We quickly found out that it was way too far to drive all the way to Andorra in one day. Especially because Annie was getting quite tired of being stuck in her seat. So before it got dark, we found a random hotel and checked in. Mr. Jackson was still behaving well, and I was too tired and worn out to do anything to trigger him, so everything went quite peacefully. And when we finally got to our room, I had to work hard to stay awake long enough to get Annie to sleep before I did. But when I lied on my side on the bed, with Annie secured with my hand, I could barely keep my eyes open. And when I felt Mr. Jackson's arms envelope us both from behind, I didn't stand a chance any longer. The last thing I remember was his warm chest against my back, and his hand that randomly stroke me, and sometimes Annie's arm. And knowing he was there, was what made me drift off to Neverland.
******
When I woke up next morning, I heard Annie squealing on the floor in deep 'conversation' with Mr. Jackson, that sat on the floor next to her.
"Look at you two!" I said, not really believing my own eyes.
"Mr. Big Bad Baby Daddy finally turned into a father? I must say, I didn't really see that one coming."
I half way expected him to make a comment about cumming and not coming, but I was really glad he didn't. Forty eight hours with Mr. Jackson sure wears you out. On many levels.
"So the plan for today is to drive the rest of the way to Andorra, find another hotel to stay until tomorrow, and...?"
I waited for him to fill in the blanks, but he was too consumed with whatever he was doing with Annie.
"Hey. I'm talking to you!"
Mr. Jackson just turned his head, grinned sheepishly, and focused on trying to catch one of Annie's waving hands.
"We're gonna contact an agency of some kind, to get help to find a house, or...? Do y..."
I stopped abruptly when Mr. Jackson pulled Annie's hair and made her cry. Then I jolted up, and lifted her up, slapping his hands away from her.
"What in God's name?!?" I shouted, and comforted her the best I could, while Mr. Jackson sat up and...
Started crying too?!
Uh-uh... Something is wrong. This is definitely not how it's supposed to be. Mr. Jackson isn't here anymore. Is it...
"Joe?"
But he just kept crying, even louder than Annie, and she was getting pretty impatient to get some food, in addition to being highly offended by the treatment she just received from a certain someone on the floor.
"Joe! Stop crying!"
I wanted to slap his head, but instead sat down on the bed to feed Annie, to make at least one of them shut up.
"I want my mommyyyy!" he sobbed, devastated and heartbroken, and I just stared at him with raised eyebrows.
Mommy?! That was new, Gail. You gotta ask...
"Who are you?"
"Mommyyyyyy..." he wailed, rubbing his eyes with his fists.
"Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but... Your name is 'Mommy'?!"
He shook his head, and kept on sobbing.
"Then what is your name?"
"A-ah-ah-Appleheaaad!"
"Applehead?! What kind of n... How old are you?"
"T-three and a h-half," he sniffled.
Seriously?! Another personality?! And obviously a child too. Dear Lord... As if it wasn't enough with Annie and the possible soccer team inside me, I had to deal with their three year old father too?! Okay. Where do I sign?! I want out of this!
"Shh... Okay. Applehead. Stop crying. You're making my ears hurt. Uhm... What...? Who? When...?"
I honestly had no idea what to say to him, but I had to do something to silence him.
"Erhm... Do you like ice cream?"
"Yeah," he said, with loud sniffles chopping up his breath.
"That's good. Because, if you're a good boy now..."
If this is Mr. Jackson pranking you, he'll punish you for calling him a boy, dammit. Think a little!
"Uhm... If you are good, and stop crying, you'll get ice-cream after Annie's done eating and have a new diaper. Okay?"
He nodded, with teary cheek and snotty nose, and I actually felt an urge to comfort him. But I couldn't help but to squint at him until Annie was done. This had got to be a joke?!
"I wanna play..." he muttered, and looked around. He was fiddling with one of his socks, and I saw he hadn't even found a matching pair. He had one red sock and one yellow. I shook my head.
"Uhm... Yeah. Look in the suitcase over there. I think you'll find Annie's teddy bear."
I changed her diaper, while I kept an eye on this 'Applehead', wondering if this was real or not. But when he cut himself on his own razor and started crying again, I knew it was. I immediately put Annie down on the floor, and pulled Michael with me into the bathroom. It was blood all over his hand, and he screamed like someone had ripped his arm off.
"Shhh! Relax, dammit! It's just two small cuts! Here. Put a paper towel on."
I handed it to him, but he just held it and kept on crying. So I did it for him, cursing under my breath.
"There. Now be quiet so I can call room service for a band-aid."
"I-I want M-Mickey Mouse," he sniffed with shaking shoulders.
"What? You want Mickey Mouse on the band-aid? Why's that important?! Who cares about what's on a band-aid?!"
He started crying again, even louder than before.
"OKAY, OKAY! Mickey Mouse it is! Just be quiet now!"
