I was not concentrating on anything when I arrived, Rumulus reminded me to get some clothes out of my locker in the gym, checking if someone was present... I didn't even care who saw me naked, I didn't care about anything anymore.
I had had this one shot and I ruined it! Some mate I was, letting her vanish all the time. Some mate I was leaving my soulmate to fight for herself! "I'm the worst friggen mate there is" I murmured as I pulled my tank top down. "Marvin" Clemens exclaimed and pulled me in for a hug "oh man, after Jason told us what happened... I was damn scared!" he admitted. "What did he tell you?" I asked, wondering whether he told the pack about her being the blood wolf. "He said you found her, but Tae was... out of her mind a little and you decided to stay and travel back with her! How did you do that? Did she run all that way? But then why would she need clothes... did she shift?" he asked, his eyes glowing with curiosity.
I had told Clemens about her being the blood wolf that night outside, so I nodded "yeah I met her wolf... it's complicated... she's different to what dad said and I don't know... I'm so confused!" I stuttered, slouching onto the bench. "Well you'll have time to find out" Clemens said, hitting me softly on my shoulder. He seemed happy and I hated his good mood. "No, I fucked up again" I muttered. "What happened?" he asked, both his eyebrows lowering as he scrutinized me. "I left her at the border to get the clothes... I should have had you bring them or something... but I didn't even think about that... I just left her there... And now she's gone... again" I explained, no real sentence coming from me.
"Odd, I thought I saw her just then..." Clemens exclaimed, pointing into the house. "WHAT?!" I jumped up, staring at my Beta "yeah... I thought she walked into your fathers office... but... maybe I was mistaken?" he continued. He looked uncertain, but the possibility was enough for me. I sprinted past him, took three stairs at a time as I flew to the floor my dad was at. Maybe she's here... maybe she is giving us a chance I chanted, feeling Rumulus get excited as well.
I stormed into my father's office without knocking or waiting. I stopped dead in my track. My father was facing me, his hands on his desk as he looked up at my sudden entry. In front of him stood a small figure and I rejoiced to see Tae's usual clothes.
She didn't turn to look at me, neither did she stop talking and a saw something flash in her hand. It took me a while to understand she was talking to someone over the phone. What are you doing barging in here like a maniac? My father demanded to know over mind-link. I... I thought I'd lost her... thought she was gone again... thought I'd never see her again... I..." I stuttered even in my thoughts, keeping my eyes trained on Tae's back. She stood tall and stiff, her usual posture as her quiet voice send report over the island.
I didn't really care about her words, her voice alone send shivers done my spine, pleasure pulsing through me. Even though we had spent the last days with her, it had been different. Rumulus and Ruby may have gotten used to each other, but seeing her human form gave me a whole new form of bliss. She hung up, nodding at my father before she turned around to me. Her eyes did not meet mine, the fabric covering her face as usual. She walked past me, leaving me stunned and shocked, unsure about what to do.
"What has gotten into you? What is this sort of behaviour? Has she not rejected you?" my father asked as the door had closed. "No... she has not... and I spent time with Ruby you know... it's not like you think... SHE is not like you think." I stuttered, looking at my father. "I'll fight for her dad... I won't just let her reject me!" my voice was stern as I held on to my decision.
"I know what you think about her being a danger and all, but we're destined to be and I will do everything I can to keep her in my life! I need her! The pack needs her!" I had gained confidence, enough confidence to give my father a long glance before leaving his office, rushing downstairs where I hoped to find Tae.
"Tae" I called as I rushed through the house and into the gym. She looked up, her honey eyes meeting mine for the first time for what felt like forever. "Tae I..." "you are not to address me with such disrespect!" she interrupted me, her eyes forming slits. "But I thought..." "I don't care what you thought. I had nothing to do with Ruby's decision to spend time with you! I am here to finish MY JOB because that is what I do. And you are to treat me with the respect someone of my rank deserves if you do not wish to be excluded from all training" she said.
Her voice could have made ice shatter, her cold expression giving away nothing but pure anger and disgust for me. It hurt, her rejection physically hurt me. I shrunk back, a whimper leaving my throat as Rumulus felt rejected as well. She could as well stab me in the chest, the pain would be the same. She didn't look faced by my reaction, looking at my face which surely gave away all my hurt. Her face and eyes showed me she didn't care. She didn't care her mate was hurting and she didn't care she caused it.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but words did not come. It hurt, the pain paralyzed me as I kept staring at her. I couldn't believe what had just happened, couldn't believe she managed to tear all hope out of my soul and step on it within a few seconds. Spending time with Ruby had made me hope once more, had made me wish for a future with her despite all the uncertainties. Standing here now slapped the word "Idiot" right into my face, knocking all air out of my lunges and all energy out of my body.
I didn't move but she did, turning away from me she continued to sort through equipment as if I was not even present. She didn't seem the slightest bit faced by my reaction, her face the portrayal of indifference.
