Dear Louis,
It's been five years. We know. We all know.
Why'd you do it? Why did you leave? Why did Harry kill himself too?
Why didn't you talk to me about it? You told me everything!
Daisy and Phoebe keep crying. Mum finally told them you weren't on a vacation with Harry. They thought you two had gotten married and honeymooned far away for a very long time.
I wish that was how it was,
but it isn't.
God you're so fucking selfish but you know I don't mean it, why the fuck would you fucking kill yourself you fucking prick?! Do you know what you've done to me? To mum? To Fizzy? The twins? Hell, now the new babies won't ever even meet their only big brother!
Mum doesn't talk anymore. She cooks food, sleeps, watches a bit of soap operas, drives us to school, and repeats, not exactly in that order, however. She hasn't uttered a single word to me since the funeral, that was five fucking years ago, Lou. Although, I do hear her voice, she calls out for you every night in the middle of her sleep.
Fizzy doesn't eat. When she does, it's only a toast and a few crackers to keep her stomach acid down.
The twins don't stop crying. They're embarrassed about how naïve they were.
And me? I'm severely depressed. I don't eat, like Fiz, I don't ever stop crying, like the twins, I'm constantly wanting to end it all, I cut myself, like you, and I don't find the good in anything anymore. I've completely shut everyone out of my life now as well.
This wasn't to make you feel guilty up in heaven but it probably did anyways, so I'm sorry.
Oh, and kick Harry's ass for me for choosing the same stupid path you went down after finding you.
I love you still, however,
Lotts x