I stayed there all night thinking about everything.
I listened to the waves to calm me down while my mind was a war zone, going over every detail about our relationship. The one thing I could never understand is where we went wrong.
I was so cautious in the beginning, afraid to get mixed up with my brother's best friend.
It was the summer before freshmen year when we first became a thing. School had just let out for the summer, and everyone was excited to be entering high school. I'll never forget the night we first kissed. It was Dylan Ivy's graduation party, which was at her house. The whole school was there and the house was huge, packed with people everywhere.
I remembered being nervous to go because aside from Noah, Elle was my only friend and I wasn't very good at being social. I wasn't friends with anyone there and I knew I wasn't going to have a good time, but Noah convinced me to go.
When we got there, the house was packed with people. Noah and I accidentally got separated and I wandered around, looking for a familiar face when I came across Tyler outside in an empty part of the backyard. We hadn't spoken much before then, he was just my brother's friend.
"Do you know where my brother is?" I remembered asking him.
"Who's your brother?" He asked, and I was hurt that he didn't know who I was.
"Wow, nice to know you remember me," I said, crossing my arms. I was annoyed to say the least. "Noah Manning ring any bells?"
"Oh! You're Noah's sister," Tyler said, looking surprised.
I internally face-palmed, realizing that this was a waste of time. He definitely didn't know where Noah was. I turned around to walk towards the house when he spoke again.
"I'm Tyler, by the way," he said and I rolled my eyes.
"We've already met," I said, stopping to turn to face him. "I know your name." I turned around and continued walking towards the house.
"We have?" He asked, walking fast to catch up to me.
"Yep," I said flatly, getting more annoyed. This guy had some nerve.
"I can help you find your brother," he said and I stopped, turning to face him.
"Can you actually or are you just saying that?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"I can, but I will do so on one condition," Tyler said.
"What's the condition?" I asked, annoyed. This guy was wasting my time.
"Tell me your name," he said, smiling.
At this point, I was tired of his games and I just wanted to get away from this cocky, arrogant ass.
"In your dreams," I said, turning on my heels to walk away.
I quickly walked into the house and looked around the kitchen area for Noah. When I didn't spot him, I decided to check downstairs.
When I got downstairs, there was a smaller group of people sitting on the furniture in what appeared to be the downstairs living area. They were in a circle with a bottle on the table. I wasn't going to stay downstairs until I saw Noah sitting at one of the chairs in the circle.
I walked up to him, annoyed that he had left without telling me.
"Hey Noah, where have you been?" I asked, annoyed.
He turned his head around and looked up to face me. "I've been down here playing a game," he explained.
By this point, I hadn't realized that everyone in the circle had stopped what they were doing to stare at us, listening to our conversation. I began getting uncomfortable and flustered, and I knew that was my cue to get out of there.
"Ok well if you need me, I'm going to go back upstairs and wait by the door," I said.
I was about to walk away when a voice stopped me. "Hey, do you want to play?" A girl asked.
"Uh," I said, unsure of what the game even was.
"Come on, it's your turn," she said, smiling.
"Oh come on, don't make her do that," Noah interjected.
I was feeling more bold than usual and I was kind of annoyed at my brother for ditching me so I decided to go for it. "Ok," I said.
I walked over and sat down at an empty chair in the circle, I was too busy trying to avoid Noah's stare so I didn't get to see who else was in the circle.
"Here's the bottle, spin it and you have to kiss whoever it lands on," she explained.
"Um, okay," I said, wearily.
I reached over and grabbed the bottle, spinning it. I watched it spin in circles for a while until it slowed down and eventually came to a stop. When I looked up and saw who the bottle was pointing at, I almost gagged.
"Well, well, well," Tyler said, smirking. "Looks like you can't get rid of me that easily."
I froze, unsure of what to do next. I had never been kissed before and I didn't know what I was doing. What if I was bad? Ugh, I was definitely going to embarrass myself in front of them.
I guess I had been thinking for a while because I heard someone speak up. "Are you going to kiss him or just stand there?"
"I can totally take her place if need-be," Paige said with a smirk.
That felt like a slap to the face. I never liked Paige, personally, though she never did anything to me, not until now.
