ffDedicated to Kenniiey Always love your covers <3 thank you!
Chapter Thirty-Seven: "The Brightest One."
"I'M SO HAPPY CALEB brought you along with him," Macy commented in the nice bistro we were currently seated in.
We had gotten our nails done-correction, I had gotten my nails done-light pink acrylic- while Macy sat beside me the whole time. We talked occasionally, showing me pictures she had taken on the camera of hers she has never put down once.
I wasn't complaining. She took great pictures and I served as a model for the day. Looking up at my new friend with a smile, I said, "Yeah?"
She was decked out in all dark Nike. She should honestly be sponsored due to the amount of sports clothing she has on her. Her outfits went with her personality, completely opposite to the romper with flowers I was wearing.
"I'm telling you when he said he was coming. I love him but you know how he is."
I laughed. "I do."
"Then you add Sam and him together and suddenly I'm either left taking care of the baby myself or he hogs Charlie-which is great because he loves him just as much as we do. I know that. But you here gives me the excuse to go out. I haven't been out anywhere for a while."
She noticed my confusion, sighing. "It's a bit of an attachment. I mean, ever since Charlie was born things have been a little crazy, frustrating and you'd want to cry but it's worth it. He's only been in our lives for a month and sixteen days according to Sam, but I already feel like he's growing too fast. I would just tell you a month and two weeks, but Sam's very numerical."
"You don't say," I muttered, recalling the other day. Three minutes and twenty-one seconds-again, what the heck?
A lot of my time in Nottingham has been spent with Macy. Despite our different personalities, we had a lot in common ranging from interests to past stories but overall, we just clicked.
We even managed to go by a gym during our time here. She was trying to work off the postpartum weight from having Charlie after being cleared from the doctor about a week ago. The doctor said for her to do light workouts-
The woman in front of me didn't know what a light workout was. She was competitive, yes, and even in the gym it was either she gave it her all or didn't bother going.
Sam spent his time trying to be at home with her and taking care of Charlie, but he also had a season of soccer to prepare for, so he was at practice or the gym on a regular according to Macy.
Caleb, on the other hand, was catching up with his deadlines and he was doing so in the new environment as he offered to care for Charlie-practically begging. It was always interesting to witness his creativity firsthand anytime we went to a different place; from Milan to New York to here, he was constantly typing or writing in his notebook.
"Sorry if he's a little hardheaded," She apologized regarding her husband. "He's like that to a lot of people."
"No, no, I respect that." I waved it off, gesturing to her camera. If Charlie wasn't in her hands, her camera was. "Have you always wanted to be a photographer?"
"It was a hobby when I was younger. Definitely wasn't the first choice since I wanted to be a football player-"
"I almost couldn't tell that you love soccer," I said sarcastically, gesturing to the soccer pendant attached to the necklace around her neck. She had been fiddling with it while we walked here and judging by the slight tan line on her neck, she rarely ever took it off.
A soft laugh escaped her lips as she played with it. "But circumstances happened, and photography became a career."
"Do you ever have regrets?"
Macy looked at me, conflict crossing her face. "No. Things happen for a reason." I nodded in agreement. "You always wanted to be an actress?"
I didn't hesitate. "As long as I can remember."
Macy laughed. "How was it starting out?"
"Um, Hollywood's an interesting place," I told her. "When I was starting out, it was hard. I had to beg to take classes, to have my uncle pull through with literally any connections he had for auditions while I was trying to find any opportunity. I had to work to get those, to get others; some of them were good and some bad."
She looked confused, taking a moment to eat before voicing her question. "What do you mean bad?"
I took a moment, choosing my words carefully. "A role or opportunity could seem amazing but then you have to make the decision to work with people who-" I blew a raspberry with my lips when I got the sense of cameras-eyes on me.
My back straightened slowly, my eyes darting around the restaurant when I caught the person taking the picture. I didn't lock eyes with them, made it seem like I was merely glancing around but it was better to be safe than sorry about my surroundings. Macy looked confused and I told her.
"Ah, cameras." She said. "Another thing I'll never get used to."
