August 15, 1944
Near Argentan, France
Even though my life remains at risk, I feel thankful to have even made it this far. I had nearly lost my life if it hadn't been for Zussman, Stiles, and the medics who managed to patch me up pretty good. The first thing I did when I was finally able to walk and move around was thank Zuss and Stiles.
I had felt the panic and fear of feeling like time was running out when Zuss got wounded on D-day. It jumbles your brain around and you feel lost at times. I'm glad Zuss and Stiles were able to act quickly and well, help save my life in the end.
We're still on our mission to get to Paris so we can kick the Germans out of France. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can get into Germany and hopefully end this war. It just can't go on forever. It's just a matter of how many lives it will take for it to finally come to an end.
We're currently camping out near a city named Argentan, awaiting our next mission. It's been nice having a moment to rest, but it's only a matter of time before it comes to an end.
As I laid on my cot in the tent my squad and I had pitched up together, I was working on a letter to send to my parents. I decided not to tell them that I had gotten wounded, so they wouldn't worry. I hadn't written to them in quite a while, so I had a feeling they were pretty damn worried already. In reality, my wound hadn't really put a stop to writing to them. There's just so much to do and not enough time to write.
I had the tent to myself since Stiles and Zuss went off to get mugs of coffee. I was originally going to go with them, but Zuss volunteered to bring me back a mug. I wasn't sure where Aiello and Daniels had gone off to. Whenever we have time to rest, they tend to seclude themselves. Aiello has always kept to himself a lot, so it wasn't anything new. Daniels is more open, but whenever he has the chance to write home, he takes it.
I was laying on my stomach as I wrote and trying to get comfortable was not very nice on my wound. I'm still feeling pretty sore, but it sure feels much better compared to what it felt like a few weeks ago. It was my fault though that I had felt a lot of pain since I decided not to heal up for the proper amount of time, so I dealt with it even though I felt like screaming out in pain at times.
I tried not to make much of a fuss about my wound. I didn't bother to ask any of the boys for help, but that didn't stop them from helping me, especially Zuss. He was a big help when it came to little things such as helping me pick up my belongings.
I definitely don't regret telling him I love him a few weeks ago. Well, I technically wrote it, but that doesn't change the fact that I meant it. It didn't take him long to return the message, but not on paper.
When it was time to leave Marigny, I was able to walk which allowed Zuss to take me to a secluded spot in the city. It wasn't hard to find some privacy since the destruction provided plenty of areas to hide behind. I was confused since he was very quiet and he looked very nervous.
He grabbed my hands gently and looked me in the eyes. I admired him even though I was beginning to get nervous myself by the silence. Suddenly, he began to smile at me.
"What's this all about, Zuss? Cat got your tongue?" I joked.
"It's just... you got me feelin' nervous," he chuckled out making me laugh, "but I don't mind cause I like the way you make me feel.
"Y'know, maybe I was a bit harsh on myself thinkin' you wouldn't want a guy like me. I must be doin' somethin' right if you love me. Just know, I sure as hell love you too, Y/N."
He then gently grabbed my face and gave me the most loving kiss. I was a bit stunned by his actions but in a good way. It's so easy to say those three words, but I know he meant them just as much as I did. I was lost for words when we pulled away from each other and I couldn't help but smile.
Thinking back to that moment left me feeling so much happiness and warmth in my heart. I had been so lost in thought that I hadn't even realized Zuss had walked into the tent. He had two mugs of hot coffee in his hands and was carefully making his way towards me. I got up from laying down and sat normally on my cot causing my abdomen to ache. I clenched my fist, waiting for the pain to pass and trying my best to hide the fact I was in pain.
"Did you and Stiles lose each other?" I asked as he handed me a mug of coffee.
"Nope, good 'ol college dropped his mug of coffee and had to go back to refill it," Zuss explained, laughing a bit. I chuckled as I took a sip of coffee. Days like these, where we can relax and enjoy a cup of Joe in peace, are my favorite. I was especially happy since I hadn't been around Pierson much these past couple of days.
