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Chapter Forty-Nine: "Uncertain."
"OKAY, EVERYONE GATHER AROUND," I crossed one leg over the other, leaning back in my chair at the head of the conference table. "Let's see this from my perspective."
When everyone that had been previously seated gathered around me, my eyes stuck to the two papers I held in my hands. Gesturing for everyone to look with me, I held one up higher in particular. "This is Fall. Fall colours? Amazing, cool. I'm not looking for Fall."
I contemplated being dramatic and throwing the picture over my shoulder but fought against it. "I'm looking for bright," I continued, setting the paper down. "Compelling, Spring. We are looking for Spring. This one is not an option at the moment. Maybe for the future."
My gaze went to my assistant. I had an assistant. This is fucking cool.
I never had an assistant before but it kind of felt good to be at a position where I required one. Now I knew what it felt like to be like my agent, Erika. Erika, who was currently watching me with an impressed look on her face as she glanced through her iPad on my right. She was in full support of this the second I brought up what I wanted to do. "Does it say spring? Yes or no?"
My assistant eyed the design for a second and I hoped she was able to understand over the past days since I've hired her that I wasn't looking for her to suck up to me. I was looking for honesty. "Yes."
"Exactly. This one. What do we think?" I pointed to the second photo in my hands. Soon afterward, a chorus of agreements came from my team. My advisor shot me a thumbs up. "Send a call to the others. Let them know what we've picked."
When my advisor and assistant left the room, I glanced over at Angie through the laptop screen.
She wasn't here for this meeting, doing her job around the country for the next couple of weeks but her excitement was felt through the screen. So was Krystal's when I had shown her my idea. When I had told my friends about my plan to get involved in clothing, Angie and Krystal worked fast. They both gave me some of their contacts and pitched in their thoughts whenever they could to support me.
"What do you think?"
"Perfect," She agreed and I heard a lot of background noise on her end but didn't see anything. Touring with a band must be hectic I figured but she seemed perfectly fine and happy to me. "You put a lot of thought into this."
"I had to," I twisted my pen in my hand, looking around the office space. It's a good thing networking is one of my best abilities, I thought, glancing over the open view of Los Angeles from the windows. This was definitely something I could get used to. "Plus-"
"Mama Okonji got really involved in this, didn't she?"
"Big time." I huffed at the memory of my last phone call with my parents. When I told my mom I wanted to go into fashion, she supported me. But telling her that I was going to someway somehow incorporate Nigerian fashion into western fashion made her get heavily involved in what I was doing. It felt good to bond with her over something we both liked.
My agent, Erika, appeared next to me waving at Angie. "Hi, Angela."
Angie, too nice to tell Erika that she doesn't go by that name, smiled regardless. "Hi, Erika."
Erika patted me on the shoulder. "You have an hour."
"An hour until what?" Angie asked curiously.
"Jake and I have an interview," I explained, quickly putting things in my bag.
"For what?"
"Movie," I answered, absentmindedly.
"Press is starting already?" She asked, puzzled.
"No, just early interviewing but we have a couple of things over the next two months," Press was bound to start mid next year but the interviews had started rolling in for Jake and me as the lead actors. There were movie festivals to attend and cameras to be shoved on our faces, red carpets to be walked on. Suffice to say, I was excited about it. " I'll call you later!"
"Bye!" She grinned and cut off the call.
Erika and I exchanged looks and I felt the exhaustion seeping in of a very long day that had yet to be over. "Let's go."
When I entered my home, exhaustion slowly but surely creeping into my mind and the bright day had settled into the darkness of the beginning of winter in Los Angeles. I found Caleb in the den.
He was sitting on the window seat, very comfortable judging by his slouched position and the sweats he was lounging around in.
He didn't notice me come in but I wasn't fazed with the way he was concentrating on the words of the book in his hands. His eyes moved at great speed as he got even more comfortable, the palm of his hand digging into his cheek.
I couldn't help but softly laugh at him and that got his attention as he shot me a glance with a quick smile before glancing back down at the book. "I see you."
"I know," I replied in the same tone, walking over to him. "I see you too."
He kept his eyes on the book as I put my bag on the empty space next to him. He raised his head towards me, puckering his lips. Keeping my eyes on him, I raised an eyebrow and he glanced at me in confusion. "I don't get a kiss?"
"Are you going to look at me?" I asked him.
"I'm at a really good part here." He said eagerly.