"It becomes a norm eventually," I told her as we ate, reminiscing of the multiple times I was photographed without knowing before. A picture of me and Macy was exactly what Caleb had said could happen to solidify out contract relationship.
"I prefer to be behind the camera rather than in front of it," She sounded peeved and that made me laugh.
"You won't believe how many people whip their phones out the second they would see me and Caleb together." I took a sip of my water just as she narrowed her eyes in interest.
"Speaking of you and Caleb." I hummed in acknowledgment and she dropped her fork, speaking quietly for no chance that we were overheard. "Just friends?"
"I'm guessing you know."
"Yeah," She said looking a little apologetic, but I gave her a smile to know that I didn't care.
"Everything?"
"In regard to-" She mouthed out 'relationship' and I nodded along. Then she mouthed 'friends with benefits' and I nodded again. "It was a little weird hearing about it not going to lie."
"The first or second?" I question with reference to what she had traced.
"The first was understandable; I don't understand fame but there are things to do when you have an image. The second was weird."
"Why?"
"Caleb's never," She paused, searching for the right word and dropping her voice to a whisper. "He's never done the casual sex agreement thing before that's why it was a little surprising. One night stands? Yes. But more than once? Never."
What? "Wait, really?" I asked just as she put the pasta in her mouth.
Macy nodded, eating before groaning. "This pasta is amazing."
I laughed, gesturing to my plate. "Want to try mine?'
"Switch?"
"Switch." she passed me her plate just as I passed her mine. She was right. The pasta was good.
"This was even better," She pointed down at her plate. "Every time you come around; we're coming here."
"If you like this, I can take you to this great place I know in Sacramento."
"They got food like this?" She asked in excitement and I grinned, nodding. She pointed at me with her fork that had a piece of pasta stuck onto the end. "It's a plan. A very delicious plan. I'm getting hungry just as I'm getting full-does that even make sense?"
"No." I laughed out loud and she joined me before we dialled down.
"Wait," Her eyebrows furrowed. "What kind of people did you mean?"
"What?"
"Earlier, you said the issues of working with people as an actress. And that it made the opportunities you got bad."
I bit my lip. "There's a lot of people within the industry I didn't know about that made me second guess my decision to join a movie or a short film or anything, to be honest."
Macy made a sound of understanding at where I was getting at. "I know. With all the movements going on it's hard to be naïve to what is going on."
"Exactly, and I've had my fair share of crossing paths with predators in the industry. Even some you wouldn't think would do that. I've worked with some of them too unknowingly. A bunch of people that abuse their power and think they won't suffer a single consequence."
I almost zone out in my thoughts, in my memories, before drawing myself back at the sound of her frustrated groan. "That's just awful; people thinking that because they're highly recognized they can just take advantage of others like that."
"And they get away with it through money, bribery, so many different ways if the case isn't handled properly," I muttered.
"It's messed up." She commented.
"Definitely. Even focusing on just women, it's fucked."
Macy scoffed. "Sexism in general," She let out a breath. "I definitely experienced that when I played football when I was younger."
"Yeah?"
"I played on a boys' team and none of them had an issue with it but other teams, other players hate the idea of a girl being better than them."
"Their fragile masculinity was left shaking." I joked and Macy laughed, our conversation steering to a less political turn.
However, even hours later when we were back at her home that day, I was thinking about it. I watched her leave the room to take a phone call after putting Charlie down for a nap.
A smile came to my face at Charlie's sleepy expression. He shifted a couple of times before his body relaxed and he fell into a deep sleep. Caleb came up behind me, pushing my braids to the side to put his chin on my shoulder, his hand next to mine on the crib railing. "Can't believe he exists sometimes."
I encouraged him to go on with a hum, turning slightly to see his face.
"I grew up with Sam. It's crazy sometimes to imagine him married. But now he has a little doppelganger." He suddenly scoffed. "If this kid is anything like him, the world's going to be in trouble."
I let out a laugh, already getting a sense of Sam's intimidating behaviour. "Imagine another Sam Cahill and another Caleb Henderson? Hell would freeze over."
