I stood still next to Georgie, anger rushing through my bloodstream each second lasted my eyes were on his face. Why? Why does he always have to be there when I don't fucking want him to be? First the library, now this?! Of all fucking places he could be in? I know Hillside is small but not small enough for him to be fucking everywhere! He's like a walking virus and it has only been three days. Although who am I kidding? This day was going to come sooner or later whether I like it or not. And that day was today. Still I was devoid of energy to deal with his unusual concern and process whether it’s real or not. All I want was to take a break from anyone which reminded me of Hillside Cross Station and everytime I see him it’s all I can think about and I don’t like it.
She wasn't moving, perhaps processing the impossible set of words coming out of Arthur's mouth and I understand completely. Nevertheless; it was too soon, and I was beyond unprepared for the wave of explanations Georgie needed.
“Adrianne never told me that?” She releases my arm, crossing hers around the flyers she held, fire lingering in her narrowed eyes the longer she stared at him.
“Yeah, also my father is a public speaker, I thought I would get him involved. He could inform the nearby cities to look for her. Lawyers can do that.”
“Everyone knows that you don't need to fucking educate me.” Venom leaked through her words as the forced smile on her face made my jaw swell.
“Well- I was just-”
“No explanations needed.” Georgie interjects, “And even I it is, I would be too exhausted to give a fuck.”
Arthur nodded, pressing his lips in a thin line and rubbing the back if his neck.
“So what's the price?”
“The price of what?”
“Of you helping us? Are your teammates here ready to throw rocks at us? Because we don't need that right now, Mr. Michigan.”
Arthur was taken aback and I almost pitied him as he blinked awkwardly. He was aware after all of the heartlessness of the people surrounding him he calls friends. For a moment I thought he didn't know. For a moment I thought he came from another dimension where his friends never sneered at us in the hallways and groped Georgie and Jumper. But why should I pity him? He was right there by the sides of the lockers just watching it all happen and he did nothing. Did he feel pity on me when everyone believed I slept with him five days after his girlfriend was considered missing by the authorities? “N-No, not at all. I’m alone. There's no price.”
“Good to know.” Georgie claims before quickly walking off.
I rush to her as fast as I could, ignoring Arthur completely in utter infuriation, the rubbing of his shoes on the icy road across the streets getting into my nerves. He followed behind me as I mindlessly crossed the streets without looking out for cars first, the contents of the paper bag shuffling as I moved. The last thing I wanted was to make it look like I betrayed all my friends by bringing him in, especially Georgie. I have never brought this kind of disappointment before in the group, and now that I was, it felt absolutely fucking horrible.“Georgie!” I called out as soon as I stepped on the pavements again, watching her from a distance as she already dove into a conversation with Dustin and Brylle. I didn't call her again, fully aware I’d only receive to such reactions.
My heart swelled, I never wanted for her to be disappointed. She was the only person in my life who accepted me when no one else would, and the only thing I had to do was not involve myself to the people who ruined us with pride. And now I was doing just that. Who was I to break that properly enforced rule? I felt like the biggest fuck up in the world as I stood there, lips trembling from the cold. I still didn't know whether I could forgive Arthur or not for suddenly coming up when I least expect him too, but I guess it wasn't his fault. I did agree to him. Nonetheless, that was only because I wanted to stop feeling like shit whenever I’d remember I was reminding him about his dead girlfriend. Maybe that was I was to him; an annoying parrot who constantly tells him his significant other got killed by a haunted hospital.
Perhaps out thoughts on each other are just mutual. If so, does he like being persistently reminded his girlfriend is dead, because I sure as hell don't like being shoved back to the loneliness he gave me when to left to check whatever was making a sound.
“Hey, here's your flyers.” Jumper walks over to me, handing me half of the papers she had in her grasp. She seemed pretty normal at first, but then I witness as her eyes gravitate to the person next to me.
