"Are you gonna tell me?"
I had just woken up to find myself laying on Michael's chest with a thick blanket over us and his hand rubbing on my leg. He was watching the Three Stooges, but unlike the many times he had watched it, he wasn't laughing his ass off. He was just sitting there staring at the screen as if he was not fazed by any of that at all.
I had cried for at least an hour in his arms. Listening to to the agonizing sound of my sobs being muffled by his shirt and the sound of his mellifluous voice sshing me and telling me that everything was gonna be okay. Eventually I had gotten to the point to where I tuned us both out and sleep began to fall upon my eyes. Apart of me wished I could have just slept forever.
Without looking at him I moved my body closer to him, wanting his scent to be the only thing that I smelt. " Liyah?"
"Hmm?"
He began to set up, pulling me up along with him. "What's wrong?"
I sighed and looked at his concerned stare. "Do I really have to talk about it?"
His eyebrows rose as he gave me quick nods."Yes!"
I rolled my eyes and groaned. "Michael..."
"Don't Michael me....you just can't walk up in here and burst out cryin' like that, and not tell me what's wrong."
My face turned doleful. "Michael, I-"
He placed his hand over my mouth. "Ssh," he whispered. "the only thing I wanna hear come out your mouth is an explanation."
I rose my eyebrow at me, pursing my lips against his hand. "I can't speak with your hand over my mouth."
He gave me a mere smile and let his hand drop under my chin. He began caressing my bottom lip. "Talk." he ordered.
I sighed heavily, running my fingers through my hair. "Sasha and Liana called and said that they needed to me and Leena something." I began as I straightened my torso and rested my head on my hand. "So we get there and they tell us that the find out why Danielle went back to New York."
"And..."
"And..." My face became a little pitchy as glanced up at the ceiling while I spoke. " apparently...we have a little sister."
He gasped. " Really, Liyah? That's great! So, you have baby sister?"
I shook my head. " Oh no, this ain't no baby. She's sixteen years old and already got a criminal record."
His smile faded and his eyebrows furrowed. "Criminal record?"
"She robbed a drug store. Almost got sent to juvenile, but apparently she didn't do it and there was no evidence of her being apart of the actual crime."As I explained to him the details he only sat there and threw bewildered expressions at me. Especially when I began talking about how she had been bouncing from foster to foster home after her grandparents died. "Her name is Alana."
"Alana?"
I nodded. "Liana is supposed to be going to back to go meet her, and while she's doing that Sasha will stay here so the child protector services here could check out everything and make sure everything is secure for her to move in with them. That would probably take three weeks. "
"So it's Aleena, Aaliyah, and...Alana?"
I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, getting the point he was making. "She apparently liked names that started with 'A' and 'L'."
He chuckled. "Wow."
"Yeah, so I'm not the only one in with a half sister I knew nothing about."
His face fell. "Don't bring any of that into this."
"What, it's the truth." I said. "No matter what Joh' Vonnie is still apart of your family."
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling.
"No baby, listen to me. You shouldn't torture child because of the mistake Joseph made. She doesn't deserve that. She wasn't the the one started the problem. She was was the outcome of the problem."
"You are such a..." He shook his head and lightly laugh at me.
"A what? A hypocrite?" I laughed. " Yeah, I have the answers to every bodies problems, but I can't deal with my own. I already know."
He reached out and pulled me into arms. "Yes, I've noticed." He slowly pressed his lips upon my skin causing the hair on my neck to stand in his presence. " But what does your sister have to do with you cryin like that?"
My face became ashen as my Leena's words came flooding into my memory. I felt my heart ache. " Oh..." was all I could think to say.
" Dimps, I'm just gonna keep buggin' ya."
"Yeah, I know. That's what annoys me about you."
"Do you want to get tickled?" It came out more like a threat than a question.
My head shot back, my eyes widening as if I had seen a ghost. " No, I will hurt you!"
