I fall to my knee's letting go of Hobi's hand in the process, one of my hands fall lifelessly beside me and the other one over my mouth. "no..." I say under my breathe. everyone stood there shocked and sad that it never came to any of us to comfort each other
it's like a black hole just swallowed all of us into a place filled with nothing but grief.. it hurts so much, all I want to do is just reach out and touch her again, hug her and hold her while telling her, she has nothing to worry about because I'll protect her forever.. but that's never going to happen, cause she's dead now and gone forever
I miss my baby girl.
I heard a baby cry and it brought me back to my senses. I get up and walk toward Andrew who was crying on the seats behind us, I wobble a bit as I walk towards him. I hold him like if I let go I'm going to lose him just like we lost Lily.
the nurse left and everyone gathered around me and Andrew as Hobi sat right next to me. the other boys remained standing.
we waited a few more minute before deciding we should leave considering the room was getting a bit crowded.
Tae and Jimin take Andrew to the car and Hobi stays behind to help me. I guess my ability to walk was thrown out the window when the bad news hit me and I think Hobi noticed it too.
as we slowly made our way to the car, we sat in the back of the car so no one would see me break down besides Hobi who's right next to me comforting me.
Jin drops us off at Hobi's house, our house. and I went to get Andrew from the car but Hobi insists he gets him. we put Andrew in his crib an I go to bed and curl up with the covers over me. am I going to end up like mom?
will I let grief control me till I'm not me no more? will I ever be me again. a thought pops into my head, I keep pushing it away but it keeps coming back. it's like my body went on auto pilot, I get up and start walking to the bathroom.
I look in the draws but I couldn't find what I was looking for. before I could look for something else that's sharp. the bathroom door opens and there Hobi's standing shocked. I looked at him with a guilty look in my eye.
he walks over to a rug, lifts it up and grabs something underneath it. "is this what you're looking for?" he asked referring to the small flat razor he had in his hand. "yeah..." I mumble softly looking away.
"you said you'd never do it again Y/n" he said with a sad yet angry tone "you said you would never do it again" he said, seemed close to tears "you have no idea what I'm going through nor what I've been through, so just give me the razor and let me release some of the pressure " I said trying to reach for the razor
"no, I can't let you hurt yourself, and how am I supposed to know you're hurting if you don't tell me, I'm your fiancée, you can trust me"
"I can't trust anyone anymore, all anyone ever did was hurt me even my own family." I run to the door but before I leave I turn around and say "goodbye Andrew, stay safe, and take care of him Hobi"
I rush out the door running and running till my legs are so numb they feel like their going to break. as I run I think of all the reasons I have to live then I think about the reasons I have to die.
then I thought about how the bad out weighed the good.
as I run to the nearest bridge I think about how much happier the guys will be without me, and how much better Andrew can be raised since I'm out of the picture.
when I arrive at the bridge I look over the edge at the ongoing traffic. I try to catch my breathe at this point I start to wonder if Hobi and the boys are looking for me at all.
I sit on the edge and scoot my butt off till I'm falling.
as I'm falling all the good thoughts of me and the boys com to mind and how everything would be better if I never started looking for that stupid old razor in the first place. if I could I'd go back and fix everything but that's impossible as I'm snapped back to reality right before I hit the ground
Splat
after that I black out everything's a blur, the only thing I know is that I want to get out of this dark abyss. I want to be alright again, I want to be okay, I want so much, but I have so little. but that very little means the world to me, I have a fiancée that I adore, a beautiful baby boy that might never see his mother again
why did I make the stupid mistake of jumping off that bridge before I realized just how much I was missing out on? and how stupid and irrational I was being talking to Hobi that way. he's right, he's my fiancée and I should trust him, but why did I choose to run away?
just then I woke up in a hospital, a nurse walks in "am I alive?" I asked and she turned to me "oh you're finally awake, you are alive and you're in a hospital right now" she said and I went to sit up but all my limbs were wrapped in bandages even my torso "how long have I been asleep?" I asked "a week"
"oh God" I said worry washing over my face. "what's the matter?" the nurse asked and I looked in her eyes to see she was really worried
"before I jumped, I left my grieving fiancée with our new born son, and we just lost my sons twin sister, so I was upset and started looking for my razor but he hid it from me till he saw me and knew what I was looking for. instead of telling him the pain I felt since he was my fiancée, I left and found the nearest bridge" I said pretty fast just letting all out
"and when I blacked out all I could think about was that I messed up big time and I wish I could fix it" I said finally "that seems like God thought your work here wasn't done either" she said before sitting on the bed right beside me
"I'll call him for you if you give me his number. second chances like these don't come everyday" she said and she had a point "no I need to tell him in person" I state
~3 weeks later~
I got discharged today so I got into a taxi as soon as possible and within 20 minutes I was at Hobi's door step. I fidget with my fingers. before I knock I hear sobbing "she's out there I promise you, she's not dumb enough to leave you and Andrew behind" that's Jin
"yeah but she left, and it's been a month and it's all my fault" that was Hobi
"it's not your fault, she was just a bit worked up and probably did and said somethings she regrets but I know she's out there" that was Jungkook
"you gotta give the girl more credit Hobi. yes she does have the guts to take her life. but she doesn't have the guts to do it without thinking it through" that was Yoongi.
"yeah she's smart, I bet she's out there some where in the world right now wishing she could burst through that front door and say she's sorry" and oh man was Namjoon right.
"yeah I bet she regrets what she did, she would never leave you behind Hobi you are her everything when she felt like nothing and there is no way she'd let the world take you or Andrew from her and that's a fact" aww Tae
"there is nothing you can do to change the past but one thing is for sure that you will find a way through all of this Hobi, cause you are the light that no one can put out and I'm sure wherever Y/n is in the world weather dead or alive, she thinks the same amazing things about you that we do" Jimin is so good with words
"I just feel like I wasn't enough to make her stay" that was Hobi again.
just then I mustered up all the courage to knock on the door. "just ignore it, probably some sails person" Hobi said and I could hear him sniffle. no I didn't give up on you so I'm not letting you give up on me like this when you're just within reach
I continued to knock on the door till I heard "I think it's important Hobi" Tae said, dang right it's important. I heard foot steps and soon the door opened to reveal Hobi towering over me. his eyes were red along with his nose like he had a cold and his voice was worse from all the crying I'm guessing he was doing. he also looked very pale and thinner then I remember, did he stop eating after I went missing a month ago?
tears filled my eyes when I saw him, from the joy of seeing my lover again and also tears of sorrow from seeing the state he was in, his eyes lost their shine, and he no longer had that beautiful smile on his face that I loved so much. I knew one thing at this moment
I'm never letting you go again Hobi