“Jumper.” I take a deep breath, preparing myself for even more anxiety. It was extremely off how I seem to be much more embarrassed than him when he was the bird in the lion cage, but then again why would he even be embarrassed? Everyone in school worshipped him like he was a god. We were nothing, and thus a reason for him not to be nervous.
“Well if it isn't Mr. Prom King. What's he doing here?”
“I came here to give out flyers and help you guys.” Arthur replies before I could speak. “If you don’t mind of course.”
Jumper’s eyebrows arched, a smile plastered on her face. Jumper rarely smiles out of nowhere even when she's happy. But when she does it's usually for show. “Awesome. Since when?”
“Jumper, I told you about this last night.” I muttered, momentarily closing my eyes to catch the panic bouncing on the corners of my skull.
“Yeah we did, didn't we? Well then you should probably take this,” She tells him, handing him the papers instead which he took with no protests whatsoever. “- to make yourself useful. I'm sure you had enough experience with posting flyers around, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I-I actually do. We post flyers around school for games and--”
“Oh look at that, we're catching time.” She pushes up the sleeves of her sweater, squinting her eyes as she looked at a wristwatch that didn't exist.”Adrianne, we better get moving.”
For the next twelve minutes I left Arthur alone by himself on the corner of the street, walking up to my friends one by one and giving them the staplers. One for Dustin, Dalton, Grant, Brylle and Jumper. Normally Georgie would flash me a smile whenever we interact, it was just how she was and I've grown familiar to it by now, but right there and then she didn't even looked me in the eyes, the knot in my chest tightening. I hated it. I hated everything about it and I was losing motivation to give out the flyers just by thinking about how much she probably hates me. And it was going to stay that way until I gather up the balls to explain to her what really happened instead of hoping Jumper told her everything over a phone call.
Eithe way, I did what I had to do. I walked around in crowded areas of the town square and gave out flyers to the people passing by, mumbling under my breath questions if they've seen a fifteen year old girl with dark brown hair and brown eyes. Of course none actually paid attention, some people completely ignoring me as I speak and some even going as far as giving me false hope by taking the paper, and looking at it before throwing it back to the damp ground immediately after. It hurt to watch the paper with Sarah's face on it soak in the melted ice, like a forgotten piece of information, nonetheless it was what we had to do for the thin chance that someone could've seen our friend. I'll take all the disappointments if it meant a chance to find her again; So I ignored the lump growing at the back of my throat and continued giving papers, forcing myself to smile to give a more friendly approach.
The rest of my friends did the same as I look back back from the far end of the other side of the street. I barely realized I walked too far from them and the path I walked on was littered with the soiled flyers, Sarah’s face stained with black from the puddles. I sucked in the cold damp air, peering from a distance as Georgie and Dustin stapled flyers onto the lampposts and establishment walls, Jumper and the rest approaching people and talking to them. My eyes gravitate to another familiar face; Arthur was giving out flyers as well, fairly close to me and just a few meters away on the opposite side of the street. Just near enough for his smile to visible from where I stood. Apparently, I needed to act like I actually wanted to be here interacting with people I didn't know in order to be listened to.
It seemed easy enough to do, but my jaw would hurt everytime I would. I couldn’t process how he could smile for minutes unending. He gave out papers enthusiastically to the people who would walk by, two random girls even going as far as stopping and standing on either side of him, staring at Sarah's face on the papers as he talked. They listened to him and nodded their head eagerly to emphasize they were understanding whatever it was he was saying. Although it's fucking pathetic, it was an advantage he had this weird magnet in him to entice people to what he's doing. I try giving out another flyer to the man who trudged pass me, earning a sneer from him as I tried to give him a paper. Too much for nicely asking.
