When Kirishima woke before the sun had risen, the sliding door leading to the balcony was not quite closed, the thin white curtain fluttering in the soft breeze catching his attention.
He left the bed and leaned against the door frame, looking out.
Bakugou was standing at the railing wearing only grey sweats, his silhouette outlined by the soft predawn lights of the city. His arms braced on the rail and his head bowed slightly in thought.
The glint of his bracelet caught Kirishima's attention as he drummed his fingers against the railing.
Kirishima approached him quietly and stood just behind him, looking out into the dark over his shoulder.
Maybe it was what they had shared last night, or the way the waining moonlight softly illuminated his skin but he couldn't resist the urge to wrap his arms around him.
He rest his head in the crook of Katsuki's neck and twined his arms around his waist, "Is this okay?" he asked softly, overly aware of the intimacy of the embrace.
Bakugou hummed in response which Kirishima thought was a particularly noncommittal answer but he hadn't told him to move so he remained there, pressed against his back, his breaths coming in sync with the rise and fall of Katsuki's chest and continued to look out at the night sky.
It was at that moment, with his head on his shoulder and his arms around his waist, looking out at the fading stars, that Kirishima finally realised that he had fallen for him all over again.
"Eijirou, what are we doing?" Bakugou whispered, emotion thickening his voice.
"I thought we said just enjoying this, us." Kirishima hesitantly replied, his heart halting.
Bakugou let out a breathy laugh but it held no humour, "I think we both know that's not what this is. It hasn't been for a while."
Kirishima didn't say anything and his silence was confirmation enough. But he didn't have an answer for him, he didn't know any better than Katsuki. He only knew what he wanted it to be.
Bakugou fell silent again too. Finally, he turned to look at Eijirou's face and saw that sad look in his eyes. He hated that look, hated knowing that it was his fault it was clouding his features in the first place.
Kirishima smiled sadly at him and that smile made it all worse.
Bakugou tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He wrapped his arms around him and heard his shaky breath as he choked on a sob.
"Hey, don't cry. It'll just make it harder." Bakugou said softly as he released him.
Kirishima nodded but the tears silently slipped down his face anyway. "I can't do this. I can't lose you again."
Bakugou swallowed again, squeezing his eyes tight before reopening them, "I know." He placed a soft kiss on his brow and made to go past him, back inside.
Kirishima brushed the tears away, "Kat, I just, I can't do this again, it hurts so damn much."
Bakugou could physically feel his heart breaking and it cut off his words. He took a deep, unsteady breath as he stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. "Maybe I should go," he said quietly.
Kirishima looked at him with alarm in his eyes and Bakugou hated it, hated that he was doing this. "Red, I'll be honest, I don't know how to be your friend," he said as he went to walk through the door again.
Kirishima grabbed his elbow, stopping him, "Then don't."
It was Bakugou's turn to be alarmed then, "What?"
Kirishima tugged on his arm, making Kat face him. "I don't want you to be my friend. I want what we had. I want you, Kat. All of it," he spoke in a soft voice, still fighting the tears from a minute ago.
Bakugou wanted so badly to take what he was offering but he couldn't. He couldn't do that again. There was a reason it hadn't worked in the first place.
He grasped Kirishima's hand and almost fell apart at the hopeful look in his eyes. "We can't," he whispered, just loud enough to hear.
"Kat, I... it won't be like last time. We're older now, we, I can do this," Kirishima brokenly said.
Bakugou couldn't reply, he just stood in front of him, breathing shakily as the sun started to appear behind them.
"That's it then? You're just done?" Kirishima asked quietly, his voice breaking over the words.
"What do you want me to say?" Bakugou pleaded.
Kirishima would never forget the broken look on Katsuki's face. "I want you to tell me you'll try, I want you to give me something," Kirishima choked out.
"I wanted to give you the world, Eijirou."
Kirishima felt his heart breaking at his softly spoken words. "I never wanted the world, Kat. I only ever wanted you." He took in a shuddering breath, "Why do you keep pushing me away?"
"Because I don't want my heart broken again."
Bakugou's words, spoken so softly, hurt so much more than his yelling ever could. "I would never break your heart, Katsuki," Kirishima said quietly.
Hot tears pooled in Bakugou's eyes. "It's a little late for that, don't you think?" he threw back at him and Kirishima flinched. "Why do you even care? I'm going to leave and you can just go back to your life like you did last time."
"Do you actually think that's what I did?" Kirishima was almost shaking now, hurt twisting through him.
Bakugou turned his head to the side, not looking at him.
"Look at me. I care because I love you! Is that so hard to believe?"
Bakugou whirled on him, "No. No! You don't get to say that. You knew as well as I did that what we were doing couldn't last. So you don't get to say that now, not after you broke up with me. You were the one who couldn't handle it when I moved away and now we both have to deal with it."
"I never wanted to," Kirishima replied quietly, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over again and he swiped at them with the back of his hand.
Now that Bakugou had unleashed his hurt, the words came tumbling out, "And you think I did? Moving away from you was the hardest decision of my life and you encouraged me to do it!"
"Don't you dare blame this on me. Your career has always been more important than me and I know that. I fucking know that, Katsuki. I knew it when we were kids and I know it now. And I accepted that." He took a deep breath, "I'm not asking you to come home, I'm just asking you to try again."
Bakugou ground his teeth together, "You were never less important to me. You have always been the single most important thing in my life."
Kirishima stared at him not even knowing what to say. "Don't lie to me. If I were that important then you wouldn't be doing this." They were hurtful words but he was hurting too.
Bakugou had rarely seen Eijirou like this and it made him feel sick. His words struck something inside of him that told him maybe he was right. "I never wanted you to fall in love with me."
"What did you say? It's a little late for that? I never meant to fall in love with you but I can't change how I feel. God knows I want to, especially when you're standing there telling me you don't want this too."
Bakugou felt the words like a physical blow, "Do you honestly believe that?" he asked too quietly, his own tears spilling over as he violently swiped at them, "I never wanted to break up in the first place. You convinced me that it was for the best, that the lack of communication made us worry too much and that one of us would get hurt because we were so distracted." The words he'd never allowed himself to say flowed from him now, "You were the one who wanted to be just friends while I was away. Do you know how much that hurt, Eijirou? To know that I wasn't worth it?"
The crack in Katsuki's voice over the last sentence shattered what was left of Kirishima's heart. All this time Katsuki had been feeling that way and Kirishima hadn't known.
"Kat, this was never what I wanted. I only ever wanted what was best for you," he pleaded.
"I only ever wanted you." The anguish Bakugou felt was clear in those quiet words and it was all too final as he turned away from him.
Kirishima reached out and gripped his forearm, "Kat don't-"
"No, Eijirou," he took in a shuddering breath, steadying his voice, "just let me walk away this time."
Kirishima's hand slipped from his arm as Bakugou disappeared through the bedroom door. His soft footsteps paused when he opened the front door.
But Kirishima let him go.