I left him in the bathroom while picking up the phone. I might as well ask to get the breakfast to the room today. I didn't really know who I had to deal with, yet.
"Yes. And a band-aid. Yes. No. Two. Or... Just take a whole box while you're at it. We might get... Yes. Oh! And Mickey Mouse on them. Yes. Yes, Mickey Mouse! And that's..."
God, I never thought I would have a conversation like this with anyone!
"...that's very important. Yes. Good. Thank you. Bye."
Annie had rolled over to her stomach, reaching for the pattern on the carpet, but Applehead was still in the bathroom. And it was very quiet... Too quiet.
Dear God! He can't be... Dead?!
He wasn't. Unfortunately. Because I got an instant urge to kill him myself, when I saw what he'd done. He had opened the soap dispenser on the wall... Thaaaat's right. Soap everywhere! And if that wasn't enough, he'd obviously tried to clean it up with a towel, because everything was smeared all over the sink and floor. And now, he was busy filling the toilet with a second roll of toilet paper, that I snatched out of his hands, and he immediately turned to me with a startled look, already with a trembling under lip.
Oh, for Christ sake, Gail! He can't start again?! Do something! Stand on your head. Jump around on one leg or just... Ram your head into the wall so hard that you never ever wake up again.
"It's okay! I'm not mad! Not at all!"
Yeah, riiiiight.
"I'm just... Look! There's Annie! Go play with her!" I exclaimed just to distract him.
"Just don't pull her hair. Okay?"
He ran off.
"I said; okay?!"
But he wasn't interested in Annie. Instead he climbed up on the couch and started jumping around, before he tried to climb up on a little closet in the entry. And it would all be charming at all if he looked the way he was thinking. But to watch a grown ass man try to conquer whatever furniture he came across, was ridiculous beyond words. I'd had enough.
"Hey! You can't jump from there?! Climb down! God, you're even worse than Joe!"
I yanked his arm and made him sit down on the edge of the bed.
"Look. If this is going to work, you need to listen to me."
The second after, I heard a knock on the door.
"Room service!"
"Sit still and don't touch anything. And don't you dare pee in the bed!"
Jesus Christ! This is such a fucked up conversation to have with your husband!
I thanked the man that came with our breakfast, and tipped him well for bringing the Mickey Mouse band-aids.
"Uhh. We need a little help in the bathroom. My husb... Child. My child! Did... Something."
The man looked at Annie, then at Applehead, that fortunately sat still and at least looked like the adult he was. Then he looked back at me again, and walked into the bathroom. I remained standing where I was, biting my lip, while glaring furiously at Applehead to make him continue to sit the way he was.
The man came back and gave me a look of disbelief.
"Your child... Your baby... Did that?!"
"Uhm... Yeah? She's really strong."
Gail! Get him out of here! Get him out of here before you crack up and laugh right into his face! Or, God forbid, if Applehead decides to start climbing on everything again. Get! Him! Out!
"That was all, Sir. We'll pay extra for the mess in the bathroom, but I assure you that nothing is broken. Have a really nice day!"
I more or less shoved the poor man out of the door, and shut it behind him. Then I sighed and shook my head. And while I started to prepare for breakfast, I started laughing, and I just couldn't stop. This was so absurd!
"Can you be my mommy?"
Applehead's hand tugging my sweater, made me stop.
"Uhm. No."
He got quiet for a few moments, but then:
"But I want a mommy!"
And then he started bawling again, and stuck his thumb into his mouth while twirling one of his curls around him finger.
"Alright, alright! I'll be your mommy. Now sit down and tell me what you want for breakfast."
He lighted up.
"Really? You can be my mommy?! Oh! Hi, mommy!" he exclaimed and hugged me so I dropped the bun I was holding, on the floor.
"Yes, hi. Now, sit down before I kill someone."
I picked up the bun again, grateful that there were more.
"What do you want on it?" I said and held a new one up in front of him, where he was sitting on the bed.
"Strawberry jam."
I didn't answer. I just made it and gave it to him. But of course...
You forgot to slice it up into small pieces for him, stupid! You know a three year old can't sit still and eat like an adult, and theeere you go... Strawberry jam all over the boy, the bed and the floor, before you even manage to prepare my own food. Nice going, Gail.
"Oh, for Pete's sake! What the hell did I do to deserve this?! Can't a poor woman get some fucking peace and quiet around here?! Huh?!"
Applehead tugged my sweater again, with sticky fingers...
"You should go and talk to the toilet, mommy."
"I... What?!"
I stopped cursing and looked at his deep brown eyes.
"Bad words should go in the toilet. And you've got a potty mouth."
I just stared at him for a minute, pursing my lips, trying to keep my blood pressure under control. Then I walked back to bed, laid down and pulled the covers over me.
"What are you doing, mommy?" he asked.
"Going back to sleep. Obviously, I woke up in someone else's nightmare. Good night."