He chuckled. "A mini-me? That'd be crazy." He let out an exhale beside my ear. "What about you? Have kids ever been in your plan?"
I blinked once I comprehended his question. My gaze was fixed on Charlie's sleeping face far too long and Caleb must've noticed because I didn't answer his question. "Octavia?" He asked gently, turning me with his hands on my waist.
I blinked again, clearing my throat to give him a better smile as I met his brown eyes. "Um," I wanted to say something, but the words were caught in my throat. I was clearly fighting to get them out, but nothing was happening.
Fuck.
He looked surprised at my loss of words. "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay, I'm okay," That came out hoarsely as if the words that had been stuck in my throat and struggled to get through.
But he didn't believe that. He saw right through me. "You know you can tell me anything."
I let out a tiny laugh. It wasn't a humorous one. "I can tell you anything," I grabbed onto his forearms-almost like I was grabbing for support. "I haven't seen you. You want to talk tonight?"
He looked bothered, glancing down at my hands then back to my eyes. "Tavi."
I pulled on a smile. "I'll take that as a yes. I'm going to go take a nap, so I'll be alert for later." I squeezed his arms slightly before exiting the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The house was quiet when Caleb and I left it at exactly 2:04 AM. The night was dark and as quiet as his soft touch as his hand brushed my own when he handed me a novel. My sight fell on the box of UNO cards he shoved into the pocket. A cup of coffee in a thermos was in his hand and his laptop bag with his notebook and laptop inside.
"Can't sleep and gave up?" I asked, taking a sip of the coffee.
Caleb shook his head, holding onto the blanket he had thrown around his shoulders while somehow holding onto it with the thermos in the same hand. "I went to sleep after you did. Might as well get started on my day outside while the battery lasts."
He led us to a park.
A park.
"Rarely anyone comes here at night. Flashback, eh?" We passed by a playground and stood underneath a lit lamp.
"Tell me about it."
"Where do you want to sit?" He asked me.
I pointed to the pavement right next to the actual park. "There's fine."
Caleb looked perplexed at my choice but didn't question it. Taking the blanket and spreading it so we could get comfortable, I took a seat first and he followed suit, sitting in front of me. There was a clear hill we sat on; a path joggers would usually take or bikers would go through surrounding the place. From our view we could overlook the residential area of the town, the houses looking like big shadows at a distance.
A lamppost was beside me providing the opportunity to crack open the book while Caleb opened his laptop and got to work. The sound of him typing for a moment before scribbling down in his notebook at frequent was calming as I read the book. Occasional glances at him were sometimes caught by him nudging me with his foot and wiggling his eyebrows, the two of us slightly laughing in the night.
I don't know how much time passed before Caleb shut his laptop off and prodded me with his foot for the hundredth time. I was at a good point in the book. Him trying to grab my attention wasn't going to work.
He proceeded to try and tap me in the head with it when I took his foot in my hand, shoving it and then his entire body away from me. "If you so much as get your crusty shoe near my head-"
He laughed loudly, taking his phone and putting it in between the pages to save where I was at before setting it on top of his laptop. He glanced upward as I sat up from my previous lying position. "Not sure if I can see your star from here."
"You can't," I told him. "Only in Italy can I see that specific star."
"Then what star were you look at back in Los Angeles? Or New York?"
"The brightest one, duh." Now, none of them will be the same since Caleb officialized one for me.
"Makes sense with you." I rolled my eyes at him, earning a smile in return. He pointed over to the book. "Like it?"
"Yeah, it's really good."
"How was your day-or should say the past two days with Macy?"
"It was awesome," I admitted. "I like her. She took me to the marketplace, and we went out for lunch-shit talked you and Sam."
Caleb jaw dropped. "Shit talked? What did you say?"
"Oh nothing," I waved a hand dramatically. "Just talked about how-"
"About what?" He got in my face prodding me with both hands and I laughed, swatting his hands away. "About nothing, you liar." I shot him a snarky grin and he stuck his tongue out at me before running a hand over his hair.
"I knew you would like her," His tongue swept over his bottom lip and he held in a breath before asking, "How do you find Sam?"
