I managed to get a couple of hours sleep after I had made sure that Annie had a full stomach and empty diaper. But when Applehead decided to start the day by emptying the bowl of last night's cereal, on the floor, I found it best to get up to do some damage control. Fortunately enough, the floor wasn't carpeted, so it was easy to clean up his mess. But as soon as I'd cleaned up one thing, he'd done something else, and when he almost knocked the TV down, I'd had it.
"You! You, rascal! Sit your ass down on that chair before I strangle you!"
I pointed to a chair by the desk next to the bed, and reluctantly Applehead did as I told. Then I hurried to find Mr. Jackson's belt, a squinted at him.
Don't do anything stupid now, Gail! He doesn't deserve anything of what your father did to you. He's three and a half. He...
I tied him to the chair with his hands behind his back.
Oh. That... That was actually not a bad idea.
"Now you sit there, while I fix us breakfast and find out how to find a real estate agent that speaks English."
Applehead whined and tried to get loose, but to no avail. And when I shushed him while picking up the phone to call for room service again, he pouted and looked dangerously close to crying.
"I'll buy you some toys afterwards if you behave, kiddo," I said lowly and patted him on his head, while waiting for the receptionist to pick up.
"Hi, yeah. Me again. Yes, I'm sorry about that. Uhm, look. We're hungry again, and we can't go to the dining area to eat like regular people, because... Well. Just because! We can't. Can you send up some more of... Something edible. And... Yes. Yes, Sir. Yes...no! Okay. That good enough. Yes, thank you. And... OH! I need the phone number to a real estate agent. Yes. One that knows English a little better than you. Shit! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Yes, and I'm sorry, Sir. Yes. No. Yes. Thank you. Bye."
"Shit! I thought hotel staff were supposed to be service-minded and nice?!" I mumbled to myself. Then I turned towards the kids, and found Annie laying on the floor where I'd left her. But when I turned to Applehead, I only saw an empty chair and a belt.
Shit! Why did you turn your back towards him?! Why?!
I jolted to the bathroom to see if he was there but of course, he wasn't. And just when I was about to check under the bed, I saw that the door to our room was open. He had gone out. But when I glanced down the hall both ways, I couldn't see anyone.
Jesus, Mary and Edward! He can be everywhere! Even outside, if he took the elevator down. Find him, Gail! On the other hand... It would've been great to have a couple of hours... What are you thinking?! He's your damn husband, dammit! Find him!
I grabbed Annie, rushed to the elevator and pushed the button feverishly. But just as it was on its way up, I heard something that sounded like shouting. It had to be him. He'd probably caused a lot of mess, and embarrassed both himself and us, and probably people around too. All worst case scenarios I could think of played fast forward in my head, while I walked towards the sound. But it wasn't shouting. Or... That too. It was mostly squealing and singing.
"Applehead?" I called, when I found out that it came from the staircase.
"Yes, mommy?" he answered, and laughed when he heard his echo. Then he sang a little, then laughed again, and I sighed so heavily I felt like all the air left my body like a punctured balloon.
"Applehead? Can you come up here?" I asked as nicely as I could.
"But mommy, this was so f..."
"Don't call me mommy when people can hear!" I hissed, walked down towards him and grabbed his hand.
"Ow!" he whimpered when I squeezed a little too tight.
"Oh, shut it, boy. You can't run away like that. You need to stay next to me all the time, and never leave the room without permission."
He kept in squealing and singing until we were back inside the corridor again, where the sound got muffled.
"Pay attention! What did I tell you?"
"To stay with you."
I let go of his hand and patted his head, before adjusting Annie to my other hip.
"But that's boring, mommy. And you are always angry, and..."
"Okay. I won't be angry anymore. There. Happy?"
He looked at me with his large, brown eyes and nodded, while I opened the door to our room. Or, tried to... It was locked. And the key was inside!
"Aaah, for the love of God! How the hell is it possible get fucked up so many times every damn day?! I swear I'm gonna..."
Then I looked at Applehead, that had the world's most reproaching expression on his face.
"...fix this easily, so we can get back into our room and eat our food happily and smile for the rest of the day. And afterwards, I'm gonna buy you and Annie some toys, and..."
I abrupted myself. The food! We were waiting for room service! Bingo!
And right after, there was a 'pling', and the elevator opened up and a young girl came out with a trolley of food, heading towards our room. I was almost dancing with joy, and I didn't even have to pretend to be happy, because I was. Then the girl helped us back inside, placed the trolley in the middle of the room and left.
It was time for breakfast.
******
Almost four hours later, I had herded our walking chaos out of the hotel room, driven around half the city to find a toy store, and then to meet the agent I had talked to on the phone. She shook my hand and presented herself professionally, and I found that her English was actually very good. At least we had no problems understanding each other, and soon after, we were on our way to see our first potential home.
I took Annie out of the car, while Applehead let himself out. He behaved rather calmly, and actually seemed a little shy in this new environment, and to my relief, he chose to stay close to me by his own free will. I noticed that the woman glanced at him every once in a while, a little too often after my taste. But quite honestly, my husband was a real eye candy, and you couldn't deny it no matter how he behaved. Being married to this man, was to be married to an entire family of personalities. But they were all mine, and she'd better keep her eyes to herself.
That didn't become a problem, though. Because not long after, Applehead was running from room to room in the empty house, squealing like he did in the staircase earlier. And he didn't listen when I yelled at him either.
"I... I'm sorry about him. He... He's a little... Uhm..."
I pointed my index finger towards my temple and circled a little.
"A bit retarded. I... I adopted him from a shelter because no one wanted him."
The lady stared at me, looking like she struggled not to laugh, then nodded her head slowly. Then she kept going through with the technicalities about the house. I followed her from room to room, while I kept Applehead in my eyesight. Luckily, there was a minimum of furniture he could ruin and besides, he was busier sliding down the steps of the stairs on his ass. Right now, at least.
"This is the bathroom. There's no bathtub, but the shower is roomy and brand new, as is the bathroom furniture."
She gestured with her hands, and let me open the doors to check inside. Then we walked quickly through the three bedrooms, before we ended up in the kitchen.
"This was renovated two years ago, and is custom made with marbled countertop. Dishwasher, refrigerator and stove is included, but not the microwave and the freezer. As you can see, the colors are light and cozy..."
I heard a cough right behind me.
"Yeah, right."
And I looked to find Applehead standing next to me, listening to what the woman said. And when she didn't see, he made a 'slit throat - gesture' with his hand, and whispered:
"Booooring."
I turned to him fully, and felt my face light up with a smile that went all the way around my head.
"Michaela?! Is that you?!"
"Hi," she said nonchalantly, and gave me a half smirk.
"The one and only."
Now it was my turn to squeal and jump up and down. The timing could just not have been better!
"Ooooh! I've missed you!!" I exclaimed, trew myself around her neck, and kissed her. Poor Annie got squeezed between us, but didn't seem to mind.
"Careful there, honey," she said lowly and looked down at herself.
"We don't want anything to happen in that department right now, do we?"
I giggled like a teenager, and kissed her again, until I heard the real estate agent clear her voice.
"I thought you said you'd adopted him?"
Michaela looked me with raised eyebrows, clearly amused by the information, and waited for my reply. But I didn't know quite what to say, so...
"What? Me? Oh, that... You shouldn't listen to me. I'm a bit retarded too."
Then I circled my finger at my temple again, and watched the lady frown, and slowly turn around and continued her job. And Michaela and me tried our best to keep ourselves from laughing. But when we got back inside the car... That was a whole different story.