"You ain't gone do nothin." He rolled his eyes as he spoke. " Liyah, why do you have to make things harder than it has to be? Just tell me."
"Let's just say....Leena said some-"
"Don't cuss." he said abruptly, cutting me off.
I shot a look at him. " Do you wanna know, or not!" I snapped.
"Yes,"
"Then shut up!" I told him.
He held his hands up. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, gosh!"
I sucked my teeth and began playing with the ends of my hair." Okay, as I sayin: Leena said some messed up crap to me today about how I never gave Danielle a chance and that the reason why she's dead is because she wore herself out trying to show me that she could be a better mother. And then she went has far as to say that I was the reason why she left and went back to New York, because she felt as though I didn't except her, and on top of that....she called me a selfish bitch who only cared about....myself and all of my emotions." I felt my eyes stinging with tears as I told him everything. " I felt like my heart was being literally ripped out of my chest, Michael. I mean, you don't honestly think I was the reason why she left. I wasn't the reason why she died.... right?"
He stared at me, his mouth slightly moving while he tried to search for the right thing to say. Eventually he just gave up on it and just pulled me back into his arms. " I honestly don't know what..... I should say about that, Li. I'm sorry."
I wiped away there tears that had fallen on my cheeks. " Do you think I killed her?" Hoping that rephrasing my question would help.
" No."
"How do you know?"
"Liyah, the answer to that question is in what you just told me. She didn't leave because you made her, she left because if Alana. She obviously knew she was gonna die and wanted to meet Alana so that she could know who she was before she died. Leena was just speaking out of anger, baby girl. I don't think she meant what she said."
"Whether or not she meant doesn't matter. She shouldn't have said it to begin with."
"Do you ever think that...maybe....she's right about what some of the things she..." His voice trailed off when he saw the look on my face. "I'm not agreeing with her." He said, quickly. "I'm actually against what she did to you, believe me. But you have to consider where all that anger is comin from."
I felt the corner of my upper lip pull over my teeth. Showing that I didn't understand where he was coming from and that I wasn't trying to put any effort into understanding either. He sighed and shook his head hopelessly when he read my expression. "Okay, Liyah." he began slowly as if I was a child. " I never really took the time to get to know Leena, because I never really had any interest in gettin to know her, but I do see that in some ways you two are a like."
I swung my head around at him. "What?"
"Not in that way, I mean by the way you handle things. They are different, but it is all for the same reasoning - to numb your pain. I think that because Leena is older she saw what happened to you and her as something that .....I don't know, maybe something that wasn't a big deal at all, because she had been going through it longer than you have. I think that she saw it as being nothing"- he quoted the word in the air - " because she's probably had worse happen to her. That's probably why she always said that you should just let it go."
"What could be worse than that?"
He shrugged. " I don't know, that's for you to ask her. Not me."
I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling.
He took my hand in his and kissed my palm, not taking his eyes off of me." I'm only tellin ya what I think."
I nodded my head. "So you're saying I should ask?"
"Yes, it's the only way you can get an understandin of each other."
I snorted. "Understanding." I said the word with envy and he gave me a disapproving look.
"Liyah, sometimes you can be so uncooperative, you know."
I sucked my teeth. "But..."
"But what?"
"Nothing, I don't even know what to say."
"Look, I know that what happened to you hurt you, and that you are still tryin to get your life back together, but it ain't gone get back together if you don't put forth the effort to try, you know? " He lifted my chin so I would be making full eye contact with him. " I'll be there to help you as much as you want me too, but you have to try. Take small steps though."
"That's what I'm doing."
"Yeah, but dimps, your steps are too small. You ain't gettin no where with that."
I shook my head. "I don't know, I think I'm just scared."
"Baby, you are scared." He gave me my favorite crooked smile causing to smile back at him for a second.
I didn't say anything at that moment. I actually wasn't planning on saying anything at all. I was just hoping that he would just drop the subject. I knew he wouldn't, but it didn't hurt to to try. "Why are you scared, Li?"
