its 4 in the morning right now. i can't sleep. but every time i open my eyes, she's all i ever think about.
why isn't clementine out of my mind? sigh. in the dark, it makes you think a little too hard. i was convincing myself to tell her the truth right that second. but, my brain is making my body tell me no.
so i stalked people on twitter and shit.
and then i eventually fell asleep.
so the next morning, it was the terrible day in clementine's life: september 18.
her brother's birthday.
she has 3 siblings. counting her brother. haley, who is 20. greg, who died at age 19, and curtis who is 5. she still feels greg's presents. and today is just a day of sadness.
i met greg, a year before he died. he liked me, he thought i would do his little sister some good. and i guess i haven't done a really good job because she's as sad and miserable as she was before.
so today, we just hung out at the house. sitting around talking. i told the guys to leave us alone, and they did. they went upstairs while we stayed downstairs talking about life and shit.
"calum, why do people die?"
"its apart of life."
"i know. but why does it have to be apart of life?"
"i don't know, it just is."
"then life sucks. i already knew that, but when i start feeling it's not as bad, it gets worse."
"oh c'mon clem. life isn't that bad."
"says the guy who's going on tour in 3 weeks, who's also travelling the world with adoring fans drooling over him."
"oh c'mon. you're..."
"mhm."
"well, your life is easier."
"excuse me? and i'm here today because my big brother died, and because everyone at my house is crying and they smell like shit and ugh."
"you don't smell like shit."
"thanks i guess. i don't cry as often as i should. i'm not crying right now."
"because i'm hugging you."
"you have an arm around me, thats not hugging. and no, because i already know my brother wants us to move on with our lives. happy 22nd birthday gregory."
"listen clem,"
"no you listen. stop complaining about your life. i would kill to have a life like yours, you have people who would die for you, you have people crying over you, be happy with what you got. you got your whole family. i'm sorry if i sound horrible right now, i'm just pissed off because this stupid life of ours is just totally unfair. why did god have to take my brother?"
"it was an accident clementine."
"he didn't deserve it. he didn't deserve it. he didn't...fucking deserve it."
and then she burst into tears. her brother was hit by a car while walking down a street. he didn't do anything wrong. he walked when he was supposed to and the fault belongs to the fucking driver.
"clementine, life is bullshit okay? its unfair. you've been on here for 18 years so far, you're getting closer to when greg was-"
"don't say it."
"-well when it happened. its not your fault, its only that driver's fault. and i'm not saying that i'm not grateful for what i have, i am i definitely am, but you shouldn't hate life because of what it did to your brother."
"then what should life be to me? other than shit. answer this calum, what is life?"
"life is like a lemon, squeeze it in people's eyes and don't give a fuck."
she laughed. she's never laughed on this day. ever. well, that cheered her up.
"cheer up clemenshine."
"okay cal-pal."
"let's do something fun?"
"like what?"
"guys get down here!"
they came downstairs in seconds.
"wanna do something fun?"
"like what?"
"what always cheers clementine up?"
"twitter."
"pizza."
"vines."
"people."
"us."
"animals."
"making fun of people."
she laughed at that last one.
"ice cream."
"food in general."
"her boyfriend."
"she doesn't have a boyfriend."
"shut up ashton."
"my brother.."
"aw clementine."
"i'm okay. you can continue."
"as i said before, making fun of people."
"her friends."
"i have no friends guys. only you people."
"true."
we all stopped and looked at each other and then looked only at clementine. and then me. i knew what we were going to do.
"let's go to madeleine p. middle."
"my old middle school?! why?"
"you used to love telling us stories about that place. where you hung out, your old friends, old crushes, that kind of stuff."
"well there's nothing much to tell. lets just go to luke's house and hang out there."
"why?"
"i dunno. i feel like seeing your house, haven't been there in a lonnnng time."
"half a year isn't that long."
"well when you put it that way."
"fine lets go."
we walked to luke's house. he lived on the same block as michael. so we just walked over there.
when we got there, only liz and jack were there because ben and his father were busy.
we knocked on the door and liz answered.
"boys! what are you doing here?"
"we came to visit. mostly because clementine wanted to see you."
"clementine? you mean calum's-"
"yes mum, that clementine."
"where is she?"
"right here liz."
"clementine!"
she hugged her real tight. and then we went inside and greeted jack who was eating, and then we went upstairs to luke's room. he hasn't been in there for weeks.
"nice room luke."
"you've never been in here before?"
"yes i have, i meant i like how messy it is. messy rooms are freely expressed rooms. its how you express yourself."
"and can you tell how i'm expressing myself?"
"you don't care because all of your dirty clothes are on the floor, and there old dishes there, and your music taste is all based on your posters."
"when are we going to your room huh clem? all we've seen is your window."
"well you can come over tomorrow."
"great."
we decided to go on the front porch because luke's room was making our vision blur.
"clementine, oh clementine."
"what is is michael?"
"i feel like i don't know much about you. tell me stuff."
"what kind of stuff? and by that i don't mean dirty things."
"okay, answer the following questions: how old were you when you got your first kiss & who was it? who did you lose your virginity to & how old were you & where was it? when was your first heartbreak & who was the bastard?"
"damn. okay number 1. i was 10, 5th grade, his name was oliver."
"10?!"
"it was stolen."
"oh, continue."
"i was 17, i think and uh-"
she looked at luke. if she says luke, i will strangle him. she was off limits and he knew that!
"l-luke."
"luke?!"
"yeah, it was me. and she was mine okay?"
"luke you and me are having a talk later."
"fine calum."
"can i finish please? okay and first heartbreak? uh, 8th grade, his name was william. i asked him to the school dance with a note and he ripped it up. guess that was a no?"
"oh clementine."
"i had braces back then, i can see why he didn't wanna go."
"thats no-"
"it's whatever michael. *deep sigh* any more questions?"
"favorite song, food, color, and member of 5sos."
"song, probably heartbreak girl."
what she didn't know, was that her favorite song, was actually about clementine. me & luke wrote it. mostly me though. luke hated the song, but i poured into it. clementine told me about her past heartbreaks and it kinda inspired me.
"food, obviously pizza. color, green. and member? nobody. they all suck."
"aww we suck?"
"yes you guys suck."
"well, choose someone who doesn't suck that much."
"ashton."
"me?"
"you don't suck. you barely talk actually."
"psh, i talk alot."
"fine then i take it back, calum doesn't suck. he's my favorite."
and thats the story of how i died. just kidding, but i fainted after hearing those words. all i remember is waking up on luke's couch with a wet rag on my head. i look over to the kitchen to find everyone eating.
"hes up."
"you okay cal?"
"what-what happened?" i asked while struggling to walk towards them.
"you fainted after i said you were my favorite." and thats when my knees went weak.
i fell and clementine got up and helped me.
"you okay?"
"just fine."