"You know what tomorrow is, right?" Sage questions, joining me on the couch.
I don't look up from detangling the Christmas lights that I've been stuck on for thirty minutes. "It's Friday."
"It's also Doomsday." I drop the lights, running through my mental calendar, it's been three months.
"Shit."
Doomsday is something I created a year and a half ago after getting tired of a million different appointments. We pick one day to schedule everything. All the different doctors, dentist, now orthodontist since the twins need braces, and our therapist.
I really don't want to see Doctor O'Shannon but the kids need to after the anniversary, and I don't need any issues arising so close to the end of my sentence. After my parents died, the court ordered that we were to go to therapy for three years, but after I turn 18, I'm done.
There's nothing more I hate than talking about my feelings.
I grab my phone to text Ashton, we were supposed to hang out tomorrow. Something I foolishly planned in a moment of excitement.
Scar
I have to cancel on the movie.
I drop my phone, turning my attention back to the lights, even more agitated now. Almost instantly my phone dings.
Ash
Everything alright?
Scar
Yeah, I just forgot that we have a day of appointments. I'm really sorry.
Ash
Don't worry, Sweetheart, I'm sure the movie will be there longer than tomorrow.
I forget about the lights, thankful Ashton isn't disappointed that I canceled so last minute. Ever since I told him about my parents I keep waiting for him to distance himself, find someone that's somewhat normal. But he's still here and we're closer than ever. I never really understood how much my secret was weighing me down till I was free of it.
I hear a cough from the couch, pulling me away from my phone. Sage plays with the lights, a smug smile on his face. "So what's exactly going on with you and Ashton?"
I shrug, "Nothing, we're the same we've always been." Just better. I flop down on the couch, throwing my feet over his legs. If my ankle wasn't still injured I would kick the smugness right off his face.
"Sure," My brother snorts, "friends always cuddle in bed."
I grimace, remembering how Sage discovered us hours after we fell back asleep. A week later, he still hasn't let it go.
"I can't be held accountable for things that happen while sleeping." He raises an eyebrow, "It's natural human instinct." I defend, cracking my knuckles. He doesn't need to know we fell asleep that way.
I stick my tongue out, annoyed by his antics. I don't question what he and Ella do behind closed doors. We work on the lights, blaming each other for the growing tangle of wires. I swear there are more strands here than I started with.
"What's the big deal?" Sage asks.
"With what?" He better not be trying to get out of undecorating, Silver already tried to tell me it would be better to leave the stuff out all year. I think not.
"With you and Ashton dating?" I make a face at him, you've got to be kidding me. "Hear me out, Scar, you're ten times happier when he's around. And you're like his sun, he practically revolves around you."
I roll my eyes at the overdramatics of my brother, slightly flustered. I haven't even considered dating Ashton since the day we kissed, for the first time. "First of all, you're so wrong it hurts. Secondly, I don't need a boyfriend."
Sage gives me a knowing look, "Scar-"
I cut him off. "You four are my main priority. I know that. Ashton knows that. You know that."
I can't allow myself to be distracted by some guy and lose focus of their well being. They are the most important thing in my life, even though Ashton is currently a close second.
Going into seclusion mood last week reminded me of my priorities.
"You gotta let people in one day, Sis."
"And you have to stop pretending eventually." I counter back softly.
Sage tries to get me out of my issues while ignoring his own. He hides behind the jokes and too loud laughs, allowing for the world to assume he's ok. Sometimes I think he's trying to convince himself as well.
"It's a good thing we're going to therapy tomorrow." He remarks, an honest laugh escaping his mouth. We're both screwed up.
I study my brothers face, shocked to see the fading touches of childhood. A strong jawline replacing the last little bit of baby fat, small patches of facial hair attempting to grow.
His similarities to Dad hit me like a punch to the gut, they could've passed as twins.
*****
I couldn't lie to my orthodontist, who noticed right away I hadn't been wearing my retainer. In my defense I lost it, five months ago.
My tongue runs over the plastic covering my teeth, this sucks. I glance back in the rear view mirror, the twins lips protruding out to accommodate their new braces. It could always be worse.
I just picked the them up from their therapy appointments, dropping Sage off. Dr. O' Shannon likes to see us separately, meaning I spend all day going back and forth from her office. I'd rather do that than waste all day there.
Although, now that I'm watching the twins peel their lips off the wires, I should've scheduled the talking appointment before they were loads of pain.
Whoops.
Saffron is dozing off, holding the arm she had to get a shot on close to her chest. It took her bawling in my lap, and accidentally ripping out a chunk of my hair, for me to learn she's not the biggest fan of needles.
At least she stopped crying.
It's already four in the afternoon, the only appointment left after Sage is my own session.
"Let's go get milkshakes." I prompt, pulling into Chick-fil-a, causing the three gloomy faces to perk up. Bingo.