I started breathing heavily, getting more anxiety by the minute.
"She probably doesn't even know how to kiss," I heard a girl in my grade, Paige, say.
That made me pissed off. Who did she think she was? I needed to prove her wrong, and before I knew it, I was moving.
I got up from my chair and walked over to Tyler, who was sitting down on one of the chairs. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close to my face before planting my lips on his.
The kiss felt long and intense. Tyler tried to slip in some tongue but right after he tried, I broke away, refusing to let him take charge of the kiss.
When I came up for breath, I looked over at my brother, who was pissed.
"Dude, that's my sister!" Noah said, shooting up from his seat. "Let's go Alana, we're leaving."
Noah started to walk towards the stairs. I looked over at where Tyler was sitting and he was smirking.
"So I guess now I do know your name, Alana," he said with a flashy smile.
I turned on my heels and walked towards the stairs, trying to catch up with Noah. He was already half-way up the steps and stomping as he walked, clearly mad.
After that, Tyler used every excuse he could to come talk to me. Noah and Tyler were like brothers, so Tyler was always at our house. He would always say hi to me if we crossed paths, and he was always flirty. At first, I didn't know how to react but I warmed up to his presence.
I saw beneath the cocky, asshole front that he had and underneath, I kind of liked the person he was. He was sweet and caring, always looking out for me.
How could he have gone from that guy to this?
I shook my head, hating myself for thinking about all of it. I should be forgetting about him, not reminiscing about the good times.
When the sun started to rise, I stood up and left the beach, walking back towards the house. On my way up the path, I ran into Avery.
"Hey Lana, I'm happy to see you out of your room," Avery said with a comforting smile. "I'm going for a run of you want to join me."
"I think I'll pass, I have some sleep to catch up on but thanks Aves," I said.
"Okay, well if you ever need anything or want to talk, you know where to find me."
"I know," I said with a small smile. Avery turned to head down towards the beach while I headed back to the house. When I got back, the house was empty. I assumed everyone else was still asleep so I decided to enjoy the peace and quiet by making some breakfast.
I went over to the fridge and thought about making something unhealthy but then I stopped myself. I needed to start feeling better and I thought the first step would be to start eating better. So, instead I decided to make a parfait. I looked for some fruit and yogurt in the fridge, and then found the granola in the cabinet. I made a bowl of everything and I took it outside to eat.
The weather was perfect, 68 degrees and the sky was starting to be illuminated by the sunrise. I sat down on one of the lounge chairs and ate my breakfast as I looked out to the ocean. I felt at ease for the first time in a while. I knew it probably wouldn't last but for now, I just wanted to enjoy the moment.
When I finished my breakfast, I went inside and cleaned up my mess before heading upstairs. I looked at the clock and decided to get some sleep since it wasn't even 9am.
When I woke up, it was mid-afternoon and the sun was shining into my room. I knew I couldn't sleep the day away so I got up and decided to start getting ready.
I walked over to my bathroom and put my hair up in a bun before taking a quick shower. When I got out, I dried myself off and wrapped my body in a towel before walking out into my room.
I walked over to my dresser and pulled out jean shorts and a white tank top. I got dressed and walked out of the room, bringing my towel to the laundry room. As I was walking back to my room, I overheard a noise coming from my room. When I walked through the door, I saw the screen of my phone lit up.
I looked at the caller ID: Elle Davis.
"Hey Elle," I said once I picked up the phone.
"Hey Lana, I wish I was calling with good news but I thought you should hear it from me first." Elle said over the phone. "Maybe you should sit down for this."
"Okay?" I said wearily before sitting down onto my bed. "I'm ready... I think."
"I went on Facebook today and I was going through my feed when a new post popped up," Elle said before pausing. "It was a post by Paige updating Facebook on her relationship status. It says she's in a relationship now... with Tyler."
My breath hitched.
Paige and Tyler?
I felt like I just had the wind knocked out of me. This couldn't be real, we just broke up a week ago. How could he have moved on already? And with Paige? He never even liked her.
What changed?
"Lana? Lana? Are you there?" Elle asked. "Are you okay?"
"Uh," I said, unsure of how to answer that. "I, um, I need some time," I said.