"Oh, I stand by my statement: he's an asshole." Caleb laughed as a response, expecting my blunt answer. "But I can tell he means well. I haven't exactly had a chance to speak to him."
"Yeah, he's been super busy." He commented, leaning back on both hands.
We sat in silence for a few moments. Him waiting. Me, second-guessing myself for telling him we should talk at this time when honestly, I could've said this at any point. But here, I felt more at ease.
Before I could decide, Caleb wiggled the UNO pack of cards in his hand, fueling the competitive nature in me. "You down?"
We played multiple rounds, yelling at each other in the middle of the night at illegal moves, over who had won, flinging the cards down in the heat of the game. I was finishing my fit of laughing at one of Caleb's explanations as to why he should be able to put a plus 2 on a plus 4 when we finally calmed down.
I stared up at the sky while waiting for him to put a card down, taking a deep breath when I said, "I can't have kids."
Caleb didn't say anything. He put his card down on the facing pile, showing me a red three. The mere notion of his head turning gave me the indication that he had heard what I said.
It probably wasn't hard for him to guess due to my reaction to his question earlier today.
"I, uh, slipped up on my birth control one time," I explained. "I thought there was a chance I was pregnant. I went to a doctor to confirm anything and they did a few tests and I found out I couldn't."
A huff left my lips. A part of me hated myself for the tears pricking my eyes whenever I had to say shit like this. I sniffed, taking my red seven and placing it onto the pile. "Something about um," I heaved the first sigh of many tonight. "Something about issues with my cervix."
Finish the game, Caleb, finish the game.
He had two cards left and I held three in my right hand. He picked up a card. I almost sighed in relief at that and for his silence, allowing me to speak.
"And it's so dumb," I said in frustration, discreetly wiping at my eyes before any tears fell. "I never even thought about ever having kids. It was never in my plan because I don't usually have plans. If kids happened then they would happen, that's what I always told myself. It just-it sucks that the option is taken away before I even had the chance to fully think about it."
"Do your family and friends know?" His voice came out quietly but not cautiously as I dropped my green five onto the pile. He was direct with the way he questioned it; no time to walk around eggshells.
"Sydney and Naomi do," I clicked my jaw, watching him put down a plus two green cards before picking up and putting down two threes. One card left in his hands, I should've said UNO but suddenly I couldn't play anymore. "And Keith. He was with me when I found out. About a year and a half ago."
I made eye contact with Caleb. His lips parted with realization-maybe because of understanding how deeply that affected me, or how important Keith had-had been to me and that he stuck by me at the news I never knew how to process at that time.
I don't know what Caleb was thinking.
Then again, I never really did.
He didn't care about the pile of cards, taking my own out of my hand and putting them aside. His body shuffled closer, "C'mere."
He engulfed me in his warm embrace, his arms securely around my waist. Brushed the tears forming at the corners of my eyes, no pity-nothing even akin to the emotion in his eyes. Just understanding. "I'm so sorry."
"You really don't have to say t-" The words were caught in my throat, my eyes flooding with tears. I took deep breaths, trying to stop them from falling but they opposed my thoughts. Tears after tears streamed down my cheeks and the back of my hand was used to rub at them furiously, inhaling sharply. "Oh, fuck, why am I crying?"
It didn't help to question. But I wasn't the only one that was surprised. Caleb's eyes went wide at the unexpected and I could sense his minor panic at what to do, at how to react with me crying. I didn't blame him for his reaction.
He tried wiping my face with his thumbs but when he realized that I wasn't going to stop until it was all out, he held me to his chest, one hand at the back of my neck and the other rubbing my back until I had calmed down. I don't know how long he held me, but I didn't let go.
I sniffed once more, covering my face with my hands. I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head back and forth at how upset I had suddenly become. "I hate crying, holy fuck. I'm so sorry I scared you."
"You didn't. It's okay." He assured me, slipping his hands under my shirt, stroking at the skin on my stomach in a comforting motion that had me close my eyes.
