I've decided I no longer hate this room.
I'm seated in the same comfortable couch that I've sat in a hundred times. Evaluating the same neatly lined rows of certificates and awards on the wall. Except, this time, there's no resentment in my heart.
"So tell me, Scarlett, what brings you back to my office?" Dr. O'Shannon asks, resting her clipboard in her lap to offer me a forced smile.
Sighing, I fidget with mom's ring. "I'm here to finally heal."
And with that, I tell her everything. From the guilt I carried over the accident to the lasting affects of Bennett's relationship. The fear I get from being touched and the stubborn will I have to never back down.
"I was wrong to fight you. I thought it was better to ignore everything but I can't out run reality. In the end it will always come crashing down." I admit.
She looks at me for a long moment and I think she's about to announce that our session is up when she picks up her phone. "Margaret, please cancel my appointments for the afternoon."
I relax, thankful for her decision. There's still a lot more I have to let go of.
*****
After a long session of crying I feel like my soul has been ripped from my body. Then thrown through a paper shredder and finally doused in lemon juice.
But I'm happy.
Ashton tried to suggest I go home after my session but I refused. I don't want to hide in my room when there are things to be done. So now we're walking through the grocery store.
I mark things off my list as we go, double checking to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.
Ashton whistles softly to himself, pushing the cart without complaint. I eye him skeptically as I grab a roll of paper towels.
"What has you in such a good mood?" I ask, poking his side.
"Grocery shopping is fun."
I scoff, "Ashton, grocery shopping is anything but fun."
It's one of the most stressful things I've ever done and I do it once a week. If the thought of Sage picking out our food didn't absolutely horrify me, I would give him the job.
But that won't ever happen. At least, not for a while.
He shrugs, taking my hand. "Sure it is. I'm with my favorite person. Doing a task in which it's almost impossible for us to argue. I just get to watch you."
Heat creeps over my face as I blush at his words.
"It really doesn't take much to please you, does it, Charming?" I tease, forgetting all about my list.
Ashton smirks, "I mean, you certainly don't have any problems with pleasing-"
A punch to his gut shuts him up. The things that come out of his mouth. One moment it's heart melting the next it's blood boiling.
He winces, trying his best not to rub the spot as I walk ahead.
"Sweetheart, I was just kidding." I stop walking, "Well, mostly."
An additional punch shuts him up again. The audacity of this boy.
I'm in the middle of picking out rice when arms wrap around me. My debate between brown or white rice is interrupted by a kiss pressed to my temple.
"I'm sorry for being childish."
The twins like white rice better, now the question is do I need a whole bag or just a box?
"Scarlett."
A bag it is, there are five of us after all.
I reach for the bag and a hand cuts me off. "Don't make me bring out the puppy dog eyes in the middle of the store."
He wouldn't.
I sigh as he moves my arms to around his neck, nudging my face with his own. After rolling my eyes at his neediness, I look up at him. His gray eyes widen as he makes a sad face, his arms sneaking around my waist.
Oh my God. "You're a pathetic loser, you know that right?"
He nods his head, "Very pathetic."
Indeed he is. Ashton leans down to kiss me and I jerk my head away, not so fast. His grip tightens and after another couple seconds I give in. We're in a grocery store for Christ's sake.
"But I'm your pathetic loser." He adds sincerely.
Before I can respond, a voice interrupts us. "You two are just precious."
A woman is watching us, clasping her hands over her heart. She's got to be in her late 60's but there's a youthful light in her eyes.
"Thank you." I say, slightly embarrassed.
I expect her to move on but she smiles at us, "First apartment?"
I stare at her, completely lost before she motions to our cart which is piled high with food and necessities. I haven't done any shopping since spring break, the Rhodes house is currently empty of basically everything.
Wait a minute. She thinks that Ashton and I live together. Like adults. In an apartment. It humors me for a second but then I wonder what it would be like. If our future holds such a promising life.
"No, ma'am, we're in high school still." I explain.
"Could've fooled me." She offers with a wink before walking down the isle.
What a weird experience. I turn to Ashton to find him already smiling down at me, we sit there for a moment before a smirk works its way into his face. "What else do we need for our apartment, Sweetheart?"
Something tells me he's not going to let that comment go and honestly I don't think I will either.
*****
Hours later, I'm in the kitchen, trying to make dinner and failing miserably while Ashton distracts me.
"What do you think you want to study in college?" He asks, eating a handful of bacon bits.
"I don't know, art therapy interests me." I admit, it's something I've been looking into.
I've always used art as my outlet but I could actually help someone else. Prevent them from going through the same spiral I went down.
He just stares at me, a soft look on his face that tells me he already knows the reason why.
"But what about you, that's a decision you have to make first?" I ask, nudging him with my elbow as I put the meatloaf in the oven.
He sighs, "Physical therapy is a safe path but honestly, business might just be calling my name."
I raise my eyebrows, impressed by his decision. "Why the interest?"
Setting down the pack of bacon bits, he shrugs, "I can't rely on football forever. Anything could happen at any given minute and I can't afford to not be prepared."
"Look at you, being all responsible and stuff." I tease, flicking his nose.