I didn't know how long I remained standing in the gym, staring at her with my own heartbeat in my ears. It could have only been a minute or two but might as well have been an hour. Tae left as soon as she had finished, walking past me only a metre away. I thought I felt a breeze brush past me and inhaled, nothing, no scent.
It took me another eternity to regain my composure and break my trance. No! I will not just take this! I will not let her treat me like this! I will not give up this easily! Women always say no and mean yes! I walked back into the house, determined to find her and let her know I was not this easily repressed.
It took me some time to find her, she was talking to Jason in the far corner of the living room. His eyes found me first, compassion shining in them as he said something to her. She shook her head, ignoring me once more. He spoke again, urgency in his face as he turned back, concern edging in his eyes. But she shook her head once more, talking in anger before she moved past him, hitting him with her shoulder and walked upstairs.
Jason gave me a look that said "I'm sorry man" before he turned to walk into the kitchen. I didn't acknowledge him, rushing to follow Tae. I was determined to let her know I was not giving up. I would fight for this, fight for her and fight for us. She was my one shot at eternal happiness and I would not allow her to ruin it because of some weird thoughts she might have.
A new found strength rose within me as I walked into her room without knocking. I let the door close behind me and faced her. She was leaning against the window, looking like she had waited for me. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she kept staring me down. "I won't let you do this!" I exclaimed, my emotions guiding my speech. She rose an eyebrow, obviously not bothering to even reply to me. Was I this worthless to her?
"I won't let you ruin this mate bond just because of some dislike you have towards me! You don't even know me and you've never given me a real chance! We are destined to be and I won't allow you to take this chance from me!" I continued. She remained silent for an awfully long time, staring at me. "It is not on you to allow anything" she then said, her voice only a whisper, void of all emotions. "This is not only about you!" "neither is it only about you" she retorted. "It is not even about the two of us... it is about this pack, about YOUR pack. The duty of an Alpha is to choose what is best for the pack, putting himself into second place. But since you do not seem to be able to set aside your selfish desires, I will do so" she said. The coldness in her voice shocked me, leaving me to shiver.
"Having you as Luna is..." "going to destroy this pack! You are unable to see clearly with all those emotions rushing through you" she interrupted me. "And you are not lead by your emotions?! I doubt that! You are doing this out of your disgust for me not out of compassion for the pack!" I yelled, anger rising within me. Who was she to ruin this? Who was she to destroy my life without even blinking?
She seemed to flinch a little at my words, some emotion flashing in her eyes, but they were gone before I could make out what they were. "Be it as it may" she then said, layering her words with arrogance and letting a lack of interest drip from them. It hurt, it hurt like a punch in the gut and I flinched back from her. I couldn't hide what her words did to me, my heart lay open for her and she tore it apart.
I looked at her, hoping for her to change her mind, to start laughing and tell me it was all show. But she remained silent with a stone cold expression on her face. She didn't even seem faced by my reaction to her words, my pain did nothing to her. What sort of bond was this if she could not feel my pain? Did she not own a heart? Did she not feel anything for me? Her face was so empty, no reaction to me... I yearned for some sort of acknowledgement, even hatred would be better than this void face.
"Why are you like this?" I whispered without meaning to voice my question out loud. She continued to stare at me. Her honey coloured eyes were focused on me, the fabric hiding her lips, her beautiful lips.
Sudden longing hit me almost as hard as the hurt. Lust started to pulse through my veins as I remembered the kiss, remembered her body close to mine and remembered seeing her without the fabric. Her eyes widened as I stared at her with the new emotions pulsing through me. Did she smell it? Did she see it in my eyes? Was that... what emotions were that just there in her eyes? I took a step towards her and her face regained the stone cold expression of nothingness.
I didn't care anymore. I had understood there was no way to win her over, there was no way to make her rethink her decision of leaving after the job was done. I had accepted her cruelty, I would prepare to cope with the rising pain once she left, but now I wanted something else.
"If you don't feel anything for me... or if you hate me... I get it... I get that I can't make you change your mind... I can't sweet-talk you, I can't win you over with any romantic behaviour or gifts... I get it... I get that you're going to leave me here, not caring for one second how I feel... but before you do, before you push me away so far I cannot reach you and leave me behind to fend for myself, stomping the mate bond into the ground like the plaque... before that happens I want to feel it one more time... feel you... feel your skin under my fingertips, smell YOU and look at you as if I had a chance to have you in my life. Before you rip out my heart I want to give it to you, because I already did. I don't even know you, I've heard so many stories about who you are supposed to be, about who Ruby is and what the both of you are, but I know nothing for sure... I know nothing about you and if I can't change that, I want to remember you with more than just one sweet moment under the shower. I want to remember exactly what you taste like when I kiss you, want to tattoo every detail of you in my mind to cope with the void you're going to leave. And I get that you don't care for me, I get that I somehow disgust you and you hate me, I get that I'm this fucking disappointment to everyone, to you and your father... I get that I'm not good enough to be your mate and even though I hate it, I'll deal with it... but I want to... no I NEED to have you close just one more time" and just as I was about to rip the fabric from her face and capture her lips with mine, the look in her eyes made me stop dead in my tracks.
