My whole body aches, and I can't bring myself to admit that's an extremely good thing. For the first time ever, he made love to me. Admittedly every other time, just wasn't the same. This time we've been through our few ups and downs, but it may have been the holiday spirit that lifted us both into a romantic euphoria.
He's still knocked out, turned on his side and exposing his back to me. It's still early morning, but I have to make my way to campus, and prepare for class. The holiday is over, only to take a few days off this weekend for New Years.
I groan to myself, sliding myself off his bed and searching in the dim morning light for my dress.
"How far could you possibly throw it?" I hiss, scanning the carpet, and see it in a pile by the window. It was clear we were both excited and anxious, but I didn't think he'd toss my clothes across a fucking football field like that.
It's snug on my body as usual, but fits all the same. If I can find my shoes easier, I could get out of here must faster.
I turn around, remembering I kicked them off around the edge of his bed. As I thought, the six inch heels resting against his footboard, and I tug the straps around my feet. I have too much pride to walk barefoot in the "walk of shame". Plus there's still piles of snow on the sidewalks outside.
"Okay." I huff, standing from the end of the bed. I make my way over to the sleeping perfection that is Zayn, and kiss him on the cheek; making him shift in his sleep. "I love you."
"I love you.... Too." He sighs in his sleep, startling me.
"You can hear me?"
"I'm not dead Ella, and you're not the quietest person I've come to know." He chuckles, turning his head away from me and the light on the pillow.
"Whatever. I'll see you later."
"Take my car." He hides his body under the blanket. Really trying to escape what little light is even being let in.
"No, I'm going to-"
"I didn't ask, baby. My keys are out there, if you don't mind." His voice is hinting for me to leave, and I smile; admiring his attempt to sound nice.
"Fine." I shut the door behind me, leaving to sleep the rest of the morning away. I glance at the lit up tree, and examine the still unopened presents we were supposed to open today.
"Maybe tonight?" I convince myself more than ask, trying to keep a hopeful spirit.
--
Usually, I'm a pretty careless driver. But with Zayn, I don't want him to hate me for crashing or even scratching his car so I go just the speed limit, keeping both hands on the wheel. I'm grateful he let me use his car, or else I would've either walked or used the train. Either way, I would've froze and it's not worth it.
I park his car in my usual spot, the one I've never used all year. I'm all about not polluting the earth and shit, so I choose to either walk or take the train. Both, wasting the amount of money I put into my small Mazda. Students are scattered across the courtyard, groups of friends going their separate ways for different lectures. I grab one of Zayns jackets from the backseat, throwing it over my shoulder; engulfing myself in the familiar hint of cinnamon. The combination of a heavy knit jacket, and a skimpy red dress in towering black heels must look strange on the outside, but I refuse to let the freezing air hit my bare skin. It also earns a few awkward stares, and nasty glares from people passing by, but I give every single one a mental fuck you and keep walking.
"Shit man." I scurry to the building, rushing to the elevator to hurry and get to my dorm. I need layers of clothing in this exact moment, no second later is good enough.
Compared to my speed running to my room, everyone seems to be moving at a snails pace. Not bothering to get to class on time like I am, or show any type of urgency.
"Hey Ashley." I burst through the door, slamming it shut behind me. Ashley is laying in her bed, eyes glued to the tv mounted on the wall.
"Hey." She mumbles, her voice muffled by the blanket over her face.
"How's the hangover?" I ask, slipping off my heels, and tossing them over to the closet.
"Horrible, honestly I don't even know how you're so awake and okay right now."
"Zayn didn't let me drink very much, so I didn't have one." I shrug, grabbing a shirt and jeans from the closet and making my way to the bathroom.
She mumbles something under her breath, but I can't make out what it is. "What'd you say?"
"Nothing, just talking to myself." Her eyes scanned the room, not once meeting my own.
I eye her suspiciously, before turning my back again and heading to the bathroom. "Well hey, I have a lecture in about thirty minutes. After that, we can hang out if you want?"
"Sure." She says flatly.
I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with her, but with the hurry I'm in, I refuse to care. Locking the door behind me, I hop into the shower; beaming the hot steamy water onto my skin and washing away all my stress.
--
Professor Stewart, my criminology teacher, chooses to rant to us about how we never do our work; and how we should always be on time, rather than actually teach. It's hard to keep my eyes open, with his monotone voice; extremely slow on top of that. I doodle in the corner of my notebook, drawing a little girl dressed in pink bunny ears and a cute green dress. Something about her draws my attention in my mind, and I can't help but draw her any chance I get.