I put my mug on the floor and noticed Zussman looking at me with this mischievous look in his eyes when I came back up and looked at him.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked.
"Well," he said, putting his mug down on the floor, "It appears we have the tent to ourselves."
We smirked at each other and it didn't take long for us to start kissing and for him to gently make his way on top of me. It's not easy keeping what we have between us a secret, so we make use of the moments we have to ourselves. It's nice to just forget about everything going on and just show affection to one another. It makes us feel like we're a normal couple rather than two soldiers in the Army.
Zussman began giving me small kisses on my neck and I watched the entrance of the tent carefully. Thankfully, it was completely closed which meant no one outside could see us. Even though no one had walked in yet, I did start to get nervous since I didn't want us getting caught.
"Zuss, what if Stiles comes back soon? Or the rest of the boys?"
"I think Stiles said he was gonna go off to take photographs. Plus he knows about us, so he's the least of our worries. As for Aiello and Daniels, I haven't seen 'em around, so I think we're in the clear," he said and went back to kissing my neck. As much as I was enjoying this, the fear of getting caught remained. He was right about Stiles, but that doesn't change the fact that getting caught is bound to fill us with embarrassment.
When Zuss went back to kissing my lips, my fear went away as I began to put my focus on enjoying the moment. It was as if kissing him threw all my worries to the side and even though that's not the best thing for the situation we're in at the moment, I couldn't help it.
"Y'know, this cot isn't big enough for the both of us," I said through our kissing, causing him to laugh.
"Yeah, well, I guess you'll just have to wait till we get to Paris."
"Oh, what's happening in Paris?" I asked as I stopped kissing him.
"I don't know. You tell me," he said with a smirk on his face. He then leaned in and went right back to kissing me.
That came to an end when we suddenly heard someone clear their throat. I was filled with panic as Zussman and I stopped kissing and he got up from my cot. We both quickly fixed ourselves before addressing the person who had caught us. I thought it was Stiles until I looked up and was filled with shock.
"Excuse us, colle-," Zussman stopped in his tracks as he turned around and realized it wasn't Stiles who had caught us.
Standing at the door flap of our tent was Pierson, looking at us with lots of anger in his face.
Zussman and I said nothing. What the hell could we say? We had just been caught kissing by our sergeant who already seems hates our guts. I was feeling pretty damn scared as the silence between the three of us continued.
"I come here to inform my squad that supplies are coming in soon and this is what I find?" Pierson finally grumbled out, "What in the hell do you two think you're doin'?"
"Sir, we can explain," I said, my embarrassment growing.
"I don't want to hear it just yet. I think Lieutenant Turner should hear what you two have to say as well," Pierson said as he glared at us. "Now, let's go."
Pierson led us outside and we followed him to Turner's tent. I spotted Stiles as we walked behind Pierson and he had a worried look on his face. I think he could tell what had happened just by looking at us. Zussman and I quickly glanced at each other before I looked back down at the ground. I could feel eyes on us as we walked past other soldiers and I'm sure they knew something wasn't right.
When we finally arrived to Turner's tent and walked in, I could feel my heart beating fast. I was not only nervous about getting scolded by Turner, but I was also scared that we were about to disappoint him. We had just been caught being unprofessional and we had no idea how he was going to react.
Turner had been sitting on his cot and looking over some documents when we walked in. He looked very confused when he saw Zuss and me. He gave Pierson a stern look as if to tell him he wanted to know what the hell this was about right away.
"You are not gonna believe what I just so happened to walk in on, sir," Pierson said. I could tell Pierson was looking forward to ratting us out. He probably felt it was going to make him look good that he had just caught two of the soldiers he's leading acting unprofessional. As Perez had said, he'll do anything to get his record wiped clean.
It was silent as Pierson waited for Turner to say something. Turner continued to give him a stern look though, probably trying to tell him to get on with it already.
"I just walked in on these two having a love session or whatever the hell you want to call it."
