I spent the whole day in the nursery with my twins. I've been abandoned by the one person that I thought I could lean on through everything. Now that the most devastating thing has happened to me I have no one to turn to because the person I usually turn to happens to be the cause of my devastation. My chest feels tight and I can hardly focus on anything but the situation at hand. It's like he's crushed my soul and taken my happiness. I've done so much for him, I thought as my fingers found my horcrux necklace. I've given up my life to be a devoted wife and raise our kids. I've done nothing but support him. How can he treat me like his enemy when I want nothing more than for us to be happy together. That's all I've ever wanted.
—-
In the days that followed I stayed clear of Tom usually sticking to the comfort of the nursery that held my babies. I made an effort to stay away from him no matter how much my heart yearned for him. Even though in the weeks leading up to our falling out we weren't as close we still had something. There wasn't this awful awkwardness and resentment in the air. I feel like I haven't seen him in days and all I can think about are the days when our love was as wild as the wind. I even thought of our days at Hogwarts while I was pregnant. Some memories were strong enough to bring a smile to my face and others were easy to tear it away. The thought of both of our weddings gave me mixed feelings as I remembered how far we were from loving each other when we first wed. The second time I walked down the isle I couldn't be more in love with him. It's so hard to not feel absolutely horrible about what Tom has done.
I began to think about how sweet he was to me even with his compulsive teasing. The time he surprised me with the washer and I confessed what I had done to his shoe in anger came to mind. My heart ached whilst I thought about how I showed him who I truly was in my past life and how he told me I was his perfect wife. That was a day to perfect to comprehend when I think of what he's done. All the love we made and all the things we've been through seemed to become nothing. I wiped away a few stray tears that fell from my eyes as I looked at our wedding picture in my hands. What I would do to go back to those days or to make these ones just as sweet. I miss him so much even when he's only a few feet away from me. That's Voldemort coming home every night, not Tom Riddle.
Slow music was playing in the bedroom as I applied lotion to wet body. I hardly take care of myself these days. It's been difficult to even get up and get going. I stopped going to the florist and I stay here and continue cooking and cleaning for my enemy. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was able to return to the future with my babies. I wish it were possible to leave this place and start over sometimes. I could live with my dad and sibling and I would be able to see my friends and tell them all about the trouble I've seen here in the 1940's. It seemed like a perfect dream until I realized that an angry Voldemort would be there searching for me. I don't know what brought on this resentment but I know Tom is the type to keep grudges and as time goes on he grows more angry.
I was so engulfed in my thoughts I didn't hear Tom come in. If I had I would've bolted to the nursery. I pulled my towel closer to my body and I took a step back as he entered the room. He was completely silent as I moved to leave to leave the room. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me. "You're home early," I said quietly as I faced away from him. "You know to face me when speaking," he said to which I slowly turned to face him. His hand only adjusted on my shoulder as I moved. "Why have you been avoiding me?" He asked as he trailed his hand down my bare arm causing me to shiver. I don't know what he's expecting to hear but I'm afraid what he'll do if it's not what I say. "You said civil," was all I could choke out as I casted my eyes downward away from his menacing stare. "Running to the other room when I return is not civil," he said taking another step towards me. "You seemed like you wanted space," I said trying to avoid his anger. "Smart girl," he said as I felt his fingers begin to play with the top of my towel just above my breast. "Yet I never said you had to disappear completely." Something about his tone of voice made me extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't help but fear him and his intentions. Daring to look into his eyes I thought I saw a bit of him for a split second. It was soft and beautiful and when it left and was replaced with an abrasive look it made me want to cry.
The sound of a baby crying brought me relief as I wanted to escape this situation direly. "I need to check on them," I said quickly as I turned to leave. He instantly grabbed me by my waist and pulled me tightly to his chest startling me. "Let them cry," he said moving my hair out of my face. "What are you doing?" I I asked quietly as I softly pushed against his chest trying to get him to release his tight hold on me. "Isn't this what you wanted Roslyn?" He placed his fingers under my chin to return my gaze to him once more. "I don't know what you mean," I said. "I thought you said you loved me," he said almost mockingly as he slid his hand down my chest to the knot in my towel. "Please don't," I said quickly moving my hand to hold my towel shut. In a flash my back was against the wall. "Is this not what we do?" He asked moving his face to the crook of neck so his warm breath touched my neck making me shut my eyes tight. I gasped as he kissed my neck as if everything were normal. "You said this was just business," I said as he moved to remove my towel once more. "This is," he said before forcing his body to enclose me against the wall. His lips forcefully kissed mine in a hungry manner.