"Ms.Rivers, am I boring you?" He calls me out, causing the whole class to turn to me.
"Would I get in trouble if I said yes?" I wince, instantly regretting my back talk when I see him sigh in annoyance.
"You're excused, please go find something that does interest you because you're not welcome in this class today." He spits, walking over to his desk to retrieve a text book.
I stand from my desk, stepping out into the isle of stairs and make my way down to the front door. All eyes are on me, but it's easy to ignore the feeling when lately it seems like the whole worlds eyes are on you anyway.
The door shuts behind me, and I'm oddly a little lost. I should be in class right now, but I've been excused for the day so I'm not sure what else I could do.
David.
Of course, David.
I was supposed to use the number James gave me, to text him and make a plan to meet him sometime. For a while, I've been distracting myself with all these college festivities and Zayn, that I've pushed the mystery life that was my mothers life to the side. Finding out what really happened that she kept from me, what Michael always kept from me, and finally closing that chapter in my life to move on. After all is said and done, I can get my degree and live a normal life. Hopefully with a obnoxious, yet sweet raven haired boy to live that life with.
I pull my phone from my bag, scrolling through the list of numbers until I reach David's. Surprisingly, Zayn either never noticed, or never deleted it from my phone to keep me from talking to him. Not that it matters now, since he isn't here and I finally have the space to talk to this guy.
"Hey, this is Ellana Rivers, James gave me your number. I need to talk to you." The message is bold and pretty daring to send to a stranger, but I have no other choice than to be just that.
"Is this Kiera's daughter?" He responds, somehow the words sending chills through me.
"Yes."
"Lovely :) I can arrange to meet with you sweetheart." He responds quickly, I can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually doing this. And I have every right to feel creeped out, just by the way he writes to me.
"How soon?" It may sound urgent, but I've been neglecting this for far too long.
"Someone's in a rush ;) I can meet you at Blu Duby, downtown in about thirty minutes. A man has to work you know.."
"Great, see you there. Be ready to answer questions, I have plenty."
"I'm not the one who should be ready love, ;) x"
I sigh heavily, my nerves piling up by the second. The back of my mind is telling me I'm making a horrible decision, but my heart is telling me to go with it. Anything I'm told is what I deserve to know. With unbearable weight of guilt, I drag myself back to Zayns car, tossing my bag into the passenger seat and putting the key in the ignition.
--
"You can do this." I coax myself down, trying not to back out at the last second. The small space of Zayns car only seems to grow smaller and smaller, until the guilt makes it suffocating and unbearable, forcing me to hop out into the freezing cold weather. Luckily, I'm layered up with a heavy wool jacket, three layers of pants and knee-high boots; not feeling the sting of the cold anywhere but my face.
I run to the restaurant, the wind blowing my hair all over the place until I'm inside; and my fingers automatically start to defrost.
"How many love?" The waitress asks, kind grey eyes staring at me patiently.
"Two?" My voice falters, and she glances at me as if waiting for my own confirmation. "Yeah, two."
She leads me to a table by the front window, a view of furniture covered by large brown bags to protect it from the harsh weather. Time seems to drag as I sit there, impatiently, waiting for a man whom I have no recognition of, to show up.
"Ellana Rivers, nice seeing you on such a dreary day." His voice is even creepier in person, the melodic rhythm sending chills through my body.
"David?" I look up, to see a tall, lean man with short brown hair pushed to the side. Neatly brushed, and clear skin even if you put it under a microscope. His bright blue eyes match mine, but something about him makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat as I hold my hand out for him to shake.
"Pleasure." He sighs, taking my hand in his black leather glove, and pecking the back of it gently. "So what can I do for you, Ms.Rivers?"
"I'm aware that my mum worked for you." I air quote the word worked, and he raises his eyebrows, nodding in agreement. "I need to know everything about her, what was she hiding from me my whole life that was so bad?"
"Sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but I'm not the one for you to ask those types of questions. She served me when she had to, and that was the end of it. I never got involved in any of my employees personal lives." He shrugs, folding his hands over the table. "How's your father by the way? I haven't heard from him since he got out."
"That's actually the reason I'm here. I need you to guide me to him. James sent me to you, saying you could help."
