Maddie's perspective.
Harry:
Please, just let me know you're OK. Trouble, I'm so worried about you. H x
The message pops up on my screen almost instantly after I don't answer yet another call from him, the sixth already today and it's only eleven am. I know I should answer, I know that it's not fair of me to make him worry like this. But I'm just not ready to talk to him yet.
We arrived in Mexico City yesterday lunchtime, and the entire crew was shuttled straight from the airport to the arena to set up for the first of the two consecutive shows that Harry is performing here. It was all a bit manic really. We only had a few hours to set everything up before the doors were due to open, so everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off, desperately trying to get things ready in time. Whilst a lot of the crew were grumbling about being hungover from the party the night before and just wanting to go to bed, the fast pace of the day suited me. It meant I didn't have time to think or dwell on the horrors from the party that I could push the thoughts of Novak's hands groping at me, his slimy mouth pressed against mine, to the back of my head and let my mind be taken over by the tasks that needed to be completed. I kept myself to myself most of the afternoon, and I even managed to avoid Harry entirely, as soundcheck was cut quite short due to the time constraints and I busied myself helping some of the riggers unloading a van out back during it.
I know I am a coward, but I'm just not ready to face him right now. I know that he's probably beating himself up over what happened to me and that he is probably desperate to try and make things right. Still, I'm honestly not sure that he can. It's not that I blame him for what happened with Novak, not really, I know it wasn't his fault and that if he could turn back time and not leave me alone in that alleyway, then he would in a heartbeat. However, the things he said to me before that, the way he brushed me away when I tried to comfort him during out argument and the look in his eyes when he said he must have been wrong about me being strong enough to handle all this is burned into my brain and the more that I think about it, the more that I think he's right. I'm not strong enough. Not strong enough to be his girlfriend, to handle creeps like Novak, I'm not strong enough to be a part of his world or to even stick out my job until the end of the tour. I just don't know how on earth I am going to be able to tell him that, how I am going to be able to walk away from him. I need a little time to gather my strength before I have to look into those captivating green eyes of his for the last time.
So, that's why I am hiding away in my second-floor room in our hotel in Mexico City, and I will continue to right up until the moment that I absolutely have to head to the arena to help do takedown after tonight's show. Perched on a rickety old wooden chair, gazing out of the window at the crowds of fans who have lined the pavements outside hoping for a glimpse of Harry before the show tonight but not really seeing any of their faces. I'll miss that, the screams and singing of his fans following us pretty much all over the world, there is something amazing in witnessing their love for him first hand. How they always manage to find out where he is staying I do not know, but I understand their devotion to him, he's an easy person to fall for, I of all people know that.
Whilst I am lost in my daydreams staring out across the sea of heads outside to the multicoloured buildings in the distance, the screams suddenly double in volume, making me jump and snap back to the present. What the...? Craning my neck, I press my face against the glass and try to see the front door to the hotel below me and work out who's taken their life in their hands by walking straight out the front door. I'm surprised to see that it's Harry. In black trousers and a black hoodie with a surgical mask covering most of his beautiful face, a team of security are flanking him as he tries to make his way to his car, his head down as he stumbles along. Why on earth would he walk straight out the doors and into that? I wonder to myself.
Suddenly and without warning, the entire crowd surges forward as one. It almost looks choreographed it's so in sync. Hundreds and hundreds of fans running top speed towards the cavalcade of smart black land rovers surrounded by the odd motorbike as if they hold the cure for everlasting life, not a pop star. Jumping to my feet, I watch in horror, my heart in my throat as one of the security guards bustles Harry through the crowds and into the last car in the row, the nearest one to the doors. I see his face clearly for the first time, even from this distance, I can see how pale and blotchy his normally perfect skin is. How dull his normally shining eyes are, and I instantly feel guilty. I've caused that.
The car door slams the moment the security guard has joined Harry inside it, and I wait for them to drive away as my heart hammers against my chest, they need to get out of here before someone gets hurt. There are fans pressed up against the sides of the land rover that Harry is in now, all sense of sanity forgotten as they try to get as close to him as is humanly possible. What on earth are they hoping to achieve? No doubt all the car doors are locked, they aren't going to be able to get to him, all they are doing right now is putting themselves in danger. Putting Harry in danger...
No. He's safe in the car. I try and reassure myself as I watch the combined weight of the fans make it rock slightly from side to side. Suddenly one of the girls reaches out and grabs ahold of the edge of the roof and starts to actually pull herself up the side of the car! She uses her arms to hoist herself up until she can throw one of her legs over and actually climbs right on to the fucking roof!
Without giving it a moments thought, I react on instinct and sprint from my hotel room. I don't even bother to grab my key as I hurtle down the stairs as quickly as possible and round the corner into the main lobby, almost slipping on the sparklingly clean, highly polished wooden floors beneath my sock covered feet in my haste to reach the doors. Every bone in my body is screaming at me to just get to Harry. What the fuck I think I am going to do when I get there is anyone's guess, but I can't seem to stop my feet from moving underneath me.