It was nothing like any of our other kisses, it was aggressive and very possessive. Even if the feeling of his lips and body on mine was familiar the nature of it all made me want to run away. His hands pinched my waist causing me to gasp and allow him to deepen the kiss. I couldn't respond to his actions as I was uncomfortable and scared in his arms. This isn't anything how it used to be. I wanted so badly for him to get off of me. He began breathing hard as he removed his lips from mine and tangled his fingers in my hair as he moved his lips to my neck and then to my chest where in one fluid motion he snatched the towel away from my body. His arm wrapped around my bare waist bringing my body closer to his. I felt so vulnerable and tense with what he was doing. I couldn't possibly make love to him knowing it meant nothing. I'm so afraid that if I tell him no that he'll retaliate in an awful way. The way his body moved against mine is something I had craved for some time but not like this. He's so rough and his tight hold on me is so painful.
It was so easy to be grateful when when a loud explosion sounded off outside our home causing Tom to back off of me. I quickly dove down to grab my towel and wrap it back around me. He rushed to the window as I ran to the nursery with tears in my eyes. I closed and locked the door before rushing to my crying babies. "It's okay mommy's here," I whispered as I whipped away tears of my own. I shivered in the cold night air as I stood in nothing but my towel. My heart beat quickened at the sounds coming from outside. He never came to see if we were okay inside as whatever war was going on raged outside our doorstep. He disappeared into the night and I was okay with that. All of this is just a silly business proposition to him. It's like I don't matter and I'm only here for his sick amusement, to be some sort of slave to him. I refuse to submit to his rule if it's going to be like this. I fear for not only myself but for my children and I won't have that. So as the clock struck midnight I had made my very bold decision to leave this house and the heart ache I face every single day.
I don't know how I'll survive on my own but I know that this isn't living this is survival and I have to do something if I want to save myself and my kids. He's so far gone I don't know if me sticking around and acting the part of a wife is going to fix this. I know I had set out with the intention of fixing things, but just minutes ago I was afraid to resist Tom's actions in fear that he'd hurt me once more. Everything in me screamed at me to run, but still a small part of me wanted to stay and fix this mess. I'm so crazy for still wanting us all to be a normal family. It's just something we couldn't achieve. Tom has chosen power over our family and it's something I'm going to have to live with, but I don't have to live with him. It was never part of the deal to cook and clean for him. My role was to raise the twins and nothing else, even if his absence will tear me apart.
So my mind had been made up and articles of clothing and other things were magically being packed in a bag. I don't know how I'm going to do it but anything is better than this. My eyes caught sight of a picture of Tom and I while I was pregnant. I ran my fingers across his smirking face pretending he was still here for a few minutes. It's like Tom Riddle my husband has died, yet his body still remains and another soul possesses it. I closed my eyes and held the photo to my chest wishing it had never come to this. My heart has broken and I don't think it'll ever be whole again.
My bags were packed and the small house that once seemed so warm and welcoming was now cold and eerie. A taxi was to pick us up down the road and a note was clutched in my hands. I took a deep breath and kissed the letter leaving a bright red kiss next to Tom's name. Placing it down on our bed. I turned and didn't dare to look back as I stormed out the door and out onto the streets of muggle London with my children, Mr.Him, and everything I could fit in my bags.
Tom,
There are so many things I want to thank you for. There are so many ways you've helped me grow as a wife and mother. It breaks my heart to leave this place that has held so many beautiful memories. Everyday I am thankful for you. I'm thankful I was chosen to have your children and to raise them with you. You have my heart and though I leave my love and our dreams of happiness behind with you I'll always keep your memory close to my heart. Though I'll never understand what I've done to cause your change of heart I know you will continue to harbor the same light I once saw in you. The only thing I ask is that you stay safe no matter where this road you've chosen takes you. I hope you never have to feel the heartbreak you have delt me and I hope your future is just as you want it. You were my one great love.
-Roslyn
(Inspired by) must listen
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I am literally in tears as I write this chapter. I don't want any of you to worry because I have big plans for our beautiful couple.