I let my hands touch his skin, holding onto his arms as he cupped my face, pressing a kiss to my forehead, his eyes closed. He buried his face in my neck and I breathed him in; the steady rise and fall of his chest against me.
"Octavia." He whispered, tightening his grip around me. I stayed quiet, linking my arms around his neck, my face pressed against the fabric of his shirt.
"There are other options, you know," I heard him say softly in my ear. "Many. Surrogate mothers, in vitro fertilization, adoption."
A shaky laugh escaped my lips at hearing words I've heard plenty of times. Over and over. I lifted my head, staring into his eyes that were trying to make me feel better. Trying to figure out what to say and it warmed me on the inside that he was trying to make do of this.
My hand covered his own, setting them in my lap. "I know, but sometimes realizing it all over again..." I trailed off.
"It's distressing."
"Yeah, especially at first. I haven't addressed it for a while but," I let out a breath, pulling on a smile. "I'm glad I told you. It's not something I openly share."
Caleb frowned, cupping my face with both hands. "Oct, it's okay if it still hurts. Don't put on a front with me."
I relaxed and he gave me an encouraging smile, intertwining our fingers together.
"And when the time is right, if you want a child, I'm certain that they would love to have you as their mother. Whether that child is related to you by blood or not." He wiped the last of my tears from my eyes.
"And when you have that kid around," He continued, a teasing smile dancing on his lips. "I'll be the proper person to shove a book in front of their face instead of a football or whatever godforsaken sport they'll want to play on the side...unless they develop their mother's acting abilities, you know?"
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head and looking down at his ability to bring me to a much better mood. He cocked his head to the side, dipping his head to force me to look at him. "Environment is a strong factor in abilities and development, October. It's not all about genetics."
"I know, it's more than just who their parents are." I tried imagining my traditional mother with a child, infusing our culture into that child, I wouldn't believe that they would be raised in Western society.
He frowned. "You haven't told your parents."
"I think a part of me is kind of scared to," I rubbed my hands together through my confession. "My mom and my dad both came from big families. Having a lot of kids is kind of just expected-I'm not even going to get into how many cousins I have. I feel like not having kids versus not being able to are two hugely different things, but I don't want to disappoint them again."
He looked confused. "Again?"
"My job-I'm already in a profession they don't like-"
"It's your life," Caleb said seriously. "Not theirs."
I shook my head. "It's not that simple."
Understanding crossed his face. "Even so, you look for their approval."
"Family is a huge deal to me. My siblings, my parents-even though I don't talk to them as often as I should sometimes, they are everything to me. I just-I don't like constantly disappointing them."
Caleb pinched his bottom lip between his index and thumb, thinking about his next words carefully. "Before you think about how they feel, what about you? You love your job. More than anything. I know that. And you if you want kids-no matter how hard it's going to be, how many different methods you must try or whether you adopt-do what you gotta do. And if you don't want them- then don't. That's your choice. And it's your job that you love. Not your family's. The first person who should be satisfied with your life decisions is you. Because at the end of the day you're going to have to live with them. No one else."
I acknowledged his encouraging words by pressing my face against his chest again. and it was when I raised my head that I noticed the sun rising slowly. As it started coming up slowly, the sky changed from it's comforting darkness to the morning blend of purple, pink and orange.
"Whoa." I breathed out and Caleb shifted, his head tilted up at the sky before glancing down at me.
"I blew you away with that, right?" He shot me a wicked grin in reference to his last words.
I shook my head at his change of attitude, keeping my eyes down on his inked arms. He was going to be the death of me I swear, I thought as the sun hit my brown skin with warmth. "I can't with you."
"But you know I'm right," he said. "Use your ojos and see that."
This time I looked up at him, confused. "Ojos?"
"Eyes."
I nudged him lightly, glancing at our shadows the sun had brought out with its light. "Then why didn't you just say that?"
"Because it's funny seeing you confused by a different language," Caleb chuckled. "You should've seen your face in Italy every time someone spoke Italian."
I frowned, hiding my possibly swollen looking face back in his chest. I could already hear the morning birds chirping. "You're making fun of me."
Caleb laughed and one of his hands started playing with my braids. "I'm not."
