Lifeless, that's exactly how I feel.
I'm putting on a mask to see you, I'm just not me.
I tell you that I'm fine while my world is breaking down, not even making a sound.
I can still hear my heart break.
I am falling, drowning and suffocating again.
I thought you could save me, but I'm losing again.
Why me? Was the question stuck in my head.
I thought I was fine, what happend to me...
Am i alife or just breathing?
It should stop.
I want it all to stop.
My breath.
My breaking heart beating.
My pain
My tears.
The tears that kept flowing for almost 5 years.
That's what happend.
That never stopped...
They never disappeared, they just made me numb..
Numb enough to forget the pain.
The feeling of becoming a lifeless, numb and emotionless creature gives me goosebumps and makes me feel dizzy.
I don't know how long I can take this, but I know that I'm sinking and tired of fighting for my life.
It's doesn't feel real...
A cut to feel reality.
A second one to feel pain
And after the third one I can't stop.
What is this?
I don't feel pain...
shake me awake from my nightmare and make this stop.
This numbness drives me insane.
Usually I just cry myself to sleep but somehow I've cried so much, that tears wouldn't come out anymore....
In the end, will I try to leave you again?
Will I make you suffer that much?
I wish I could answer these questions with a no, but that would be a sweet lie.
I don't know how long I can take this.
I love you and one day I'll promise you to stay, even if it's in your heart and not in your life.
~Y/N