn't have that kind of security. If she puts out a record that doesn't sell, that'll be it, the music industry doesn't offer second chances to new signings, this Dean guy will cut her off and pretend he's never heard of her as quickly as he's offering to sign her if she isn't good for business. There are thousands of people out there with great voices, but a great voice alone isn't enough.
I take a seat on the large lavender sofa in the middle of my living area and wait patiently for Maddie to join me, my heart sinking a little when she chooses to sit down on the opposite armchair, as far away from me as possible and rests her elbows on her knees.
"Look, I..." She begins, but another knock at the door interrupts her, and I curse under my breath.
"Sorry, I'll get rid of them," I mumble as I jump up to answer the door. Suddenly very aware that I am mostly naked, I grab a T-shirt from the back of a chair and pull it over my head as I make my way through the living area.
"H! Morning, mate, you look like shit." Joe, one of my assistants, says when I finally open the door, his fist raised as if he was just about to knock again.
"Gee thanks, look, Joe, nows not a great time," I tell him, hoping to end this conversation as quickly as possible.
"Ahh sorry mate, it's just, Paul asked me to look into that Ackland guy like you asked? He said you'd want the info asap, so I figured I best drop em by," he says, extending his other hand which I now see has several pieces of paper in it and brandishing them at me. Shit.
Quickly looking over my shoulder into the living area, I lock eyes with Maddie, and it's clear from the look on her face that she heard him and that I am screwed.
"Thanks," I say quickly, taking the papers from Joe and going to shut the door but he continues talking.
"By all accounts mate he seems like a stand-up guy, the record company belongs to his dad, he doesn't seem to have any artists to his name yet, but I scoured the internet all night just like you asked, and I couldn't find anything negative about the bloke. Called some of my contacts out in LA and the worst anyone had to say was that he's a bit of a ladies man, but then you of all people can relate to that eh?" Joe jokes, normally he and I get on very well, and on any other day a joke like that wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but today isn't a normal day. "Even checked out his social media pages and from what I can see, he seems like a regular dude. I don't think you've anything to worry about, although, between you and me? Not sure I'd want my girlfriend swanning off with him, he looks like he's just fallen out of the pages of 'hot man' magazine. Not that I read that sort of thing." Joe laughs as he continues to dig my grave for me.
"I've really got to go, thanks," I say rudely already starting to close the door in his face.
"No worries H! Anything else you need just holler!" Joe says happily, completely oblivious to the trouble he's just caused.
I close the door slowly, dreading the moment that I will have to turn around and face my girlfriend. Who has not only just been told that I asked my staff to rummage into this guys life after she said she didn't want me to, but also reminded that I have been known to be a bit of a ladies man. Wonderful.
I take a couple of deep breaths and put the paperwork on a small table beside the door, dragging out these few last moments of peace for as long as I can before I slowly inch my way around until I am facing my girl. She's no longer sitting hunched over on the chair but is standing in the centre of the room, her arms crossed protectively over her chest again, her face flushed with anger. Fuck.
"Maddie I.." I begin, but she cuts me off.
"Why are you leaving the papers over there, Harry? Come on, you went to a lot of trouble getting your staff to snoop into Deans personal life, least you can do is read what they found," she says, her tone ice cold.
"It wasn't like that Maddie, I just wanted to make sure that we knew who this guy was that's all!"
"Because you didn't trust me to be able to find out for myself? Or because, after Novak, you think I'm just a totally shit judge of character?" She asks.
"No, not at all! It's just.. this is a massive life-altering decision for you, and I wanted to ensure we had all the facts before you made it."
"Well if this was all for me, then you won't mind me reading these then?" She asks, but I know that she doesn't actually want an answer as she strides across the room and snatches up the papers from the table, starting to flick through them.
"Dean Ackland, 24 years old, born and raised in Los Angeles, a junior executive at Ackland records.. yadda yadda yadda." She reads quickly. I stand stock-still unsure what my best move is here as her eyes flick over the rest of the page before flipping to the next.
