Third, 's Person POV
Beam groaned for the nth time, he been trying to take a nap for sometimes since he lies down. But he just couldn't. Killing his time but he just can't close his eyes too. He stares at the white ceiling above.
He latter sit back on the bed and lean his back on the headboard. He stares at the nightstand at his left side of the bed. Tug in and pull up the drawer. He saw that blue thing, he took it out and caress it. Beam sigh for the umpteenth time.
He then mumbles " What it used for this thing here. I should not buy it. He giving up on me..." Beam blinks.
He feels the tears drop and rolled down.
He scooped his face. He chuckles, but sad tone " Why did I cried...?... damn it!! "
***
Beam's POV
I am an asshole, jerk, moron.
That was they said. Words from someone that admit they envied me. Have some nerve asking for some tips to flirt with girls. I said don't share knowledge. Well, I myself doesn't know how. I just breaths...?.
But... I admit it too. They were right.
Asshole. Jerk. Moron.
Wait...
What else?.
Bastard...
I got this title...a Casanova... have girls that make a fan club pages just for me, tagging me on social media like a frenzy. Capture my pics and post it and tagged it, everywhere I go. At campus, I don't have any safe places. They know me where and when. I bet they know all my schedules. Wonder if there is a place for me hiding. Feeling like I am that celebrity. Yeah... I am a celebrity without payout. They give me payment with their body. I Pumping and sucking them.
That famous womanizer... a lover for many girls. They said they proud they were attached to my name, for the fact it can only one-night stand. Now I feel disgusted.
Did I slept with many girls?. Oh, I did. I fucked them. Virgin and not a virgin. I have tasted them all. How I feel when I took, have them underneath me, feeling and tasted the virgin one. Less experience?. Never mind I have to make sure that I had taught them all. Not virgin girls come with experience with a sexy curve, body like a guitar. They give me a great blowjob, offered me more round after round. Any type of them, I have tasted them all.
Then they all call me famous heartbreaker too, but still asking me for more, regardless. They never hate me. Now I feel dirty.
None of this I can call as a lie. All is true. I am that worst man for any mother that searching for son in law for their daughter. They should hide their daughter or maybe their son from me.
Pha said before that I am being this loved Casanova as it was the curse of being riches. Which mean I got this just because my wallet is full. They said girls want me because I can afford that 5-star hotel for us to spend the night. Some said that the girls ask me for a second night with them just because they want my seed so they can get pregnant and tied me then rob me. I have no comeback for this thing. But maybe they were right. Maybe they are wrong. None of this girl loving me just because I am Baramee. They love me because I am Baramee Vongviphan. That Vongviphan title makes them wanna be whipped by me.
So then, I never think about love. Not that I am dumb for not knowing the meaning of it. I was born because my dad loved my mom so much. I born with love and a lot of care. I didn't have it less than anyone, although my parents are both busy and often travelling. And I know about love that parents give to their children. I thanks my parents for that I was born with love and they treasure me a lot. I think so... Or may not. Or maybe the rebellious attitude of me got less love. I don't know.
So what makes me and Forth different?. Seriously... what makes us different.
They all praise him when he falls in love. All said they glad for him for falling in love with a mysterious girl. Unfortunately, that was me. When they know he stopped, people said it is alright. When they know he was heartbroken. People still praise him for being right. For making the right decisions. They said he should move on. And he did say the same thing.
Aren't we playing the same game?. He flirting...he hunting them all and slept with them as much as me. Worst he playing both sides. They said he stopped being a player and he got all squads supported him...and he said he will start again. And People don't like him changed. People don't like him being a player. Girls want him for real. Girls want him to fall in love with them. Girls or woman want him as their lover and maybe a husband. Mothers don't need to hide their daughter because it is him. And that was too much for my liking too, for him being as a player, again. I --- I don't want him back on the game. I want to distract him. If I could. If only I could.
But sad to know, people don't think the same about me. They said I being just fine with my crown. They said I should just live my titles. No love attached to my name. They like me like that. Fuck it is all fake. I just nobody without my last name. That so hard to be the truth.
All were started with the wrong attention. I should not be a girl that night. I should not wear that wig, that dress, that shoes made from glasses. I should not pretend to be a Cinderella or whatever name they have called me. Because that fake me got a tone of love and praise. The true me got all fake admiring, only using me like I am using them. Back to back. I am sick of it.
Again I was right. All of them was right. Love just not for me.
But. I don't know anymore. I don't know how it feels to fall in love. But I know I kind of liking him.
But you know... he like the other version of me that was hit me hard.
I questioning this again and again... I blame myself to wear a mask that night. I should not use it so he can recognize me, soon. That dance that night was wrong. Because he thought he is dancing with a girl. That peck on my lip was so wrong. Because he thinks of me as a girl.
I was never wrong when I said that Cinderella is gone. Because I want him to find the real me.
But real me is an asshole. A jerk. A moron. A Casanova. And I said... I am also a coward.
How it is hard to not know what is love?.
I don't like the idea that I was like this because of him. I feel weak. I feel naked.
I hate me for thinking so much about his feeling when I said that painful word. I hate me for not liking him to be a hunter again. I hate to think that he was no longer care. I want him to care all the way. I feel pathetic. I just want to close my eyes and forgot all of this but some part of me still hoping for miracles. Yeah...an asshole like me wanted to fly high. An asshole like me dares to daydream. An asshole like me wanted to feel love and be loved. Like a love that between lover have. I am so done envy my own best friend they got the love and their lover loving them back.