"You totally are!"
"I swear." He said, making me smile and he looked pleased as if the reaction I gave him was what he wanted. It was what he wanted. He wanted me to make me feel better and he did just that. With his words, his attitude, the way he felt.
"You are right," I admitted, wiping at my eyes and face again for good measure. I was going to have to tell them eventually-I'll deal with the aftermath when it happens.
"And I don't think you're going to disappoint them. This isn't your fault."
"They're just very unpredictable people. There's no questioning how they're going to react." But whether I wanted children in the first place was really my choice. The same way it was my choice to become an actress.
"When the time comes, I'm sure it'll be okay."
"Let's hope so."
Caleb made a face, shaking his head at me. "No, it will be. Remember what you said? I'm right. Use your ojos again to see that."
"Caleb," I stressed his name out and his laugh cut through the early morning; loud and clear.
I exhaled, trying to rub the tiredness off my face with my hands. I looked down at the shadow on the ground then to him. His face looked as if it was glowing from the sun, his eyes narrowing from the brightness. I let my gaze trail from the exposed tattoos on his arms to the stupid smile that was still on his face. "Why are you like this?"
For a moment, he didn't answer me. He simply glanced at me, knowing I meant more in the five words. The smile on his face went from pure amusement to bitterness. It was something I had never seen before, and I didn't ever want to see him smile like that ever again. He pivoted his head towards the sun and in a serious tone asked, "Would you have me any other way?"
"No," I laid back, peering up at him. "I wouldn't change a thing about you."
He faintly smiled as I settled for curling up beside him, lifting my knees up to my chest and leaning my head against his thigh. I let my hand touch Caleb's outstretched arm, tracing the lining of the Rubix tattoo he had on close to the inked pen.
He watched my finger movements, inhaling deeply before exhaling slowly. I watched him raise a hand, making contact with my ear piercing. His finger traced the shell of my ear and I closed my eyes, holding in a shiver. "What's up?" I asked him, hoarsely.
What came out of his mouth next was not what I expected. Well, tonight was filled with surprises.
His hand moved to the side of my neck; his expression heavy. "Remember when I said my dad's dead?"
"Yeah?" I opened my eyes in confusion, wiping my excess tears with one hand.
"He's not."
I stilled. My fingers tracing his arm stopped and I lifted myself up, facing him. "What?"
"He's not dead," Caleb's voice was low, his eyes on the ground. "It's just easier to explain to everyone I encounter that asks about my family that's he's dead rather than alive. It's just easier." He repeated.
Caleb took another harder deep breath this time, exhaling loud and shakily. "I'm sorry. You just told me something so emotionally tolling and that's not an excuse, I've been meaning to say something-"
By his tone, his speech was fast, and he was on the verge of rambling-something he didn't ever do. He usually chose his words carefully in the presence of anyone no matter how smart or stupid. I had to cut him off so he could regain himself, but I didn't think that was going to happen.
"What do you mean he's still alive?"
Caleb's nostrils flared, and he wouldn't look at me. "I'm sorry-"
I sat up, my first instinct to grab his hand, yanking to grab his visual attention. "Don't apologize. You have your reasons. You're not obligated to tell anyone anything."
He ran a hand over his face. "I've just always been so used to telling everyone he's dead that I almost believe it myself. But he's not. He's doing just fine."
Caleb's eyes stayed stuck on the ground, glaring at it as any sadness he had left in his body turned into anger. He rubbed a hand over his jaw, his movements were aggressive and his breathing harsh. I would never get used to the possibility of him feeling the emotion of anger.
It just wasn't him.
"What happened?"
He pursed his lips. "After my mom died, I said that we lived in Scotland for a bit before moving back to El Salvador, right?"
"Yeah."
"When he came to El Salvador, I told you my grandma and Tia helped him out in raising me and Leo. But he stayed for an hour max. Dropped us at my grandmother's, said he was going to make a phone call and never came back."
My heart sunk and I gaped at him. "Oh my God."
"He claimed," Caleb laughed and there was nothing humorous in his tone. I couldn't help but admit to myself that that scared me a little.