"Playboy, linked to numerous models.. See Harry? It seems you two have a lot in common! Ooh recently rumoured to have been dating Georgia Fowler. Isn't she one of your cast-offs?" Maddie asks, and my face falls, there just had to be a name in there to link back to me didn't there.
"Oh look, Joe's written a little note at the end here." She says, flashing the last page towards me where I can see a scrawled note in biro. "Seems like a stand-up guy H. Just maybe keep an eye on your misses. He's even drawn a little winky face! How nice of him!" She finishes sarcastically, throwing the pages down on the sofa as she storms past me.
"Trouble please, sit down." I plead with her, taking a seat back on the sofa. She takes the seat opposite me again, and I watch as she takes a deep, steadying breath."Yes, I asked Paul to look into Dean for me, and I'm not going to apologise for it. Maddie, I love you, and it's my job to keep you safe. I failed you twice already in that regard, and I wasn't about to have anything happen to you again, so I looked into the guy." I tell her calmly, trying to keep as cool as possible so that this doesn't turn into another shouting match like yesterday.
"I get that, Harry. I do. But you shouldn't have done it behind my back. You should have waited and spoken to me about it."
"Yes, you're right, I should have done. Maybe if you'd stayed and talked to me like an adult, I would have! But I didn't know when I'd next be speaking to you at the time. You had just insisted on getting your own room for the night and staying away from me. So I took matters into my own hands." I snap. I refuse to apologise for looking out for her, it's fucking ridiculous. After Novak, of course, I am going to worry!
"Well, I guess now you really can't have any issues with the fact that I am going to accept Deans' offer at least," Maddie says quietly, so very quietly that I almost don't hear her.
My head shoots up of its own volition, and I feel a lump rise in my throat as our eyes lock together and I take in her words. She's leaving.
"When?" is the only word I can find to say.
"Soon, today, probably. I wanted to talk to you before I called Dean and let him know, but he's flying back tonight, so I'd imagine he'd try and get me a ticket on the same flight."
"Maddie, are you sure about this? I mean, are you sure you're ready? It was just one show, just a few songs... maybe you should take a little bit more time to truly discover who you are as an artist before you rush into recording?" I ask her gently, swallowing down the tears I can feel pricking at the back of my eyes and realising that I desperately don't want her to leave. Long-distance relationships are hard, so very hard, I should know, I've tried a few over my time with the band and not once, ever, did they work out for me. I watched the other boys somehow manage to keep them afloat but I just never could. I'm ashamed to admit that more than once I've found my eyes wandering to someone else when the girl I was meant to be dating was thousands of miles away waiting for a call from me that would never come.
"Just one show? Harry, do you have any idea how many shows I've done in my life? I'm twenty-two years old for fuck's sake, you were a hell of a lot younger when you went on the X-factor! I've been performing since I was fourteen, granted not on stages like the one last night but still! I know who I am. I know what kind of artist I want to be. And this is a huge opportunity for me! I don't understand why you would be anything other than supportive!" She's shouting again her words bouncing off the walls and seeming to echo around us.
Fuck why can I never quite seem to get across to her what I want to say without us ending up shouting at one and other? Why is it so fucking hard for us to communicate?
"I know, and I wasn't ready then either! I loved being in the band, and I wouldn't change it for the world, but fuck it was hard! And we had each other to lean on, and a massive team around us, writing us hit after hit, generic bubblegum pop until we were ready to take the reigns ourselves, and that's not you Maddie! Do you know how hard it is for anyone to release a rock album that actually does well in the current charts? I was lucky, I have some amazing fans who supported me, but you wouldn't have that safety net, and I don't want you to be heartbroken if this doesn't turn out the way you're hoping." I tell her honestly, hoping against hope that I've managed to articulate my fears to her in a way that she can understand, willing her to see that I am only looking out for her. That I don't want to see, all her dreams turn to dust.
We sit in silence for a few moments as she takes in my words, her head bowed, staring at something on the floor. I don't say I word, I am scared to even breathe in case I manage to somehow make matters even worse than I already have.
"You think I'll fail." She says matter-of-factly, and my heart sinks.