"I always knew your father. Married to Kiera or not, I did know him. But why would you want to see him?" He gapes, smirking to himself.
"You're disgusting for that." Tears well up in my eyes, and I have to chew on the inside of my cheek to force them back.
"Don't judge my past my dear. It's hideous back there." He smirks, chuckling to himself. "I'm not sure what's wrong in your head that would make you want to see that bastard again, but like I said, I haven't heard from him since he got out."
I'm confused, thrown off by his calm demeanor. How someone can be so calm, conniving, and completely psychotic will always be beyond me. Lying comes to him with such ease, I start to question every single thing he tells me.
"I just need to know why my father killed my mum. What, exactly, drove him over the edge?" I gulp heavily, swallowing the enormous lump in my throat.
"I must say, you're incredibly smart to be this stupid Ella. I'm relieved to know you believe he killed her, because trust me, he did. But seriously? You come to me of all people to find this shit out?" He stares at me, but his eyes seem empty, vacant, as if he's not even talking to me.
Definitely psychotic.
"If you can't help me the way James said you could, then there's no reason for me to be here right now." I mumble under my breath, and stand from the table. He watches me carefully, as I adjust the heavy jacket around me, and pull my hood over my head.
"It was nice meeting you David."
"Pleasure was all mine, Ella." He calls to me, stopping my feet right in place against the tile floor. I won't question how he knows my nickname, instead come up with some comforting, logical, explanation.
--
"Finally, you're back!" He smiles wide, pulling me into his arms. "How was your lecture?"
"I got kicked out of it actually." His shirt muffles my voice, making it kind of hard to breathe too.
"For?"
"Attitude I guess." I shrug in his grip, gently pushing him away. He feels my palms against his chest, and releases me immediately.
"You've learned from the best." He winks, making my heart even heavier with guilt.
I promised I would bring Zayn with me whenever I went to go see David. Instead, I never mentioned it to him; and from what Zayn has described him to be, blatantly put my life in danger. He has no idea, and his smile is so genuine that I can't bring myself to tell him. To ruin his entire mood, especially before opening the late gifts.
"Right." I smile awkwardly at him, and make my way over to the tree. "We need to open these babe."
"I know, that's why I was a little too happy when you walked in." He smirks, kneeling next to me by the boxes. "So, here it goes. This is your first one."
The box fits in my palm, neatly wrapped in sparkly paper. I know for a fact he didn't wrap this, he can barely fold letters back at uni.
I unwrap the tiny box, revealing black suede covering the case. It's too big to be ring, thank goodness, because I wouldn't know how to handle that. But it could be anything. I crack it open, and see a shining, diamond encrusted letter E, resting on a sparkly silver chain.
"Zayn," I gape at the beautiful necklace, not wanting to know the painful amount of money he spent on this.
"Do you like it?" He leans on one hand, stretching his legs out in front of him.
I glance at him, taking his entire existence in. Although, I instantly regret it, because the guilt seeps in, and I know for a fact I can't keep this a secret anymore.
"I- I uhmmm." I can't breathe, this feeling is overwhelming.
Just open all the gifts first, and then tell him. I tell myself, relaxing my body and going along with the agreement.
"I love it." A tear escapes, streaming down my face. He crawls over to me, wiping it away.
"Those aren't good tears." He whispers, scanning my face. "What's wrong Ella?"
There's no point in hiding it now.
"I went to see David today." I blurt, immediately feeling twenty pounds lighter.
"Wha-"
"Without you, for my safety and generally without you."
Gosh, that was long to write. Lol in case I've confused you at all-- It is December 27th lol almost New Years, the week is almost up, the clock is ticking for Zayn. WHEN I STARTED THIS She started school in September, I figure it's almost always cold in London hence the chilly beginning lol (I'm sorry, I'm American. Bite me.) IM GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE IN A CHAPTER THAT SAYS THEYVE KNOWN EACHOTHER FOR 4 MONTHS NOT SIX. Beware of that, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention to my own details (silly me.) anywho, here you go. Hope you like :)
Four months.... Not. Six. Lol
OH and if you're a Harry Styles kind of gal, I started a new fanfic "You Found Me." Completely utterly different storyline than this, it's a tremendous difference actually lol so if you could read that if you want, that'd be awesome :)
And uhhhhhh 760 reads?! Legit, last night it was like 600 lol so thanks for that too :)