I'm genuinely surprised he's put that much thought into it. Most guys in a position like him focus on pro ball. Then when they either don't make it or their time is up, they're lost.
It makes me proud.
"I plan on having people who depend on me, I need to be on top of the ball." He admits, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
A blush creeps it's way onto my face. someone's thought ahead.
"Tell me more, Charming?" I prod, mixing the mashed potatoes together.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. I rarely have the time to day dream but it happens every once and a while. A genuine smile works it's way onto his face but I focus on the potatoes. I can't be distracted.
"Well, I'll have a house that's absolutely gorgeous. A few dogs, haven't really decided on the breeds yet. A couple nice cars." He starts off.
"What else, Mister McClain?" I tease, throwing a suggestive smile over my shoulder.
He pushes himself off the counter, "Well, there will be a Mrs. McClain."
"Oh." I focus on the bowl as Ashton wraps his arms around my waist. "Tell me about her."
"She's absolutely stunning, by far the hottest wife in the NFL. Everything from our house to our cars will be picked out by her." He continues, pressing a kiss to my temple.
It's a struggle to find my voice, the pounding of my heart the only thing I can focus on.
My mind begins to toy with the idea, running wild with this small little fantasy. "Don't you want a say in anything?"
I can feel him smile as another kiss is placed on my cheek. "I'll add my input from time to time but she's so stubborn that I'd much rather let her have her way. Plus, they always say happy wife, happy life."
Ain't that the truth.
"What else do you see?" I whisper, trying to keep my cool.
He rests his head on top of my shoulder. "Well, since I'm looking maybe eight years into the future, we'll have a teenager who will keep us on our toes."
Saffron.
Ashton truly has thought of everything. A lump forms in the back of my throat as I process that information.
"I see the beginning of a family, maybe a baby already on the way." He adds softly, his hands moving across my stomach.
My breathing hitches at this. "How many children do you plan on having?"
"As many as my beautiful wife will give me. Like I said, she makes all the decisions."
Clever boy.
I sit for a minute, looking down at the potatoes I've more than thoroughly mashed. This is just a fantasy. I don't notice I'm upset till a tear falls onto my hand. In a panic, I turn, trying to find a paper towel. Instead I crash into Ashton, the potatoes exploding all over us.
"Aw shit." I mutter, trying to clean them up.
He grabs my hand, "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I assure him, trying my hardest to smile.
He gives me a look, picking me up and setting me on the countertop. I try to avoid his gaze but fail miserably.
"It's just that this is such a fun thing to think about but we can't really know what's going to happen." I admit, my voice cracking.
This is a story that's too good to be true, there's a reason it's called a day dream. They never come true. Something will happen between now and then and ruin the entire plan.
He kisses the palm of my hand, moving in between my legs. "Scarlett, we both know nothing in life is guaranteed. A year ago, I never would've thought I'd be here with someone as wonderful as you. But this is my reality."
I close my eyes.
"You are my reality and you're my future." He adds, brushing his thumb across my cheek to dry my tears.
"I'm sorry, it's just that you included Saffron." I get out, hating the fact that I'm crying again.
"Of course I included Saffron. Our life wouldn't be complete without that little hellion. And the boys would visit all the time." He assures me, pulling a clump of food from my hair.
Never in a million years did I think there would be someone by my side as Saffron went through her teenage years. I had always assumed it would just be me and her. Then, once she graduated I would move on with my life.
But I don't have to stop living while that happens. That's a reality I still haven't fully grasped.
"I won't be alone."
I'm pressed against his chest as a sob escapes. "You'll never be alone Scarlett."
No, I don't think I will.
We spend sometime completely forgetting about the mess or the green beans I put on the stove.
It's just us.
"Have I ever told you, I love you?" I ask, trying to get the potatoes from his hair.
He laughs, leaning down to me. "I think I love you more."
Before I can argue back he's kissing me. Seconds later the kitchen door busts open, the twins walking into the room with a camera recording us.
"That's our sister, Scarlett, and her boyfriend, Ashton." Silver offers, zooming in on us.
"They're almost always kissing so we're catching them in their natural state." Sterling adds with a laugh.
I roll my eyes, ever since Uncle John was shown a the video about our parents he's paid attention to the twins interest in film. After a long discussion and a whole lot of convincing me, he bought them a vlog camera.
Our life has been videoed ever since. They're determined to be the next David Dobrik.
I notice Ashton gives them a signal and I count to three.
One.
Two.
Three.
Ashton and I slap mash potatoes into the others face at the same time. He squeals once he gets the clump of potatoes out of his eye.
"I'm always two steps ahead of you, Charming."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." He adds, throwing a handful on Silver.
And that's the beginning of Ashton's first food fight with the Rhodes family.
Potatoes and bacon bits are thrown everywhere and I scream like crazy as water gets sprayed on me.
Saffron and Ronnie join us at some point and I can't help but watch the scene around me. I never thought I'd be able to count all my blessings in one space but as Sage runs through the door I decide it is possible.
We all drop the food as he takes us all in, "Why do I always miss the fights?"