I kissed him regardless and he grabbed at my waist, pulling me over to him as he finished reading. I picked up the book, not recognizing the title or the image of the cover. "What genre is this one? You weren't reading that yesterday."
"Historical fiction."
"Interesting," I commented as my other hand combed through the locks of his hair.
He laughed and made a face. His chin pressed against my stomach as he looked up at me with bright eyes. "Oh, don't get so excited over this. At least it wasn't romance."
"I can read romance," I said, narrowing my eyes down at him.
"I'm Octavia, I hate romance with a passion."
"I don't sound like that!" I playfully shoved him away from me.
"You're mad because you do. 'Romance is horrible, romance is awful-"
"Anyways," I rolled my eyes, ignoring his snickering at his relentless teasing. I used to think that. Not anymore. "You read books so fast. It's crazy."
"I guess so." He ran a hand through the waves of his brown hair and linked my hand around his inked arm. "Give it until tomorrow and I'll be on this science fiction book I bought recently. Now, how was the first meeting?"
Despite my tiredness, I clapped my hands in excitement. "So good."
"Yeah?"
"I'll tell you all about it. Are you able to stay for dinner?"
"Yup."
"I have designs to share with you. You're going to love it."
"I love how you tell me I'm going to love it without me seeing it." He surmised, standing and narrowing his eyes at me.
"Jake says hi, by the way."
Caleb snapped his fingers as I walked out of the room. "Ah, I almost forgot about your interview today. You had a busy day, how was it?"
"It was fun. They asked a lot about the movie-"
"Any questions about you know who?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yes, you and AJ. They asked me how it was like working with both of you and I answered honestly."
"What did you say?"
"That you were a pain in my ass when we first met." Caleb chuckled and I pointed at him. "That was everyone's reaction too, you'd be surprised at how many people laugh when I say that. Then they made us play a game and you know how Jake and I are with games."
"You two are so competitive." He whined, no doubt remember our game nights. I was hot-headed and didn't like losing. Jake proceeded to almost-one time he did- flip tables whenever he lost. We were not a good combination but we were entertaining."It's terrifying."
"What about-" When we entered the kitchen and I was hit with the scent of good food. As if on cue, my stomach growled. "You made dinner? You made...pasta."
"Why do you say it like that?" He sounded offended and received a pointed stare on my end.
"The last time you made me pasta, you almost burned the house down," I muttered. "Remember? You were too busy asking questions about my hair."
"I did not!" He exclaimed. "This was properly supervised."
I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms. "By who?"
"By myself. Stop being dramatic, I'll get the plates."
"And I'm going to get comfortable," I groaned at the memory of my hectic day and all the thing I had done and all the things I was supposed to do. "Shit, I forgot to buy extra makeup wipes."
"You mentioned it yesterday and I felt like you'd forget so I got them. On your bed." I opened my mouth to speak and he pointed at me. "Yes, I got the right kind. I'm aware that you need a certain kind to take off mascara."
Oh my God. "You, sir, understand my struggles."
"I do," I kissed him and he smiled. "Go. It's going to get cold."
"Oh," I spoke up, peeking my head back into the kitchen before I had left. "I got the ice cream yesterday before you landed. In the freezer."
"You, understand my struggles." He mimicked.
"Of course." I flashed him a grin, backing away as he started setting the table. My eyes lingered on him for a moment at the way we interacted right here. To see how comfortable he was in the den, in my home, almost as if he was here all the time.
It was a little different from him being permanent in New York but I liked how easy it was to bounce back whenever we were at each other's places. At how he knew me and I knew him.
When I finished wiping my makeup off, doing my whole routine and coming downstairs in sweats and a t-shirt, he flashed me a smile that had me grinning back as I settled in the chair in front of him, the photos of the designs in my hand.
And he listened to me ramble on about everything and anything relating to the plans I had and I listened to him tell me about his day with his friends. Of his plans for his writing in the nearby future of a TV show he was writing for and his plans and ideas that had popped into his head on his flight back to LA. It then I realized I wanted it to be like this for a long time.
Then I was shaken out of my thoughts and staring at him speak when suddenly he asked me om a quiet voice, "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"
Tomorrow was my interview.
The contacts me and Ni had to go through to find a way to get my old co-actress from Eagle, Lia Contenello and I's voices heard had led us to the idea of this ideal broadcast. It was supposed to be very intimate. the kind where there was no open audience, simply an interviewer and the two of us.
"Are you ready?"
For a second, I didn't know how to answer him.