"Not because you aren't amazingly talented Maddie! Not because I don't believe in you! But because I know this industry, I know how it works." I say quickly, wanting to rush to her side and comfort her.
"But, you sent me to Novak all those weeks ago... you didn't feel this way then?" She asks, finally raising her head to look at me.
"I hadn't really thought it all the way through back then, we weren't together. I wasn't as invested in you as I am now. And I have to admit, I'm more concerned now. We're a couple Maddie, and no matter how hard we try and keep that quiet people are going to find out. Dean spotted you because you performed at one of my shows for fuck's sake, and there are already videos of you performing all over the internet, it's not going to take long for people to put two and two together. You've always been so scared of our relationship going public and..., and I'm worried what people will say when they find out we're together." I admit. It's a low blow, using her own fears against her, but it's also true. She's not dealing well with just the crew and my band knowing about us, I can't imagine how hurt she'd be reading press articles and comments on social media from complete strangers.
"Are you scared I'll embarrass you? That people will find out we're dating and then my record will flop, and you'll look like an idiot?" She asks, instantly jumping to conclusions that I hadn't meant to imply.
"No, no! Of course, I'm not, jees Maddie is that the kind of guy you think I am?" It's my turn to raise my voice now, I can't quite believe she'd think that! That I am only trying to discourage her because I am worried about my fucking reputation! I drag my hands through my hair in utter frustration and feel a couple of strands break as I tug on it. Why can't she understand?
"I don't fucking know anymore, Harry! Yesterday I thought you were my loving and supportive boyfriend who believed in me and wanted me to succeed, but today... today I feel like you'll do anything to try and stop me!" She shouts, throwing her hands up in exasperation. It feels like neither of us is really listening to the other anymore, like we're just coming to our own conclusions, hearing what we want to hear through the haze of anger and tension.
"I do believe in you! I just, I don't think you're ready yet. I'm sorry. I don't think this is your shot." I finally let my true feelings slip from my lips but regretting them the second that I see the hurt in her eyes. I bury my head in my hands, resting my elbows on my bare thighs and relishing the slight twinge from the bones digging into the delicate skin. I dig my elbows down a little more firmly, focusing on the pain in my legs in an attempt to drown out the deep ache in my chest.
The silence hangs in the air between us for a few painful minutes until I hear the familiar buzzing of a phone vibrating and glance around the room for mine before remembering that it's still in the bedroom.
"Hello?" Maddie says as she holds her phone to her ear, seems everyone wants to interrupt us today.
"Dean! Hi. I was going to call you." she says as she stands and starts to pace slowly up and down the room. "Yes, I've made my decision. I'd really love to come out to LA with you."
Fuck. She's really leaving. Nothing I've said has made any difference. All I've done is make her hate me right before she goes.
"I'm flying out tonight. I'm sorry if that leaves you short-handed on the crew." She says softly as she pushes her phone into the back pocket of her jeans, and I feel a churning in my stomach. No. She can't be leaving, not like this, not so soon, not when we're such a mess.
"What about us?" I manage to croak out, barely holding back the tears now.
"Harry, I love you," she says and my heart leaps, maybe this isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe we can get through this, maybe this time I can make the long-distance thing work, fuck if there's anyone in the world I'd be willing to try for it's her.
"But I can't do this anymore. I can't be with someone who doesn't believe in me. I'm sorry."
I sit frozen, unable to find the words to try and convince her to stay, unable to think of a single thing that could change this situation now. Part of me wants to beg her to change her mind, to tell her I'll do anything. But there's this little voice in the back of my head telling me not to demean myself like that, and at that moment, the voice wins out.
"Fine. If that's what you want." I say coldly. Not allowing any emotion to colour my tone.
"It's for the best." She says with a small nod, but I can see the same tears shimmering in her eyes that I can feel in my own.
"I'll let Paul know," I assure her.
"Thank you. Goodbye, Harry." her voice cracks over the words, but she doesn't let the tears fall as she makes her way to the door.
"Bye Trouble," I whisper although I am pretty sure she can't hear me as she walks out of the door and out of my life.