I rub my eyes groggily, and check the clock. 7:12. Crawling out of bed and dragging myself to the shower, my body is met with the hot water. It runs down my body, waking me up slightly. I then brush my teeth and get dressed, shuffling downstairs. My father and Amelia are at the breakfast table drinking coffee. I take an apple from the fruit bowl and a drink of water, and then sit down at the table across from them.
"How do you feel?" My dad asks, obviously taking note of my sleepy behaviour. "You still tired?" I nod, quickly trying to think of an excuse for why I'm still groggy after almost twelve hours sleep.
"I had a nightmare." I say, knowing it's all I've got.
"Oh... You alright?" He asks again.
"Yeah, It wasn't as bad as it normally is." I say, putting my apple core in the bin and gulping down the rest of my water. I've been having a lot of flashbacks and nightmares recently, for obvious reasons. After I've grabbed my things and said goodbye to Amelia, my father and I get in the car and start our morning journey. When we pull up in the car park, I take my time undoing my seat belt.
"Try not to let what's happened affect your school work, okay? I know it seems like a big deal, but nothing bad is gonna happen." My dad throws in, my eyes fall in front of me, looking straight out the windscreen. I climb out of the car and my dad follows, Ben is already at the door, holding it open.
"Hey, Michael." He says cheerfully.
"Hi." Is the only thing I say back. I saunter in and wait in the foyer to find out why my Dad has come inside too. He gives me a smile and tells me to go to class, then he disappears in to the office, with Lauren. Just as I am about to turn away, I see Sarah, my therapist, walk in to the office too. I assume Katherine will be joining them, when I get in to the classroom, my eyes fall on to Ben, who is obviously leading the class instead. Sitting down, he hands me more geography and maths work, both of which I hate, I choose not to do it, but instead, sit and do nothing, I think about when I might get my phone back, and I can see or talk to Hayley again. A couple hours go by and lunchtime arrives, although I don't eat anything, I don't think anyone notices. Back in class, my mind wanders to what my dad was doing in the office, I wonder what they were speaking about, although I know I was probably the main topic. Another few minutes fly by and Lauren, who has returned to the class, walks by my desk. She picks up my worksheets and books, observing my lack of work.
"You've not done very much today, is everything ok?" She asks, putting the untouched work down.
"Yes." I spit.
"Is there anything you're struggling with?" She asks, this time with more kindness.
"No." I say, with more hostility in my tone. She doesn't say anymore and walks away. I slouch forward and put my head on the desk, trying to block everything. Soon enough class ends and I make my way through to the therapy room, the plain walls, and the soft comfortable sofa greet me, I take a seat and wait for Sarah to show up, it's obvious what she's gonna want to talk about. It's not long before see walks in, her brown, short hair sitting at her shoulders. As always, she's carrying a black book and a back folder.
"Hello." She says cheerfully, flashing a smile. I smile back, although I don't say anything. She sits down and opens the book.
"Tough weekend you've had, hasn't it?" She starts, giving me a warm smile. I shrug, pretending it doesn't bother me. My eyes fall to the floor. "Your Dad said you were quite upset when you found out, he said you ran away to a friends house. Do you want to talk about it?" Her tone is kind, although patronising. I shrug again.
"There's nothing to talk about." I say bluntly "There nothing no one can do to help." The truth is harsh, but Sarah doesn't seem phased.
"Getting worries off your chest and speaking about them sometimes helps, especially if you talk about it with someone who understands." She explains, writing something down. She finishes and makes eye contact with me again before I answer.
"But you don't understand, no one does" I reply, trying not to show any emotion.
"Have you ever tried to explain what it's like to someone?" She asks. I immediately start shaking my head. I know what she's about to do. "Why don't you try now?" Sarah suggests.
"No. There's no point." I say angrily.
"Why did you runaway?" She questions. I look at her, and shrug again.
"I just wanted to get away, where no on could find me." I tell her. No one knew where Jacob lived, so they couldn't find me.
"What did you do while you were there?"
"I just spoke with Jacob." I lie again, if I told her the truth then she would tell everyone.
"You sure? What about drugs?" She presses. Her interrogative tone is making me uncomfortable.
"No, I didn't do any drugs, I didn't drink either, so write that in your book." I say, getting angrier. Sarah gives me a concerned look.