I was reminded of the position I had been beforehand. Of not speaking about this publicly simply because I feared for the future of my job. And of how many had been in my position beforehand. And even of those who did, whether quietly or publicly and had lost even when they were in the right. In the current position and influence I had gained over the past years, this was one way to speak out about it. To gain voices, as my mother had put it.
"I am," I admitted honestly, leaning back in my chair.
His hand covered over my own when he sighed. "I'm sorry Ni can't be with you."
"It's okay. School comes first. She needs to be there, and I need to do this and not just for myself." I told him. He squeezed my hand in a comforting assurance that night and before I knew it, that hand Caleb was holding was held in Sydney's the day after.
Sydney, who had a show in Las Vegas and somehow managed to, in between her break of shows, fly to Los Angeles to be here with me today. My best friend was more nervous than I was, her hand gripping mine as if she wasn't ready to let go. Caleb looked at me over her head with concern but I let him know it was okay.
Weirdly, I think she was trying to draw the possible nervous energy in me and into her. I wouldn't be surprised. I squeezed her hand, obtaining her attention. "Are you okay?"
"Are you okay?" She asked back.
"Sydney, I'm fine, " I confessed, gripping her other hand. "We're both okay. Relax, you know me."
Sydney glanced over to where I would be heading, at the people moving around trying to get everything into place before settling her eyes back on me whilst nodding. "I do know you."
"Exactly." I tried humouring her and ended up failing myself as I nudged her with my arm, linking our hands back together.
"There's Lia." My eyes shot over to my old coworker who shot me a smile at a distance away.
I grinned back, before being tapped in a specific way that let me know it was my agent, Erika, for the tenth time this week. I've had a lot of meetings which meant that I saw her often and while I loved the woman like my mother, she knew when to get to business.
"Are you going to tell me I can't drink water?" I asked, turning around to see a water bottle handed towards me. An exact opposite of what I remember her telling me when she had visited me in Italy all those months ago.
She glanced over at the scene behind me. At the chair set up for the interviewer and the two chairs in front of it for me and Lia. No one else. No audience. Even the lighting of it all set the tone of seriousness that was meant to take place.
"I was going to say, good luck," My agent told me. "Tell them what you've been meaning to say and don't hold back. You wouldn't be you if you didn't anyways."
The faint smile left her face as quickly as it came and she ushered her and her assistant to the side to speak to some crew members. "I'm surprised she doesn't have the dog with her." I heard Caleb say and that made me crack a smile at the humour he was able to bring into any conversation.
When I exchanged a smile with him that he returned with equal brightness, Sydney cleared her throat. "They're calling you and Lia over." I turned to see that she was right and took a deep breath. "We'll be right over here."
"Good luck baby." Caleb murmured, kissing the side of my head.
"Okay, move boyfriend," Sydney playfully shoved him, and he gasped dramatically as grabbed my hands. "You got this. You don't need any assurance from me or anyone. Go speak your truth."
There are many moments when I've spoken in front of a camera.
From grabbing at my dad's phone when I was a kid to mimic some actress from a movie when I was four.
To stand on a stage with bright lights aimed at me as I performed in front of an audience at a school play in elementary school.
To all the plays I've done in high school, at showcases, performing my entire heart out where I belonged.
To commercials that aired on TV, to commercials that didn't air at all.
To the first acting job I've ever landed.
To my first movie job in Los Angeles when I was seventeen.
And yet for the first time, I've never realized the weight of my words until I sat at that seat of the interview. And while I only had a crew of people listening in when I spoke, the impact was still there.
I spoke of all the occurrences I had with Eric McCantie back in that year on the set of Eagle. And Lia sat next to me, telling the interviewer about her own. About how she didn't think much of it because it was so normalized by people of that position.
And it shouldn't have been normalized. There shouldn't have been anyway reason of why it was conforming to simply look away from what was happening. There's no reason why anyone should have to think that that kind of behaviour is okay no matter the strength of the opposer's power.
As I spoke, I remembered the looks on my friends' faces when I had told them that one night. Of the shock and the understanding and the relatable expressions that had crossed their face.
I'm recalled of Caleb's friends and their evident anger of the clear uncomfortable state I had been when I had seen Eric McCantie that night. At the memory of someone even they had thought was a huge influence committing degrading and horrible actions.
I remember my sister being so affected by the issue at hand that she wanted to dedicate her life to help minimize occurrences like this from happening. Of my family who supported me on this years ago and didn't give up on me as I didn't give up on this.