The whole time she had been staring at me, showing me ever so clearly that she didn't care the least. But as I had been mumbling on, walking closer to her... her eyes... they had changed. The honey was swirling and tiny specks of red had immersed. Even though they had vanished quickly, her eyes remained different. They were glowing at me and if I didn't know any better I would think it was lust in them.
I didn't dare to move, I had been prepared to deal with a cold Tae who gave me all the wrath she could muster, but this... Neither one of us moved for a while, both of us kept staring into the other ones eyes. I felt my mouth hanging open, but didn't even have the control to close it. Wake up! Jeez, do something before she changes her mind! Rumulus yelled at me and send an electric current through me.
As if someone had hit a button my body obeyed me again. My hand rose to her cheek, stroking across the fabric before pulling it down to her throat. She kept staring at me, but I couldn't concentrate on her eyes anymore. My eyes were focused on her lips, those gorgeous lips right in front of me.
I took her face into both hands, my fingers pushing into her hair while I turned one hand and placed my thumb under her chin. I couldn't pull my eyes from her lips as I moved closer, smelling her by now. The sensation of just having her scent in my nose send waves of pleasure through my body. Just as I was about to place my lips onto hers, I felt her hand on my chest.
It was a weak push, her breath hitching in her throat and I felt and smelt fear. "It's okay, it's okay" I whispered, my lips only a millimetre away from hers. "Don't be scared" I whispered but didn't dare to kiss her just yet. I wanted her to want it. Suddenly it was not only about me anymore. I removed one hand and laced my arm around her midst, gently pulling her into me. I felt her tense back with my hand as I moved along and began rubbing small circles at her hipbone.
She hadn't moved away yet and I would do anything to keep it that way, but I didn't want to force myself on her. I wanted her to want it, to yearn for it the way I did and being able to smell her now gave me an opportunity to tell her emotions.
I soothingly moved along her face with the hand I had left there, moving more into her hair. Tugging slightly I felt a jolt move through her, but she did not pull away. A smile spread across my face as I moved my lips to the side and began to plant soft kisses along her jaw. She shivered in my arm and the hand she still had on my chest formed a fist, grabbing some of my shirt.
I reached the end of jaw, deciding to not kiss her ear... yet. I pulled her even closer as I continued my line of kisses down her throat. Most humans were sensitive at their throat, but for werewolves it was almost certain to bring them some sort of sensation. Besides the hand on my chest she did not seem to response and a weird need to win her over formed in my chest.
Males take great pride in being able to please their mate, being able to do so provides them with immense pleasure. So I continued to plant kisses along her throat, waiting for some sort of reaction, suppressing my own reaction to feeling her skin with my lips.
The swirls of bliss were soaring in my stomach, but I kept them down, not willing to accept a one-sided pleasure. But with each passing second the frustration within me grew. How could she have me, her mate, this close and do this to her and not react? Did she feel nothing? Did my kisses not bring her any pleasure? Was she dead inside with no desire for me?
As the frustration rose a grabbed onto her hair roughly, pulling her head to the side and grazed her skin with my teeth, a growl leaving my throat. I wanted to pull back and apologize, feeling Rumulus take control as my own desire and frustration grew, but just then I heard it. A tiny moan left her lips and she relaxed against me. Rumulus was quicker than me, leaving no time to stand in shock and awe or enjoy the sensation her moan gave me. Instead of soft circles my hand pushed her into me roughly, the others tugging her hair as I planted a demanding kiss onto the soft skin at her throat.
Another small moan escaped her lips and from now on I knew this sound would be my source of life. I would do anything to hear that sound again. I smelled the air and could tell desire had also risen in her, the heat that radiated off her had increased and I couldn't hold myself back now.
My lips were on hers in one swift movement and I was in heaven. One of her hands had moved into my hair, providing me with shock waves of lust and bliss as she tugged on it. Her lips answered me, hungry and demanded they were laying on mine, moving in sync. I felt her pushing against me and it was all I needed as encouragement to move my tongue along her bottom lip.
It was either shock or pleasure that made her gasp, but I used the invitation to begin exploring her mouth. My kisses softened without me intending to change anything. My desire had been stilled and fed and I took my sweet time to kiss her again and again. To tug her bottom lip with my teeth, feeling her shivering in my grip. I was in heaven, content with life and happy beyond reason as Tae finally pulled her lips away from mine.
Her lips were slightly swollen and plump, her eyes a little hazy as she moved out of my grip. A smile was planted on my face when I saw how breathless she was. She even looked a little embarrassed to me and I couldn't help but bend forward to plant another kiss onto her lips.
Rumulus howled inside me as she responded, her lips soft on mine.