"A love session?"
"I went to inform our squad that we'd be gettin' new supplies in a couple of days and when I walked into their tent, there was nobody in there besides these two, sir. I found them kissing the hell out of each other," Pierson explained. I could feel the heat on my cheeks growing. When I looked over at Turner, he looked very confused.
"I am finding that hard to believe. Are you sure that's what you saw, Sergeant Pierson?" Turner asked.
"It's true, lieutenant," Zussman suddenly spoke up. I could tell it was hard for him to get those words out of his mouth. I could feel the humiliation between the two of us. I know what Zuss was doing though. He was admitting to what we did so we could face the consequences, if there were even going to be any, without much of a hassle. There's no point in trying to lie since it'll just make the situation worse.
Turner continued to sit on his cot as he looked us over. Pierson was staring at Turner, awaiting his reaction to the situation. The slight tension in the tent had my nerves going crazy.
"So you're tellin' me you two were just caught kissing in your squad's tent?" Turner finally asked.
"Yes, sir," I said, being the one to speak up this time.
"That is not how good soldiers act. We're in the middle of a goddamn war and you two think it's okay to kiss each other like everything's fine and dandy?" Pierson began to scold us. He started to slowly walk up to us.
"You two should be preparing for our next objective. Just because you don't know what it is, doesn't mean you can't be ready for it. A good soldier is ready for anything!"
"Pierson."
"Now is not the time to worry about that love bull crap."
"Pierson."
"When the war's over, then you can worry about whatever the hell you two got goin' on. Until then, focus! Your focus shou-"
"Pierson!" Turner suddenly yelled out, making me jump. Pierson was almost in Zussman's face and he quickly turned around and backed away from him as soon as he got scolded. I watched as Turner, now standing up, cleared his throat and said in a calm voice, "Let me handle this."
Pierson nodded at Turner as he stood there awkwardly, probably knowing he had screwed up. He had tried to take matters into his own hands even though he brought us over here to be dealt with by Turner. His outburst came as no surprise because it was just very typical of Pierson to do something like that.
"I'm not gonna start yelling at you two. I'm not even sure if there's a problem here. As far as I know, I wasn't told that you couldn't have a fling with anyone when you were assigned to my squad, L/N. As long as you're okay with whatever you and Zussman are doing, I don't need to do any scoldin'," Turner explained to us both.
"Listen, sir, we're really sorry about what happened," I said, feeling tons of relief that Zussman and I weren't in trouble.
"It's fine. Just be more careful. A camp like this is not the best place to be doing that kind of stuff. It's not very professional, especially since the Colonel is around here a lot of the time," Turner advised us.
"We'll make sure it won't happen again, sir."
"Alright, well, before you go, I suppose I should set a few rules for you two," Turner said as he sat back down on his cot. I could feel Pierson glaring at us from the corner of my eye. "There's really only one big rule I want to be followed: Don't let this relationship become distracting. I need your focus on missions and I want to continue seeing the hard work you've shown me already. When it's appropriate, you two can worry about what you have goin' on. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir," Zuss and I said in unison as we saluted Turner. He then dismissed us and we began to walk out of the tent with a huge weight off of our shoulders.
"Wait, one more thing," Turner called out just as we were about to leave. We turned around and he cleared his throat before standing up. "I'm sure you two remember the sex education you got back at basic training."
Zuss and I nodded. How could we forget? Getting taught about sex by the superior ranks was pretty hard to sit through without laughing, especially since I had Aiello and Zussman around me constantly making jokes. Not to mention, the educational films they showed us weren't great to sit through.
"Boy, am I glad I don't have to go through that with you two again," Turner let out a sigh of relief, making Zuss and me chuckle.
"Now, Zussman, I know that what I'm about to say might seem funny, but I'm being serious," Turner continued, "The Army doesn't give you boys rubbers* for no reason. If necessary, use 'em. You can worry about making babies when you get back to the states."