"Of what?" I asked, dumbly.
"To read those letters? To talk to Leena? " He said, then his eyes grew dark as if he was about to ask me a question that no one had ever asked before. I instantly turned my head away to brace myself. "Why are you afraid of us?"
I looked at him with my eyebrow raising as high as it would go. I shook my head. " I'm not-"
"Yes, you are."
My eyebrows then furrowed as a mask of confusion came upon my face. "What would make you think that, Michael?"
He pressed the his lips into hard line, allowing the right side to stretch out further than the other. "You have to ask?"
"Yes, I do have to ask because I don't know what you're talking about."
He stared at me in disbelief.
Is there something I'm missing? What did I do that wrong? What the hell is he talking about? I waited for him to answer but he just continued to stare at me, forcing my curiosity to keep me wondering. Then suspicion grew inside my head. " I hope you are not talkin 'bout marriage again..."
He gave me one nod. "That's one of them."
I roller my eyes. " We are not about to have this argument again." I began to lift myself up from the coach but he gently grabbed my and pulled me back down. If it wasn't for the serious look in his eyes I would've gotten back up.
"It's only an argument of you make it one."
I groaned and threw my hands up." Why are we even talking about this? God!"
"Why are you so afraid?"
"I'm not afraid of anything, Michael." I said calmly.
"You just admitted that you were scared."
I could feel the frustration building inside of me and I felt as though I was one step closer to breaking. Literally. I felt like crying again and I couldn't handle trying to hold it in again. I could see myself struggling in my mind's eye. I leaned forward into my lap and buried my my face in my hands. "Michael... I can not deal with this pressure right now...." It came out more of a plea to him than just a statement.
He sighed. " C'mere..." He said as he pulled me into his arms, wrapping his arms around my body as if it was a cacoon. " I'm sorry, okay?" he pressed his lips on my forehead.
" Mmhmm." I glanced up at the ceiling. Staring at the plain white walls. The lamp was the only light source in the room and it made it look as though the room was a soft shade of warm gold. Somehow it eased my mind. As I stared I began to thing about his question. Why are you afraid of us? The question burned inside my mind as I thought about it. Why am I afraid? He haven't given me any reason as to why I should be, so why am I? Maybe I'm just paranoid....
I've spent my whole life being paranoid, expecting the worst of everything. Maybe I was just waiting for him to hurt me. Maybe I was just afraid of the future we will have together. Maybe I'm just afraid of hurting him. Maybe I didn't think I deserved him. Maybe....maybe....maybe.......
I turned on to of him and rested my chin on the palm of my hand and began tracing his squared jawline with my finger, and then letting it trace his soft bottom lip. A smile stretched on my face for a moment again, then faded away. There was still tent ion between us. " Baby?"
His eyes went from the television screen and to my face within a flash. He raised both eyebrows at me, waiting for me talk. " I'm not afraid of you, okay?" I said softly."...I'm afraid of us because I have never had anything like this before. It's just....too good to be true, you know?" I looked down at his T-shirt as I spoke. "But at the same time, anytime I even try and think about being without you, it makes me even more scared, because...I'm scared of being lonely. I always think about all those time that I had before I met you where the only shadow on the wall I ever saw was my own; the only heart beat I ever heard was my own....." I glanced back at him as a tear rolled down my face again. " I'm just scared of being alone again, but at the same time I'm scared of being hurt. It all may seem perfect now, but what about later?"
"Liyah...do you realize that all your fears are..."
" Stupid?"
He chuckled. " No, I mean....well.....yeah." He started laughing " they are."
"Ha ha laugh all you want." I mocked as I tried to sit up, but he tighten his arms around me, preventing me from leaving him.
" Liyah, seriously, baby. We ain't perfect, but we have enough time in our lives to make this perfect." He lifted my chin up. " We don't have to worry about being lonely anymore. Not while we have each other."
" You promise?" I asked after a moment of silence.
"I promise, we ain't got nothin' to worry about, girl."