"Lana, tell me the truth," Elle insisted.
"Look, I know I'm supposed to say that I'm okay but honestly, I'm not." I said.
I was so ashamed of myself for being hurt by this but I couldn't help it.
"I'm so sorry Lana. I didn't want to tell you but I didn't want you to find out any other way and be hurt by the news." Elle said. "I thought it would be better if you heard it from me."
A small smile broke out onto my face. I have the most selfless and caring best friend out there.
"Thank you, Elle. Thank you for not hiding this from me. It was hard to hear but I really appreciate everything you've been doing for me," I admitted.
"You know I'd never hesitate to be there for you when you need me," Elle said. "Unfortunately I have to get back to work, my lunch break is over but please please please call me if you need anything. I'm always here Lana."
"I know, thank you for that," I said. "Bye Elle!"
"Bye Lana!" She said before hanging up the phone.
I put my phone down and, though I knew I shouldn't have, I decided to check it out for myself. I went into my backpack and pulled out my MacBook Pro and sat down onto my bed. I logged in and went to Facebook to find the post. I scrolled through my feed and there it was.
Paige Carter: In a Relationship with Tyler Stone.
I stopped breathing. I knew it would hurt but not this badly. How could he have moved on already? Was it really that easy for him to throw two years of memories for some slut?
I just couldn't believe this.
I knew I should have expected it after last weekend but I didn't want it to be true.
I was so consumed in my thoughts that I didn't even hear the door open. When I looked up, there were hot tears falling and I could barely make out the shape of two figures.
"Oh Lana," my sister Avery said before pulling me into a hug.
Noah walked over to the bed and looked at my computer screen. The next thing I knew, Noah stormed out of the room. I heard him stomping down the stairs until it faded into silence.
"What's his problem?" Avery asked, pulling away from the hug.
"He must have seen my facebook feed," I said, wiping my eyes with my hand before dropping my head to look at my hands.
Avery looked over at my computer and leaned across my bed to grab the computer. Avery turned the computer around to face her and read through the screen before her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.
"Oh my god, Lana. I'm so incredibly sorry," she said before squeezing me so tightly that I thought I was going to stop breathing.
"It's okay, Aves. It's not your fault," I assured her, sniffling.
I didn't want her to feel bad about this mess, this was my battle, not hers. I squeezed her back before releasing my grasp to stand up.
"I'm just going to go for a walk. I need to clear my head," I admitted.
"Okay, but be careful please! Don't do anything stupid," Avery warned.
I gave her a small smile. Sometimes, my sister was too mature and cautious for her own good. However, she always had the best intentions, and for that, I was so grateful.
Avery stood up from my bed and gave me one more hug before heading out of the room. I went into my closet and grabbed my sweatshirt, sliding it over my head. I put the hood up to hide the tears that were starting to form before heading down the stairs and outside. I walked down the path to the beach, and I was about to sit down in my usual spot when I saw Noah.
He was sitting alone in the sand, hunched over with his knees up and his hands were on his head. He looked upset and deep in thought. I didn't want to bother him but I knew he wasn't the type to sit around by himself. I walked over and sat down next to him in the sand, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I thought you could use some company," I said.
"Lana," he said before pausing, trying to find right the words to use. "I don't even know what to say. I'm just so incredibly sorry about all of this. I'm so mad at myself for not seeing this."
He shook his head, clenching his jaw as he continued, "I knew Tyler, he was like a brother to me. I trusted him to protect you the way I've always tried to, and he failed me. He did the one thing I could never forgive him for, and I don't even know who he is anymore."
"Noah, it's not your fault---"
"Yes it is, Lana," he said. "It's my fault because it's my job to protect you from these things. You're my twin, we share the same genes, the same face, and the same heart. When something hurts you, it hurts me too. I can't stand to see you in this pain, it's not fair." He put his head down to stare at the sand.
I could see how hurt he was and I couldn't stand it. He was hurting because he saw me in pain. I sat there and wondered when it would end, when I would stop feeling this pain, when Noah would stop feeling guilt. This all wasn't fair.
I took a deep breath.
"Noah?" I asked softly, turning my head to face him. "When is it going to end?"
"When it doesn't hurt anymore," he replied.