"You got it, sir," Zussman replied. I could tell he was trying his hardest not to laugh.
I clenched my fist, trying to keep a straight face as well. Sure, this makes us seem immature, but it's not easy hearing that stuff from someone who's more superior than you. Mainly because I never thought I'd be hearing those words come out of Turner's mouth.
We released our laughter when we left Turner's tent after feeling we were far enough from it to do so. It felt good to laugh after the big scare we just had.
As we walked back to our squad's tent, I could still feel the eyes of other soldiers on us. I was starting to think a lot of them knew what had happened. It wouldn't surprise me if I find out someone had eavesdropped and spread the word.
"Hey, Zussman! When can I have a go at her?" a soldier named Jackson suddenly yelled out nearby. The soldiers he had around him started laughing.
Our secret was out.
"Hey! Shut ya damn mouth, Jackson! Or do I need to go over there and do it for ya?" Zuss yelled back as he began making his way towards the soldier. Just by the look in his eyes, I knew he wasn't going to hesitate to fight. I quickly grabbed hold of him and pulled him back.
"C' mon, Zuss. Don't do this. We can't risk getting in trouble. Please don't fight," I pleaded and his eyes softened when he looked back at me. He simply nodded and we continued our walk towards our squad's tent. The group of soldiers laughed as we walked away, but Zussman ignored them the best he could. Thankfully, no other soldiers bothered to say anything else.
When we arrived at our squad's tent and got inside, there was a lot of awkward silence as the boys looked over at us. None of us knew what to say.
"So you two got caught smoochin' by Pierson? Wish I could've seen that," Aiello finally spoke up, laughing hard. I watched as Daniels hit him in the arm and Stiles glared at him.
"So are you two a thing now or what?"
I looked at Stiles, wondering if he had said something to Daniels and Aiello. It wasn't like Stiles tell people about other people's business, but at this point, I wasn't sure what to believe. When he realized I was looking at him, I seen his face become filled with panic.
"I didn't say anything!" Stiles blurted out, "I heard about it from some group of soldiers as I walked by them after taking some photographs. I don't know where they heard it from."
"Yeah, I heard about it from others too. Wait! You knew about whatever these two had goin' on, college?" Aiello asked, looking very surprised. Stiles didn't say anything besides look at Zuss and me for help.
"Yeah, he did, but forget about that. Someone snooped and told the whole damn camp about us," Zussman said, looking agitated.
"Well, I don't know who, so don't bother askin' me. Everyone was talking about it when I walked through the camp," Aiello explained, "So did Turner yell at you two?"
"Nope, he wasn't mad. Just warned us not to let ourselves get distracted," I said as I went and sat on my cot.
"Well, I'm mad. I knew there was somethin' goin' on between you two! How could you not tell me?" Aiello pouted, his arms crossed.
"Well, Aiello, you do have a big mouth," Zussman told him. I wanted to laugh because of how bluntly Zuss had said that.
"Then again, the news spread without your big mouth, so maybe we would've been fine if we had told you," I added.
"Why are you mad? Zuss and I tell each other every thin' and not even I knew about this," Daniels spoke up. He then looked at Zuss and pointed at him jokingly. "I better be invited to the weddin', Private."
"Woah, woah. Let's take this one step at a time, alright?" Zussman said, holding his hands up.
"Look, L/N, he's already scared to pop the question someday. I suggest you run and find yourself a man like myself," Aiello pointed at himself confidently.
"Find a man like you?" I asked, "I'd definitely run."
Aiello glared at me and I just smiled at him as the rest of the boys erupted into laughter. I sometimes feel bad for the things I tell Aiello since I don't like to be mean, but if it wasn't for the racist things he has to say and his rudeness, I probably wouldn't tease him as much.
"Oh, man! You all should've seen the look on Pierson's face when he saw Turner wasn't gonna bust our chops!" Zuss exclaimed after he stopped laughing, "He ratted us out thinkin' he was bein' an excellent sergeant, but he got yelled at more than us. Tried to scold us and Turner put a stop to that real quick."
