August 7
Today was.......actually okay. I took the day off work to just relax, take my mind off things. I accidentally let it slip and Kevin insisted on taking me somewhere so that we could spend time together. I initially said no but somehow Kevin talked me into it with that charm of his(also his incredibly adorable pout).
At first it was mostly me sulking while Kevin cheerfully lead me through the amusement park in which he had taken me to. After a while he pulled me away from the crowds, arms erasing me tightly. Of course I hugged back and rested my face in the crook of his neck, tears threatens to spill as more thoughts of losing that occur.
Somehow though Kevin calmed me down. He promised to keep in touch and stood there rubbing my back, comforting me. Eventually I looked Kevin in the eyes and opened my mouth about to let my feelings spill when he started speaking again. This time about how we should focus on the positive, about how we still had time. After that I'd dropped the negative thoughts and focused on being with Kevin. After that it was actually good, I had fun and it felt like the days we'd spent together a month ago. That made it enjoyable.
Now Im was laid out on the couch writing everything down here, wondering how this next month or so is going to be. If I'm going to be back to a negative mess or if I can keep being positive for Kevin. It feels like everything's so undetermined for me right now and it's weird. Each time I write something down it feels wrong, it doesn't feel natural. It feels like I should be talking and laughing with Kevin not writing down emotionless words to him. Then again I'm mute and can't, which takes me back to the negative thoughts all over again then I remember that I needed to be positive for him and end up in this vicious cycle.
It's been rough but somehow Kevin keeps me going.
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A/N I had some issues and stuff tonight but I wrote these in school(no regrets) so yay for rewritten content. Hope you guys like them and bye.