I don't know how long the interview had gone on. Lia and I sat and talked for a while without any prodding questions being thrown at us. We were given a platform to speak and for that, I was grateful for it. It was a comfortable space and I said everything with ease
"It's appalling," I admitted. "When I go out with a few friends and he's there and he acts as if nothing had happened. As if I didn't take him to court over this. He's moved on as if what he had done was completely fine. That it was acceptable. It's not. And the mentality that someone won't face consequences for their actions regardless of their status or influence in life? That mentality needs to go away. It's not right."
Questions were thrown our way about dates about times about Eric's behaviour and not just his behaviour but others. Others we had worked with and others who behaved the same way he had done. I hoped that us talking about it sent a message as it was to every single person in the room right now listening to us.
By the time we had to wrap it up, Lia and I exchanged glances and I felt a weight lift itself off my chest. "How do you feel?" I asked her.
"I feel good. But still uncertain."
"About what's going to happen after?" I asked her and she nodded. I understood entirely. It was unpredictable what was going to happen. How the world was going to react to this but I wasn't going to give up until people like him faced a consequence. I wasn't going to give up. That wasn't in my nature.
Making my way over to Caleb and Sydney, Sydney wrapped an arm around and squeezed me into her embrace. She let out a shaky breath in my ear, holding onto me tightly. When we pulled back, Caleb's hand reached towards me, wiping a tear before it escaped.
That night, Sydney and I sat crossed legged from one another on my bed, music playing throughout my bedroom. She was trying on various rings I had in a jewelry box, flashing her hand towards me. "This sucker is huge."
I laughed, tilting my head as I felt my braids I had managed to conjure my natural hair into. "Thanks for coming."
"I had a little break," She took one of my ring off her finger, putting it back in the box. "I had to come down and see you."
"But next month-"
"That couldn't wait. Not when I had to be here when you were going to do this," She reached for my hand. "You did a really good job."
"I just told the truth."
"The truth is pretty powerful." She told me. Her grip on my hand tightened. "When that interview airs people are going to say things. A lot of things and you're going to have to be ready for that. And you're going to have to wait, to see if others will speak up with you."
"I'm ready for that," I told her. "Trust me."
She nodded, moving to lay down next to me, her curly head on my thigh. "I'm proud of you."
"Syd-"
"No, I'm proud of you," She sounded so affirmative, there was no place for me to argue with her. "Look at you."
"What?"
"Independent strong black women."
I laughed at her words. "Stop."
"I'm not kidding. Worldwide actress, philanthropist, about to down an entire company and start her clothing line-"
"I'm just collaborating with a few people Angie knows. It's technically not my clothing line."
"Collaborating my ass," She scoffed. "It's literally called Octavia. You're in charge of the entire thing."
"I'm just starting out," I admitted to her as if I didn't have a shit ton of ideas rolling in my head.
"You're doing great things, Okonji." She smiled. "Keep it up."I got up to turn off my lights and turning on the LED lights in my room. Sydney's eyes went wide at the recent addition, at the red illumination. "Oh, damn."
I laid down on the bed next to her, both of us looking up at the ceiling as I used the remote to change the colours. "The blue is sick," She commented. "Never mind, keep the purple."
"Caleb and Angie liked the purple too."
"People with taste." She paused, putting her hands on her stomach. "Speaking of Caleb, you know how good it was seeing you two together?"
It's the first time I had seen her in person for a while. She hasn't seen me and Caleb actually be me and Caleb. No fake relationship. The real thing. "What do you mean?"
"When you came to pick me up at the airport with him?" She shook her curly head. "You should've seen him. That man loves the hell out of you."
I huffed at the word she used. Oh gosh. I closed my eyes, struggling to fight the smile and wanted to sudden pound in my heart to slow down. And he wasn't even here. "He's great."
"Keith did you so dirty," She sighed, shaking her head at the memory of my ex-boyfriend. "I'll never forget when you came to New York. You were not yourself. Zen and I both know how rare it is to see you cry."
I scoffed and Sydney sat up, her eyes wide. "I'm not kidding! Zen ran out of the room, remember? He didn't know what to do with crying you."
"He's not the only one. When Caleb saw me cry for the first time he panicked for a good three seconds probably processing it all."
"It's because there's something about you where one thinks, 'she's doesn't cry'," She told me. "But you do. I've seen you cry-it's never a moment of weakness. You've cried happy tears for me when I got my job with the company."
"Because you deserved it." I said in a 'matter of fact' tone.