We walk in, sighing at the heat. Winter needed to be officially canceled so I could get feeling back in my fingers. I shuffle through my purse for my wallet, lost somewhere in the abyss of receipts and gum wrappers.
"Ashley!" Saffron cries, darting off to the right of me.
I panic, my eyes scanning for her. Who the hell is Ashley? The twins are no help, leaned up against the wall running their jaws.
What a couple babies.
I find her seconds later, finally understanding she said Ashy and not Ashley as I see her being carried by Ashton. A smile naturally appears on my face watching him listen to Saffron's story about her shot as he walks over. She's going to be such a drama queen one day.
"Hey." He offers to the twins who just slightly nod their heads.
"Braces." I explain, taking a step up in line. He grimaces, setting Saff down.
Instantly, I'm engulfed in a hug, "Lucky me, I get to see you anyways." I hug him back, enjoying the warmth he offers. My body tingling from the contact.
I roll my eyes, flicking his nose as I pull away. I look around the restaurant for his family. "Where is everyone?"
His arm finds its way to my shoulder, "At home, I'm here with some people from school."
He points to a booth in the corner that I skipped over before. Zev and Gabe wave at me, joined by Alex Whiten and two of Avery's friends, Ana and Sarah, who roll their eyes at me.
I wave back, slightly surprised to know Ashton is hanging out with them. "They texted me this morning and since I figured you wouldn't be done till later, I said yes."
I nod my head, stepping up to order. It's weird to see him around a different group of friends that weren't mine. I knew he had plenty but he's usually with us. Always.
"So are you done for the day?" Ashton asks hopeful. Something told me that if I said yes he would leave to hang out with me. Sage's words echo through my mind.
You're like his Sun.
"No, I have one last appointment." I tell him, my palms sweating at the thought of seeing Dr. O'Shannon.
"What's that?"
I clamp down on my tongue, fighting the instinct I have to lie. Ashton's gray eyes look down at me expectantly, reminding me we have no secrets.
"I have an appointment with my therapist, my three month check in." I admit, focusing on the menu. I don't want to see how he'll react.
He squeezes my shoulder, "There's nothing to be ashamed about. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health." I look back at him, grateful for his words. "Speaking of which, where are your crutches?"
"Oh, the doctor said I was fine to go small distances without them." He scrunches his face in worry. "It doesn't hurt too bad as long as I don't put pressure on it." I assure him, flexing my ankle for good measure.
I look back over at my siblings, who are all eyeing the workers bringing the food out. I don't know how they're hungry, we ate lunch not too long ago.
"You look nice." Ashton whispers in my ear, creating a new path of goosebumps on my arms.
I focus on my clothes, fighting the blush that spreads across my face. I'm just wearing ripped black jeans, a mauve sweater with bulky sleeves and velvet chucks. My bangs were pulled back into a loose top knot.
Then again, the last couple times he's seen me I've been a complete mess.
"It's a miracle what a shower and makeup can do for a person." I laugh, poking him with my elbow.
"I think you're beautiful no matter what." He states matter of factly. This time there's no fighting the blush that spreads across my face like wildfire. Thankfully, my order is called, giving me a second to collect myself.
I hand the shakes out the vultures, I mean my siblings, regretting that I didn't have them find a table.
"Hey, Scar, do you want to sit with us?" Gabe calls out across the restaurant, earning him a collection of glares.
I purse my lips, I don't want to intrude.
"You don't have to," Ashton starts, and I assume he doesn't want me there. After all, I'm not friends with those people. Gabe and I have barely spoken in years and I don't have the sudden urge to start back up now.
"I'd like you too but I understand if you don't want to." He finishes, relief washing over me.
"What about the kids?" I counter, I can't leave them alone.
"There's a smaller table across from ours, your eyes will be on them the entire time." Ashton assures me.
I find myself choosing against my better judgement and saying yes.
We walk over, giving Saffron my phone to keep her occupied, before joining the others. Ashton slides into the booth and I can't help but notice how compacted they are.
"Guys, I don't think there's enough room for me." I say, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
"How unfortunate." Ana offers flatly, pursing her pink lips.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
"Don't worry about it, there's room." Ashton insists, pulling me down next to him.
I sip on my strawberry shake, ignoring the fact Ashton's leg is pressed directly against mine. His arm pulling my upper half just as close to keep me in the seat.
These booths really aren't meant to hold seven people.
The guys fall into a conversation over the Super Bowl, debating who'll be playing this year. I fidget uncomfortably with my straw, trying to remember how to talk to people again.
"Tom Brady is going to carry the Patriots all the way!" Gabe declares, taking a bite out of his sandwich.
I scoff, that's the stupidest thing I've heard in a while.
"What's so funny, Scar?" Zev asks. I tense for a moment, before realizing he's only trying to pull me into the conversation.
"I mean, don't you think Tom Brady's just a little over rated?"
All four guys shake their heads back and forth, ok then.
"He's in his forties now, his body isn't able to keep up with the younger competition. Other players are out performing him." I look at all their dumbstruck faces, "I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, that's just the cycle of life."