"How was school today?" She probes. "Lauren and Ben both said you were a little distracted."
"So? What do you expect? Did you honestly believe I was just gonna come here and act like nothing's happened?" I rant, my voice getting louder as my anger rises.
"What were you thinking about in class today?" She asks, I look at the clock, only twenty minutes left.
I shrug yet again.
"Nothing." I add. "I just couldn't be bothered doing anything." Sarah nods as I speak, as though she's taking in every syllable.
"Michael, I'm aware that when you found out, you walked out. So has anyone explained to you what will happened when John is released?" She explains, I close my eyes as she says his name. I shake my head, I'm not even sure I want to know, it's not like it will make a difference. "Michael, John has certain conditions, that he has to adhere to if he breaches them, then he will go back to prison and serve the rest of his sentence, maybe even longer. He's not allowed anywhere in this town, he's not allowed to contact you in any way, and he's got a curfew, which means from seven o' clock at night until seven o'clock in the morning, he's not allowed out of his house."
I follow everything she's saying, taking it all in, it doesn't really make me feel any better, although it makes me wonder where he's going to be living.
"Will I know once he's been released?" I ask, Sarah nods before I'm even finished speaking.
"Your dad will get a phone call on the day." I nod and sink back on the sofa.
"Okay." I say quietly.
"If you ever tell anyone then I'll kill you. I will find you and I'll kill you." His words clung to my ear as he spat them, his moist breath reeked of beer and cigarettes. I wipe the blood and tears from my face, a pain throbs in my hand as I use it.
I blink as I snap back to reality. Tears well up in my eyes, but I blink again, sending them back to where they came from.
"Michael, how are the nightmares?" She asks out of the blue. I'm taken aback by this question.
"I'm getting them more now." Is the only thing I say.
"You want to talk about them?" She inquires. I don't want to, so I shake my head.
"You've had a long day, so I think we'll finish up there and you can go home. Although, I'm here anytime if you want to talk, okay?"
I nod and take the small white card she's holding out.
"Thank you." I say, before leaving the room, the session finished ten minutes early, so I don't expect my dad to be here yet, although I walk out just in time to see my dad walk in to the office with Katherine. Sarah, joins them as well, so I assume they're speaking about the therapy session. After ten further minutes, they all emerge, looking serious. My Father motions for me to follow him, and i do, we get inside without saying a word to each other, without making eye contact with me. The drive home is slightly tense, neither of us speak until we stop at traffic lights.
"What did I say about not letting any of this affect your school work?" My dad questions, although we both know the answer. I don't look at him, or reply, which makes him carry on. "What happened today?"
"I don't know." I mutter.
"You don't know? Listen, mate. You can't let yourself go back to how you were, refusing to talk about it and not giving a shit about anything. Look at what that did to you." He says, taking his eye off the road briefly, I keep my eyes on the passenger side window, and i stay silent. That's the first time he's used a swear word while speaking to me.
"Ok." I say, with tears welling up.
"You know Amelia and I are always here if you want to talk, but Sarah can help you in ways we can't." He throws in, before pulling in to the drive way. The car stops and we sit for a minute. "I want you to try harder in therapy, open up a bit more."
"Ok." I say again, the tears have disappeared. I climb out the car and walk into the house, my feet carry me straight to my bedroom. Closing the door, I walk over to my bedside cabinet and dig out the hidden drugs and then to the bathroom to go through my routine of snorting cocaine. My hands rush around to clean up before walking back through to my bedroom and putting the rest back in my hidden spot. As I stand up and compose myself, there's a soft chap on the door.
"Michael, dinner is ready." Amelia calls from the other side.
"Thanks, I'm coming." I mumble. Looking in the mirror, I make sure I don't look obviously high and then strut downstairs to meet my family at the table. Dinner wasn't awkward, surprisingly. We spoke about Amelia's day and the baby, who is due in seven months - just after I turn sixteen. As usual, I help clean up and fill the dishwasher although, I don't hang around, I retreat back upstairs to my bedroom and close the door, turning on the TV to the same, childhood cartoon I used to love. After an hour or so of watching TV, I grow bored and put on Battlefield 3. Half an hour later, still bored, and restless and go back to my stash and take out the heroin, reasoning that it will have worn off by the morning.