What more I can give him, what more I can offer to him?. I am not that smart ass and handsome like Pha. I am not cute like Nong Wayo. Which is his type? I don't have a charm like Kit, like Nong Ming. I have nothing. I have never once liked a man, to think I can turn this way. But lately, it hit me badly. The thoughts of me liking him more than just friends, more than drinking buddy. That night when I wanted to tease him... I never thought it could be turned like this. I can't undo it.
I have always know what I want. But this time I think a lot, about every possibility. Did I want to be in miserable to latter drawn myself with love ?. Did I already was?. Allowing myself to join this love cult. To be hurt. To be broken. To suffer. And that scared me.
Some said so about love. Now I am tempting to experience it.
He said " Every second, minute we spend not loving is being wasted " Could it be he was right?. Ah, that sudden Romeo, Nong... he just giving more headaches than hangovers.
***
Third, 's Person POV
Beam sit at the bench, sipping slowly the iced coffee he just bought just now. Since he can't sleep at his dorm, he chooses to come early to the campus. Ready with anything that could just happen, he can see the fuming Phana and Kit that stomp and almost run to him right now.
" Really Beam!!! " Phana smashed the notebook in front of Beam as soon as he arrived at the bench.
Beam grin stupidly to both of his best friends that now take a seat across him. " You...devil..." Kit hissed.
" 3 weeks in row Beam... 3 weeks!. I have fake your sign and make a copy of notes for you!! " Phana said in loud voices. But the rest of the students unlikely care much. They saw that happened almost every weeks anyway.
" Can you just stop making trouble??... please. I am begging you na Beam. " Phana face redden, he lost his cool on Beam. Beam has been skipped his Thursday morning classes for 3 weeks in a row. He also Wonders if the professor realized on his absences. But still... he just less care.
" Sorry~~ Pha ~~~ " Beam whined and make his puppy eyes.
" Geezeee...Beam. Not today. You can't make your puppy eyes to me when I scolded you here."
Beam pouted, pursues his lip, he whined " Pha~~~~ " That so cringe.
" Damn it!!!! Stop making that face!!! " Phana exclaimed and shook his head.
Beam never stopped and keep making his puppy eyes and stare at Phana and Kit. Phana pinch his bridge of nose " stop...just stop making that so cringe... na Beam..." Phana sigh.
But Beam knows he just won again from his nagging friends Phana. Meaning Phana would stop nagging and scolded him. But doesn't mean that stops them from asking him questions.
Phana soften his voices. He is worried actually.
Phana sighs deeply and both of them shook their head. " Did you eat your lunch already? " Phana ask Beam.
Beam shook his head " Haven't, I am still full. I have a late breakfast today." Beam said calmly.
Kit sigh " So where have you been last night?... I come to your room. You were not there. Having so much fun huh... " Kit state in firm voices. He demands an answer right away.
Beam clucked his tongue " Tsk... I just go to bar...and well, as you have said, you can guess what happened..."
Phana is unamused with. No more like he was not surprised at all " So, which hotel did you go?... Need any help to clean up the mess ?. " Phana ask in worry tone.
Beam smile thinly, he shook " Don't worry. It just kittens. Kitten doesn't bite. All is safe! " Beam reasoned.
Kit just smirks " If you said so... " Phana sigh.
" Just stop making trouble, Beam. " Beam nods. Phana always meant it when said he said he will help him to clean the messed. In fact, both Kit and Phana are.
They still remember the messiest scene was last year when Beam has his one night stand at the hotel and the girls he slept with making a video sex tape about them having a threesome. The girls plan to blackmailed Beam for the money and he did pay for it. Used all his allowances money that month and even make a lie to his mother.
And apparently the girls mad at Beam when Beam refused to play with them again. Meaning to said the video that has taken actually wasn't meant to blackmail him solely. But they want him for more. Want to be his girlfriend. But anyway the result still the same. All is about money. And Beam chooses to settle it with money at that time. Phana and Kit helped him to taken care of any of the messed since then.
I didn't make any trouble this time Pha... I didn't sleep with anyone too.
Just my heart might in rebel...
***
30 minutes before 2 pm, the class will start.
Kit still gazing repeatedly at Beam. In fact, he has been watching Beam since he arrived at the bench. He notices something happened with Beam. More like Kit know, Beam might hide something from them. Kit knows Beam always avoided them from scolding him and asking him. But this time Beam sure makes a drama a little. But still, he senses something else that Beam still hiding from them. What could it be, Beam?
Phana focus on his phone; busy texting with his Wayo. While Beam gulping his ice coffee; Perfect for afternoon classes. Beam sigh, he been thinking a lot about this since he talks with Ming last night.
Looking at his best friends... " Pha, Kit... What if I fall in love? " Beam ask in low voices. He can't meet his friend eyes. He just looking down on his own intertwined finger under the table.
Phana thoughts he heard Beam wrong. Kit thoughts the same too. But when both of them watched the redden ear's he has. Both of them stare at each other for a moment and drawn with each other thoughts.
Did he just said, love?... Kit blinks
He falls in love?...he said if. What does it mean?. Phana brow knotted hard.
Silent on that table.
Beam sigh " Just forget it na. It didn't mean anything..." Beam gets up from the bench and walks to the lectures hall.
Phana look at Kit " Now we will have the real troubles..." Kit sigh. Both of them get up too and followed Beam inside.
Phana and Kit have that worried face that they failed to hide. Beam has that sad faces. Too much for both of them, both wish Beam was not serious. Because that means it will be real trouble. It should be good news...but they can feel the trouble coming.
A/N: I am sorry because I am taking so much time to finally update this. I have lost all my draft before on my note. I didn't have any backup. So I lost all of it.
Thanks na kha. Feel free to leave the comments and vote na kha. Thanks again.