Gabe lets out a whistle, "Wow." The other guys mumble in agreement.
Ana and Sarah glare at me from the opposite end of the table. Oh, well.
"What are your opinions on the Titans this season?" Alex questions, propping his head in his hands like he's about to hear a bedtime story.
I swipe a fry off Ashton's tray before launching into my very opinionated analysis. Talking to the guys is actually the most fun I've had in awhile. Every time I expect the conversation to die off they ask another question.
I laugh at Gabe, who is still trying to defend the Patriots, before glancing over to Ashton. He's been mostly silent through the conversation, only laughing or adding input when prompted.
His attention's already on me, a smile on his face.
I raise an eyebrow in silent question, suddenly self conscious. I pull at my sleeves underneath the table.
He shakes his head, his free hand covering mine to stop my fidgeting. I turn my attention back to the conversation, ignoring the warmth spreading through my body.
Oh my God, Scarlett, get your shit together.
My mind wanders back to Sage's question last night, could dating Ashton be a possibility?
He slides his fingers between mine, causing me to choke on my drink in shock. Everyone stares at me, Ashton chuckling softly beside me.
What an ass.
We've never held hands just for fun. It's always been out of comfort or support. Never this. My personal frenzy is ended by a cry, I look over at the table. Saffron on the ground with a bloody lip, her milkshake tipped over.
"Oh, shit."
Instantly I'm on my feet, pressing a napkin to her face. "You're okay." I scoop her up and take her to the bathroom, for the first time struggling to hold her. It's just a small cut, no stitches needed. I peel her sweater off and rinse the stain. How did I not catch her before it happened?
I was distracted by Ashton.
"Are you and Ashy dating now?"
I look at her in the mirror, studying her all to innocent smile. "No Squirt, we're friends."
She rolls her eyes, hoping off the counter top. I gasp, the sass is so uncalled for.
My phone buzzes
Sage
You're up in 15
Great. I walk out of the bathroom, stopping short when I hear Ana's voice.
"I'm so happy we got a visit from the zoo." She says sarcastically, earning a snicker from Sarah. That's a new one.
"What the hell is your problem?" Gabe demands, surprising me.
"Excuse me? The better question is why's Ashton so obsessed with her."
I purse my lips, angry that I can't help but be bothered by her remark. I look back at my phone, I really need to leave. I can't hide myself behind a wall forever.
"Scarlett's a great person." Zev protests.
Hell yeah I am. And with that I walk back out.
Ana is fuming, Sarah texting up a storm on her phone, undoubtedly telling Avery everything. Ashton's at the counter getting Saffron some ice for her face.
Gabe and Zev walk up to me, the former handing me my bag.
"I think it's time for me to leave." I offer weakly.
"Look, I'm sorry-" Gabe starts, I cut him off.
"Thank you for what you said but I do need to go." I assure him.
"I'm gonna head out too, guys, I'll see y'all at school." Ashton says, licking his ice cream cone. I can't help but notice that my siblings all have cones themselves, so much for dinner.
Who am I kidding, they'll be hungry in 30 minutes.
We walk out to the parking lot, stopping by the cars. I don't know how I didn't notice his truck earlier.
"I'll take them home." Ashton offers, extending his ice cream cone to me.
"I still have my appointment," I remind him but he waves me off.
"I'll wait for you and stay with them, isn't Sage going out with Ella?"
I take a lick of ice cream, knowing he was right. There really was no need to drag them out, school was starting back up on Monday.
"Unless you want to be alone after your session, which I totally understand."
Oh.
"No, you're fine. If anything I can just kick you out." I tease, handing him back the cone. I didn't even think about not wanting to see him later, touched that he would take it into account.
"Alrighty, see you later, Sweetheart." He gives me a hug.
Can't I stay here instead, Ashton's hugs are very therapeutic.
I turn to tell my brothers but they're already buckled up, something tells me I really didn't have a choice.
*****
I'm walking down the hallway, ignoring the queasy feeling in my stomach as I take in my surroundings. Everything is the exact same as it was two years ago.
I hate these cream walls and all the neutral colors.
The door opens and a pair of kind, old eyes fall on me. "Good evening, Scarlett, take a seat." She motions to the couch and I begrudgingly sit down.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine, I guess." I adjust myself, hating how my body automatically recognizes the chair.
"How have you been sleeping lately?"
"I'm getting enough." I've learned to function off three to four hours. New Year's Eve, surprisingly, might've been my best night of sleep ever.
"Would you like to start with anything?" She sets her notepad down on her lap, a forced smile on her face. I've always been her least favorite child.
"Nope." I'm only here for the mandatory questions.
She shakes her head, clearly expecting this. "Well then, tell me about Ashton."
*****
Enjoy! Please vote and comment
Also, don't some for me about the Tom Brady thing, I was bored and wanted to see how people would react.
Xo-Mo