"The second thing one should be most grateful for after life, is having a family" - Amalkhan807.
Guilt. Confusion. Worthlessness.
These were just but a few of the words that kept to continuously crisscross through Yasir Hosseini's mind, day in and day out. He had lost his esteem, his confidence, his self-worth and there was one word in particular that just kept eating him up bit by bit and that was the word...
Blind.
The one word that kept reminding him of who he truly was.
A blind man who was incapable.
A blind man who had taken everything and everyone for granted.
A blind man who had not been good enough to be a son, a brother or more so, a husband.
The more he thought about it, the more his heart sank further and further. More and more guilt overwhelmed him and he just could not stop from feeling embarrassed about himself. All his life, he had been surrounded by people who had kept reminding him that his "Disability was not inability" and that he was different in his own special way.
He had grown up strongly believing in that and how could he even have not, considering that he had had his Akhi with him every step of the way? Every single time something would happen that would tend to pull him down, his brother had always been there to pull him back up even higher than he was before.
He shut his eyes, immense pain coursing through his heart as memories of him and his Akhi came flooding back but there was this one special childhood memory that he just could not stop thinking of.
They had been at the park and he had really really wanted to play football with the rest of the kids but they just would not allow him to do so. He had pleaded and pleaded and had even gotten to the verge of crying but the other kids would not hear any of it.
"Please, I promise to only kick when I feel the ball at my feet," he said, his voice quivering, tears threatening to spill out any minute.
"No Yasir, you CANNOT play." was the only answer he got every single time.
"Please..."
"No!"
"And why not?" Hisham had asked and he remembered how he had quickly and tightly circled his tiny hands around his elder brother's forearm hoping that his Akhi would be able to convince the rest of the kids to let him play.
"Because your brother is blind," one of the kids had replied.
"And so?"
"And so, he will make us lose. Go away with him."
A lump had formed in his throat and tears had stung his eyes just by listening to those words but then, what his Akhi had said next was something he knew he would never ever forget.
"You already are losers for not having him on the team."
Hisham had then taken gotten hold of his tiny hand and led him away to a different side of the park.
"Akhi?" he asked as soon as they sat on a bench.
"Yes little bro?"
"Did you really mean what you said back there?"
Hisham had remained silent for a while afterwich he draped his arm around him and said...
"I meant every single word from the bottom of my heart, Yasir. Never doubt it."
"Pinky promise?"
"Pinky promise till forever, little bro," said Hisham while pulling out a packet of pineapple flavoured fruit drops from his pocket which they had both shared in amicable silence though as much as Hisham had claimed to have shared the candy equally, even at that tender age, Yasir had still been able to figure out that that Hisham had kept adding more and more candy to his palm from his share because he knew how much his younger brother loved the pineapple fruit drops and he also knew that they wouldn't fail to cheer him up.
"You know Akhi? I really really wanted to play," he said as he plopped the last of the candy into his mouth.
"Well, we will still play. Don't worry Yasir."
"Really? How?"
"Well you and me can play together, can't we?"
"No!" he had immediately replied while shaking his head vigorously.
"But why not?"
"That would mean that we will have to play against each other. I always want us to be on one team Akhi. Always."
"I didn't think of that, Yasir and I also want to always be on your team too," Hisham had said and then added...
"If we win, we win together and if we lose, we lose together."
Those last specific words of his brother's were not less than suffocating for him mainly because Hisham had stuck and remained true to them forever. All achievements of his had been his Akhi's as well and whenever he had been at his lowest, his brother had always been there to remind him that he was worth it all.
Now that he thought about it, he couldn't help but question himself, had he too been there for his Akhi when he was at his lowest? Had he?
He doubted it and the guilt of just thinking about it was close to killing him but then again, his Akhi was not the only person he had failed.
Just when he had reached a point in life, where he had thought that he needed no one else, Allah had granted him someone who had made him feel far more than just PERFECT and that person was none other than Yumnah Saeed...
His wife!
Yumnah had walked into his life when he least expected it and turned it upside down but all in a good way. She had made him feel loved, she had made him feel wanted and nothing gave him more joy than to think that out of all the men out there, she had chosen him and him alone to be her life partner; her soulmate.
These two people, one who was his brother and the other his beloved wife, played really major and important roles in his life but then had he taken these two special people for granted? Had he been using them selfishly? Had he been there for one and not for the other or had he just not been there for them both?
He just didn't know and what made his heart to feel even more burdened was what Hisham had told him, the day they had fought. That one day that had created havoc in all their lives. He had said...
"I had told you Yasir, women will separate us and clearly they did."
Till now he could not make out as to what that had meant and he was also not heartless and stupid to blame it on Yumnah. His wife was innocent, he knew it and he loved her but then could it be that he had become so obsessed with his love life that he had forgotten all about his Akhi? Could it be that when he was so busy showering all his love and attention to his wife that he forgot to notice his brother's suffering?
If the answer was yes, which he thought it was, he couldn't stop from loathing himself.