"And you also cried over that play we saw two years ago-" I opened my mouth to speak but Sydney cut me off with a hand. "Don't lie to me, stupid, I saw you wipe a tear away."
"Stupid?" I used my foot to push her away and she started laughing. God, it felt good to be with her again. It felt good to have both her and Caleb here at the same time.
"But Caleb?" Sydney shook her head. "He cares for you too much to do even a fraction of what Keith did to you."
"I know," I whispered. I knew that before we got together. "But love..."
"You don't think he loves you?"
"Caleb has had a rough patch with the idea of love," I told her. "I feel like it'll take him a bit more time. It's taken him a while to even get into the idea of a relationship-"
"But you love him?" She questioned eagerly.
I sighed, rolling onto my back as my eyes stuck to the ceiling, changing the colour to red. "So much," I confessed out loud for the first time.
"He loves you too," Sydney told me and the entire topic of it all had close my eyes, putting my hands over my face. "It's so easy to see. He was so proud of you today. And he doesn't just love you, he admires the fuck out of you."
"Stop," I said in my palms, my heart pounding even harder if that was possible. I couldn't believe it. Pulling my hands away, I looked at Sydney who was dead serious.
"He does. I'm not sugarcoating it. Hasn't he always admired you, though? And you deserve that. Especially after what Keith did to you, you deserve someone that treats you like Caleb does. Because if I ever see that girl who came home to New York in tears ever again?" Sydney shook her head, sat up and swung horribly at the air like she was fighting the particles. "I'm fighting spirits."
"What?" I burst out laughing and her serious face had me almost fall off the bed.
"I'm not joking." She swung at the air once again. "Just like that."
"If anyone ever hurts you like that, I'm fighting spirits too," I promised with a smile. "But if you fight anyone like that, please don't. You're going to get your ass beat."
Sydney swung at the air once again horribly and I laughed, hugging my best friend. "Thank you. For being here today."
"You'd do the same for me." She curled up next to me. "Now, what happens next? After this interview is released? Lia gave in a statement to the police, right?"
I nodded. "As well as other anonymous statements. We hope that others possibly come forward first. More voices, more strength."
When the interview aired, people responded. The internet talked.
And yet, the internet always responds in different ways.
When Keith and I had our drama over those months throughout the past, it wasn't that hard to pick a side. But when you accuse someone of a matter such as this, people talked.
People reacted.
If I had scrolled through numerous social media apps, I could see Eric McCantie's face on various accounts and popular articles. Some were in anger. In backlash. In support of Lia and I's words. My eyes had glazed over the words 'cancel culture' and 'problematic' multiple times.
Others didn't believe it and I wasn't surprised.
You put someone on such a high pedestal, you wouldn't think they were capable of doing any harm. Of doing anything bad and sometimes you don't want to let that image go of them.
Like many, I wanted to see him suffer a consequence, but my biggest hope was that some who were hesitant to speak out, whether it'd be about Eric or about anyone else who had abused their power over another, could do so.
For weeks, the interview video circulated on social media, on the news, to the point where Eric McCantie and a couple of other people had cases opened and reopened because of our words.
And one night, a few weeks later, I was sitting in between my mother and my sister on the couch at my brother's home.
I could hear my brother and our father laughing over something in the kitchen as the somehow aggravated clicks of the remote only got louder and louder as Naomi tried finding a channel to settle on.
A laugh tumbled from my lips as my mom kissed her teeth, snatching the remote from my sister's hand. Naomi sighed, shaking her head as my mother put the remote down as she landed on the news station.
I was eavesdropping on Daniel and my father's conversation about his wedding since they were so damn loud when Naomi's hand gripped my arm hard to get my attention. Sydney may have spoken about fighting spirits or whoever but when my sister did something like that she was asking for a sibling fight no matter how old we were.
I immediately hissed. "Bro, I swear-"
She had no time for my empty threat. "Look."
My eyes landed on the TV screen. Darting from the weather at the corner of the screen to the person talking on the other side, the anticipation increased until I read the words at the bottom of the screen before they faded and were replaced.
ANOTHER WOMAN HAS COME FORWARD IN THE REOPENING OF ERIC MCCANTIE'S SEXUAL ASSAULT INVESTIGATION.
And not long after, the internet exploded once again and my phone started ringing multiple times, but I stayed stuck there with my sister and mother, my father and brother following suit as we watched the words appear on the screen once again just to confirm.
And again.
Because this gave hope for the future. And when I saw it for the final time before I shut off the TV, I smiled.