"So, fucking stupid." He muttered out before laughing. He recollected himself fast, his eyes still on the ground. "He claimed-when my tia called him-that he couldn't stand that she had been taken from him-my mom. And he couldn't raise us anymore. And he left."
I blinked. "Just like that?"
"Just like that," Caleb nodded. "I used to talk to my grandparents-his parents, growing up. They've never had a proper relationship with him. But it was through grandpa where I found out where my father was and that's why I moved to Italy. To find him."
There. That question I had constantly asked was finally answered.
I hated the answer.
"You moved all the way there to find someone-"
"I know, I know," Caleb shoved his hands through his hair restlessly, irritation crossing his face. "It's stupid. But I needed to see him. Just see what he looks like. How he is like."
"Did you find out?"
He licked his lips, looking down before looking up at the sky and staring right at my star. "He lives in Rome. I found that out not even a week after being in Italy. It wasn't hard to follow his routine. He went to only one bakery. He works as a physician, has his own little office-"
"Have you spoken to him?" I had to ask.
He frantically shook his head, his eyes wide. "No."
"Why not?"
"I told you that I moved to England for a while before coming back, yeah?" I nodded in recollection. "The reason I moved to England in that time period was not that I missed my friends, or I needed to be around them. I did but that wasn't the main reason. I moved back because it took me forever to realize why he went to the same bakery once every two weeks."
"What was the reason?"
"He would get the same assortment every time. One day I had decided I was going to knock on his door. I was going to say 'hi, I'm your son Caleb. Remember when you abandoned me and my brother all those years ago'?"
He ran a hand over his face, sucking in a deep breath. "I never even had the chance when two kids run out the door and immediately hug him. And some woman comes out, smiling so wide, so full of joy of seeing those kids and my dad-my fucking dad-hugging. And he kisses her, and they go inside-I got on the fastest flight to England, dropped everything I had in Italy."
If it was possible for me to feel my heart sink any further, it must've dropped to my feet at this point. My heart fell for him and my face did as well sensing his pain. "Oh."
"You don't like pity, Octavia," His voice was sharp. "I don't like it either. Please don't give it to me. Not me. I don't need that."
I immediately changed my expression, keeping my eyes on his own. There was a fire in his, a wildfire of emotions just waiting to be released.
"Can you imagine a feeling like that?" He spitefully questioned. "Someone who is supposed to love you just abandoning you and picks up has a whole other life without you?"
"I hope you never feel like that." He muttered fast, his fingers curling into a fist. "Because I think it sucks. Abandonment sucks."
I held my breath, not speaking. My eyes went down to his hand that wasn't in a fist, tapping at the ground frantically.
He scoffed, my attention returning to his face. "When I told my brother that I wanted to see him, Leo didn't care. He said, 'some people just aren't meant to be dad's'. And when I told him what I saw he didn't see what there was to do and I was a little mad that he didn't care. I'm grateful for my family. I am. But at the same time, I wanted to find him. I want to see the look on his face when he realizes I'm his son."
In spite of his obvious anger in his rant when he turned his eyes to me, he stayed calm and his anger slowly dissipated. But the sun ignited a glow in his brown eyes. "But while I was in Italy, I kind of just stuck there. I made this life, revolved myself into work, travelled around that country for so-called inspiration. I wrote, I got jobs there, met new people-"
"You can do that anywhere." I finally intervened.
"I know, but I got so caught up in everything I eventually forgot why I was there in the first place. My plan to go to university after one year never happened, I just threw myself into writing and it never stopped."
I waited until he stopped tapping at the ground. Until his fingers curled into a fist finally relaxed out of the hold. "Are you ever going to see him?"
He broke eye contact.
Caleb twisted his lips to the side. He held out a hand for me, but I stood up on my own. "Are you ever going to see him?" I repeated.
He collected the UNO cards quickly, shoving them into the package. He grabbed his laptop and the book, handing it to me and pocketing his phone as he retrieved the thermos of coffee. Somehow he had managed to take the blanket and wrap it around him as well. "We should head back."
2:04 moment officially over.
There was his answer.