He rubbed his temples, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he rethought everything. It had all happened so fast. From one side his wife had given him the good news that she was expecting their first child and from the other end his Akhi had walked in demanding for shares and claiming that his life was a living hell!
Who had needed more of his attention? Who was he supposed to choose?
His Akhi or his wife?
"I can't choose...I love them both. I might have failed them but I never ever want to choose. I just don't want to choose please!" he shouted, his hands and legs trembling.
"Choose what?" asked Khaleel and Yasir immediately looked up towards the direction of his cousin's voice at the same time trying to steady his rugged breathing.
"Bro, are you okay?" asked Khaleel as he placed his hand on Yasir's shoulder and gently squeezed it.
He then removed a clean handkerchief from his trouser's pocket and gently wiped away the sweat from his cousin's forehead not at all failing to notice Yasir's trembling hands.
"Yeah, I am okay," replied Yasir and closed his eyes in dismay when he heard Khaleel pull up an office chair and sit right beside him.
"Really?"
"Yep!"
"Wow, first of all you were talking to yourself bro and secondly you are sweating like a maniac..." began Khaleel but Yasir quickly cut him off. "
"Oh, I must have set the thermostat way too high."
"Really?"
"Yeah...you know at times I fail to realise which side is high and..."
"Yasir..."
"Yes, Khaleel?" asked Yasir nervously.
"Your office is blazing COLD. It's like freaking north pole in here. I am just surprised it hasn't started snowing yet..."
"Oh, I must have..."
"Yasir. Just tell me what's wrong? What is this that is eating you up inside? We are brothers aren't we?"
Yasir guiltily nodded his head, a solemn look on his head. He then opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't. The words just wouldn't come out and he wasn't sure if it was because he was nervous or because he felt ashamed to tell Khaleel of how he truly felt about himself and everything.
Khaleel stared at his cousin for a while, silently studying him. He noticed Yasir's reluctance but he just couldn't understand why? He and Yasir had talked freely so many times that it greatly confused him as to why Yasir was being hesitant.
"Come...lets go. We have to get you out of this place," said Khaleel, standing up and pulling on to Yasir's hand.
"What...but...but where are we going?"
"To have ice-cream!"
"Are you out of your mind? Its freaking negative degrees outside," said Yasir and rolled his eyes when Khaleel replied with...
"Trust me, outside will feel warmer than your office did a minute ago. It will feel like summer."
"And don't I just LOVE SUMMER," said Yasir sarcastically as Khaleel pulled him into the elevator.
"Of course you do...OLAF."
"I am not OLAF!"
"Trust me you so looked like him a while ago. Your face was white like his and..."
"Can you just drop it?"
"Not until you tell me what's wrong...," said Khaleel afterwich he cheekily began to sing..." Do you wanna BE a snowman?"
"Its 'Do you want to BUILD a snowman not be."
"I know...but with the way your office was blazing cold I figured maybe you want to BE..."
"Fine, I will tell you what's up but first let's get out of here and secondly stop singing. It's simply horrendous," said Yasir and Khaleel smiled at Yasir's sudden outburst.
It was just what he had been aiming for. The elevator dinged and as he made his way out, just to piss his cousin a little bit more he sang...
"Okaaaaaaay. Byeeeeee."
Yasir remained standing in the elevator for a while afterwich he muttered while walking out...
"Someone just kill me, please."
***
The two brothers had ended up at one of their favourite ice cream parlours and as they sat down, Khaleel had asked...
"So, how far have you gotten with looking for Hisham?"
Yasir had immediately stilled and Khaleel amusedly raised one of his eyebrows as he watched his cousin's discomfort.
"I...I...."
"I know you are looking for him Yasir and so is Hitler..."
"What?" asked Yasir in utmost shock.
"Yep!"
"How do you know?"
"I happened to overhear him once and his cover for it was so bad, don't even ask," said Khaleel a small smile playing on his face.
"I happened to be get into the same elevator as him and then he received a call. Wallah, I internally died when I heard him say,' so what new information do you have on You know who'?"
Yasir remained silent and Khaleel's face lit up with a smile when he saw as to how hard Yasir was trying not to laugh. Yasir's lips quivered and in the end his burst out in laughter much to Khaleel's delight.
"Wait, so you mean to say that Hitler is looking for Voldemort? Niiiiiice," said Yasir, doubling in laughter but then quickly sobered up almost as if he had committed a crime.
"Yasir?"
"Yes Khaleel?"
"You do know that you are allowed to laugh right?"
"I...I..."
"What is wrong with you Yasir?" asked Khaleel but before Yasir could reply, they were interrupted by the waiter who came to take their orders.
"Il have a vanilla sundae and as for him, get him a chocolate...," began Khaleel but stopped when Yasir said...
"Il have strawberry cone."
"Since when did you start having strawberry?" asked Khaleel eyeing his cousin carefully.
"Since forever."
"Oh really?"