Ashton charges him, dumping the remaining potatoes onto my brothers head. "Happy now?"
Sage laughs, slapping Ashton's back as he wipes his face. "Absolutely."
After cleaning up the kitchen we eat a slightly burned meatloaf and green beans. It might not be the best but there's no complaints.
*****
"You know, I should really learn to cook if you're going to burn everything." Ashton teases, sprawling across my bed.
I scoff, taking my contacts out. "I could teach you if you want."
Let him give it a try.
"Would you really?" He asks softly.
Turing around, I'm taken back by the sad expression on his face. "Of course."
He scratches his throat. "I can make pancakes but that's about it. Dad... dad offered to teach me once but I snapped at him. He didn't offer again-"
"Ash, you don't have to-" I try but he waves me off.
"I was a shitty person." He whispers, wandering down memory lane.
Sighing, I walk over to him, "That's not who you are."
He takes my hand, remaining silent as I peck his forehead.
Giving it a tight squeeze, he nods, "You're right."
Something's bothering him, I'm about to question him when a tug on my hand sends me falling onto his lap.
"Enough about me, I wanna see it."
I roll my eyes, going to pull my hair off of my back. Goosebumps spread across my skin as he traces the tattoo between my shoulder blades.
"It's beautiful, she really designed it?"
Resisting the urge to look in the mirror, I smile. I've already spent hours twisting in front of it to catch a glimpse. It is beautiful.
"Yeah, she did. I'm sure it been altered since then but-"
"Don't downgrade this. It's her art that's forever on your skin and it's wonderful." He whispers, tracing the wings again.
He always sees the positive. I went out and made a drastic life decision and instead of freaking out, he's ecstatic. "You're right."
"More importantly, I've got you all to myself." He says, running his fingers across my shoulder and up my neck before landing in my hair.
We kiss and he rolls us onto my back.
I try to catch my breath, running a finger over his chest. "Lucky me, you've already got your shirt off."
He smirks, "We should even the playing field."
And with that my tank top is pulled over my head. I laugh, "I'm all about playing fair."
He kisses me, working his way down my neck. I gasp, running my fingers through his hair.
A soft knock sounds at the door, almost too light to be heard.
We freeze, afraid to make a noise. It's almost midnight, the girls went to bed over an hour ago. I would know, I checked on them.
"Scar, Saffy had a nightmare." Ronnie calls, trying to open the door.
Of course she did.
"One second girls!" I call, trying to get off the bed.
Ashton grabs my arm, pulling me in for one last kiss. I hit the back of his head, slipping on my sheet as I try to find my shirt. My eyes frantically scan the room, not a single article of clothing in my line of sight.
I panic and Ashton laughs.
"You could help you know." I glare at him.
He's the one who got us into this mess to begin with.
"And give up this show? No thanks."
I flip him off as another knock sounds at the door. Oh my God.
I run to the closet and throw a random shirt over my head before dashing to the door. I stub my toe on the corner of my dresser.
"Jesus Christ." I whisper, hopping on one foot.
One day I'm going to catch a break, I swear.
Throwing the door open I take in my sister sniffling, holding onto her stuffed baseball for dear life.
"Come here, Squirt." I say, opening my arms out to her.
Immediately she jumps into my arms and I rub her back, humming our lullaby in her ear. "Do you want to talk about it?"
She shakes her head, squeezing me a little tighter. She never does.
I sit down on my bed, pulling the covers over us. Saffron doesn't say anything, not even budging as Ronnie joins us.
"I can go see if I can bunk with Sage." Ashton offers and I'm about to agree when she shakes her head.
"You can stay, I'm sorry for waking you up Ashy." Saffron says out between sniffles.
Oh, we weren't sleeping.
She's pulled from my arms and into Ashton's. "Don't apologize, Squirt, there's nothing to be sorry for. I used to have nightmares all the time."
He smiles at her but I can see the shift in his eyes. He's not lying.
"Really?" Saffron asks with wide eyes.
"Really." He insists, tugging on her hair. "Now why don't you two lie down and we can go back to sleep."
"Like a slumber party." I add, fluffing the pillow next to me.
The girls smile and get comfortable between us. I turn the light off as Saffron snuggles into my side.
"Hey, Scar?"
"Yeah?" I ask as my head hits the pillow.
"Why is your shirt on the ceiling fan?"
My face flushes with embarrassment as Ashton dies with laughter, the entire bed shaking from it.
I'm going to kill him.
"I don't know, Squirt, get some rest."
I lay there for a while, listening to her slowly slip into sleep. She was doing so well until her accident.
The bed shifts and I turn onto my side, making eye contact with Ashton over the girls sleeping forms. The faint moonlight illuminates his face, making him seem angelic.
Thank you. I tell him, throwing my arm above Saffron's head.
Always. He says, lacing his fingers through mine.
Sleep finds me pretty quickly after that.
*****
Updated slightly early because I want to read your reactions in the morning to distract me from the fact I didn't do my Stats homework.
Here's a cute lil fluffy chapter to make your hearts melt... Honestly this chapter was added on because I felt that the story was missing something. I also got inspired for the kitchen scene by the lovely edit below by heythere2u