I count the painful minutes of giving away Sarah's face, the thick gathering of papers on my arm still barely touched as no one would take the flyers anymore. A few had stopped for a moment to check her face, but they’d just end up not saying anything and leaving. The light from the solemn skies slowly deteriorated as I strolled further away from my friends, waiting for anyone at all who could know anything. So far nothing was coming up, my feet swelling from the extensive amount of standing I've been doing. The hope in my chest would be bit off every time no one said anything, and I was beginning to grow tired of seeing the same expressions over and over again. No one seemed to have seen her. Perhaps Romina was right? Maybe what we're doing is a complete waste of time when the are professional investigators looking for her already. But we still needed to do this, didn't we? Otherwise Sarah's accusations in my nightmare would be true.
It got colder and colder as twilight approached closer, the necessity to take out Arthur's coat from my bag eating me alive. But I wasn't going to do that now. I've managed to go through the entire day with a fever under my sweater, I wasn't going to be a little bitch about it now. Other than that, I was yet to get closure with Georgie. I decided to take a break from giving away flyers and whipping out the stapler, posting on the lampposts on the sidewalk, also littered with missing-people-posters. It wasn't a new thing around Hillside for someone to go missing. Every year there are about forty cases and tenty percent of them only ever get solved. Some get founded in a completely different state, and others just disappear entirely and the cops don’t make the effort anymore of trying to find them. The ones that are found were either found dead in a ditch or just wandering the streets and begging strangers for change.
Was the same thing going to happen to Sarah? Are the investigators eventually going to give up on her after a long time passes and she's still missing? Mr. Holland won’t be able to do that, would he? We can’t just give up. She could be anywhere at the moment, scared, alone, and waiting for us to find her. Even until now I still couldn't figure out why she would do such a thing and run away. That wasn't Sarah. She doesn't just disappear without saying anything to us or her family. I guess the only way to find out is once we find her. However at the moment the chances were scarce. I walk up to the lampposts crowded with other flyers, stapling at least two on the cement surface.
One flyer suddenly catch my attention, my eyebrows furrowing in curiosity. It was just like every other flyer on that post, but the picture of a blonde haired girl with blue eyes in the middle stood out, just like how she stood out whenever she would walk through the hallways. “MISSING: Pamela Darlene Mitchel, 17, from Hillside, Pennsylvania.” was written under her photograph, a smile plastered across her face. I never really understood people's fascination to her and her boyfriend, but now that Arthur had accidentally fallen into the same grief as me, I was beginning to feel sympathy for her, even though she was one of the many reasons why I hate going to school and interacting with people who worship her. It makes me wonder sometimes; Did she want to be seen like a god? Did she want everyone’s eyes to be constantly on her? Never in my life have I had the privilege to be loved by many.
Was she another case of mistaken happiness, like Georgie's uncle?
I take her flyer from the post, folding it in my hand and chucking it into my back pocket.
I post more flyers across the lining of lampposts situated on the pavements, also posting some onto stores and the abundance of establishments on the town square. My calves swell in exhaustion the farther I wandered the streets, nightfall peeking from the horizons. I look down to the flyers resting on my arms, calculating how much lighter it was when I first handled it. I've posted about a hundred papers, the stapler completely out of staples, but there were still a thick amount left in my grasp. Perhaps now would be a good chance to go back to my friends, I haven't talked to anyone who didn't ignore me in two hours and I was slowly but surely being driven to insanity just by looking at stranger's faces.
I begin my journey back to where I previously came from, passing by the same stores which already had faces of Sarah on them. Not less than five minutes of walking, Dalton’s familiar face pop up from the crowd of strangers strolling mindlessly through the sidewalk. My eyes meet his, his feet striding closer to me each step. There were still a suffocating amount of papers in his grasp, but I couldn't blame him.
“Hey, how’s things so far?” He greets with a warm smile, my heart swelling after hours of constant rejection.
“Well, no one has seen her.” I sigh, hugging the flyers against my chest. “I’ve asked about a hundred people and all they've given me are stares.”
“You're not alone.” He hums, flipping through the pages and pages of print. “I asked this old lady from the coffee shop and she ignored me all the way down.”
