Leila's POV
Finally Awake
Disappointment.
Guilt.
They both plagued my body as I laid on the hospital bed silently. A doctor to my side attending to me and a nurse jotting down information that I'm sure I didn't even want to know about.
Why was I feeling disappointed? Why was I feeling guilty? I was feeling disappointed because when I closed my eyes I didn't see Kyle again, instead I woke up to a nurse attending to me, a startling scream escaping his lips when he realized I was awake.
Why was I feeling guilty?
Because I wanted to die. Because I felt disappointed that I didn't die. Not even giving it a second thought to think that Blake would be devastated if I were actually to leave this earth. He only held on because there was still hope for me, but if I truly died what was there to hold onto?
"Leila, a–are you okay?" Nurse Adrian asked in concern. I turned towards him and frowned, "why?" He shifted on his feet uncomfortably and motioned towards my face, "you're crying."
Confusedly I lifted up my hand to my face and froze at its dampness. I chuckled embarrassingly, swiping my palm against my cheek and mustering up a smile, "I'm sorry, I'm just overwhelmed with all of this." I exclaimed and he nodded his head in understanding, sending me a curt nod.
Nurse Adrian excused himself as Doctor Bennett stepped into the room. It had been twenty minutes since I woke up. Blake was gone, when I woke up the first time it was night and now it was apparently morning which meant he went back to work. Or so I'm guessing.
In the world I lived in with Kyle for three months - if that was even real - between what I suspected was 9 to 4, Blake was never here. Then he'd spend the night beside me until the next day despite visiting hours not being that long. I guess he pulled some heartstrings.
"How are you feeling Leila? Any complications so far, breathing, speaking, sight, any headaches? Fatigue?" He rambled as he whipped out his clipboard. I shook my head vigorously and gave him a skeptical look, "Three months is a long time for my body to heal right? Should I be feeling any pain?"
"No, not necessarily."
I nodded my head stiffly and motioned towards my leg which was wrapped tightly in a cast, "so is this the only thing I broke?" I muttered jokingly. He pursed his lips in a thin line and hissed under his breath before placing the clipboard down, his throat clearing. "We're guessing you broke your leg from catching Blake from the car seat, is that a fact?"
I nodded my head again.
"Well, you also suffered from five broken ribs which resulted in internal bleeding. From what the police report said you slammed your stomach against the dashboard when the car flipped over. Not only that but I'm guessing you could see the scars on your body from second-degree burns when the car blew up."
I tilted my head downwards, frowning when I only realized now my body was wrapped in bandages. How could I have only realized that now? I went through all of that and yet still I was sitting here. How was that even possible? "There's one more thing. It's a miracle you're still able to talk so clearly and move so freely. But later we'll see if you're able to walk properly."
What is he rambling on about?
"You also suffered from a traumatic brain injury when you hit your head against the window. It caused swelling in the brain so we put you into a drug-induced coma to reduce the swelling, as you may know, you've been in a coma for three months. Usually, TBI's as severe as yours may disrupt basic human functions such as talking and walking.
We thought that would have been the case since your frontal lobe suffered the most but you're speaking clearly so that's a good sign. However, that doesn't cancel out everything else. This could change your personality, social skills, emotions, judgement, we cannot push everything aside just because you're still able to talk.
You will need to take rehabilitation sessions, you will need to see a Neuropsychologist, a physiatrist and an occupational therapist to test you. This will be a long process miss Hart, but so far the signs are good so I wouldn't worry too much if I were you."
I held it in for as long as I could, all through last night the moment I saw Blake's face. But hearing this, hearing that this injury could possibly change me as a person forced the tears out of my eyes. I thought I was strong, but as a sob racked through my body, I realized I no longer was.
What did I do to deserve this?
Did I not love my brother and mother enough? Should I have fought for my father's love longer than I did? Should I have gone with my mom on that plane and prevented her from dying? Should I have stayed with Reece and patch up our problems? Should I have never been with Blake knowing that his job was at risk?
Was this karma, for everything I have ever done in my life?
Another sob racked through my body like a bulldozer to concrete. I could feel every cut from the broken glass lining up my skin. Every burn that made its mark on my body permanently, every breaking bone beneath my flesh. I could feel it. I could hear it. My voice, crying out to Blake, hoping that he would be okay. Not even caring about my state as I saved him.
"I don't mean to dampen your mood anymore, Leila but you may also need to see a psychiatrist after this, you might also be suffering from-"
"Post-traumatic stress disorder?" I muttered under my breath. Every time I closed my eyes I could see his face laying beside mine, on the verge of dying. I knew he was alive, he was here a few hours ago but that doesn't stop the fear of losing him again from rendering me motionless. "We're not diagnosing you with anything, Leila. We just need to know your state of mind, your friend Blake agreed that when you woke up he'd see to that."
At the mention of his name I froze. I was so consumed in the status of my health, I failed to ask about Blake's. Although I've seen him already, that was only his face. I needed to know if he was okay, physically and mentally. "Blake, h-how is he? Is he okay, what happened to him that day?"
Doctor Bennett peered up from his clipboard and smiled softly, "well Blake had surgery for the shard of glass which you pulled out from his chest. That action alone could have been very fatal, and you both were lucky to have been found minutes after the car blew up or else you both would have been dead.
But, I must commend you on making that difficult decision. Whether you pulled it out or not, he still would have had a 50 percent chance of dying or living. Other than that he suffered from a minor concussion, first-degree burns from the fire, a few fractured bones, nothing majorly broken which seems like a miracle to me.