~•~•~•~•~
Nikki's POV
"Really, De? You don't really need that right now?"
She glanced up at me while continued to place her stuff in long skinny lines on top of a magazine that we were on the cover of. "Have you met my mom?" she asked then began focusing on it again. " She will come here and think she can run everything. I don't need that kinda frustration right now." She handed the magazine over to her friend Stephanie so that she could pull her long hair into a pony tail. She them took it back and placed it in her lap.
"What are you gonna do if she finds out you snort?" I had to ask the question. I knew how strict Mary was.
She cut her eyes up at me. "Nothin 'cause she ain't gone find out." To that sounded more threatening. I just shook my head and glanced towards the window while I tried to block out the sound of her snorting it up her nose and the Stephanie doing the same.
We were on our way to the Bob Hope airport to pick up her mother who was possibly coming to live in town to be closer to De. De had only visited her mother a few times since moving out here and other times she only stopped by for a few minutes because she claimed she was busy. Which was somewhat true, but she could've at least put forth some effort to spend time with her mom. I mean really.
I felt a nudge on my shoulder and I turned to see Stephanie handing me the magazine with one short strip of powder on it. "You wanna try?"
I looked at her. She was pretty. Dark mahogany skin with short hair that was pinned back with a red barret. Her eyes were big but slightly slanted with an a long nose and full lips. Her body was extremely curvy, and she wore a tight black dress to show it off.
I turned my nose up at her and shook my head. " No, I'm fine." I mumbled.
"Are you sure? It's some good stuff."
"I'll say," De said as she was fixing her hair. " Better than that shit we had before."
"I don't do drugs." I said softly. Drugs scared the crap out me. I had grown up on the Bronx and Harlem side of New York where drugs were heavy. I had watched my father die from drug addiction and I vowed that I would never do drugs ever in my life. The fact that De was doing it scared me even more. She hadn't been on it for a year and she was already showing sign of some drug use.
Mood swings in particular.
Anytime someone pissed her off she would go left. Cursing someone out, breaking things, screaming. None of the girls had seen any of it but me. and it frightened me to be damned. I hated it. Leena began to avoid De outside of work hours because of the club incident. When I had heard about it I almost wanted to laugh in her face because that was nothing compared to what I had saw. What she had saw that night was only half of it.
Her major mood swings came anytime she was watching the news and a reporter would mention us and our success on her new album. Almost every time Promise was talked about Liyah was talked about, and anytime Liyah was credited for something she would lose her mind. "That bitch ain't do shit!" I heard her say one day. I never understood, but some how De had grown to loathe Liyah and anytime she spoke of her she spoke of her in disdain. She belittled her. I had came to realize that De was jealous of Liyah and I just didn't know why.
We arrived at the airport in a pit of paparazzi waiting for us. With shades on we began walking towards the waiting area where his mother was already awaiting. Dressed in jeans and a black and grey stripped sweater. She stood very attractively for a woman in her mid forties in the middle of the air port. She was perfectly curved with hips and thighs just like De. A smile stretched across her face when she saw her daughter. " Denise!"
De hugged her mother softly. "Hi, ma." She said as she stepped back and ran her fingers through her hair. " You look good."
Mary flipped her back playfully. " I know, ya momma gotta keep it real."
De laughed and rolled her eyes to the ceiling. " Wow, some people never change."
"Nicole honey, give me a hug." I smiled and walked into her warm arms and embraced her longer than her her own daughter. She was an amazing woman in my opinion. She sent me home with food anytime my mother was too drunk to cook. Even helped me take care of my brothers. I had always appreciated her. "I love your hair. "
I ran my hands through my honey blonde hair and thanked her.
"So you ready go?"
"No I'm actually waitin' on-"
"Momma! Why you brought all this luggage?!"I heard someone scream from behind. That voice sounded so familiar to me I just couldn't pen point exactly where I had heard it.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I heard De mumbled. I followed her disbelieving glance that led all the way to her twin brother, DJ....