I look down, my teeth chattering from the cold. The look of disappointment in Georgie’s face haunts me still as I stood there, and I couldn't help but feel like shit. “Hey, uh. . Did you happen to talk to Georgie while I was gone?”
“No, I’ve branched out too.” He replied, “Jumper said to split up so we can give out more flyers. Why?”
I sucked in a breath, momentarily closing my eyes to take a break from the suffocating faces surrounding us. “I may or may have not fucked up.” I tell him, running my fingers through the tangles of my hair, careful not to hit the bandage on my head. Dalton was the only guy I was ever really close to since I joined the pack. Brylle was too annoying and Grant was distant most of the time to actually form a friendship with me. Him and Dustin were different. At times they can be stubbornly stiff, but like with Jumper and Georgie, I could easily trust they wouldn't go around spreading rumours about me like what Ericka and Ella do. Nonetheless, it was still a challenge to admit what I've done. Even though I know they won’t judge me, anxiety gets the best of what I have to say.
“Because?” He drawls, eyebrows arched as he waited for me to continue.
“Arthur's joining us post flyers.”
He stared at me for a minute, blinking awkwardly. “Arthur who?” He frowns, “Michigan?”
I nod against my will.
“Why?”
“Adrianne, Dalton!” Someone called out before I could answer, my eyes peering on the other side of the street where Jumper stood, yelling our names. “Come on!” She says.
We both walked back to where we began near the coffee shop, my limbs swelling as soon as we got there. The rest of the pack was there; Jumper taking a drag on a stick of cigarette and Georgie silently talking to Brylle in the corner; all of them still carrying a handful of flyers. Arthur was there too, talking to Grant like they were old friends as he hugged the flyers onto his torso. Part of me was relieved he didn't just stand around like an awkward shit and actually got in a conversation, which I found slightly ironic since Grant’s is one of the reasons why he's associated to me in the first place. Thankfully Dalton didn't question me further, however dread fills me as their gaze land on me the moment they realize my presence.
“Are we all back?” Georgie asks, meeting my eyes before immediately looking away.
“Yeah.” Dalton answers her.
“Did anyone find some kind of information?”
None of us spoke, a spear tearing through my chest from the realization that all eight of us didn't get anything from three hours of giving and posting flyers. What was I expecting anyway? It has only been one day that we’ve made the effort, there was no way trying to get information about a missing person was that easy.
“Well, It’s almost sundown, it would probably a good time to call it a day.” Georgia adds, crossing her arms around the papers. “I’m sure you guys are all tired, so what do you say?”
“Fuck yes!” Brylle yells, stepping away from the circle.
“Jesus, Brylle, can you at least pretend you want to do this?” Jumper scolds him through a cloud of smoke.
“It's fine, Jumper, we're all fucking tired.” Georgie rolls her eyes. “It's good Dalton printed out a thousand papers so we don’t have to waste too much money. Keep your flyers for tomorrow and let’s meet up in the cafeteria, again. Or somewhere people wouldn't fucking notice. Do you guys have any ideas?”
“The cafeteria sounds nice.” My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach as Arthur entered the conversation, everyone's eyes landing to his face. How many times do people have to do such a thing before he realizes he wasn't welcome to my friends? How many times do people have to sarcastically talk of him before he comes to the conclusion everyone hated him? And how many times do I have to fucking flip him off before he realizes I hated him? He never seems to stop, and instead of him getting anxious, I was the one feeling everything.
There was this dreadful silence for a while between our circle, the blabber of other people from the nearby stores tightening the knot in my stomach.
“The cafeteria it is!” Georgie shrugged mindlessly, taking her backpack off and shoving all the papers into it before putting it back on.
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HAPPY NEW YEARS BOOS 💕
I hope 2019 treats us all well and I wish I'll get to update more lol thank you so much for making the rest of 2018 for me. Reaching 1k followers was beyond amazing but your support had really been the thing that kept me going even though I was having a rough time. I can never repay you guys 💕💕