Other than the fact that you concealed him from being burnt by climbing on top of him, you got hurt way more than he did despite the truck impacting his side. I think it also has to do with the fact that the car landed on your side but that still doesn't explain why Blake came out with barely a scratch compared to you.
Anyways, he is fine. Over the past few months, he's recovered quite well. He's been by your bedside every day for the past three months, after he got discharged his friends had to beg him to even leave your side for a second and now he's not even here, weird." He then chuckled softly and peered into my eyes, his gaze was hard, almost like a weight crushing down onto my chest.
"You both are so extremely lucky to have one another. You risked your life to save him, and he's never left your side for more than a few hours which reigned hell down on the hospital to even accomplish. Take my advice, don't let go of that type of love, miss Hart, because it's very rare."
"How did you know we're together?"
He smiled once again, "he's handsome, young, you don't share a last name, you risked your life for him and he's paying your hospital bills? You can't fool me." What does he mean he's paying my bills? I didn't even stop to think about who was, but now that he admitted it was Blake, I needed to know how much this was costing him. "Uhm h-how much is my bill per month?"
"About 16 thousand dollars."
~~~
Two minutes till visiting hours. I doubt Blake was there, someone must have told him the news, but if I recall correctly around this time he'd be in the middle of a lecture and he won't be able to just ditch class. Plus, the hospital is about thirty minutes away from school, an hour if there's traffic. I won't see him for some time.
But Doctor Bennett did inform me that there was an entire classroom waiting for me outside. I know there weren't that many people, but I still asked him to only let them in by two's and one. I was too overwhelmed to have everyone crowd my room and get all up in my face.
I'm sure they miss me and they're ecstatic to see me awake, but I don't think I can handle all that excitement in one full go. I flickered my eyes towards the clock, and just as it struck ten my door flew open. I jolted in shock at the sudden outburst of cries, rolling my eyes when everyone flooded into my room. Thank's a lot Doctor Bennett, I guess you can't really stop them.
"Oh my god, Leila!" A familiar voice cried out. I frowned as my eyes swallowed his appearance, "Reese?" Before I could comprehend the entire situation unfolding around me he pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. Then a flood of voices followed after him and he was ripped from my arms, "hey, get your hands off me! I'm just as eager to see her as you are!"
"Screw your eagerness!"
This is exactly why I didn't want more than two people here at once.
"You're awake! Is this real, are you awake for real!?" The familiar voice whisper yelled. Midge crashed down onto the bed and tugged me into her arms. She sobbed softly, her tears pricked at my cheeks as we enveloped one another in a tight hug. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my tears at bay as I listened to her sniffles in my ears.
I'm so happy to be alive.
"I-I'm so happy you're awake- god w-we've missed you, we thought you were never gonna wake up-" she babbled until I drew her head back, no longer finding the willpower to hold back my tears anymore as I saw her tear stricken face. I cupped her cheeks in my hands and shook my head vigorously as I peered into her eyes, smiling softly, "I'm here now, I'm really awake."
"Oh thank god! I was beginning to think I needed to slap you awake! How could you do that to us!? How could you almost die without me!" Sam's voice enveloped the room in a loud wail, one that sounded worse than that of a banshee. She shoved Reece out of the way, ignoring his shouts of protest as she flung herself onto my bed, pulling both Midge and I into a hug.
"I didn't know w-we had to die together." I laughed heartedly as I pulled away from their arms. Sam outstretched her pinky finger towards me and Midge followed soon after. "Promise that when we die, we die together, okay, no takesies backsies." We all linked our pinkies together and pulled them to our lips. Laughing through my tears, I nodded my head vigorously.
"I-I promise."
"Can I- can I have a moment alone with Leila, please?"
I snapped my gaze towards the door and froze. My father stood at the entrance, Brandon and Patricia at his side. Although Sam, Midge and Reece were reluctant to go they granted him his wish and promised they'd be waiting outside. I bid them goodbye, also promising that I'd still be awake when they came.
I know what this feels like.
A dream.
"Dad."
He marched into the room, his face already a crumpled mess as he pulled me into his arms, crushing me beneath his deathly tight grip. "I'm sorry, I-I'm so so sorry for everything. For being a crap father, f-for hurting you- for everything I ever-ever put you through, Leila.
A-almost losing you was l-like reliving Kyle's death all over again and I-I don't know if I could ever go through something like that again. I-I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. A-and I'll never know w-what I-It feels like to have no one by your side in your darkest moments. Please f-forgive me, Leila. Please."
I flickered my blurry eyes towards Patricia who stood at the foot of my bed, her hand clasped over her mouth, tears trickling down her cheek rapidly as she sobbed into her palm. Brandon broke free from her grasp and scrambled towards me, his little arms outstretched before him.
He enveloped both my father and I in his arms and motioned towards Patricia who followed in suit behind him. Soon enough we were all engulfed in one another's arms, crying softly. I already forgave my father months ago, never fully because he was right, he left me alone in my darkest moment and although he went through loss as well, deep down he still had me.
And then when he lost mom he had Patricia and Brandon. Whilst everyone sympathized with him, the universe kept dragging me down especially with his help.
But. . .I can't keep holding onto the past. If this near-death experience taught me anything it's that one; it's never too late to forgive someone and two; life is too short to hold onto grudges and three; love conquers all. That day, my pain died with me. Seeing Kyle, being with him for all this time whether it was real or not, he taught me to hang on to what I love.
And I love my father, I forgive him because if I don't, I'll never be at peace and I'll die with a gaping hole in my heart. I think I wasn't only meant to come back for Blake, but for myself. I had so many unaccomplished goals, I wasn't ready to leave earth yet until I got them all done, and one of them is this. "I forgive you dad, and I love you."