The image of his red skin and downcast eyes keeps flashing through my mind as I near the doors but when I eventually reach them and grasp both of the long silver-coloured handles firmly and yank them towards me, they don't budge. It's locked? What the hell? Raising my fist I start to bang frantically on the glass, trying to get the attention of the two burly security guards who's backs are currently to me who are standing in front of the main doors. I guess they're there to stop any fans from trying to get into the hotel, although I don't suppose they'll really want to as they know full well Harry isn't in here, he's sitting in the back of the rocking land rover that they are all pressed up against. After a few solid bangs, one of the security guards finally turns around to look at me, and I am relieved to recognise Stuart.
"Let me out!" I cry against the glass, banging my fist once more in frustration. But Stuart just shakes his head solemnly, looking from me, back to the fans, then back to me again.
"I can't." Is all he says before turning away again, and I wonder how much he's guessed about Harry and me from all the times he's driven us around over the past few weeks or seen me sneak in or out of Harry's hotel suite's in the early hours of the morning. As he doesn't seem in the slightest bit surprised to see me there, banging against the glass like a madwoman, without any shoes on. Demanding to be let out into the crowd of screaming, shouting, pushing, climbing fans.
Through a break in the multitude of excited girls, I catch a glimpse of Harry. Sitting in the back seat of the car, his elbows resting on his knees as he buries his face in his hands, and my heart almost breaks. Get the fuck away from MY boyfriend.
I try the handles on the door one last time in frustration, as if they are going to have miraculously unlocked themselves in the last thirty seconds or so, the glass rattles slightly against the metal frames, but they don't open. Fuck this, I think to myself and start looking around the lobby for another exit, any other exit. Just as I am resolving to head to the opposite end of the hotel and get out into the car park, circle around and get out to Harry that way, I am distracted by a group of police officers arriving. I watch as in no time at all they part the crowd in front of them, pushing and pulling them away from the vehicles, the girl who climbed onto the car that Harry is in is helped down by a police officer, and the crowd is dispersed just enough so that the cars can start to move away from the hotel. The moment they hit clear road, they begin to accelerate quickly away. A few of the more hardcore fans, including the girl who climbed on top of the car, chase after them for a few paces, but soon stop, doubling over to try and catch their breath as the row of sleek black cars rounds the corner at the end of the street and disappears out of sight.
"Maddie?" Stuarts voice calling my name interrupts my thoughts as I continue to stare out at the fans who are now starting to dejectedly make their way off in different directions, the police are pointing and calling out instructions in rapid Spanish which I can't begin to keep up with as I only took a few Spanish classes in school, but they seem to be telling them all that it's time to go home and mostly, the fans appear to be complying without too much resistance.
"What the fuck was that about? Why
weren't you with him?" I shout at Stuart, he reaches out a hand towards my elbow, to lead me to somewhere more quiet that we can talk I realise belatedly as there are several curious members of the hotel staff and a couple of the crew staring at the crazy girl still battling to get around Stuart and out into the street, but I flinch away from his touch instinctively. I'll give them a fucking piece of my mind! Fans? How on earth can they believe for one minute that they care about Harry at all when they are willing to put him in danger like that! Not to mention the extreme danger they were putting themselves in, someone could have been crushed! Or run over!
"Calm down Maddie, it's OK, no one was injured." Stuart tries to console me, and something in the tone of his voice makes me finally meet his pleading eyes, they are a relatively uninteresting shade of brown, but I notice a couple of tiny golden flecks floating around near his pupils which manage to steal my attention for a moment and I finally force myself to stand still and take a breath. "It wasn't my turn to drive him today, I'm on door duty. He's got a good team with him though, they wouldn't have let anything happen to him." He adds apologetically
"Some team! Why didn't they take him out the back exit and avoid the crowds?" I shout again
"There's a delivery van blocking the exit, and Harry had to get to the doctors."
"The doctors? Why? What's wrong with him?" I ask frantically, my anger disappearing and quickly being replaced by concern
"Just a bit of a cold I think, but it's hit him hard because of all the travelling, so he's gone to get himself checked out, didn't he tell you? I thought you two were, er, close?" Stuart asks
"We are...were...Argh! It's complicated." I stammer flustered.
Is it really that complicated, though? I wonder to myself as I trudge back up the hallway to my room. Half an hour ago, I thought that it was, thought that I knew what the right thing was to do, the best thing for both of us. But now... The moment that I saw the crowd surging towards the car, towards Harry, all I could think was that I had to do something. I couldn't possibly just stand there staring out of my window and watch, I couldn't stand back and let him get hurt.
When I reach my room I grab my phone and immediately try Harry's phone, but it's switched off, I guess he hasn't taken it with him or has turned it off for his appointment, shit. Pulling on my tattered and worn old boots, I shove my phone into my pocket along with the hotel key card, which I stupidly left on the bedside table with the door wide open whilst I went running off down the stairs, and make my way out of my hotel room, making sure to actually close the door this time, probably a little more forcefully than was strictly necessary.
I make my way slowly towards the elevators and head up to the top floor, there's no one in the hallway when I arrive and only two doors, one on either side of the short corridor. I'll just wait here then, I think. And slide myself gently down onto the plush purple carpet, my back against the wall next to the elevator and get comfortable. Now that I finally know what I want to say to Harry, I am not going to risk losing my opportunity.