"Yep!"
"Why don't you just tell me it's Yumnah's favourite flavour. I won't judge!"
"It is and...and..."
"And you miss her terribly," Khaleel finished for him.
"I do."
"Then why are you suffering and making her suffer as well? Why don't you just go and get her?"
Yasir sighed afterwich he rubbed his hands over his face not knowing how to tell Khaleel of his dilemma, of what he was really going through in the depths of his heart.
"Il start singing again if you don't open that mouth of yours and start talking."
"Khaleel..."
"If you say my name one more time, I am going to slam your head against the wall. Just out with it already okay, we still have jobs to go back to, even though we are still apparently fired but who cares when...," rambled Khaleel but stopped when he heard Yasir ask...
"Do you think that I am selfish man?"
"What?"
"Like do you think that I take people for granted? Do you think that I was not there for Akhi when he needed me the most? Do you think that after marriage all I gave all my attention to Yumnah and neglected my brother? Do you think that things would not have gotten to where they are if only I had shown some interest?" asked Yasir.
"Wallah the only thing I THINK I am going to do is smash your head against that wall and this time for real."
"Come on..."
"Since when did you become this extra dumb?"
"It's true. I feel like..."
"Yasir listen..." said Khaleel, having totally understood his cousin's point of view.
"You are the last person out of all people who can take someone for granted. Do you even know what taking someone for granted means, you IDIOT?"
"But..."
"What happened with Hisham was not your fault and if you still think that it's your fault because you didn't pay attention, then that means it is everyone's fault. None of us noticed what he was going through."
"But you did Khaleel..."
"I did not. I only noticed what Zulekha was doing but I never noticed as to how it was all affecting Hisham. We don't even know what really happened between them, so how can you take all the blame upon yourself Yasir?"
"I don't know I just felt..."
"Don't think too much about things. We love you Yasir. You are the youngest amongst us and its definite that you will be showered with more love and attention than anyone else."
"When it comes to family, you can't tell them as to how much they should love you and just because you cannot reciprocate that love equally for one reason or another does not mean that you don't love them or that you are taking them for granted."
"Your Akhi loved you because you are you. You are his little baby brother. I doubt he ever thought you took him for granted and he did all the things he did solely because he wanted to. If he didn't want to, he would have stopped after you both grew up but he didn't right? So stop blaming yourself for things that are out of control.
"You are a very good man Yasir and maybe that is why you are feeling like this but you don't have to, trust me and as for Yumnah..." said Khaleel with a sigh.
"What even happened between you two?"
Yasir took a deep breath and then told Khaleel in detail as to what had transpired that night. He told him of all the mean and hurtful things he had told his wife along with how he had pushed her and hurt her and how he had sent her way mainly because he was scared of hurting her again.
"Yasir..." said Khaleel after carefully listening to everything.
"I know. I messed up. I don't know what was wrong with me. I would never hurt her you know?"
"But you are hurting her now..."
"I'm scared Khaleel. I don't even know how to face her. What if I hurt her again? I can't even get to forgive myself now..."
"What if there is nothing to forgive?" asked Khaleel.
"How?"
"Look, after what happened that night we all know that you and Khaltu were the ones affected the most and knowing Yumnah, I know she also knows that."
"I agree that what you did was not right but come on Yasir, a relationship can never be perfect. There will be ups and downs and maybe Yumnah already forgave you for what you did but you keeping her away from you, is what she might not be able to forgive you for..."
Yasir nodded his head in understanding, his eyes shining with a glint of hope.
"But do you think that it will be selfish of me if I happily continue with my married life yet my Akhi is out there, alone. I don't even know where he is," said Yasir sadly.
"Yasir, Wallah I just don't get you and your heart. Stop thinking like that. Do you think Hisham would be happy to see you and Yumnah separated?"
"No."
"Exactly. You are very lucky man Yasir. You have two people in your life that love you so much. Maybe all that happened was Qadr and Allah knew that after Hisham, you would need someone to keep you going and that someone is Yumnah; your wife who loves you because she wants to. Now stop being an idiot and go and get her."
"I will."
"You better because some months ago there was a woman. A woman waiting for a man she didn't even know would marry her; but now there is an unborn child and a wife.
A child waiting for the father and a wife waiting for her husband.
Go get your family, Yasir.
***
Yumnah confusedly and quickly got up from her bed as soon as she heard the doorbell ring wondering as to who would pay them a visit at that time of the night. Her parents had left for a late night family event and she was dead sure they weren't back, since there had been no sound of the car in the driveway.
She made her way down the staircase the urge to jump over the steps strongly coursing through her. She made her way to the door while humming to herself and upon opening it, Yumnah Saeed had totally no idea of she felt because....
There standing on her doorstep, in the freezing cold, without a coat and with a bouquet of not only flowers but also chocolates in his hands, stood....
Her husband.
Her blind husband.
***
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UNTIL NEXT TIME,
ASALAM ALEIKUM.❤❤