"Leave it up to him to try and take matters into his own hands," Aiello scoffed.
After telling them the rest of what had happened in Turner's tent, we all started to do our own things. I went back to finishing up the letter I was going to send to my parents. It helped calm me down after what had happened today. I know the embarrassment I'm feeling is going to stay with me for a while. I was just going to have to accept what happened and move on eventually.
I guess I was more so worried about the other soldiers in my platoon. After that soldier named Jackson had provoked Zuss earlier, I felt worried about more incidents like that. I didn't want Zuss to end up getting in a fight and end up in trouble.
I suspected our relationship was going to be the center of attention for the next couple of days or maybe even weeks. With our focus being on the war a lot of the time, I had a feeling that maybe this situation will pass. It might not be forgotten, but it might not be in the spotlight forever. At least I hoped that would be the case.
I eventually finished up the letter and sealed it up in an envelope. I tucked it in my bag, deciding to take it to the area where we could leave our mail tomorrow. I wasn't prepared to leave our tent just yet.
It was already pretty dark out and the boys were sitting in a circle, getting into an evening conversation like we usually do. I walked on over to them and sat next to Zuss.
"Hey there, lovebirds," Aiello teased as soon as I sat down. I just rolled my eyes and didn't bother to say anything.
"Any word on our next mission?" Daniels asked, turning the attention away from us.
"Nope, but according to Pierson, we're gettin' supplies soon which means we'll probably be starting whatever the hell our next mission is soon," Zuss said.
"Forget supplies; I just need a damn shower," Aiello complained.
"You're not the only one," Stiles told him.
"Did I say I was, college? At least I wasn't the only one who knew about the lovebirds. You must feel pretty fuckin' special, huh? Bein' the one they trusted and all."
"C' mon now. There's no need to argue," Daniels said.
"Who said anything about feeling special? Y' know, maybe I was told because I actually listen to people," Stiles said as he got up and headed for his cot, "Why am I even bothering to argue? I'm going to bed. Goodnight."
Stiles looked very irritated which is something you don't see very often when it comes to him. I watched as Stiles took off some of his gear and laid down on his cot, turning on his side so we couldn't see his face.
Why was this even happening? It felt a lot like Aiello was jealous about Stiles being the only one who had known about Zuss and me. It didn't make sense for him to get angry about something like this.
"Is there a problem, Aiello?" I finally asked.
"The secrecy. Sure, I open my mouth a lot, but it'd be nice to know there's some trust in this squad. I wouldn't have run off tellin' everybody about you two. If anythin', it looks like lyin' got you into more trouble. Now, the whole damn platoon somehow knows."
"We wanted to say somethin' eventually. The only reason we didn't is that we didn't need it becomin' a big deal which is exactly what's happenin' right now. We also thought we'd get in trouble," Zussman explained. "Stiles only knew because he offered to help after L/N told him she liked me."
"What the hell am I doin' makin' this into a big deal?" Aiello sighed, putting his head into his hands. "Listen, I'm sorry. This damn war's got me feelin' a lot angrier lately. I shouldn't be taking out my anger on anybody, especially not my comrades."
Zussman and I forgave him and that was the end of our evening conversation. Afterward, Aiello got up and told us he was going to bed. Daniels ended up doing the same. At that point, I was ready for bed myself. It had been a long and interesting day and I definitely felt like I needed rest.
I wished Zussman a good night and headed for my cot. I took off my boots and looked over at Zussman. When he realized I was looking at him, he smiled at me before laying down. Seeing his smile made me feel better after the day we had.
Before dozing off, I took out the picture I had of him and I. While looking it over, I smiled to myself. I couldn't help but think about all the things I hoped to do with him in the future. What would life be like for us if we get back to the states? My imagination ran wild, but I wasn't going to find out the truth anytime soon. Who knows what the rest of this war has in store for us.
~ ~ ~
* "rubbers": slang for condoms (pretty self-explanatory I guess)